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Author Topic: Rape Culture Reblog  (Read 2135 times)

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Offline CaeliTopic starter

Rape Culture Reblog
« on: July 30, 2011, 09:50:53 AM »
I recently participated in a high school conference as a resource adviser, so I had the opportunity to work with a lot of younger students about examining their everyday language and trying to use gender-neutral terms when addressing the group, such as "you all" or "everyone" rather than "you guys." Some of the workshops they participated in (coordinated by volunteers, as well as by many of the RAs) included ones about coming out, female empowerment, hip hop, stereotypes, identity and intersectionality, social justice, consent, and a lot of other really enlightening and educational topics.

After the program was over, one of the other RAs mentioned seeing a discussion in Facebook chat about rape and rape prevention, and she shared this awesome GoogleDoc about the need to redefine the understanding of and discussions about rape. I wanted to share it with everyone.

I saw a discussion about rape and rape prevention in the chat and thought you all should read this. Society needs to re-think understanding and discussion of rape. It is not a joke, so it should not be used as a slang word. No, you did not just ____ that assignment, test, SAT, AP, etc. No, we should not force womyn take the burden of self-defense and self-policing when it should be the collective effort of all people.

Quote
Today, I got a ďAvoid Being a [Rape] VictimĒ sheet from a college professor that told me I shouldnít wear a ponytail, talk on my cellphone in public, or be in a grocery store parking lot.

Screw that. I put together a sheet of my own from various other sources to distribute to my classmates tomorrow. I would have liked to include a lot more information, but printing stuff costs money (specifically, my limited funds). With some careful formatting and double-sided printing, the text will fit onto one sheet of paper. I copy/pasted this from Word, so the format and bullet-points may look wonky, but youíre welcome to copy/paste/print this for your own means. Here we go:

Whatís wrong with suggesting that women take precautions to prevent being raped?

Itís wrong because it puts the onus on women not to get themselves raped, rather than on men not to do the raping; in short, it blames the victim. (Finally Feminism 101)

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldnít have long hair and women shouldnít wear short skirts. Women shouldnít leave drinks unattended. Hell, they shouldnít dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, donít rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, donít rape her.
If a woman is drugged and unconscious, donít rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, donít rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, donít rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend youíre still hung up on, donít rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, donít rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, donít rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, donít rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, donít rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, donít rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, donít rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, donít rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, donít rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, donít rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, donít rape her.
If your friend thinks itís okay to rape someone, tell him itís not, and that heís not your friend.
If your ďfriendĒ tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you thereís an unconscious woman upstairs and itís your turn, donít rape her, call the police and tell the guy heís a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends itís not okay to rape someone.
Donít tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Donít imply that she could have avoided it if sheíd only done/not done x.
Donít imply that itís in any way her fault.
Donít let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he ďgot someĒ with the drunk girl.

Donít perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself. (Men Can Stop Rape)

In case you arenít sure how to avoid raping,here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself:
♦ How do you define consent? Have you ever talked about consent with your partner(s) or friends?
♦ Do you think it is the other personís responsibility to say something if they arenít into what youíre doing? How might someone express that what is happening is not OK? Do you think it is possible to misinterpret silence for consent? Do you think silence is consent?
♦ Do you check in as things progress or do you assume the original consent means everything is OK? If someone consents to one thing, do you assume everything else is OK or do you ask before taking things to a different level? Do you think consent can be withdrawn after itís been given?
♦ Do you pursue someone sexually even after they have said they just want to be friends? Do you assume that if someone is affectionate they are probably sexually interested in you? Are you clear about your own intentions?
♦ Have you ever tried to talk someone into doing something they showed hesitancy about?
♦ If someone is promiscuous, do you think itís less important to get consent?
♦ Do you ever try to get yourself into situations that give you an excuse for touching someone you think would say no if you asked? (i.e., Dancing, getting drunk around them, falling asleep next to them.)
♦ Do you ever feel obligated to have sex? Do you ever feel obligated to initiate sex? Do you ever try and make bargains? (i.e., ďIf you let me______, Iíll do ______for you?Ē)
♦ Do you feel like being in a relationship with someone means that they have an obligation to have sex with you? What if they want to abstain from sex? Do you whine or threaten if youíre not having the amount of sex or kind of sex that you want?
♦ Do you think itís OK to initiate something sexual with someone whoís sleeping? What if the person is your partner?
♦ Have you been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Do you seek consent the same way when you are drunk as when youíre sober?
♦ Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as ďIíve been tested recentlyĒ is enough?
♦ Do you think if a person has a body that can get pregnant, itís up to that person to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control your partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure?
♦ Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more ďmanlyĒ abuses?

