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Author Topic: Idea Make Simple  (Read 523 times)

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Offline King_FurbyTopic starter

Idea Make Simple
« on: June 07, 2008, 11:48:48 PM »
I have recieved the help i wanted.
I have a RP idea i been trying to find a partner for; for over a month. The problem is a put alot of detail into the idea, and the pitch is a bit of a read. I think if i could get the idea across in a more simple forum, but not too simple it would help find someone. I think when people looked in the thread they didn't want to bother reading something long. But i hope to get this new game going. Mostly because one of my partners will in a couple of weeks be moving and maybe will be away a month.

So help me make this simple

I want to have a more simple pitch, and to those who would suggest it. One shots are out of the question for me, i want a long term game. A better pitch will hopefully let me find someone.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2008, 06:37:23 PM by King_Furby »

Offline Trieste

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Re: Idea Make Simple
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2008, 04:41:09 AM »
I would put the essentials in the beginning unless posting rate is crucial. If I were looking for a thread and reading this, this paragraph up near the top would lose me:
This is a long-term idea. I would like to try to get a rate of 2-3 times a week. Hopefully more.
While I love writing and when I'm 'on', I usually post to my threads at least every other day, I'm not about to put a post up that I'm not proud to have next to my name... so when I'm 'off', I don't write unless I'm feeling inspired. There are times I've unintentionally teased a partner by starting to post in a game, then losing my inspiration halfway through the post and closing it... but they happened to look at WO while I was posting. So that paragraph right makes me dismiss the idea, because my 'on' periods can be lengthy, or can be sporadic, especially when school is in session.

So that's what I'd do first - put the absolutely essential expectations at the top.

And I'd condense it by putting the description in story format, to set the scene. Right now you have a narrative, really... put details you can't work into a paragraph underneath the plot hook, in a small expository paragraph.

There's also the possibility of putting only a hook paragraph in your 1v1 ad, and then placing a small blurb at the bottom that there is a lot more to the setting that you'll be happy to PM to interested parties.

Or you could do bullet points and subheadings. Right now it's in one huge wall of text. Someone who's cruising ads is not invested in your ad, and as such you need to catch their attention quickly. Think of it like a magazine ad, or a TV ad... for most people, if they don't catch your attention in the first 3-5 seconds, the rest of the ad is just wasted space.

Lastly, there's a lot of rigidity implied in your ad, and Elliquiy stresses members who not only can create their own worlds, but enjoy it. I don't know many members on here that enjoy being led by the nose ... which is what your post could come off as. Were it my ad, I would put in there what is negotiable and what is not. If I were reading it, I'd want to know what I could alter if something didn't quite suit me. Right now what you have laid out doesn't indicate what's set in stone and what's mutable. That part is important to a potential writing partner.

Feel free to heed or ignore as you see fit. I hope this helps. :)

Offline King_FurbyTopic starter

Re: Idea Make Simple
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2008, 01:27:23 PM »
I don't think it implies that i would be leading the entire thing, anyone who thought that i am not sure if they would mesh with me anyhow. "Right now it's in one huge wall of text" thats the problem there and i agree.

But what i wanted was a way to make it shorter which i could not think of at the moment. But i guess i will just rewrite it leaving out some of the extra detail.

When i develop ideas i tend to think fast and ramble, of course when i RP i don't do that. I guess it's easy to get excited about a new idea and just write, especially when you don't come up with them often.