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Author Topic: Cherri and China's Mentor thread  (Read 1933 times)

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Offline Cherri TartTopic starter

Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« on: May 17, 2008, 11:09:07 AM »
*Smiles* you drew the short straw and got me - hope you don't mind :)

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2008, 11:11:40 AM »
There's nothing wrong with being short *smiles* You're the best straw for me!

Offline Cherri TartTopic starter

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2008, 11:16:37 AM »
lol *Hugs*  I like you arleady - ok, i'll try to get you going here - i'm already impressed by your posts.  We've recently started something called a mentoring program to bring new people into the fold, answer questions, make sure they are a good fit, and part of it is starting a small introductory thread so that we can get a good idea of your general maturity, writing style, etc - and i wanted to get you started here... if you'd like, we could post the scene that of Mr Collins and Miss Lizzie that you outlined in your intro, or, if you prefer something else, that would be fine as well - it's your choice and whatever you feel comfy with is fine. 

It will just be a short scene, perhaps 2 or 3 posts each, to get a feel for your writing.  Let me know what you'd like to do and i'll start a thread for you and send you the link as soon as it is ready.  I think, technically, this is just supposed to be for our post, but i tend to do things the way i do them, and everyone else can just deal with it *laughs*

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2008, 11:22:50 AM »
Hmm.. I am a bit confused. So am I to make a post, as if I was starting this roleplay? Or should I give an example of a post from a previously done roleplay, as I would like to reserve my Pride and Prejudice ideas for my partner who would be depicting dear Mr. Collins :) However if your request is for me to elaborate an introduction for said concept, I shall oblige without any further question.

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2008, 11:32:55 AM »
I have located a post from an old Gladiator based roleplay, if that would be suffiecient as for as an example goes.

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2008, 11:33:35 AM »
I have located a post from an old Gladiator based roleplay, if that would be suffiecient as far as an example goes.

*far as example goes ><

Offline Cherri TartTopic starter

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2008, 11:38:28 AM »
*smiles* I think my enthusiasm out runs my thoughts at time.  What we are looking for is for you to come up with a Role playing idea - a simple scene with characters for both you and i to play, and then we will play it out for a few posts - in the mean time, the other mentors and sirens will pop in a take a look and talk about you behind your back *laughs* well, that sounds rather menacing, but mostly, they'll decide if your a good fit and then at some point make you a full member, if they like you - i think we actually agreed upon a 3 day process, but there's a lot of room for speeding that up or slowing it down depending upon the applicant. 

so, first things first, think up a scene you'd like to play out here - it doesn't have to be high art, just something representive of your writing style - if i have any questions, i'll ask them, and then i'll make the first post and we can have a short scene - take your time, btw - there's no rush here on my end. 

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2008, 11:51:42 AM »
Well if it is alright with you, I'd rather we not use my Pride and Prejudice idea..For one I haven't completed my introduction to it as of yet ^^;  and for another thing, I'd rather keep that to a private setting. My Gladiator idea I believe would mark a sufficient example of my literature use and the like. Is that alright? It is prewritten so you would not need to wait for it.

Offline Cherri TartTopic starter

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2008, 11:56:42 AM »
*hugs*  of course it's alright with me! i know all about wanting to keep some things special and private. :)  And yes, your gladiator idea would be more then perfect - btw, i will be bouncing in and out of the house all day, so i at times the responses stretch out a little, don't worry about it, and i do promise to keep up as best i can with any questions and posts :) 

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #9 on: May 17, 2008, 11:58:16 AM »
Certainly! So my idea involves, at least at the time it was thought up, the involvement of Lucilla and Commodus from the film Gladiator. It explores Lucilla's struggle to avoid her brother's lustful and crazed advances as he ascends the throne of the Empire. I found it delisciously dark and twisted, and was quite sad when my partner vanished on me. Where shall I post then dear mentor?

