First up, your choice of picture isn't all that appropriate for the game. I recognize her from Bleach though I'm not that familiar with the series (if that's Yoruichi as Zaer said), but she looks way too old to be a student. You'll also have to scale the age back a year or two, since 18 seems to be a little old for someone just entering St. Arcadia.
The fact that she's into kendo also completely clashes with her supposed submissive nature. Again, I don't know anything about it, but some type of sword fighting would be more indicative of someone more aggressive. You mention her looking strong, but being latently submissive, then show her aggressive nature by getting satisfaction from doing kendo. It's just a lot of mixed messages, and it sounds like you're tailoring the profile more to the picture than coming up with something for the picture to compliment.
I think I know what you're going for in the purpose section, but it needs to be fleshed out in words more, rather than implied. This will avoid any confusion that may come up in the game.
So the way Evelyn Maharishi is now, I don't think she would be suitable for the game.