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Author Topic: Bash Quote thread  (Read 2453 times)

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Offline VekseidTopic starter

Bash Quote thread
« on: August 28, 2007, 12:40:07 PM »
I'm sure plenty of you know about bash.org, if not, you'll know soon.

#3321

<Road> { private: long member; }
<Road> but for me, that would be a long long
<DAL9000> Road: you'd have to cast it to a char though.
<Road> DAL9000: Hmm, that would cause an overflow
<DAL9000> hah.
<DAL9000> no big deal, i hear you always prematurely core dump anyway
<Road> hahah, ouch
<DAL9000> I COUNTER YOUR GEEK COUNTER WITH AN EVEN GEEKIER COUNTER.

#26590

<Greywolf2001ca> I formatted my drive because NWN wouldn't work online for me today.
<Nafoi> Uh dude they took the Master Server down for maitnence no one can play online...
<Greywolf2001ca> ....FUCK

#137079

<+kostya> what means "+" befor my nick?
<@chopra> kostya: it means someone made a mistake

#346467

<sideburns> they opened a restaurant a few blocks away
<sideburns> it's a lesbian restaurant
<UncleGivey> HAHAHAHA
<sideburns> err... lebanese
<UncleGivey> "Hey honey, there's that new restaurant down the street... feel like eating out?"

#243405

<BlacKcaT>  So my computer is sweet. It's right next to my bed, so i can just pull over my keyboard and my mouse, since it's optical, and it'll all work and I'm nice and comfy lying down on my bed.
<Benig> So my laptop...
<BlacKcaT> Fuck you.

#356

<Rapture> Tsk, it's [new processors] as bad as penis comparisons, really.
<rejs> but penises don't double in performance every 18 months...

#1429

<Culex> Why did LatinKing get fired from the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job :)

#119969

<ruffkin2> HAHAHAH dat dude you sent me 127.0.0.1 iz enfected wit sub7 im fuckin with him now
<andrw>  oh good, format his computer
<Testicular_One> format his computer
<TheGreaterZero> format him

#12939

<fm> i've had three girls today IM me and tell me that they like me.
<fm> then they said april fools and signed off.

#184538

<RDrR> FUCK FUCK FUCK
<RDrR> i was tryin to do that spray whippd cream snorting thing
<RDrR> i filled my entire fukin nasal cavity with whipped cream
<RDrR> fuck its bleedin

#778457

<gb> moooooooooootherfucker
<Firas> ...

#582005

* andy Quit (Quit: Your Mom is so dumb that she tried to minimize a 12 variable function to a minimal sum of products expression using a karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm.)

#599639

Unbeliever: i got this letter from deakin university the other day
Unbeliever: and i live like 2 minutes away from them
Unbeliever: and they send it by airmail
<Firas> gb: before that punchline we need the setup, e.g. "what do you call a cow with an oedipus complex", etc.

Offline Sabby

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2007, 09:07:08 PM »
* andy Quit (Quit: Your Mom is so dumb that she tried to minimize a 12 variable function to a minimal sum of products expression using a karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm.)

Hahahaha! Yeah, she's really dumb. How could she not know that. Classic...

Offline Lirliel

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2007, 10:48:50 PM »
<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
<Mr-Butlertron> The logic is all there...
<third-planet> I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
<third-planet> So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.
<third-planet> The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted.
<third-planet> So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.
<third-planet> I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
<third-planet> He didn't even notice the smell of pot.
<third-planet> We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking silence ever.

Laughed my ass off with this one.

Offline kongming

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2007, 12:46:55 AM »
Classics.

Offline Sabby

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2007, 12:59:34 AM »
o.o genius...

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2007, 01:08:17 AM »
"I like my girls the way I like my shoes.  Tied up."

Offline Sabby

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2007, 02:02:30 AM »
I saw a wallpaper like that once. Didn't really make sense. "I like my coffee like I like my women. Covered in BEES!!!"

