ONs and OFFs Question

[Nessy]

This is the second time in about a month someone has tried to turn my OFFs and just personal likes and dislikes against me, telling me why i am not okay having them or how they make me less open than I should be. I am just wondering how to best to approach this problem. We usually get to the point where RP is declined, but isn't this against the whole point of ONs and OFFs?

[Oniya]

One's Ons and Offs are supposed to let your partners know what you are and are not OK with happening in an RP.  If someone has a problem with your Ons and Offs, it is their problem, not yours.  The best response is to wish them good luck in finding someone with more compatible preferences.

[Izu]

Oookay... I took a look at your Ons/Offs and... er... wtf? I see absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things. They sound more than normal and reasonable to me. So, I just guess that you've had some bad luck coming across roleplayers, who... *blinks* To be honest I don't see what type of people would be put off by such O/O. *blinks* If I were you I would put 'Read my ons/offs first please' somewhere in the beginning of my search topic and then whenever I get contacted I would first redirect them to the o/o topic, and if they say something is wrong/whatever I'd wish them luck and say bye-bye. And that would be long before we get to the point of discussing any rp plots. And, yeah, as Oni said - the problem is theirs, not yours.

[Serephino]

Very detailed....  Though I am half tempted to ask you if you'd play Alistair in an m/m Dragon Age game.

[Star Safyre]

Oniya's right; thanks but no thanks should suffice to send someone who doesn't like your O/O's on their way.  If someone repeatedly harasses you to change them or belittles you because of your preferences, you should have no qualms reporting such a person to staff.  E is a welcoming and accepting place where no one should be made to feel judged or harassed because of their likes or dislikes.

[NileGoddess]

Oniya's right; thanks but no thanks should suffice to send someone who doesn't like your O/O's on their way.  If someone repeatedly harasses you to change them or belittles you because of your preferences, you should have no qualms reporting such a person to staff.  E is a welcoming and accepting place where no one should be made to feel judged or harassed because of their likes or dislikes.

Especially if they go out of their way to approach it in a hostile manner, or attack you directly, which is how I am interpreting it. If this happens, report them so fast their head will spin.

[Jag]

If this happens, report them so fast their head will spin.

+1

There is no reason for someone to attack or harass you for your choice in what you decide is an On or an Off.

Tell then no, that your Ons and Offs are your personal business and if they continue to do so that they will be reported. Hell, I wouldn't even tell them that you will be reporting them if it continues.

[Nessy]

Thanks for the support everyone, and confirmation of what I thought was supposed to happen. I don't typically mind if someone asks about my ons and offs, especially my Offs because as detailed as I get, there can be specifics that aren't clear.

What throws me for a loop is when someone says I am not being very "open" to the likes of others or accuses me as being a man in disguise because I am not automatically turned on by some picture shown to me or even tells me I wouldn't know how to handle a man in the nude or even they have an idea that might convince me my off isn't really an off. All this... actually happened, and I am not even 100% sure when the conversation shifted from let's see where our ideas match or don't match to let's talk about why Nessy isn't okay as a person or a writer. It was... unpleasant. Something similar happened not long ago too, although not to this extent. I never had those kind of experiences the first couple of years here, so I guess I was worried that something had changed recently that I was not aware of.

Very detailed....  Though I am half tempted to ask you if you'd play Alistair in an m/m Dragon Age game.

Haha, Alistair was a bit of dufus initially but I liked him in the end.

[Star Safyre]

Those people are certainly being uncivil to you from what I can read, Nessy.  I would definitely let staff know what's going on.  E's no place for that kind of disrespect.

[Nessy]

Unfortunately, both these conversations took place via IM. I am not one to typically archive conversations on Instant Messengers, but I am starting to think that's why it's happening more often. I am just glad I didn't give my e-mail to him. He was pretty uncordial about not getting my e-mail too.

[LunarSage]

In my opinion that shouldn't matter.  You're both members of E and thus that's still reportable, I would think.

[Star Safyre]

In my opinion that shouldn't matter.  You're both members of E and thus that's still reportable, I would think.

Lunar's correct.  E's rules apply in all member interactions, regardless of the medium.  I wouldn't doubt if it isn't the first time those people have treated someone rudely before.

[Oniya]

I think what Nessy is saying is that the conversation isn't retrievable at this point.

Am I right?

Harassment over IM is indeed reportable, and is taken just as seriously as harassment through the E forum and PM system.

[Nessy]

I think what Nessy is saying is that the conversation isn't retrievable at this point.

Am I right?

Harassment over IM is indeed reportable, and is taken just as seriously as harassment through the E forum and PM system.

That's correct. I don't typically save IMs, so there is no way to reproduce that conversation.

I am hesitant with the harassment part. When I ended the conversation and let him know we were not going to continue talking to each other, he left of few parting shots trying to imply it was my fault for contacting him the first place and that clearly I don't RP NC or extreme properly. He hasn't contacted me since, well he couldn't unless he went out of his way to get around blocks. It was still... I've had conversations before out getting likes in story ideas and dislikes out, this just felt so different even the PM had a line that made me hesitate but wasn't like there were alarm bells going off, maybe there should have been.

since you do not seem to play female aggressors, though I believe you can be persuaded to eventually if things between us gets steamy and very arousing.

See something like that I usually shrug at and think we're probably going to broach this topic, which is fine, and eventually we'll come up with something that works or my limit will be respected... which in this case didn't happen.

I am probably going on about this too long, but it left a pretty lasting unpleasant impression.

[LunarSage]

Evidence or not you can still file a complaint with the mods.  If he's had numerous complaints in the past directed at him, yours may be the one that allows them to take action.

[Helenoftroy]

I'm not sure where is a good place to ask this question but it has to do with the topic.  I cannot find under my profile where to add these things and details.  My profile now appears to be completely generic and it seems I'm like some sort of forum Virgin    I would really like to be more active but I would think this is a way to start and I'm stuck.

[jouzinka]

I'm not totally sure what you man, Helen, bu feel free to PM me or your Mentors and we'll see what we can do?

[jouzinka]

... as an afterthought, PMs were just a suggestion. If that too is a hard way, feel free to post into this topic, Helen.

[Helenoftroy]

So I happened to notice there is a tab at the top here that says On's and Off's so....  I'm a little blond sorries!

[jouzinka]

To be honest, it's a fairly common question.