You are driving a bus from New York to Chicago. When the bus left New York, it was travelling at 65 miles per hour with eighteen passengers, averaging 36 years of age. In Harrisburg, the bus picked up six passengers and dropped off three. Of the new total of passengers, five were men and the rest women, all between the ages of 18 and 55. Between Harrisburg and Pittsburgh, the bus passes seven Amish buggies on the road carrying a total of exactly two-thirds of the current passenger load, but with a sum total of double their cumulative age. In Pittsburgh, a number of passengers board that doubles the total load, simultaneously with one-third of the load previous to the additional passengers departing. This includes three passengers each over the age of 65, and skews the ratio of hair colors onboard to where the bus contains twice as many brunettes as it does redheads, and as many blondes as redheads, brunettes, and bald men combined. Halfway between Pittsburgh and Cleveland, the oldest man on the bus reveals himself to be a terrorist who has rigged the bus to explode if its speed drops to lower than 55 miles per hour. The next 116 minutes are a thrilling action-packed series of twists and turns before an aging SWAT officer boards the bus via helicopter, disarms the bomb, and kills the bad guy. Three people have thrown up in the meantime, two fainted, and one dead of a heart attack, so the bus pulls over for 2.7 hours and lets everyone take a bathroom break. Two passengers end up trespassing in a farmer's field and are trampled by the bull, but four people board the bus, three of which act very strangely and will later be revealed as extraterrestrials scouting Earth for invasion. One baby is born via Caesarean section and

~~the bus is abducted and thoroughly probed by a flying saucer retrieving its three lost scouts before wiping everyone's memories~~ nothing else of notable importance happens. After fifteen hours and twenty minutes, not including time lost at gas stations and toll booths, everyone disembarks in Chicago. One young lady decides to write down the story in her diary, but can't remember an important detail - what was the name of the bus driver?