You may want to keep in mind that rapists are often not strangers.
♦ 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
♦ 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
♦ 28% are an intimate.
♦ 7% are a relative.

Rapists are rarely hiding in the bushes. More than 50% of all rape/sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occurred within 1 mile of their home or at their home.
♦ 4 in 10 take place at the victimís home.
♦ 2 in 10 take place at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative.
♦ 1 in 12 takes place in a parking garage.
♦ The average age of a rapist is 31 years old.
♦ 52% are white.
♦ 22% of imprisoned rapists report that they are married.
♦ In 1 in 3 sexual assaults, the perpetrator was intoxicated ó 30% with alcohol, 4% with drugs.
♦ In 2001, 11% of rapes involved the use of a weapon.
♦ 84% of victims reported the use of physical force only.

Rapists rarely serve time in jail for their crimes. 60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years. Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison. Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail. (Rape Abuse & Incest National Network)

Offline Chelemar

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2011, 09:06:13 AM »
This was a terrific article thanks for sharing it Caeli.

It gives one much to think about.


Offline Sabriel

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2011, 06:49:22 PM »

Oh wow this is nice to see and well nice to feel that I am not the only one who feels people too easily throw around the word and treat it like a light topic or worse a joke and make such silly offensive excuses, it's crazy given how people would react to other things used in a similar way.  It seams to many people just want to pretend it is a fun happy thing and something to joke and shun ignoring it's victims and the effect it can have on the rest of there lives.

Thanks for sharing Caeli

Online swiggy3000

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2011, 10:23:09 PM »
It's all true. I mean really? You shouldn't wear a ponytail? Still a great read because honestly I agree with it. Men can stop rape. In fact it's pretty easy for men to stop rape. Shocking though that it's only 6%. That's just wrong. That should be required reading.

Offline winterfell

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2011, 12:22:43 AM »
I don't have anything novel to add to the discussion, Caeli, but wanted to thank you for posting this. This is a pretty fantastic sheet and I think it should be in every RA's Orientation binder along with statistics on men who have been raped, another subject that likes to get skirted around/avoided/joked about, but is essential to talk about. Thanks for reposting. <3

Offline CmdrRenegade

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2011, 09:31:13 PM »
Quote
Whatís wrong with suggesting that women take precautions to prevent being raped?

Itís wrong because it puts the onus on women not to get themselves raped, rather than on men not to do the raping; in short, it blames the victim. (Finally Feminism 101)

I'm sorry, but I can't agree with this short-sighted line of thinking and doing so is dangerous.  Let me make one thing clear first.  NO ONE 'deserves' to be raped.  But one of the hard lessons everyone has to learn in life is that the person most responsible for your safety is YOU.  No one is going to experience the true terror of the trauma of being mugged, raped, assaulted, or any other crime you can name except the person experiencing it.  I've taken enough self-defense classes and security certifications (security officer for 3 years) for work and they all have that truth in common.  A person has a duty to themselves to avoid making themselves vulnerable no matter what.  Gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, is irrelevant to this basic fact.  All criminals need two elements to commit crimes: opportunity and desire. 