Offline Cherri TartTopic starter

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #10 on: May 17, 2008, 12:04:27 PM »
*smiles* Seeing as how the original intent was that this was supposed to be the place for such posts and i've turned it into more of a chat, go ahead and post it here if you don't mind. :)  oh, and just so you know, not that i think it's an issue, but this is a PG-13 forum. ;) 

ok, going to have to go dust off my mental gladiator DVD, but that shouldn't be such and issue (btw, have to run to the store with my g/f shortly, so if i don't get your post back to you immediately, i will as soon as humanly possible!)

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #11 on: May 17, 2008, 12:15:46 PM »
Very well then, I hope you enjoy *smiles* (Have fun out with your girlfriend)


Five short years since she had first been married...

Five lovely years since her son had been born...

Five long years since she had called the palace her home...

Well, that was not entirely true. She had visited on holidays and special events of course, but it had been quite some time since she had lived there. The arranged marriage of Lucilla Aurelius and Lucius Verus had caused quite a stir...especially from the princess' younger brother. Commodus had not been pleased in the slightest about this arrangement and since it had been confirmed, the realationship between the heir and their father, the Emperor, had been permanently skewed....

The same could not be said however of his realationship with his sister. They had been rather close their entire lives, but since she had left the palace and his side, he had become ever more persistant in her opinion. Neither of them had expected her to be 'whisked' away so swiftly after the marriage ceremony, but it was her new husbands desire to travel to that was where they went. Lucilla could not protest any more than Commodus could, she only hoped that her brothers temper would not become worse during her absence. Letters came every week from Rome, bearing his signature and seal. They contained confessions so sweet, and yet at times so dark...Things that were written she did not even allow her husband to see, for she herself did not want to acknowledge them...How these ideas had even come to her brothers mind...she could not explain nor did she try to. The maliscious words, tainted with such immoral lust was too much for Lucilla to bare. He was the future Emperor of Rome, and she truly did love him though not in that manner...but what could she do? she ignored the comments as if he had not made them. Instead she wrote of life outside of Rome, and how she missed and loved him as well, hoping that he would understand she did not hold the same desires. It never ceased, during each visit he would find some way to get her alone. Guilt her with tearful whispers of lonliness and claims of how his very being trembled in the shadows without her light to guide him...

Commodus could be so stubborn at times...

His eloquence with words made him almost irrisistable, and yet she managed to keep herself steady and away.

A recent war had made it difficult for letters to come through to either sibling. Lucilla had become increasingly worried and Commodus, judging by the writings that did make it through, was growing impatient. The last year had been filled with tragedy...not only the war, but their fathers declining health. Lucilla was uncertain that her brother could handle the Empire in the event of their fathers passing...She was not the only one who expressed uneasiness. The Emperor himself was quite shrill on the topic, as was the Senate, who believed that Commodus would be the end of the Empire entirely. Lucilla however kept her doubts internally, for she was the only beacon of hope for her brother..for if his sister would not believe in him, who else would?


News of her husbands death had travelled quicker than news of her marriage to him. Two months mourning had been allowed to her before she would return home to the palace, to be cared for by her brother and father. As tradition demanded, her son would follow a week behind her, staying in the meantime in the company of his fathers realatives in hopes of keeping the spirit of the deceased with the child. The carriage ride had been lonely without her sons company, and Lucilla's thoughts had dwelled on things that were not so pleasant...How things would change at the palace with her being back. How her son would grow without his father. How her brother would react to having her home for good....

Sighing softly, Lucilla pulled back the sheer curtains of her carriage and smiled out to the people who called to welcome her. The streets were lined with citizens eager to welcome back their beloved princess, and though they came with flowers and cheers of joy, they dressed in black clothing to acknowledge her loss. Lucilla herself wore a gorgeous gown of the darkest silks. A dark veil encrusted with gold and jewels covered her dark hair, and yet despite her mournful attire she appeared as lovely as she always had. Her father had often told her that not even the sting of death could disrupt her beauty...

