Tipping Etiquette

[Reagan]

Like others, I've worked in service so I'm inclined to be generous.  In the UK wait staff get the same minimum wage as everyone else but it's diabolical; £5.93 (for over 21s) and in the UK we pay more back in income tax, council tax and national insurance contributions so our deductions are a lot more than in many other countries.  In addition, meal breaks are unpaid and the legal minimums for down time over long shifts are ridiculous.  If you work 6hrs you get no breaks.  6-12hrs you get between 20 and 40 minutes.  Aside from the physical demands from the job, having such short breaks from people getting in your face and demanding things every 30secs makes the job very stressful.

Then there's the 'customer is always right' mentality.  There are always going to be people who raise hell over petty mistakes because they want a refund or something for free.  Sadly, the deeper the global recession gets, the more asshole customers there are.  People will find fault with anything these days.  People have less money with which to eat out and so they get miserly with it, bitching about every item on their receipt and leaving tips that require a microscope to locate on the table.  I have seen people getting positively gleeful about poor service or incorrect food, because suddenly they have a legitimate reason to summon a manager and demand that items be removed from their bill.

I think that good service should be rewarded and that bad service should be taken in context.  If a place is packed and a server is clearly overwhelmed, the fault lies with the management for not ensuring there are enough staff.  I also know from experience that it only takes one person to call in sick on a busy day to screw an entire shift over, resulting in multiple refunds/complaints and fewer tips for staff that are already in fact working above and beyond but are simply too short-handed to make you feel special.

Mistakes with food orders are just as likely to be the kitchen staff's fault as the server's, so discretion should be used when complaining.  Poorly prepared or cold food is not your waiter's fault, unless they've really been dragging their feet.  Company policy regarding what a waiter can and cannot do in order to rectify things is also not their fault.  If you're still not happy, grow some stones and ask for a manager, don't just stand there berating the poor person at the bottom of the totem pole because you know they have to be polite and it makes you feel vindicated. 

Also, in the UK when paying buy card there is often an option to add a gratuity to the transaction.  This should be avoided because employers then charge a 'handling fee' and help themselves to a percentage of their wait staff's tips.  In some places the staff never see the money.  It either goes towards their minimum wage or gets set aside compulsorily for things like a party at Christmas or other non-monetary ways of ripping them off.

Tipping is kind of strange here in Blighty.  Nobody tips in bars, clubs or places that are self-serve, regardless of how many people are running around clearing.  In restaurants the standard is 10-15%.  People's views on tipping can be quite diverse as wait staff do get the same minimum wage as everyone else.  Some people will tip 20% and others will only leave pocket change.  People are more arbitrary about poor service here, as might be expected but there's less emphasis on rewarding exceptional service, other than with future custom.  Service industries here are rather lacklustre compared with the states (with my own visits to NYC and LA anyway) and also compared with the continent, where service professions have less of a stigma and waiters are paid better and treated with more respect.

[Caela]

If you don't tip because you can't afford the money I hope your situation improves.

If you refuse to tip because you don't want to spend the money I hope you don't expect a 'thank you' or appreciation of any kind for doing your job.  After all, you get a pay check and appreciation or any other type of considration from your employer is not warranted. 

I'm sure that if they do say thank you or show appreciation you turn right around and tell them to shove it and put the thanks in your paycheck.  Right?  You remind them that you work for them for money and not appreciation.  Right?

I know you meant a good chunk of this as sarcasm, but I do actually agree with it partially. If you are just showing up and doing your job then you really shouldn't be expecting your boss to say "thank you". You're doing what's expected of you. If they do offer their thanks then it should simply be appreciated that they noticed. IF you go above and beyond, then yes the boss should say something but other than that you are doing the job you were hired to do and your check is your reimbursement for your time, thank is nice but shouldn't be expected.

I apply this to tipping as well. If you're barely doing your job, or not doing it well (ignoring our table, food coming out cold etc.) and there's no good reason for it - oddly I seem to get the worst service when a place is slow and the waitstaff just doesn't feel like putting much effort into it - then you are not going to get a 20% tip. I'm not going to show appreciation when you are doing the absolute bare minimum that can be done and still say you're doing your job. If you go above and beyond, as in my example before of great service I've gotten, then you're work WILL be noticed and appreciated and your tip will reflect that.

I'm not going to give you a great tip just because I made you stop flirting with the bartender to bring me my food.

