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Author Topic: Cow Politics  (Read 703 times)

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Offline TheAlchemistTopic starter

Cow Politics
« on: June 06, 2007, 06:10:48 AM »
This one's been around the block a few times, but I saw it today again with some new additions, so I thought I'd share :)

Cow Politics

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
Letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of
the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a CaymanIsland
cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys
your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinarycow
And produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow
Cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.>

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once amonth, and
milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity.You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
Democracy....

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

Offline Swedish Steel

Re: Cow Politics
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2007, 07:13:25 AM »
Hihi. I think I've seen it before, but the benefit of a poor memory is that you can laugh at the same thing more than once.

Offline Celestial Goblin

Re: Cow Politics
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2007, 01:29:56 PM »
CAPITALISM
You have no cows
You work 9 to 5 milking someones cows for a share of milk

NORTH KOREAN COMMUNISM
You have no cows
Milk comes from the great leader, Kim

ANARCHOCAPITALISM
You have two cows
I rent you a bucket and a stool on a per minute basis

TECHNOCRACY/MERITOCRACY
There's a frenzied cow
Whoever is brave enough to milk it can keep the milk

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Re: Cow Politics
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2007, 01:52:46 PM »
Some old, some new.