Rapists shouldnt rape, burglars shouldn't steal, arsonists shouldn't burn things,etc....all of that is true.  But the reality is that some people are vicious and evil assholes who don't care what society says and don't care about hurting others to get what they want.  This has been true since the dawn of humanity and will continue to be true until the last human dies.  The professor's message while flippant,dismissive, and short-sighted, like the cop who's off-hand comment started the SlutWalks, ultimately did have the right intention.  They were trying to say that prevention will go a long way to stopping crime against your person.  'don't wear a ponytail','don't go in a parking lot','don't wear provocative clothing', etc. are completely stupid, short-sighted, and flippant suggestions though.  It should have been more like 'when partying, go out with at least one friend','know how much you can drink and control yourself','if someone propositions and you're not interested than you have to tell them "No" as firmly and emphatically as you can'.  This is really what people need to hear.

My point is, letting people think that saying 'don't rape' is enough is going to lull people into a false sense of security, which could wind up leading to more rape.  Instead, teach everyone, male and female, how to avoid putting themselves in a position where such a terrible thing could happen.  Teach them that they have to be aware of their surroundings.  Teach them when consent is truly consent (ex: If one partner is really intoxicated, they cannot give consent.  Make that crystal clear to both genders and to continue acting beyond this point does in fact constitute rape.). 

Anyway, that my two cents. 


Offline Sabriel

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2011, 12:44:27 PM »

I don't think anyone is saying letting people think saying "Don't Rape" is enough that is certainly not what I feel, this is about spreading some awareness in all I feel and not just pinning blame on a victim for what she/he was doing the self defense classes she should of took etc that sort of thing should stop.  To many people do treat rape as a light topic and joke about it, I mean people even use it as an emote really what message is that sending to some. It would be nice to see more of a message and awareness of why it is wrong and not just focus on what can be done to avoid etc, because well you just can't avoid some things just like with other crimes.

Yes it is may be that some people may get prayed upon for how they act dress and such but that does not make it right or acceptable for people to excuse such things with blame on the victim, the simple fact is there is no excuse ever for such a crime and no such thing as encouragement where rape and most other crime is concerned.   

We don't tend to hear many people telling victims of bullying or crimes of assault, that they should change there personalities, dress, etc, being aware and careful is all well and good and common sense but it is not a true prevention it could still happen and well people should not have to take self defense classes just to prepare for such things that is a choice and not a sure prevention either.

So yeah I think this is all great its all a bit more awareness and well thats great it may not be the perfect thing and not covering all bases, but it does for a change focus on some elements that are overlooked. 



Offline ColdBloodedJellyDoughnut

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2011, 04:45:26 PM »
We don't tend to hear many people telling victims of bullying or crimes of assault, that they should change there personalities, dress, etc, being aware and careful is all well and good and common sense but it is not a true prevention it could still happen and well people should not have to take self defense classes just to prepare for such things that is a choice and not a sure prevention either.


Hah. Unfortunately, that is what happened to me when I was bullied relentlessly at my first high school. Basically I was told the equivalent of 'eh, shit happens'. I took karate for two years while I was at that school and it did not make a blind bit of difference. When you're in that situation, your brain is not recalling what it has been taught, it's just struggling as best it can to get away. You're not always particularly logical.

And, like Sabriel, I don't think it's a case of simply saying 'don't rape', it's a case of saying that things like:

1. "It's not rape if she enjoys it."
2. "It's not rape if she doesn't say no."
3. "It's not rape because she was asking for it."
4. "It's not rape because we're married/together."

are not acceptable. They're not excuses, and to take personal responsibility to not spread these disgusting sayings as jokes.

It's also a case of saying that no woman should feel scared because of her sex. A woman should be able to feel as safe as a man, no matter what the situation, and she should have the same respect as a man.

In the same vein, men who've been raped should not be made to feel less of a man because of it.

To sum up it is not their fault.

Offline North of 60į

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2011, 07:40:48 PM »
First off, I would like to say this is a very interesting topic, but I debate its effectiveness.

Now in regards to this first article.  I find it entertaining, and I imagine some could find it quite comforting.  But I really don't think it is viable as a means to really 'prevent rape'.  The benefits I see with it is in youth, trying to imprint on them early on that they should not rape, but this may not be the best sheet to use as it seems to be geared mainly towards adults, judging from the vernacular and style.  This leads me to say that the this sheet may have cost more to print then it will be worth.  Because the odds of you, and by this I mean anybody, giving this to a person (an adult) who was going to commit rape and this document actually working to the point where he (or she) does not perpetrate the rape are quite slim.

