Off-white knight and scheming rogue gentleman adventurer seeks woman with a fine ass of pleasing form to act as a foil and romantic interest in a suicidal venture rollicking fantasy yarn that will include intrigue, danger, and really hot sex romance.
Experience with a blade or other weapons is an absolute must as people will be trying to kill us preferable, but not essential. Said woman should have a sharpness of wit that includes raunchy filthy pillow talk causes merriment but also offense to appropriate parties. An interest in light bondage and sex games pursuits such as the minuet and falconry would also be appreciated.
Area Man to Seek Incestuous Affair, Neighbors Say
LIITTLETOWN, N.J.--- Residents here are convinced a local man will soon be seeking sex with either his daughter or his niece.
According to his neighbors, Ted Upski, 45, has been giving his female relatives "suspiciously long embraces" over the past two weeks. This, coupled with Upski's complete lack of dating activity since he divorced his wife one year ago, has led residents to believe that Upski will soon be making incestuous sexual advances.
Neighbor and sexologist Greg Deighton said that statisically, Upski falls into a high-risk category for men who might give in to such forbidden urges.
"He's constantly on taboo and incest websites and he hasn't had a social life to speak of," Deighton said. "Also, his daughter and his niece are like, totally hot."
Upski vehemently denied the allegations.
"I'm good buddies with my daughter and my niece," he said, while hurriedly deleting a few links and files from his personal computer. "Now that they're college-age they have an easier time relating to me."
Neither woman could be reached for comment.
