Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View

Started by Rhedyn, January 21, 2011, 12:31:13 PM

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Oniya

If this is someone either hired by you, or assigned to you, I'd be reporting that to her supervisor. >_>
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

Sybl

she has worked for me through an agency for 4.5 years.

I reported the incident to her supervisor, on her voice mail, she is out of the area at the moment. (since 8 am this morning)

Ember Star

I'm suddenly seeing a pattern and I'm confused by it ...

Bleak thoughts (I'm generally a very positive person. That's how I beat it in the past)..
Breaking down and sobbing for no good reason (this actually doesn't happen too often).
A general lack of motivation to get anything done (this is 24/7, I get what I have to done, but nothing more), even finishing reading a book (something I used to be quite serious about).
Extreme emotions, but also lack of emotions.
Maybe more, idk.
Idk if it's just stress from taking care of grandma, or if there's more to it. I'm not suicidal like I used to be, but I have caught myself just almost going down that path of thought once or twice.


The reason in confused by this pattern is because I've always covered. I never told anybody around me when I went through my suicidal depression in my mid teens. I covered, acted normal, and did what I had to do, and I tell y'all, I'm damn good at covering. But I've been covering so long, idk if my depression is coming back (it never fully left, I know that much), or if I'm just down in the blues and stressed out because of taking care of my almost 99 year old grandmother and still feeling stuck in the same place I've been for the last 10 years. They could be one-in-the-same I guess, but idk
"One thing you who had secure or happy childhoods should understand about those of us who did not, we who control our feelings, who avoid conflicts at all costs or seem to seek them, who are hypersensitive, self-critical, compulsive, workaholic, and above all survivors, we're not that way from perversity. And we cannot just relax and let it go. We've learned to cope in ways you never had to." ~Author, Piers Anthony

Oniya

Stress can cause those symptoms (gods know I've seen some of them in myself), but stress can also lead to depression.  It's good that you're noticing it, though, rather than letting it become 'part of the norm'.  Of course, not 'covering' means that we can offer hugs and tell you you're not crazy.  *tiny smile*

(Totally off-topic, but I love the images you've put in your signature.)
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

Sybl

*leaves hugs for Ebmer Star*
Hope you feel better about thing soon. I understand very well what it is like being 'stuck' in a certain place for good reasons.

Ember Star

*accepts hugs from both* Thanks girls. I'm just trying to decide if I need to seek professional help this time around, before I slip to far. I never got any help before, never told anybody. I found support and advice in a online community similar to this one, and that was part of what helped me out of it. I think what I need is a good long conversation with my mom, that would help a lot. But it's very hard for me to talk openly about my feelings and such with my mom. There's no reason for it, she's a wonderful mother, she'll yell and scream when she's angry and will scare the shit out of you. But she's really everything a mother should be and more. But I've never been able to be open with her for some reason, even as a child it was hard for me to open up to her
"One thing you who had secure or happy childhoods should understand about those of us who did not, we who control our feelings, who avoid conflicts at all costs or seem to seek them, who are hypersensitive, self-critical, compulsive, workaholic, and above all survivors, we're not that way from perversity. And we cannot just relax and let it go. We've learned to cope in ways you never had to." ~Author, Piers Anthony

Ember Star

Thanks! I've got another good one that I'm gonna put up for my A&A's but haven't gotten around to it, plus I'm a little disappointed because I can only make it 50 wide
"One thing you who had secure or happy childhoods should understand about those of us who did not, we who control our feelings, who avoid conflicts at all costs or seem to seek them, who are hypersensitive, self-critical, compulsive, workaholic, and above all survivors, we're not that way from perversity. And we cannot just relax and let it go. We've learned to cope in ways you never had to." ~Author, Piers Anthony

Oreo

I didn't have a serious talk like that with my mom until I was almost 50. It totally opened up our relationship and I wish I had done it much sooner in life.

As for the ups and downs, I was having a lot of the same problems. Veks made a recommendation to try some Fish Oil. It has made a real difference. I still have my depression and some bad days, but nowhere near the point where I was crying and suicidal. If you try it make sure to get the good kind with EPA and DHA. I use the Kirkland brand. Though it recommends 3 per day I have found one is sufficient to balance my over the top bad days.

*hugs and wishes you well*

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

Sybl

Quote from: Oreo on May 24, 2012, 04:41:34 PM
I didn't have a serious talk like that with my mom until I was almost 50. It totally opened up our relationship and I wish I had done it much sooner in life.

As for the ups and downs, I was having a lot of the same problems. Veks made a recommendation to try some Fish Oil. It has made a real difference. I still have my depression and some bad days, but nowhere near the point where I was crying and suicidal. If you try it make sure to get the good kind with EPA and DHA. I use the Kirkland brand. Though it recommends 3 per day I have found one is sufficient to balance my over the top bad days.

