I am correct in a certain sense, and one supported by Cognitive Psychology.
Yes, we have immediate reactions to things, sensations, strong feelings. But when we choose to dwell on them, we choose to make ourselves upset.
One of the foundations of the currently in vogue cognitive school is that it is our irrational beliefs/unhelpful beliefs are that trigger our reactions, and that by questioning these beliefs, we can change how we react, emotionally. We learn to develop newer, more helpful beliefs.
A car honks it's horn at me. My blood pressure raises, I get angry, why are people such assholes? I am upset.
Later, I think of it, and challenge the assumption or belief that people should not honk their horns.
Who says they shouldn't?
Maybe they leaned on it by accident?
Maybe they were having a bad day?
Maybe they were stressed out, and in a hurry?
Who says a relatively short burst of noise is so awful, anyway?
Did it really damage me?
Why should I let it upset me?
One might do exercises like this to diffuse any number of 'reactions' we have to things.
I commute between DC and Baltimore, often in horrible traffic; by using such means, I have become able to tune out the aggressiveness antics and annoyances I encounter, and am much calmer, and less reactive.
So, yes, I agree, in one sense, we do not choose how we feel, but in many other ways, we do choose how we feel, and are free and able to change this.
If a shark swims by me while scuba diving, yes, I will feel fear. But I would also remind myself that far fewer swimmers are attacked by sharks that we like to imagine, and not to let the fear carry me away. I might be afraid, but I could still choose to remain calm, as this would help me also maintain a rational mind-set, as opposed to one of panic, and help me in my own self preservation.
I agree, people do not choose to be gay, but they are conditioned to be homophobic, and then choose to stay that way, or do so out of laziness, lack of inertia, coincidence, social circumstance or whatever other reasons.
Finally, the assertion that all people who oppose gay rights are homophobes is crass, baseless, and obscures many the shades of grey that make up the complexity of the actual situation, even though I hear few cogent explanations as to why gay people should not have equal rights, and thus feel that homophobia does in fact play a major role.