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2007, 01:51:53 PM »
#452197

<karl> where is everyone?
<Kayote_G> Well I'm trying to explain to my (now ex) girlfriend why I own a porn site.
<Kayote_G> :'(

#469064

Anonymous-san: okay so there's these two strings, right
Anonymous-san: They walk into a bar
Anonymous-san: The first string says
Anonymous-san: Hello, I'd like a rum and cokerhe7954454gh2kjn.,.43>>[][]21?24
Anonymous-san: The second string says
Anonymous-san: You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated

#634091

Clainsynar: What if all numbers were multiples of pi and our integer system was wrong?
TokMor: stop having such irrational thoughts

#716363

<Vincerific> woot my AVG and my Ad Aware finished. I am now virus and trojan free
* Spartacus^ has joined #Chatzone
<Vincerific> damn and another Trojan just came in
<Skiah> lmaoo

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #8 on: September 27, 2007, 03:16:23 PM »
#333423

<zilla1126> When I woke up this morning I had semen in my underwear.
<nadervader22> ....
<zilla1126> I'm concerned because it did not taste like mine.

#297120

niteowl7710: When I went to the website to see what the current cover
niteowl7710: And I got a pop-up from Spice.net...offering me (and I quote)
niteowl7710: MONSTER TITS -- THE LARGEST BREASTS ALLOWED BY LAW
enigmamofm: Wow.
enigmamofm: wait
enigmamofm: "By law?"
niteowl7710: That sir, is what it said
enigmamofm: There's some sort of regulatory legislature on this issue?
niteowl7710: I'm not sure but I now have a new goal in life
niteowl7710: Figure out how to get a job in the Department of Health & Human Services (makes sense to me)
niteowl7710: In the "Breast Measurement Bureau"
niteowl7710: I'm sorry ma'am but those are just too large, I'm going to have to fine you
niteowl7710: Well yes Ms. I'm sure this does just seem like titty fucking, but I assure you is a valuable tool we use here at the B.M.B.
enigmamofm: You are a credit to you community sir.

#809302

<Zyrjello> E-mail from my comp sci professor:
<Zyrjello> I want to be clear on this point, because several
<Zyrjello> people have asked me.
<Zyrjello> The release of HALO3, tonight, does NOT qualify
<Zyrjello> as a religious holiday.

Offline Sabby

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2007, 07:51:37 PM »
<Zyrjello> E-mail from my comp sci professor:
<Zyrjello> I want to be clear on this point, because several
<Zyrjello> people have asked me.
<Zyrjello> The release of HALO3, tonight, does NOT qualify
<Zyrjello> as a religious holiday.

Heathen! Stick the non believer!

Offline Nell

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #10 on: September 29, 2007, 04:08:30 PM »
Heathen! Stick the non believer!

Haha. These days I bet you could take it to court if you wanted to.

Offline Sabby

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #11 on: September 29, 2007, 07:03:24 PM »
When the Great Journey comes, the weight of this heresy will stay his feet, and he will be left behind...

Offline kongming

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2007, 01:43:42 AM »
Pfft, people still care about Halo?

My dad showed me some recent FPS games coming out on the PC, and seriously... if FPS games are your thing, don't buy a console. Get a PC.

Quake is more likely to become a religion, given it was the one that started the whole craze of every man and his dog releasing a FPS game (it happened the same time as everyone churning out RTS games).

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2007, 05:32:24 AM »
Wolfenstein didn't do that?

#814698

<JayNiN> So yeah, guys, my dad and I had a big arguement last night...It's actually pretty fucking awkward.
<SimCard> Yeah? Tell us about.
<JayNiN> Heh, you guys aren't going to believe this...but anyways.
<JayNiN> So last night, my sister was trying to get her AOL connection shut off (yes, I know...who the fuck still uses AOL?)
<JayNiN> and I decide to go to the regional chatrooms
<JayNiN> 10 minutes in the chatroom, some random guy IMs me and is like "ASL"
<JayNiN> so I fuck around with the guy saying "19/F/WY"
<JayNiN> The guy starts tripping out and is like "omg, I'm from Wyoming!"
<JayNiN> and so I'm like "Oh, really? What part?"
<JayNiN> the guy goes "Cheyenne"...I shit myself. I'm from Cheyenne!
<JayNiN> Out of nowhere, the guy asks for my phone number...so I was feeling a bit mischievious and I wanted to have my sister talk to him and then we would just prank the guy.
<JayNiN> Well, I give the guy my number and out of nowhere he goes..."JAKE!? What the fuck!?"
<JayNiN> I trip out and I'm like "Who the hell are you? And how do you know my name/number!?"
<JayNiN> and he goes "GET THE FUCK HOME RIGHT NOW!"
<JayNiN> It was my dad...