*hugs and wishes you well*

Thank you for posting about the fish oil Oreo.
In all the times I have been in therapy I have never heard of this. I am going to order some, when I get my life back and get my Identification back. :-\

Oreo

Quote from: Sybl on May 24, 2012, 05:22:21 PM
Thank you for posting about the fish oil Oreo.
In all the times I have been in therapy I have never heard of this. I am going to order some, when I get my life back and get my Identification back. :-\

You're welcome. My son is manic-depressive and it helped him too. I sent a bottle a few months back and two weeks later he said he actually smiled for no particular reason. That simply doesn't happen with him. I know it isn't a cure-all, but it has been known to take the edge off. *hugs*

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

Ember Star

The fish oil is an interesting suggestion, and one I have not heard of. I can see it working though, since fish oil helps brain function and most depressions are from the brain. It's certainly worth a try, although I can't order anything online, I'll have to get it from Walmart PR the pharmacy
"One thing you who had secure or happy childhoods should understand about those of us who did not, we who control our feelings, who avoid conflicts at all costs or seem to seek them, who are hypersensitive, self-critical, compulsive, workaholic, and above all survivors, we're not that way from perversity. And we cannot just relax and let it go. We've learned to cope in ways you never had to." ~Author, Piers Anthony

Sybl

Quote from: Oreo on May 24, 2012, 05:36:05 PM
You're welcome. My son is manic-depressive and it helped him too. I sent a bottle a few months back and two weeks later he said he actually smiled for no particular reason. That simply doesn't happen with him. I know it isn't a cure-all, but it has been known to take the edge off. *hugs*
I am definitely going to give it a try. Thank you again <3

Oniya

It's one of those 'can't really hurt, might help, and if it doesn't work, you're not out that much money for trying' things.  (Even at list price, using Oreo's dosing schedule gives you a year's worth of capsules for $20.)
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

Oreo

That's why I thought it worth a try. ;D If nothing else your brain will be healthier.

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

Sybl

My small dog has been on fish oil capsules for years for her luxating petellars. (her knees come apart at times until she pops them back in place) .. wonders if my dog is a genius by now.  :o

Oreo


She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

Exelion

See a LOT of talk about  Omega-3s and fish oil...sadly the most recent article I came upon said it was basically useless. But that's the nature of those things...some medical journal will proclaim something as the cure for everything from heart disease to morning breath, and the next day they'll tell you it gives you cancer.

I know what it's like dealing with depression. The thing to take back from is it to be proud of how strong you are for getting through each day with a burden like this.

AndyZ

It's all good, and it's all in fun.  Now get in the pit and try to love someone.

Ons/Offs   -  My schedule and A/As   -    My Avatars

If I've owed you a post for at least a week, poke me.

Sybl

*Drops off a batch of specially home grown Hugs!* Enough for everyone. ;)

Quote from: Exelion on May 25, 2012, 09:05:36 AM
See a LOT of talk about  Omega-3s and fish oil...sadly the most recent article I came upon said it was basically useless. But that's the nature of those things...some medical journal will proclaim something as the cure for everything from heart disease to morning breath, and the next day they'll tell you it gives you cancer.

I know what it's like dealing with depression. The thing to take back from is it to be proud of how strong you are for getting through each day with a burden like this.
That is the nice thing about personal experience-
some things work, others don't.. some work for some and not for others.

I, like others here, make up my own mind, medical journals are fine for whatever purpose, but they aren't all that. (meaning not even doctors know everything)   ;D

Quote from: AndyZ on June 05, 2012, 06:07:10 PM


Thank you AndyZ, that says it all, *smiles and hugs*

Remiel

*slips in to offer hugs all around*

Keep fighting, my friends.  There is always hope, however unlikely it may seem at the moment.

Adammair

*accepts a hug from Remiel, and is now laughing his ass off at Remiel's current avatar and description* Arr-2-D-2. I'm so stealing that!

jonathantrick

I hope it's okay and that I'm not upsetting anyone by posting this. But I've had a bad day today and I think I will feel better if I post here to share my story.

My current, known depression symptoms that I'm on medication for, I've had since I was seventeen. I started having terrible flashbacks of memories of bullying from my old school. I used to get bullied awfully- regularly, I was called names such as 'fat' and 'psycho', which always upset me and I never really fit in. It got to the point where I was extremely hated and I was crying every day for it. Eventually in school I turned suicidal. The problem wasn't helped by one of the kids who used to bully me, let's call him B, was jumping up and down encouraging me to do it. He regularly tried to provoke me into killing myself and bullied me to the point of despair. It was an awful experience and I can still see many of the events that occurred quite vividly in my own mind. Eventually I was so left out and hated in my school that when I was 16 there was pretty much a riot; half of the year suddenly walked towards me, shouting names from across the playground. They were throwing things like sandwiches and bananas at me. The name-calling was truly awful, and since then for my own protection I was not allowed to go outside of the classroom during breaktime.

