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Author Topic: Usage - bare, bared, bore?  (Read 7704 times)

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Offline ZeitgeistTopic starter

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #25 on: November 16, 2011, 06:16:08 PM »
No, not my trail of thought at all, I was just thinking that "bare" was such a harsh word.

The priestess let slip the raiment from her shoulders and unveiled her bosom (personal preference) to the silver light of the moon.

In that case and as a matter of personal preference, I'd probably re-work the "to the silver light of the moon" part as well to "under the soft silvery moonlight" or something to that effect. ;)

Personally I think that borders on purple-prose. I considered ...by the pale light of the moon. but even that seems a tad trite. I don't know if it's necessary to describe the nature of the moon's light, unless it happened to depart from the usual. That's just my style though.

Offline jouzinka

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #26 on: November 16, 2011, 06:21:47 PM »
Goodness! I forgot that the "silver" was my addition and not your original one. XD I really need to go to bed...

The priestess let slip the raiment from her shoulders and unveiled her bosom to the moonlight.

/my2cents

Off to bed. ;)

Offline ZeitgeistTopic starter

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #27 on: November 16, 2011, 06:27:22 PM »
Goodness! I forgot that the "silver" was my addition and not your original one. XD I really need to go to bed...

The priestess let slip the raiment from her shoulders and unveiled her bosom to the moonlight.

/my2cents

Off to bed. ;)

I think that's just it though! Let the reader to the heavy lifting for you. Their imagination will fill in detail where detail by the writer isn't necessary. Of course, sometimes it is though.

Offline alxnjsh

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #28 on: November 16, 2011, 08:42:19 PM »
I feel sorry for this woman's breasts...jeepers they've been bored, bared and much more in this thread!  ::)

Offline ZeitgeistTopic starter

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #29 on: November 16, 2011, 09:19:32 PM »
I feel sorry for this woman's breasts...jeepers they've been bored, bared and much more in this thread!  ::)

Fear not, I can assure you the priestess' breasts will be handled with care and due reverence ;D

Offline Stone

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #30 on: November 16, 2011, 09:34:57 PM »
She bored her breasts
So they left.
She tore her b...

Uh, nevermind. O:)

Offline Haibane

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #31 on: November 17, 2011, 04:12:36 AM »
*agrees with the 'laid bare' tense structure*

*in fact agrees with the baring of breasts in any tense*

I'm one to keep the prose very simple and avoid the flowery stuff, it can appear way too trite way too easily. I like complex sentence structure and tricks like double entendres and similies and so on but the actual floweryness I always avoid.

"The priestess unfastened her garment and laid bare her upper body in the moonlight," would suffice for me.

/personal take

Offline ZeitgeistTopic starter

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #32 on: November 17, 2011, 06:25:10 AM »
As fare as double entendres and similes go -

Nanna the Wise, personified to his worshipers as the moon with his many faces.

Offline Vandren

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #33 on: November 17, 2011, 09:05:39 AM »
As fare as double entendres and similes go -

Nanna the Wise, personified to his worshipers as the moon with his many faces.

The term "by" would make more sense than "to", since the worshipers are the ones performing the personifying.  That said, "personified" isn't quite the correct word here (as it means "to make like a person", rough definition; in this case the "person" is being made like an object).  Maybe something like: "symbolized by the moon amongst his worshipers because of [due to?] his many faces"?  Or "represented by his worshipers as the moon . . ."
« Last Edit: November 17, 2011, 09:06:48 AM by Vandren »

Offline ZeitgeistTopic starter

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #34 on: November 17, 2011, 05:51:13 PM »
The term "by" would make more sense than "to", since the worshipers are the ones performing the personifying.  That said, "personified" isn't quite the correct word here (as it means "to make like a person", rough definition; in this case the "person" is being made like an object).  Maybe something like: "symbolized by the moon amongst his worshipers because of [due to?] his many faces"?  Or "represented by his worshipers as the moon . . ."

I think you have a point there. Though I think personified still can work and is relevant. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/personified. There is more than one definition after all.

How about:

Quote
Nanna the Wise, personified as the moon to his worshipers with his many faces.

Now that is a fragment, or at least sounds like one. The full sentence follows (with the correction).

Quote
The one man she would submit to: Nanna the Wise, personified as the moon to his worshipers with his many faces.

Offline Vandren

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #35 on: November 18, 2011, 05:59:34 AM »
Nanna the Wise, personified as the moon to his worshipers with his many faces.

Hmm, I'm thinking that's not a fragment.  It has a subject, it has a verb ("personified").  Besides which, fragments are not necessarily a bad thing, when used sparingly and purposely (especially in fiction).  However, the "full sentence" form helps in that it provides context.