#814243

<+HoCkster> I got an official warning from my bank
<+HoCkster> I usually pay my rent as "Columbian Drug Money", they never objected
<+HoCkster> but then I forgot my mates cell phone number,
<+HoCkster> we were both doing internet banking at the same time right
<@Lilzvixen> welcome to my room
<+HoCkster> so I give him a 1 cent payment going "What's your number"
<+HoCkster> and we start having this whole conversation
<+HoCkster> it was like webchat
<+HoCkster> so like 87 payments later, the bank rings me up and were like
<+HoCkster> "have you thought of getting MSN?"

#813190

<g1powermac> unbelievable
<g1powermac> we caught someone dumping trash in our dumpster
<g1powermac> wouldn't be a problem if trash pickup was free
<g1powermac> we couldn't stop the person in time, so we took the trash out, went through it, found an address in the mail in it, and dumped the trash back at their house

#812350

Johnny: I just donated 2 pints of red cells. They let you do that much now because they can compensate for the loss of fluid with a combination of saline and by replacing the plasma that was removed.
Pablo: Talk about being a quart low.
Johnny: No, two pints.
Pablo: Either they took more than that and you've suffered brain damage or you were an idiot to begin with.
Johnny: What?
Pablo: Exactly.

#47644

<pimp^master> so u a girl or boy
<triscuit> why you want to know
<pimp^master> cuz i looking for a gf
<triscuit> ah, well I should tell you irc is not the place to look, because there are tons of lying malicious people out there
<triscuit> but I'm a female with large breasts

#465695

DominationForce: omfg
DominationForce: I'm sitting on a greyhound bus today on my way back to college
DominationForce: and this girl spends 2 fucking hours on her cellphone whining to her boyfriend that her cellphone bill is huge
DominationForce: and then she calls her mom and whines some more

Offline Lirliel

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #14 on: October 29, 2007, 02:30:11 AM »
<Runter> If I ever become ruler of the world
<Runter> I'm going to hold huge "Where's Waldo" contests
<Runter> Dress one guy up as waldo and put him in a crowd of like 1000 people
<Runter> and get people from helicopters to try to find him
<Runter> to win they have to shoot him
<Jay> Why would you have to shoot him?
<Runter> Because I've always wanted to fucking kill waldo. I mean seriously who doesn't fucking hate him?
<Jay> I don't
<Runter> Well then, do you like dress-up?

<Rachessa> By viewing porn, you're giving pages hits which lets them pay the models a little more.   Those girls might not have much and you're helping them support themselves when they might not have anyone to turn to, allowing them to get by.
<Rachessa> In a sense, every time you whack off, you're actually saving lives.

<Zabbage> I used to do drugs in the 70's.
<Zabbage> Now I don't care what the temperature is

<pH7> So during the biggest test of the term I look down and realise my fucking penis not working! I MEAN IT'S COMPLETELY DEAD!
<pH7> *pen is omfg
<Harreh> haha rofl
<pH7> Excuse me while I rip out my space bar for failing me like that :(

<royan> Soemone bluetooth'd me a picture titles Jesus.jpg the other day. When I tried to exit the message reader, it said: Jesus not saved. Save now?
<royan> I have God's cellphone.

<JKoss> My jokes are like Cheetos:
<JKoss> "Dangerously Cheesy!"

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #15 on: December 11, 2007, 02:12:11 PM »
#829281

ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

Offline Sabby

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #16 on: December 11, 2007, 02:42:38 PM »
#829281

ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE


..........................................

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is priceless!

Offline Sabby

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #17 on: February 06, 2008, 12:30:59 AM »
#287414 +(18498)- [X]

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

Offline gideonblake

Re: Bash Quote thread
« Reply #18 on: May 24, 2008, 12:52:31 AM »
#111338 +(13458)- [X]

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.