You sons of bitches. I guarantee you once the holidays are over I'm going to find myself swamped, but God dammit inspiration has struck and now look what you've made me do. I have a character concept.
Dirty sons of bitches...Name
: Conroy ValetAge
: 7 (animated to be in his twenties)Gender
: CGI, Realistic, an "Uncanny"Orientation
: -*General Physical Description:
At first glance, he seems like a normal person. But even a single second spent looking at him let's you know that there's something not right. Something lacking life, a soul. So it is being an "Uncanny".Hobbies
: Just about anything that can be found in a bar, eavesdropping, bitching and complainingSkills
: Has a number of contacts, ear to the wall, tends to know how to get information and what's going on. A bit handy with a gun, too.Occupation
: Tips and Info to the highest bidderBio
:"What's that, kid? Don't I like dames? It's not about me liking them, kid. It's about them liking me. Look at my face. No, look at it. With your eyes. What do you see when you look in my eyes? Exactly. Nothing. I'm an "Uncanny", kid. It means "uncanny valley", which means "just not real enough". We creep people out, us uncannies. They don't like us, don't like being around us. So you ask me if I like the dames? Kid, the dames don't want to fuck a man that looks like he ain't got no soul. The real ladies look at me and feel like they're fuckin' a robot or a doll. The toons don't wanna fuck me because I'm a cheap dollar store imitation of a real human. What's that? The other uncannies? See, that's a problem, kid. Even us uncannies don't like bein' with our kind. We sit there, looking each other eye to eye, and all we do is remind ourselves we were never alive to begin with."
Conroy Valet was one of the waiters in the background of Robert Zemeckis' Polar Express
. You know, that CGI movie with the almost life-like Tom Hanks? Only nothing seemed right. No one moved quite right, their eyes weren't quite right, and people noticed. The movie wrapped up, and Conroy Valet had nowhere to go. See, while those damn CGI kids and the CGI Tom Hanks were able to make mall appearances every year when Christmas rolled around, no one cared about Valet. No one cared about any of the extras. Most of them took rolls related to what they did in the film, be it working trains or waiting tables. But that just wasn't good enough for Valet.
Problem is, no one wants to hire someone that's almost human, but not quite. See, a regular toon, even the cute 3D ones from Pixar, are set for life. They're cute, colorful, imaginative, and if you're an anime then you might even be someone's fetish. You can get a job as a model, or perhaps run an escort service or porn industry. There were options. But no one
wanted an Uncanny.
Valet learned, though, and learned well. He was able to find lots of valuable information searching for work, and soon enough found himself making plenty of contacts. He was an informant. He simply knew information. He gave most of it to the highest bidder, which actually turned out to be the papers. He tried to avoid giving information away to criminals. After all, due to his realistic nature he was vulnerable to a lot more than just The Dip. Unlike Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse, Valet could be killed with anvils to the head, hammers to the face, dynamite in the pants, or even just a knife or bullet.
Lately, however, Valet has been trying to make himself into a Private Eye. After checking out crime scenes simply to gather news for the papers, he's found himself capable of piecing info together. Perhaps crime solving is his passion, his purpose in life? Who knows. All Valet knows is, he needs to do something
to keep earning money.* Don't know if CGI's should weigh as much as regular people, or if they should be light as their body consists of planes and other flat-surfaces that are technically hollow.
** Unfortunately, I couldn't find a good photo of a waiter in the Hot Chocolate scene in Polar Express, so I just grabbed a photo of what my guy ought to look like, only less real and more CGI. Robert Zemeckis has also made the new Christmas Carol and Mars Needs Moms, and seems to specialize in creepy uncanny valley animation.