Timecodes for the office

[HairyHeretic]

 TO:  ALL PERSONNEL
FROM:  ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous  Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using  this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

        Thank you,
        Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List

Code
Number         Explanation
  ----------     -----------
5316          Useless Meeting
5317          Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318          Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319          Waiting for Break
5320          Waiting for Lunch
5321          Waiting for End of Day
5322          Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323          Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393          Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402          Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481          Buying Snack
5482          Eating Snack
5500          Filling Out Timesheet
5501          Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502          Waiting for Something to Happen
5503          Scratching Yourself
5504          Sleeping
5510          Feeling Bored
5511          Feeling Horny
5600          Complaining About Lousy Job
5601          Complaining About Low Pay
5602          Complaining About Long Hours
5603          Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604          Complaining About Boss
5605          Complaining About Personal Problems
5640          Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701          Not Actually Present At Job
5702          Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102          Ordering Out
6103          Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104          Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200          Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201          Stealing Company Goods
6202          Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203          Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204          Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205          Hiding from Boss
6206          Gossip
6207          Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210          Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211          Updating Resume
6212          Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213          Out of Office on Interview
6221          Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222          Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223          Pretending You Like Coworker
6224          Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238          Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350          Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601          Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602          Complaining
6603          Writing a Book on Company Time
6611          Staring Into Space
6612          Staring At Computer Screen
6615          Transcendental Meditation
7281          Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400          Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401          Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402          Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403          Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404          Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405          Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406          Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419          Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425          Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931          Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000          Recreational Drug Use
8001          Non-recreational Drug Use
8002          Liquid Lunch
8100          Reading e-mail
8101          Using the Internet
8102          Using the Internet to find pornography
8103          Using the Internet to find new job
8104          Using the Internet to blackmail current job
9100          Reading and forewarding humourous messages to other co-workers

[Ajoxer]

In the words of the Guinness boys, " BRILLIANT!"