*** You, is a generic you, not meant to anyone in particular. ***

[ShrowdedPoet]

I work in the restaurant business.  I've served and hosted.  Our servers make $2.50 an hour and never pick their checks up because they're always $0.  I've seen girls with families to care for dead on their feet from working 7 doubles a week (That's all day every day people!) in 6 or more table sections because they had to pay the rent.  I've seen girls cry because they worked their asses off and didn't even receive a small tip.  This is because that tip. . .that's their wage.  That's all they get.  And they get 3 or better % taken out of their total sales and given to the kitchen and other floor staff.  It sucks.  If you have 6 tables that seat the max people in Gusano's then you're serving 26 people all at once.  26 drinks, 26 plates, 26 personalities.  26 possible orders.  And some of the 6 table sections have 28 chairs.  And then there are our lounges that have about 12 tables per server each seating at least 4 people.  Servers have to greet you, get your drink order, get your salad order, get your appetizer order, get your entree order, get your desert order, put those in the computer, run the food, make the salads, pour the drinks, bring the plate, refill the drinks, and cater to your every whim while juggling all the other tables.  It's fucking hard!  And hosts while they usually make fairly decent wages. . .they work their asses off and get treated fairly poorly by everyone.  Restaurant jobs are hard and people are heartless!  I always tip at least 20% or more!  Always! 

[Caela]

I work in the restaurant business.  I've served and hosted.  Our servers make $2.50 an hour and never pick their checks up because they're always $0.  I've seen girls with families to care for dead on their feet from working 7 doubles a week (That's all day every day people!) in 6 or more table sections because they had to pay the rent.  I've seen girls cry because they worked their asses off and didn't even receive a small tip.  This is because that tip. . .that's their wage.  That's all they get.  And they get 3 or better % taken out of their total sales and given to the kitchen and other floor staff.  It sucks.  If you have 6 tables that seat the max people in Gusano's then you're serving 26 people all at once.  26 drinks, 26 plates, 26 personalities.  26 possible orders.  And some of the 6 table sections have 28 chairs.  And then there are our lounges that have about 12 tables per server each seating at least 4 people.  Servers have to greet you, get your drink order, get your salad order, get your appetizer order, get your entree order, get your desert order, put those in the computer, run the food, make the salads, pour the drinks, bring the plate, refill the drinks, and cater to your every whim while juggling all the other tables.  It's fucking hard!  And hosts while they usually make fairly decent wages. . .they work their asses off and get treated fairly poorly by everyone.  Restaurant jobs are hard and people are heartless!  I always tip at least 20% or more!  Always!

You're right, if a place is busy it is damned HARD work and I make allowances for that. In a packed restaurant I will tip better because I recognize that the servers are busting ass. As I said before, my worst service has never been when a restaurant was packed though. If I go in and there are only like three tables (including mine) and none of them are full, I damned well expect to be treated better than as if I am just another annoyance in a persons life. Especially when I'm the only table a server is working and the rest of the time she is chatting up the bartender. Yes, I've gotten cold food not because my server was busy with other tables, but because she was too busy chatting up a co-worker to get off her ass and go get my food from the kitchen. When a place isn't busy this is unacceptable.

On the flip side, I went to dinner with my local munch group last night and we almost always have the same server. Crazy as we are he actually requests to be in the private room on our nights to come in. We had a larger than normal group last night and he busted his butt off, taking orders as people came in at differing times, keeping drinks filled, finding time to chat and joke with us etc. Because we're a large group the restaurant automatically adds an 18% tip on onto our bills and a good 90% of us bring in extra cash specifically to put in the little folders to add to that tip. There are nights he's gotten 40-50% tips from some of us easily.

It's called a gratuity for a reason, it's meant to show gratitude. I don't show gratitude when the cute bartender is more important than doing your job but will show it in spades when even a little effort is put forth.

[Oniya]

On the flip side, I went to dinner with my local munch group last night and we almost always have the same server. Crazy as we are he actually requests to be in the private room on our nights to come in. We had a larger than normal group last night and he busted his butt off, taking orders as people came in at differing times, keeping drinks filled, finding time to chat and joke with us etc. Because we're a large group the restaurant automatically adds an 18% tip on onto our bills and a good 90% of us bring in extra cash specifically to put in the little folders to add to that tip. There are nights he's gotten 40-50% tips from some of us easily.

You're surprised that he requests to be your server?  This is why our gaming group ended up with our own 'personal' Chinese Food Man. 

