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Author Topic: Hospital chart bloopers:  (Read 1123 times)

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Offline ElviTopic starter

Hospital chart bloopers:
« on: June 08, 2007, 07:42:12 PM »
The nice thing about Strangely is that when I'm down, he always manages to find something to cheer me up.....
Unfortunately, this has cheered me up while causing me a great deal of pain because I have laughed so much, hope they manage to raise a smile with you?

(I've highlighted my favourites)

1, The patient refused autopsy.
2, The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3, Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4, She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5, Patient has chest pain if she lays on one side for over a year.
6, On the second day, the knee was better and on the third it had disappeared.
7, The patient is tearful and crying constantly. she also appears to be depressed.
8, The patient has been depressed since seeing me in 1993.
9, Discharge status: Alive, but without permission.
10, Healthy appearing decrebid 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11, Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12, She is numb from her toes down.
13, Whilst in A/E, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14, The skin was moist and dry.
15, Occaisional, constant infrequent headaches.
16, Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17, Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid gland.
18, She stated she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19, I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20, Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.
21, Examination of genitalia reveals he is circus sized.
22, The lab test revealed abnormal lover size.

23, Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24, The pelvic scan will be done later on the floor.
25, The patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Bugger...should have just highlighted all of them shouldn't I?.....*grins*

Offline ElviTopic starter

Complaints from council (public housing) tenants
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2007, 08:49:56 PM »
And in the same vein as those above....
These are genuine clips from council (public housing for them there foreigners....*grins*)complaint letters.

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

Offline Seven

Re: Hospital chart bloopers:
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2007, 06:37:20 AM »

Definitely had to laugh at those XD

Which I had something to add to this thread XD

Offline Hunter

Re: Hospital chart bloopers:
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2007, 08:14:08 PM »
"Patient was found deceased.  Will check later to see if condition changes."