I can further understand the idea that 'it can't hurt' and I agree that is probably the case; however, I think time can be better spent elsewhere than shooting bottles in the dark at 200 paces.

This part of the document is really the only section that would have the most positive effect.
Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide
In case you arenít sure how to avoid raping, here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself:
♦ How do you define consent? Have you ever talked about consent with your partner(s) or friends?
♦ Do you think it is the other personís responsibility to say something if they arenít into what youíre doing? How might someone express that what is happening is not OK? Do you think it is possible to misinterpret silence for consent? Do you think silence is consent?
♦ Do you check in as things progress or do you assume the original consent means everything is OK? If someone consents to one thing, do you assume everything else is OK or do you ask before taking things to a different level? Do you think consent can be withdrawn after its been given?
♦ Do you pursue someone sexually even after they have said they just want to be friends? Do you assume that if someone is affectionate they are probably sexually interested in you? Are you clear about your own intentions?
♦ Have you ever tried to talk someone into doing something they showed hesitancy about?
♦ If someone is promiscuous, do you think its less important to get consent?
♦ Do you ever try to get yourself into situations that give you an excuse for touching someone you think would say no if you asked? (i.e., Dancing, getting drunk around them, falling asleep next to them.)
♦ Do you ever feel obligated to have sex? Do you ever feel obligated to initiate sex? Do you ever try and make bargains? (i.e., “If you let me______, Iíll do ______for you?”)
♦ Do you feel like being in a relationship with someone means that they have an obligation to have sex with you? What if they want to abstain from sex? Do you whine or threaten if youíre not having the amount of sex or kind of sex that you want?
♦ Do you think itís OK to initiate something sexual with someone whoís sleeping? What if the person is your partner?
♦ Have you been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Do you seek consent the same way when you are drunk as when youíre sober?
♦ Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as “I’ve been tested recently” is enough?
♦ Do you think if a person has a body that can get pregnant, itís up to that person to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control your partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure?
♦ Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more “manly” abuses?

And not the kind of positive effect you seem to be envisioning.  I think it will maybe make a few men (primarily) think about their perception of rape and lead them to not (by your definition, not that I disagree with it in any way) commit rape.  But it may also, suffer scoffing and ridicule causing certain individuals to commit rape anyways, but they would have most likely gone ahead with this act regardless of this or any other document.




Moving on to the following comments and replies:

My point is, letting people think that saying 'don't rape' is enough is going to lull people into a false sense of security, which could wind up leading to more rape.  Instead, teach everyone, male and female, how to avoid putting themselves in a position where such a terrible thing could happen.  Teach them that they have to be aware of their surroundings.  Teach them when consent is truly consent (ex: If one partner is really intoxicated, they cannot give consent.  Make that crystal clear to both genders and to continue acting beyond this point does in fact constitute rape.). 

I wholeheartedly agree with this statement in concept, but the execution of such a strategy is quite difficult, because it is entirely up to the people you talk to, to accept and learn what it is that you are teaching.  and it is my opinion that the people bent on committing rape will do so.  Much like the article, I think whatever tactic you employ it is likely to reach only the minority of rapists. Because going by the statistics presented, rape is often committed by people generally close to and supposedly caring for the victim.  Going solely on this, it is unlikely that whatever information you present to them (the rapists) will change their perception of the 'rightness' of raping someone.  However, like I said before you can change the perception of rape and thereby perhaps stop a few.

Rapists shouldnít rape, burglars shouldn't steal, arsonists shouldn't burn things, etc....all of that is true.  But the reality is that some people are vicious and evil assholes who don't care what society says and don't care about hurting others to get what they want.  This has been true since the dawn of humanity and will continue to be true until the last human dies.  The professor's message while flippant, dismissive, and short-sighted, like the cop who's off-hand comment started the SlutWalks, ultimately did have the right intention.  They were trying to say that prevention will go a long way to stopping crime against your person.  'don't wear a ponytailĎ, ídonít go in a parking lot', 'don't wear provocative clothing', etc. are completely stupid, short-sighted, and flippant suggestions though.  It should have been more like 'when partying, go out with at least one friendĎ, íknow how much you can drink and control yourselfĎ, íif someone propositions and you're not interested than you have to tell them "No" as firmly and emphatically as you can'.  This is really what people need to hear.