The bullying was the same in my primary (4 to 11) school years. It was a bit more physical. Regularly I had to go to hospital for injuries that had occurred during the course of particularly rough bullying episodes. It began from day one. On my first day an older kid from year five (around 9-10 years old as I recall) held me down and kicked my teeth clean out of my mouth. Ever since then, I've had some horrific physical injuries, ranging from a kick to the face with metal studded football boots resulting in a permanently-weakened cheekbone, to being held by two kids either side of me into a doorframe, and a heavy wooden door slammed on it by the leader of the bully 'gang' that I was regularly a victim of. Needless to say I was also mentally abused, regularly being called fat and ugly and such. It was frightening. The worst part was, that the leader of the bullies' mother was in with some influential people in the school, so he had free reign to do whatever he wanted. I was hated by the head-teacher, and I was intimidated by him not to say anything to my parents. He told me it was 'my word against his' and that I would most likely be the one losing if I ever told my parents of what happened. He told me that if I did tell he would make sure to make my school life a living hell. I still have no idea why he did that to this day.

Anyway, the flashbacks became quite terrible recently and I got into a terrible rut. I was self-harming, both cutting and hitting myself. It wasn't a cry for help; it was so that I could feel in control, that I was doing something to punish myself for what I did. I upset all my family greatly when they finally found out and forced me to go to the doctors. I was diagnosed and prescribed medication and rational emotive therapy, telling me to think rationally about what I was feeling. It helped a great deal and helped me to analyse what I was feeling and better understand myself, giving me a better sense of control.

However, what helped me most was running. After an experience in school P.E., I decided to start running for exercise. I lived in a fairly remote place with lots of hills and fields to run through which was great. Over time I became addicted to the endorphin rush which came with it, that over-rided any depressive feelings that I was suffering, and it quickly became a way that I could cope with my problem. However I still suffered greatly from flashbacks, and getting over my self-harm was still a major obstacle. It was difficult but touch wood, I have gotten over the worst. I haven't cut in one year so far. With a lot of help from my friends I am slowly getting over it and making myself get better. I still have episodes where I wonder life is worth it, but when I get those I like to write to make myself feel better and escape.

The biggest thing is getting over my social problems right now, I still have trouble fitting in with people and I get very upset and self-conscious in social situations, to the point where I can develop a nervous twitch, and I avoid social situations. Right now as well I'm paranoid about people laughing. I can't help but stare at people when they laugh for fear they're laughing at me. It upsets me whenever I'm out and about and it gets to the point where I can't go out sometimes. I'm very slow to make friends in real life and a lot of the time I end up weirding people out with my social stupidity at times. It aggravates my depression worse when I offend or upset people too.

Well, that's my story so far. Thanks for letting me write about it to get things off my chance. I hope I haven't offended or upset anyone by posting what's happened to me and that I'm not intruding on this conversation.

Adammair

Steals the quote from Rem, and repeats it to Jonathan...

Quote from: Remiel on June 26, 2012, 04:23:09 AM
*slips in to offer hugs all around*

Keep fighting, my friends.  There is always hope, however unlikely it may seem at the moment.

*smiles* I will welcome you to Rhedyn's blog on her behalf, Jonathan. You will find that others here share their stories, as you have. It takes a special kind of strength to do that. Believe me, I know first-hand. Know that you possess that strength and hold onto it always. I'm sure others will soon be around to welcome you to this blog, as well, so until then, keep your chin up and don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough, because you are better than that, by far.

jonathantrick

Quote from: Adammair on June 26, 2012, 05:46:35 PM
Steals the quote from Rem, and repeats it to Jonathan...

*smiles* I will welcome you to Rhedyn's blog on her behalf, Jonathan. You will find that others here share their stories, as you have. It takes a special kind of strength to do that. Believe me, I know first-hand. Know that you possess that strength and hold onto it always. I'm sure others will soon be around to welcome you to this blog, as well, so until then, keep your chin up and don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough, because you are better than that, by far.

Thank you so much Adam. You've always been so nice to me and seeing that reply really has made me smile on what otherwise has been a pretty awful day. :) And I will keep what you said in mind and always try to be strong. 

Sybl

Quote from: jonathantrick on June 26, 2012, 05:06:12 PM
I hope it's okay and that I'm not upsetting anyone by posting this. But I've had a bad day today and I think I will feel better if I post here to share my story.

The biggest thing is getting over my social problems right now, I still have trouble fitting in with people and I get very upset and self-conscious in social situations, to the point where I can develop a nervous twitch, and I avoid social situations. Right now as well I'm paranoid about people laughing. I can't help but stare at people when they laugh for fear they're laughing at me. It upsets me whenever I'm out and about and it gets to the point where I can't go out sometimes. I'm very slow to make friends in real life and a lot of the time I end up weirding people out with my social stupidity at times. It aggravates my depression worse when I offend or upset people too.

Well, that's my story so far. Thanks for letting me write about it to get things off my chance. I hope I haven't offended or upset anyone by posting what's happened to me and that I'm not intruding on this conversation.

My apologies for not coming over sooner..

you are welcome here just as anyone and everyone is welcome here.
We all have something that has drawn us together in this corner of E. The fact you are here posting is proof of such a thing. Believe it or not, I think in time you might come to know some of us here rather well. If not by PM, RP or sharing then just by reading what we have written, or passing the hugs around because at one time or another we all need, desire and must have that *hug* if only because we all have been there done that in the mind set of depression.

For this I leave you a hug meant to share with 1 more of many more yet to arrive in their time of need.