As the carriage stopped, so did her heart briefly. She was anxious to see Commodus, for as an older sister she had truly missed her brother and desired to see him smiling again...but as a sister as well, she feared and was quite uneasy of the things he had written to her..and she silently prayed that he was not planning to act on any of said thoughts. Stepping out of the carriage she waved elegantly as she ascended the stairs. Members of the Senate walked with her, speaking of her father being delayed in Gaul and him not being able to arrive until later in the week....


So she would indeed be left to the mercy, of her younger brother...

Offline Cherri TartTopic starter

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2008, 03:28:52 PM »
*smiles* thanks - btw, the other mentors are giving me a hard time because i'm fumbling pretty much everything here - like i said, you're my first mentory and on my best days i'm a little scattered - that said, they promised that it's more of a reflection on me then on you, so don't worry about that *laughs*

- - -

Commodus was there to greet her at the top of the stairs, a smile that held both warmth and a hint of something darker.  Victory, perhaps?  Certainly there was triumph in his eyes as he stepped forward, boyish eyes hidden my thick lashes taking in his sister, lingering upon her almost possessivly.  He had always loved Lucilla, as a doting brother of coures, yet lately, his thoughts had turned towards something different.  Anticipation at seeing her again, certainly. 

He'd taken great care in arranging her chambers just so, wishing he to be comfortable and feel at home, making sure he would be near by to cater to her needs and desires...

Ah, yes, he thought to himself, drinking in her face, framed as it was my dark coils of hair.  Desire certainly was at work here.  Holding out his hand to here, a token of chivalry to help guide her up the last step, he grasped her fingers, squeezing them a little more firmly then mere affection demanded, drawing him to her and lightly kissing her in a brotherly fashion, his lips lingering a fraction of a moment longer then was neccesary.

"Sister, it is a delight to see you once again.  I have missed your presence."  His voice was soft and mannered, at odds with the turmoil that filled his breast suddenly, discovering a hint of savagry that suprised him so much so, that he was at a momentary loss for words.  Not for long, however.  After all, he had played out this speech in his thoughts many times in the past few days.

"I take it your trip was a pleasant one.  Still, I would imagine that you would prefert to retire to your chambers.  If you'd like, I can escort you there myself." 

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2008, 04:12:12 PM »
Oh dear, I hope I am not causing you any trouble with this :(


As the carriage stopped, Lucilla felt her heart sink within her chest. Would Juno abandon her when she needed protection from the Goddess the most? Would the heavens avert their gaze in favor of her brother's dark desires? Or would the light shine in her favor, and grant her wisdom from Minerva to shield her from ill fate. The questions would not cease, even as the door was opened and the bright sun entered the dark carriage, illuminating Lucilla's fair skin and causing her dark eyes to squint ever so slightly. Her hands graced the edge of the open doorway, and as her sandled foot touched the ground the crowds cheered. It was a bittersweet thing to have their princess back, and though Rome was much preferred to Alexandria in her heart, Lucilla could not help but to linger on the bitter taste of her return to the Empire's capital.

She kept her arms regaly at her side as she made her way up the steps to the palace. Though she stepped with an ethereal grace which almost mirrored floating, with each step she felt a thousand needles diving into her skin. She was torn, in so many ways. Her brother was very much her world, just as her own son, and yet she dreaded seeing Commodus for fear of what he could command in the name of his birthright. When they were children, it had been quite simple for Lucilla to take command and correct her brother for simple fact of age. Their mother had passed into the Underworld shortly before Commodus' third year, so Lucilla had taken up the charge of raising him, causing a more intimate dependancy on both their parts. The young prince however had been the one to settle on this dependancy, so much so that it had never left him, and took root within his heart until it developed into something sinister. Age could not be used as a command of respect now, for as the a female, Lucilla had little power in the eyes of the Empire. Despite her father's favor towards her, and the soft whispers he had shared claiming she would make a beautiful and wise ruler of Rome, the crown would pass to Commodus...and the hand which gave him this crown would be trembling more than Lucilla's heart at that moment.

