A few people who've known me personally that know I'm into D/s have asked the question; Why? It's a simple one, born of one thing. Outwardly, to most people, I'm very relaxed. Calm. I'm very passive-aggressive in most scenarios and they 'can't picture someone as quiet as me being into the lifestyle'.
Which first of all makes me chuckle a little bit. Because in my experience and my life, I've never met one type of Dom or sub. There is no 'mold' that they come out of and no little wheel that connects their personality to their specific pleasures or roles. Everyone on E especially can testify to this and I've personally had the fortune to meet many people who enjoy playing or living in the BDSM space, all with different personalities and interests.
But it's also made me re-think several times why I'm 'into' it. Why I personally find satisfaction from it and what emotionally bonds me to the role. The conclusion I came to boils down to one thing.
Trust. Pure and simple trust.
The biggest emotional turn on for me is trust. Being able to trust my partner and having them trust me. Once I stop trusting my partner or they stop trusting me, in my worldview, the game is over. The relationship has been irreparably damaged to a level that cannot find my way back from. In life this is extremely hard to manage however. We have to work, live and interact with people we don't trust every single day and friends can become enemies, lovers can becomes hated and the entire world is capable of turning upside down on it's head every minute.
That is why I love D/s so much. Because there is a mutual trust and understanding between two good partners that is only rivaled by the most intimate relationships found elsewhere. The Dom puts faith in their sub every time they engage in play to be honest and to not hold back for the Dom's sake. To temper the Dom's control and power through whatever means they decide upon and the sub puts their faith in the Dom to keep them safe. No matter how deep the play is, no matter how many wounds or tears are born of the play, the sub trusts that the Dom will know where to stop.
Mutual trust of that kind is something I cherish greatly. It's also why I don't engage in casual D/s relationships or go to Clubs, participate in the various organizations or really do much more than this on E. I could only ever ask or give that kind of trust to someone I was already intimate in and no offense meant to those who do, but it's also the reason I would never share my sub or use the sub of another Dom. That trust isn't there. I could never trust my best friend with my sub and I would never be able to dominate another Dom's sub comfortably because again, I don't trust them to express their limits and interests. Of course I do have my own kinks and pleasures that come with the play and lifestyle but those are usually a secondary concern. I focus on my partner/sub second in most things and my satisfaction usually either comes from theirs or them returning the pleasure in some way later.
But in the end pure and simple, the mutual exchange of trust and intimacy is what keeps me interested and solidifies the bond between me and my sub.