Offline GothicFires

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #36 on: November 18, 2011, 10:24:17 AM »
Nanna the Wise, personified to his worshipers as the moon with his many faces.

This sentence is a fragment because of the comma but even if you removed the comma it wouldn't be worded the best. I would correct it as either"

Nanna the wise, with his many faces, personified to his worshipers as the moon.

or

Nanna the wise, personified to his many worshipers as the moon because of his many faces, <enter verb and rest of sentence here>.

Offline Story Tale

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #37 on: November 18, 2011, 01:48:07 PM »
Ahh what tangled webs we weave when first we learn to speak the English language. ;)

I know this isn't an example of one, but just out of curiosity, do all languages have as many homophones, or do we (English speakers) just like to make things extremely difficult?

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #38 on: November 18, 2011, 02:04:55 PM »
Well, the initial bear/bare confusion would be a homophone... I think some of the Oriental languages have a fairly large number of homophones, to the point of making pun-based character names fairly easy.  I'm not aware of as many in the Western languages I know.

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #39 on: November 18, 2011, 02:17:03 PM »
bare/bear ~

Bare with me.

~ or ~

Bear with me.

Offline Story Tale

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #40 on: November 18, 2011, 02:21:11 PM »
Hehe, I make a play on that one in my rp preference page.. :P But I meant rather that bare and bored were not homophones.


I like people to bear me, as long as they don't drop me as my ass is bare and I'm afraid that the bear will bite it.


Offline Beguile's Mistress

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #41 on: November 18, 2011, 02:27:28 PM »
*giggles*

Offline Avis habilis

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #42 on: November 18, 2011, 02:47:29 PM »
The number one threat to America?



/threadjack

Offline Haibane

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #43 on: November 18, 2011, 03:18:50 PM »
Hells, bells, does that guy dye his hair or what?

This is all well and good, but there needs to be another 'p' in 'worshippers'.

...and, no, that's not a request for water sports...

Offline Story Tale

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #44 on: November 18, 2011, 03:23:47 PM »
;D

Offline ZeitgeistTopic starter

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #45 on: November 18, 2011, 06:05:43 PM »
This sentence is a fragment because of the comma but even if you removed the comma it wouldn't be worded the best. I would correct it as either"

Nanna the wise, with his many faces, personified to his worshipers as the moon.

or

Nanna the wise, personified to his many worshipers as the moon because of his many faces, <enter verb and rest of sentence here>.

Yes, that first one does flow much better. So the full sentence would be:

The one man she would submit to: Nanna the wise, with his many faces, personified to his worshipers as the moon.

Or at least I presume that is correct usage of a colon. No, that is not a request for scat.

Offline GothicFires

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #46 on: November 18, 2011, 06:21:14 PM »
Yes, that first one does flow much better. So the full sentence would be:

The one man she would submit to: Nanna the wise, with his many faces, personified to his worshipers as the moon.

Or at least I presume that is correct usage of a colon. No, that is not a request for scat.

Sorry.. no.

In your new sentence 'The one man she would submit to' is still a fragment and does not connect to the rest of the sentence.  The main action is his personification not her submission.

you could arrange them together either

The one man she would submit to was Nanna the wise, personified to his many worshipers as the moon because of his many faces.

or

Nanna the wise, personified to his many worshipers as the moon because of his many faces, was the only man she would submit to.

I would use the word only instead of one.
My advice is always start with the simplest sentence to get across your point and then add to that. What you are trying to say is that   'The one man she would submit to was Nana.' That he is wise or even worshiped is secondary to the point. After you have the sentence that gets the point of the paragraph across then add the 'fluff.'

Offline Story Tale

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #47 on: November 18, 2011, 06:24:39 PM »
@Haibane and Zeitgeist..

You two are killing me and no that is not a request for hard vore.

;D

Offline Vandren

Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #48 on: November 18, 2011, 08:33:48 PM »
Ahh what tangled webs we weave when first we learn to speak the English language. ;)

I know this isn't an example of one, but just out of curiosity, do all languages have as many homophones, or do we (English speakers) just like to make things extremely difficult?

Oh, we use a heavily bastardized language.  :)  One reason for our homophones is that our language was heavily influenced by Gaelic (at least three forms), Norman French (a bastardized mix of Old French and Old Norse), and Anglo-Saxon.  Then the Great Vowel Shift came along and changed out pronunciation of vowels.

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Re: Usage - bare, bared, bore?
« Reply #49 on: November 18, 2011, 08:41:40 PM »
Then the Great Vowel Shift came along and changed out pronunciation of vowels.

Also not a request for scat.  ;)