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Holiday Issue 2016

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Author Topic: Would you like me if I.....  (Read 239284 times)

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Offline Lapine

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9000 on: July 17, 2016, 11:22:42 AM »
I would be very sad.

Would you like me if I cried a little from being alone in the darkness?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9001 on: July 17, 2016, 11:31:58 AM »
I would not allow you to be afraid enough, or afraid long enough, to actually start crying. So I'd be there by your side at the first sniff, focusing on you rather than on physical stuff for a while.

Would you like me if I suggested a cup of cocoa by the fireside, with or without a bit of rum in it?

Offline Lapine

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9002 on: July 17, 2016, 11:33:19 AM »
Lovely!

Would you like me if I snuggled on your lap while we sipped?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9003 on: July 17, 2016, 11:51:14 AM »
....if you maintained a proper distance at this point after the earlier outdoor activities I'd frankly be a bit puzzled. Yeah, I like snuggling a lot.

Would you like me if I sang a dubious rendition of Louis Armstrong's "Baby it's cold outside?"

Offline Lapine

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9004 on: July 17, 2016, 11:54:04 AM »
Certainly, I'd even sing along.

Would you like me if I serenaded you with "Let It Snow"?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9005 on: July 17, 2016, 02:11:09 PM »
No, mostly because I have to listen to it every bloody Christmas in different languages. Would you like me if I carried you bridal style or had walked on my hands with you sitting on top of my feet?
« Last Edit: July 17, 2016, 03:07:43 PM by Dark Despairs »

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9006 on: July 17, 2016, 03:00:02 PM »
Joke you can, young Luke. Lift you can, too. But Yoda I am not, and a jedi you are not yet.

Would you like me if I took you to a christmas night where there was no trace of christianity.... only true Jul?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9007 on: July 17, 2016, 03:12:19 PM »
Yes, so long as there was also no trace of Christmas songs. What is this Jul you speak of, wise one? Would you like me if I kept testing your reflexes by throwing non sharp objects at you or attacking you at random times?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9008 on: July 17, 2016, 03:52:08 PM »
Christianity has always had a policy of, once their kings had invaded a new area with an older belief system, to establish nifty new celebration events timed almost to the same day as the older system. When it comes to christmas it was 'somehow' placed at the same time where Scandinavians had celebrated the midwinter celebrations. And gee, mainly celebrated in the same way it had always been - by eating, drinking, meeting family, fornicating and exchanging gifts. Something to look forward to eery year when the cold was at its most biting and the sun at its briefest. We can trace this tradition back to at least 1000 BC. The only new stuff is that now we are dragging a big tree into the house so we can put lights on it, and of course there 's the christian Santa Claus who was originally a 'saintly giver of money gifts to unwed girls' and then further twisted by Coca Cola to look even freakier. But before those guys there was 'the little people in the forest' and some of us STILL put out a bit of porridge for them on the 24th December if we live near the forest. You will find no angels on my tree, nor any Special Lights Show outside my house. But the tree is always hewn in our family forest and when I say "God Jul" it actually means something.

Other than that, defined 'non sharp objects' as my throwing blade isn't that sharp.

Would you like me if I insisted on reading you Arthur Rimbaud poetry in bed?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9009 on: July 17, 2016, 04:15:22 PM »
I see. Yes, as long as it isn't an everyday thing. Would you like me if I invited to go to the shooting range?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9010 on: July 17, 2016, 04:20:26 PM »
Does the pope have a pointy hat? It would be one of the high lights of the relationship, however it was defined.

Would you like me if I wanted to play Russian roulette with you?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9011 on: July 17, 2016, 04:26:18 PM »
Yes, as long as you don't die. Would you like me if I wanted to build a supercomputer?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9012 on: July 17, 2016, 04:37:32 PM »
Cutie, I remember when digital watches with numbers were defined as magic, 5k ram of memory was something, and when GOTO became evil. Go ahead and build, they are all supercomputers to me. I'd be happy to lend a hand too. But you know what they say.... beware of a programmer with a screwdriver.

Would you like me if I wanted to build you an electronic collar prototype and was really fuzzy about the built in functions?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9013 on: July 17, 2016, 04:56:42 PM »
Yes. What is the collar going to be used for? Would you like me if I insisted you let me drive you everywhere?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9014 on: July 17, 2016, 05:06:37 PM »
I always wanted a personal driver. I'd get you a snazzy suit and an ear thingie with twisting cable, and make you address me as 'Sir' in public.

Would you like me if the collar was secretly a tickling device that could force you to laugh or bring a blush to your face?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9015 on: July 17, 2016, 08:57:00 PM »
(A coiled ear piece is what you are looking for.) No, I will laugh and blush when I damn well please. Would you like me if I gave you a massage? Above the belt, of course.

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9016 on: July 18, 2016, 07:51:36 AM »
I'd let you do it, but only because of the sheer novelty of seeing you touching naked skin - normally I'd rather give a massage than receive one.

So, would you like me if I offered to return the favor afterwards?

Offline Lapine

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9017 on: July 18, 2016, 09:41:15 AM »
I'd provide the oil!

Would you like me if I groaned with pleasure during the experience?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9018 on: July 18, 2016, 09:51:19 AM »
I would love it. Also it's pretty unlikely that I would have qualms about continuing below the belt if I am willing to touch a person at all.

Would you like me if I suggested coconut oil for the job? It's edible after all. Well, I think so, I haven't been killed by it yet.


Offline Lapine

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9019 on: July 18, 2016, 11:24:29 AM »
Not only edible but smells and tastes great is is good for the skin!

Would you like me if I oiled you up to so we could play slip 'n slide with our bodies?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9020 on: July 18, 2016, 12:10:10 PM »
It would be a first. Yes, I''m up for trying something new. Would you like me if I went around the world to find you what it is that you seek, just to see smile one last time, at the cost of losing my legs and dying afterwards?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9021 on: July 18, 2016, 12:58:30 PM »
Gee whiz, my smiles won't cost you an arm or a leg. And anything I'd pay a price that steep for, I'd pay for with my own body. Now if you'd be ready to come along on a grand adventure that would be our first and might be our last, then get your backpack ready.

Would you like me if I told you to meet me at the airport with a backpack ready for two cold weeks, and refused to tell anything more?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9022 on: July 18, 2016, 01:29:10 PM »
Yes, though the word cold, would make thing that were going mountain climbing in Nepal or something similar. Would you like me if I asked you to teach me ice skating?

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9023 on: July 18, 2016, 03:25:05 PM »
What, do I look like Brad Pitt? Well, I do have a pair of skates and I can avoid dying on them. How much I have to teach away in that area is however entirely questionable.

Would you like me if I wanted to knife fight you with bread sticks?

Offline Dark Despairs

Re: Would you like me if I.....
« Reply #9024 on: July 18, 2016, 07:31:35 PM »
Wait, why bread sticks? and how do we clean up the mess? Yes, I would like you, but I won't go easy on you. Would you like me if I asked you to spar with me in Taijutsu?