If you have sex there is a chance of a child, use birth control all you want but once you have a child verifiable to the man your married in my book. What about your daughter she has no father and your putting the pressure on the man for your choice to have a child under my guidelines the state would have to do a DNA test, that preserves his right. What about the rights to funds from the father and his rights to his child? What about the childs rights your refusing money she is due for her upbringing being uncaring of her rights to things she needs from the other parent?
And I would make divorce a high bar did he commit adultery, physical abuse or abandonment as in over a period of time refused to support you or the child say 7 years. You could still get child support but I figure 7 years is enough time for you both to get counseling and other measures to form the marriage and give the husband time to bond with the child.
Naturally I also will note you marry or he marries or has another child I would treat it as BIGAMY and apply criminal charges as appropriate so the parents use protection or keep their pants on.
Marriage and having children is a big deal to me and should have consequences and not be easy to get out of once made by living together or having a child.
What about child's right to have parents that LOVE her and WANT to be in her life? I chose my childs emotional well-being as being vastly more important than any amount of money I could ever get from a man that doesn't want to be a father
and would just resent being forced to be in her life. By your reasoning my child should be punished by having to put up with someone who would treat AT BEST as an unwanted obligation and at worst could be abusive, for up to seven years before I could get rid of him!
Yes children are a great responsibility but, as a parent, I am responsible for far more than just her economic well-being. I am responsible for her physical and emotional care as well and neither of those would be serviced by forcing me to be married to man I never saw as "husband" material but was just having a good time with. By your reasoning I and my daughter are supposed to be miserable for up to 7 years simply because I forgot to make him wear a condom one night.
Sometimes it's better for the child NOT to have one of the parents in their lives. Not always. Perhaps not even a majority of the time, but sometimes.
As for child support she's owed
, again I chose her emotional well being over money. I make enough on my own for us to be comfortable and with my schedule I am home with her 4 days out of seven and the other 3 she is with my folks. She is surrounded by people who love her, want her, think she is one of the most important things in the entire universe...I'll take that over money any day of the week!
Now, as to the rights of the sperm donor (he's not a father, that requires a presence in the child's life in my book) he has none and we are both happy with that arrangement. He doesn't want to be a father and I let him stay out of our lives and MY daughter doesn't have to deal with the emotional stress of a Mommy who is always upset with the fight to try and keep someone in her life that doesn't want to be there. Again, her well being is vastly more important to me than supposed "rights" that he doesn't even want.
Personally, I'm of the belief that a lot of the problems children from single parent homes face, stems from the emotional, as much as the economic, stresses that a lot single parent homes are under. They are always watching their parents play some kind of tug-of-war about them or money, they watch their primary parent stressing out because the child support check didn't come again
, their primary parent is not the best parent they could be because they are stressed out by the other parent all the time, etc. These are all things I watched my own mother go through with my brother's father and they tore a huge rift between us and her when we were younger. We thought she didn't care, but the simple truth was she was just so stressed she didn't get the chance to be the best mother she could have been and that puts any child at a disadvantage.
I don't need the stress, she doesn't need the stress and neither of us is under it. I have an incredibly happy, well adjusted, polite, well behaved (most of the time, we all have our days! lol) daughter who knows she is loved and cared for beyond reason and who doesn't have anyone in her life that doesn't want to be there making her feel badly.
I think my way works just fine thanks.
Marriage should be about two people who love each other choosing
to make a commitment to each other.