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Author Topic: So Far Away  (Read 670 times)

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Offline DrGrimTopic starter

So Far Away
« on: November 14, 2011, 01:07:13 PM »
A little something that came to mind...not sure if I will continue writing this story..but I hope whoever reads it enjoys it  ;D

 
Prologue

     She opened the door and headed straight to  her room, dimly aware of her habitual taking off of her shoes at the doorstep to not track mud in inclement wheather such as this. Which was of no use since her shoes had been soaked through and her socks left water stains on the carpet..'Aunt will forgive me' Emma thought as she headed to her room and silently closed the door behind her. As expected her cousin Toni was nowhere in sight. Only two years older than Emma, she was having trouble with her parents so she was out a lot, leaving the room to Emma which was exactly what she needed at that moment.
   
      Emma turned to the chaotic mess of the room and could feel the rising or nerves, for the lack of cleanliness her cousin obviously did not share with her. She resisted the yearning of lying in her perfectly made bed instead Emma went to her dresser got her clothes from the drawers, and went to the top floor bathroom that she had to share with her cousins, and little brother, and to her great relief it was unoccupied. She entered the Bathroom and locked the door, another ritualistic habit she had picked up because of a few minor accidents in the past. She stripped of her clothes and got in the shower, with the hot water on full blast letting herself finally unfreeze. She stayed in the shower until the hot water had gone out, the sputtering of cold water broke the trance she was in. She quickly turned off the water got out of the shower dried herself off and go dressed while avoiding the mirror. While she was brushing her hair she glimpsed at the mirror by accident and to her relief it was still fogged up from her hot shower so she quickly cleaned up after her self  and dashed once again to her room.
     
     Once she got in her room again she closed the door quietly behind her and leaned against it for a moment. From there she started methodically cleaning the room, arranging clothes in clean and dirty piles, and picking up Cd's off the floor. Instead of giving in to her weary body she kept on cleaning, feeling it a just punishment for an unknown crime. She cursed at herself silently while doing this, 'torturing myself like this will not bring him back' she thought to herself. She paused in the middle of her room and just stared at the wall, she felt the book she held slip out of her hand and heard the heavy thud it made when it hit the floor. Her own legs gave in, and just like the book she fell to the floor and landed with a thud. She noticed the book was right next to her and she noticed that it wasn't just a regular book but a photo album. She noticed that it had opened to the page of the picture she took last year on her birthday. Then she felt her eyes tear up as she looked at the picture of her and her best friend Issac making funny faces for the camera

Offline DrGrimTopic starter

Re: So Far Away
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2011, 10:10:21 AM »
opinions will be greatly appreciated :)

Offline anachronismp a r a d ox

Re: So Far Away
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2011, 09:35:19 PM »
I think there are a few grammar errors, and at some points the flow is a little choppy. But your imagery was very good.

Offline DrGrimTopic starter

Re: So Far Away
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2011, 08:47:44 AM »
I think there are a few grammar errors, and at some points the flow is a little choppy. But your imagery was very good.

woooo thanks for the feedback :) and i kind of noticed the choppyness of my story and my grammar was not at it's best but it's been a while since I wrote something

Offline anachronismp a r a d ox

Re: So Far Away
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2011, 09:52:21 PM »
No problem! I am really enjoying the questions.