Iíve spent months considering this, months considering where I would put a blog. Nowhere really seemed appropriate, except Elliquiy. Writing and roleplaying are a big part of my balancing act. Being here, participating in my stories, the friends I make Ö are all forms of therapy for me and are outlets for certain aspects of my personality.
I wanted to start this off by telling a little about myself. Obviously, Iím an avid roleplayer. In fact, writing and roleplaying are the only things that keep me sane some days. Being able to lose myself in a character, in a story, in its own way fends off the panic attacks that might threaten otherwise. I, myself, donít have the patience for writing a novel and I crave interaction with others (hence, why bartending was such a good fit), that makes roleplaying the perfect outlet for my creative writing bug.
Iím blessed, too, where roleplaying is concerned. Iíve found so many great friends through this process. And while Iím very careful to keep my online and real lives separate, of my friends online are some of the closest I have ever had. I cherish those friends and what I learn from them, just as I do those I see on a weekly basis.
Iím also a wife, which has always been a rocky road for me. Now, donít take that as me saying I do not love my husband, because I do. Iím just a fiercely independent woman who likes to make her own decisions and do as she pleases without interference from others. So toning that down for the sake of our marriage, learning to know when to step back and let him have his way, and making the best decisions for our family is something I struggle with on a daily basis.
Struggles, such as that, and the struggles I have with my own personality are what this blog is all about. The relatable things that I think all women have or will deal with at some point in their lives. We all have epic failures on a daily basis; the real measure of a woman is how she recovers from those Ö how she picks up the pieces and tries to do what is best for those she loves.
I own my own business as well. That business brings on an entirely new bag of headaches and annoyances. Itís is an extremely rewarding thing at times, especially considering I have the ability to be home most of the day to raise my son (and roleplay of course). I also have to deal with a lot of differing personalities, trying to ensure everyone is happy; a breed of family politics (yes, I said family as my business partners are family) that at times is almost unbearable; and a slew of ordinance and licensing issues that makes my very conservative state a pain in the ass to own a business in.
But there is that flip side, the bright side of waking up every morning with an entire day to spend with the sunshine of my life. A little blue eyed boy that reminds me everyday that everything Iíve lost in life was worth it Ö to have gained him. Being a mother is by far the most rewarding and most difficult thing I struggle with. To step back and look at my faults, his fatherís faults, and pray that he doesnít inherit them is painstakingly painful. But it also helps me strive to be a better woman, a better mother, and a better wife. I want the best for him, for his life and therefore have to live mine to the best of my abilities. I often have to shelve my often times self righteous opinions, my cynicism, and my oftentimes judgmental nature so that he doesnít grow with such opinions. I want him to be a free thinking, independent, kind, and caring individual that stands up for what he thinks is right. I want for him, what my parents want for me Ö what all parents want for their children. The question is, can I give it him? I hope so; I know Iím sure as hell going to try.
Balancing all of these things is tiring and tries my patience quite often. But I continue to strive for that balance, to have my cake and eat it too, because even if I fail at it Ö Iím happy. Iím happy to have what I need, family and friends that love me, and a community online that is gracious and accepting of all the different hats I have to wear. Even if I fall down, even if I fail, Iím still happy.
So in this blog, I hope the reader finds something they can relate to as I stumble down the bumpy road of life. Iíll post more soon, as I have quite a few ideas share, Iím sure those of you who know me know that Iím never shy about sharing my opinions. I hope that everyone enjoys it and takes a little comfort in knowing that we all flail about while trying to succeed, thatís what this journey is all about.