[Caela]

You're surprised that he requests to be your server?  This is why our gaming group ended up with our own 'personal' Chinese Food Man.

lol...With the tips we give him, no not surprised. Though he does earn them believe me. Since we're in a private room we don't censor our conversations and he comes walking in at some rather inopportune moment's at times. Also we do pick on him a bit. He's much the cutey and the first night he was out server we were really rambunctious. We tried to apologize a bit but he just laughed and told us to "bring it". Ever since we've spared him nothing and out conversations range from politics to work to kid to whatever kinkyness is on going on the next weekend.

Last night one of the girls was being a bit loud and (as he's walking out the door but he wasn't quite out it) she made the comment that she'd like to tie him up and there was really not enough people in the room to stop him from hearing it. Later one of the guys asked if he'd heard what she said and he laughed it off while she blushed furiously and looked mortified that he'd heard. Trust me, the boy earns every penny we give him.

[Beguile's Mistress]

I like that.  First, you all treat him as part of the group even though he's there to serve you.  It's so much better than being treated like someone who is there to serve you and nothing else.  He is great because he makes you all feel comfortable around him.  You come back and more people join you and that's great for business.  It's a truly great relationship.

[Caela]

I like that.  First, you all treat him as part of the group even though he's there to serve you.  It's so much better than being treated like someone who is there to serve you and nothing else.  He is great because he makes you all feel comfortable around him.  You come back and more people join you and that's great for business.  It's a truly great relationship.

It really is. The couple of times he hasn't been there with us we ask the server we do get where he is, and make sure he's o.k. He's a sort of unofficial member of the Munch group and has even talked about taking a night off sometime and actually just coming to a Munch as a participant. Cutey that he is, most of us hope he actually does sometime...though there is no doubt the teasing will be over the top but he has told us, more than once, that we can't scare him lol. It just makes us try harder!

[TheGlyphstone]

What's a Munch?

[Oniya]

Typically it's a get-together/meetup at a restaurant, centered around a certain interest group (BDSM and Poly-folk frequently have them, which would explain the flirting and potential of 'scaring' him)

[Gadifriald]

I work in the restaurant business.  I've served and hosted.  Our servers make $2.50 an hour and never pick their checks up because they're always $0.

I really feel for servers who work in states where they have that rediculous Tip-Earner Wage which allows servers to be hosed by their employers who get to pay them less than minumum wage! Here in Nevada servers are garaunteed minimum wage like everyone else, which is only fair and probably the reason all the best servers move to Vegas!

[Caela]

Typically it's a get-together/meetup at a restaurant, centered around a certain interest group (BDSM and Poly-folk frequently have them, which would explain the flirting and potential of 'scaring' him)

Ours is a BDSM Group though we have a number of poly people within our group. And you're right, it does explain the potential for scaring him but he takes it all in stride lol.

[TheGlyphstone]

Just a chat/discussion group then - won't lie, when you said he had considered coming as a participant, my mind immediately did a 20-meter swan dive straight into the gutter (though mainly because I thought you had written "post-Munch group" somewhere, as if the 'Munch' was what you did before going to the restaurant).

[Caela]

Just a chat/discussion group then - won't lie, when you said he had considered coming as a participant, my mind immediately did a 20-meter swan dive straight into the gutter (though mainly because I thought you had written "post-Munch group" somewhere, as if the 'Munch' was what you did before going to the restaurant).

LMAO...yeah just a chat/discussion group. It gives people who are new to BDSM a safe place to come and talk to other kinksters in a non-threatening, non-intimidating, environment and those of us that have been around awhile a chance to just get together with friends, have dinner, talk about anything. There's a core group of us that are at almost every Munch and our talks range over a variety of topics from the utterly mundane to the wicked and dirty. Nothing dirty actually happens AT the Munch but what you do when you go home is up to you lol.

[tsc]

I've never worked in the service industry, but both my brothers and quite a few of my friends have, and my Dad has as well.  I usually tip about 20%, more if the service was exceptional, less if it was poor. 

My first wife and I ate out almost every weeknight -- since I worked the day shift and she worked nights, it was just easier.  As a result, we got to know the staff at our favorite restaurants very well, and they'd often do things like give us free drinks or a free dessert.  Some of them liked us well enough to come by our table and sit down for a bit to talk to us!

When we were given free stuff, we'd tip as if the bill had included the stuff -- after all, just because the drinks were free didn't mean that wait staff spent any effort bringing them, refilling them, etc.  At the one place we went to the most, even the managers knew us, and sometimes they'd give us our whole meal free!

I don't eat out nearly that much any more, but I get lunch out fairly regularly, and the regular staff at my favorite places know me and stop by to say hi, ask how I'm doing, etc.  I think part of it is the tips, and part is just that I'm friendly, smiling, etc.