Firstly, rape is a unique crime, it is different from larceny or arson, because it is a person on person conflict it is more similar in my mind to murder.  And I think it should be publicized as just as serious an offence.  [THIS IS NOT TO SAY that one cannot recover after being raped and live a happy life, but simply showing the degree of severity]

Again I agree with the first part, the people likely of committing rape will probably be unaffected by whatever it is you say to them.  And as such rather than reasoning with the wolves, it is better to try and get the people in the woods to learn how to avoid being hunted by wolves.  (sorry if that metaphor lost or offended anyone).  But I do think it is very wrong to but the onus on women to stop men from raping them.  And I think that is generally not the line taken.  People simply publicize the information surrounding precautions they believe women should take, because the concept of 'Don't Rape' seems like common sense and not worth promoting.

 
It's also a case of saying that no woman should feel scared because of her sex. A woman should be able to feel as safe as a man, no matter what the situation, and she should have the same respect as a man.

In the same vein, men who've been raped should not be made to feel less of a man because of it.

To sum up it is not their fault.

+1, really very well said.  But the point trying to be made is what can you do to protect yourself.  Because saying... 'he should know not to rape me' is very naive and in a perfect world would be viable but not in this one.



My own little bonus statistics to throw into the pot.

56% of young men (ages 15-27) said that they would rape a woman, IF they knew they would get away with it.

Which brings me to my final point.  As a document to prevent rape you shouldn't include the statistics showing that very few rapists are imprisoned, or even caught, because it is likely to encourage a young man (I do not know the statistics for women) to perpetrate rape.

And those are just my two cents...

[Be warned cents 3 through 99 may follow shortly]

Offline sunnyade

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2011, 05:48:10 AM »
A great deal to think about in this article, not sure that those would could best use the advice will read it

Thanks for the link

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Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2011, 01:26:24 PM »
My issue with this is the same as it's been since the first time I've heard of it. It was at my college, it's starts as gender neutral and then turns toward gender superiority. People can't stay neutral about a subject. I agree that Rape is a word that should not be used so flippantly, that is why I don't use it as such. Though branding every man in the world as a potential rapist, and making them research and comb over something that should be obvious is a little much. Isn't that just the same as pushing it all on females to learn how to defend themselves.

I grew up in a neighborhood where this sort of thing was a reality. Most of the time the women were not willing to come forth on who did it. They were too afraid. I can remember getting in trouble with law enforcement personnel in my youth trying to prevent it. It's not any random guy that does this, it's sick people who often have it in their head that it's okay. Branding every man as a potential rapist just sickens me. It's like saying every woman is a black widow in waiting, marrying only to steal something.

So yes, Women should learn to defend themselves just as anyone should defend themselves from harm. The chance of a rapist attacking them is the same as a robbery attacking anyone. They are not more susceptible to danger, that would be saying they are less capable then men. Rape prevention should likely go both ways, but the way it was placed in the blog above offends the hell out of me.

Offline Jude

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2011, 11:34:02 PM »
I like it in spirit, but some of it is offensive and baffling.
Quote
In case you arenít sure how to avoid raping,here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself:
♦ How do you define consent? Have you ever talked about consent with your partner(s) or friends?
♦ Do you think it is the other personís responsibility to say something if they arenít into what youíre doing? How might someone express that what is happening is not OK? Do you think it is possible to misinterpret silence for consent? Do you think silence is consent?
♦ Do you check in as things progress or do you assume the original consent means everything is OK? If someone consents to one thing, do you assume everything else is OK or do you ask before taking things to a different level? Do you think consent can be withdrawn after itís been given?
♦ Do you pursue someone sexually even after they have said they just want to be friends? Do you assume that if someone is affectionate they are probably sexually interested in you? Are you clear about your own intentions?
♦ Have you ever tried to talk someone into doing something they showed hesitancy about?