As his hand joined with hers, she smiled to him, elevating herself so that she might stand on the plateau beside him. The kiss caught her off guard, as she usually could catch his advances in time to direct her lips to his forehead instead. This time however, as their lips graced one anothers, Lucilla felt heat rise to her face and she quickly averted her gaze. "It does me good to see you as well, brother.." she said softly, her slender thin fingers slightly tensing within his grasp. She turned her attention to the crowd, whom she gave a passive wave to before stepping back towards the door, her hand still taken within her brothers. She glanced down at him, seeing as she was still slightly taller, but mostly due to her lengthy curls which had been taken up in a rather refined style.

"The carriage was less than comfortable, but that is to be expected considering the distance.." she remarked, glancing around with a soft sigh before turning her attention back to her wide eyed sibling. She smiled without thinking, he was so corrupt, yet so innocent at times. It seemed  this golden quality would forever be unknown to anyone but Lucilla, who had for some forsaken reason been blessed with the fortune of knowing cruelity's charm.


Such is life..

She withdrew her hand from his grasp, moving it up to brush a curl away from her face she made her way to the open doors of the palace. "Have you and father silenced your bickering, or have you simply stopped speaking to him all together?" she asked, raising a thin brow as she turned down the hall which would lead to her chambers, knowing he would follow without being asked to. He had spoken of a bit of an uproar between himself and their father in the last letter she had recieved. Something regarding immaturity and doubt, and words exchanged with Maximus which Lucilla could not recall clearly at the moment, but was certain Commodus would make his opinion known about the issue. Whether this would be truth, or would be twisted to envoke sympathy from his sister, Lucilla would have to wait until their father returned from Gaul to find out....

Offline Cherri TartTopic starter

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #14 on: May 17, 2008, 04:53:17 PM »
*hugs* don't be silly - it's really kind of one big happy family here and Veki and the others just enjoy teasing me - to be honest, i enjoy it as well :)  lol - and here i was going to apolgize for any trouble i might be causing you :)


His face changed at the mention of their father.  It as subtle enough, so much so that anyone else might not have noticed it, but it was there.  A hint of anger settling in his lips, a spark of passion in his eyes that spoke of raging rivers running rampant beneath the calms seas of his handsome face.  His fingers closed upon her hands, almost cruely.  He relinquished his grip at that, as if suddenly aware that he might be hurting her, instead moving his hand to the small of her back, guiding her along like a sheep dog guides his charges.

"Oh, Father and I have reached an impasse for now, I am afraid.  Still, I hope that he will soon see reason.  After all, I am his heir." 

They moved through the tall ceilinged hall, the shadows of the senate and it's environs cooling the air within, the roman sun providing light enough to walk by, although Commodus' face was cast in shadow as they trod past servants, their eyes lowered, not daring to glance at the emperor's son and daughter. 

As they paused at a great bronze door, guarded by a pair of soldiers in breast plate and spear, short swords at their side, her brother's hand fell upon her hip, pulling her closer, his fingers clenching in the material of her dress.  "You should be cross with me, dear sister, for not inquiring as to my nephew's health.  How is the boy?" 

Although his words were light, there was a certain tension within his voice.  The guards stared stonily outward, seeming not to hear nor see the siblings, intent upon their job and nothing else. Commodus turned her to face him, easily enough, as his ohter hand, seeming to have a mind of it's own, lifted to cup her chin.  Tilting her head as to gaze into his eyes, he searched them, as if looking for an answer to an yet unasked question. 

Offline China Doll

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2008, 05:41:34 PM »
You are causing me no trouble at all! In fact, I am having quite a nice time with you :) I could not have asked for a finer mentor.


