By pyromaniac, I mean you feel constant, irresistible compulsion to start fires and burn things.
And granted, you have a boat, loaded with gold. The boat is a canoe. You are paddling down river to Texas to deliver the gold to a millionaire mobster, because you lost a bet.
I wish I had a cup of coffee that never ran out, always stayed warm, fresh, and delicious, and small, gross things (such as flies) couldn't get into the coffee.