♦ If someone is promiscuous, do you think itís less important to get consent?
♦ Do you ever try to get yourself into situations that give you an excuse for touching someone you think would say no if you asked? (i.e., Dancing, getting drunk around them, falling asleep next to them.)
♦ Do you ever feel obligated to have sex? Do you ever feel obligated to initiate sex? Do you ever try and make bargains? (i.e., ďIf you let me______, Iíll do ______for you?Ē)
♦ Do you feel like being in a relationship with someone means that they have an obligation to have sex with you? What if they want to abstain from sex? Do you whine or threaten if youíre not having the amount of sex or kind of sex that you want?
♦ Do you think itís OK to initiate something sexual with someone whoís sleeping? What if the person is your partner?
♦ Have you been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Do you seek consent the same way when you are drunk as when youíre sober?
♦ Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as ďIíve been tested recentlyĒ is enough?
♦ Do you think if a person has a body that can get pregnant, itís up to that person to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control your partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure?
♦ Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more ďmanlyĒ abuses?
I find the stuff I bolded to be objectionable, largely because they have nothing to do with rape -- or is this post making the claim that they do have something to do with rape?

I mean, lets say a man and a woman are dating.  The man wants to have a kid, but the woman does not.  He believes she should provide the birth control since she's against the pregnancy outcome and he's not.  Does this make him unreasonable?  Does this make him a rapist?

Offline meikle

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2011, 02:05:28 PM »
Quote
♦ Do you think itís OK to initiate something sexual with someone whoís sleeping? What if the person is your partner?
Someone who can't consent can't consent.  You can take the risk, but at the end of the day (or night), I guess you'd better really trust your partner to be okay with it, because if they aren't, it is rape (and since they're asleep, you've got no way to know 'til you're in the act.)  Pre-consent is a blurry concept and doesn't really hold up legally.

Quote
♦ Have you been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Do you seek consent the same way when you are drunk as when youíre sober?
It is often the case that someone who is intoxicated is considered unable to give consent.  If they are unable to give consent, then having sex with them is rape.

Quote
♦ Do you ever feel obligated to have sex? Do you ever feel obligated to initiate sex? Do you ever try and make bargains? (i.e., ďIf you let me______, Iíll do ______for you?Ē)
Maybe not rape, but trading things for sex is prostitution and still illegal.  But see below: if you have to bargain or pressure someone into giving consent, it doesn't necessarily qualify as consent.

Quote
♦ Have you ever tried to talk someone into doing something they showed hesitancy about?
♦ Do you feel like being in a relationship with someone means that they have an obligation to have sex with you? What if they want to abstain from sex? Do you whine or threaten if youíre not having the amount of sex or kind of sex that you want?
♦ Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as ďIíve been tested recentlyĒ is enough?
♦ Do you think if a person has a body that can get pregnant, itís up to that person to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control your partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure?
In many places, trying to 'force' consent onto someone who does not freely consent (through coercive pressure) is still rape, because it's consent not freely given.  Whining, sulking, threatening ("i'll leave you"), are all coercive ways to obtain 'false' consent.  If someone consents to have safe sex and you try to emotionally pressure them into having unsafe sex, you're going to force them past what they've consented to.

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♦ Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more ďmanlyĒ abuses?
Ostensibly, this is reminding people that anyone can perform an act of rape -- women can be just as coercive as men, after all, and sleeping with someone too drunk to consent is not limited to men, either.

It's probably worthwhile to keep in mind that most of these, but not all of these, are "one step away from rape."

http://www.clarku.edu/offices/dos/survivorguide/definition.cfm

Offline Jude

Re: Rape Culture Reblog
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2011, 03:44:06 PM »
Ah crap, I bolded some things I didn't mean to, but thank you for your elaboration on those points.  The stuff that worried me was more like:  "Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as ďIíve been tested recentlyĒ is enough?"