She was not alarmed by the sudden firmness of his grasp at the mention of their father. Often he would take her hand, or a bit of her gown within his hand when arguing with their father, at least until he gained enough confidence to argue on his own. She had held his hand through much of his life, through scrapes and bruises, tears and joy, an act of reassurance that she would never leave him. On the day she was to leave for Alexandria, it had taken her most eloquent skill in weaving words to make Commodus release her hand. On that day, she had given him one of her cherished hair ribbons to keep close to his heart, to show that she would most certainly come back to him. Every holiday which she visited with her son and husband, she would allow Commodus to place the ribbon in her hair, and upon her departure she would return it to him..

A small act, which had kept the unstable structure that was her brother, safe for the time being.

As they walked, Lucilla kept silent. He did not seem to want to dwell on the topic of their father, which held both pros and cons for his silence. To remark for good, he was learning to control his temper and his tongue...however to oppose such a sentiment, he was also holding back his anger which, knowing Commodus, would only lead to a complete boiling over of temper and rage. Lucilla acknowledged then that she must try to cool her brother's raging temperature before their father returned from Gaul, for the sake of peace in the palace for at least a short while until her son arrived..

At the mention of young Lucius, and the sudden twist of her thin body towards her brother, Lucilla gave a gentle smile. "He is as well as to be expected...I am certain his sorrow will be aleviated when he arrives to see his favourite Uncle..." she smiled a bit more,  softly stroking her brothers cheek. Her eyes would not reflect any sort of relief to that animalistic urge he sought to find within her. Instead, Lucilla gave a simple kiss to his forehead before stepping away and distancing them for a brief moment in order to step into her chambers. With a soft sigh she looked around...

Everything was excactly as it had been the day she had left. The room reflected almost the eerie perfection of an alter to a Goddess! Not a speck of dust...the air was stale, yet clean. Not a brush nor pillow had been moved out of place...

Lucilla felt her heart sink a few inches more.

Her breath caught within her throat slightly as she turned to face her brother, forcing a smile once more to her thin lips. "My fatigue has caught up with me I am afraid, dear brother..I think a bit of rest would do me good.." With that, she took a small step back, as if to incline she desired to close the doors. It had never been that simple to be rid of Commodus, and she prayed beneath her breath that for once he would allow her a bit of time alone..The Gods however, had thus far not been so merciful to her...

Offline Cherri TartTopic starter

Re: Cherri and China's Mentor thread
« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2008, 06:29:15 PM »
*laughs* good - i didn't want to cause you trouble until later down the line. Then all bets are off! :) thanks - this has been a very good experience for me as well - couldn't have asked for a finer Mentoree.

- -

The brush of her fingers upon his cheek seemed to quell the tempest that threatened to rise up in Commodus' breast.  He held himself still, treasuring her touch and how it brought memories of a simpler time to him.  A happier time, when the cares of the world and all the darkness that seemed to settle upon him like a mantle were still many years away.  A soft sigh expelled breath from his lips, and it almost seemed as if evil vapors were carried away as well, lost in the shadowed alcoves, her chaste kiss erasing the pain that too often settled in his head, filling him with dark thoughts and grim emotions.  He wanted so much to fall to his knees and press his face into her belly and to weep as she consoled him, telling him all would be right.  He fought the urge, locking it away in his heart.  He needed to be strong. Fierce.  He would prove to his father that he was man enough to earn the laurels of rulership.  With Lucilla by his side, he could find the strength to prove his father wrong.

He gazed at her, a surge of tenderness flooding him, glad that finally, she wouldn't have to leave him to return to her husband ever again.   "It will be good to have Lucius back, dear sister.  I will treat him as my own son.  He will want for nothing, I promise you that."
"And yes, I agree.  Rest would do you good."  His smile seemed genuine, concern touching his eyes, as he matched her steps, closing the doors for her in order to shut the world out and give her privacy.  Only, it was from within that he closed them, the sound filling the chamber with a soft echo, leaving them alone, him standing between her and the doorway.

"Come, you should lie down while I pour you some wine.  I will take care of my dear sister as he deserves."  Gesturing towards the bed, he crossed the room and began to fill a bronze goblet with wine the color of blood.