Dirty Limericks

[Inkidu]

I love limericks, the dirtier the better! :D

There once was a lady named Alice
Who used a stick of dynamite as a phallus
They found half her vagina
In North Carolina
The other half the found in Dallas

[Oniya]

Dirty limericks - isn't that redundant?

There was a young lass in Nantucket
Who’d roll in the hay for a ducat
“Be it woman or man,
They’ll pay if they can.
And if e’er they can’t, then – ah, fuck it!”

[Inkidu]

Dirty limericks - isn't that redundant?

There was a young lass in Nantucket
Who’d roll in the hay for a ducat
“Be it woman or man,
They’ll pay if they can.
And if e’er they can’t, then – ah, fuck it!”

Hey there are clean ones, just... not many. That's not how I heard it! ;D

There once was a man from Nantucket
With a dick so long he could suck it
He would say with a grin
As he wiped of his chin
"If it reached my ear, I'd fuck it!"

[Kalen]

Two quibbles.

One, we have a comedy board.

Two, your meter was correct in your first limerick, Inkidu, but badly off in your second offering.

[Sherona]

But comedy is public and this type of thread really isn't *smiles*

[Kalen]

Good point.  Then my second objection stands  ;D

[goalt]

Isaac Asimov wrote a ton of dirty limericks. I need to see if I can find the book(s) (I forget how many volumes there are) of them, sometime.

[Inkidu]

Good point.  Then my second objection stands  ;D

Very well I shall return the abridged portion. I thought it might be a tad too vulgar even for a limerick.
There I fixed it without having to add the nasty part.

[Greenthorn]

Hey there are clean ones, just... not many. That's not how I heard it! ;D

There once was a man from Nantucket
With a dick so long he could suck it
He would say with a grin
As he wiped of his chin
"If it reached my ear, I fear I'd fuck it!"

I have always known it as:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!

[Sherona]

And suddenly I am thankful that I never heard that limmerick further then "there once was a man from nantucket" and ssuggestively ended there...o.o

[Kalen]

Hey there are clean ones, just... not many. That's not how I heard it! ;D

There once was a man from Nantucket
With a dick so long he could suck it
He would say with a grin
As he wiped of his chin
"If it reached my ear, I fear I'd fuck it!"

Nope, still too many sylables in the last line.

[Oniya]

As was pointed out, there are clean versions involving that old man from Nantucket.  As this is the 'dirty' limericks thread, you probably won't see them here.  (Plus, Nantucket is too convenient a rhyme.)

[Kalen]

I once knew a rhyme for Nantucket,
But then I said, oh, fuck it.
Thought of a new joke,
Then started to choke,
And guess what?  I kicked the damn bucket.

[Inkidu]

There was young man named Pete
Who was a bit indiscreet.
He pulled on his dong
Till it grew very long
And actually dragged in the street

[MusicNeverDies]

There once was a man from Cancun,
who took a young man to his room,
where they argued all night
as to who had the right
to do what, and how long, and to whom!

[MusicNeverDies]

A young man once went to the zoo
where chimpanzees threw their own poo
He watched their display
and got eager to play
Now there's monkey-shit up his wazoo.

Courtesy of me! Because my mind is broken.

[Kalen]

A girl called MusicNeverDies,
the boys wanted to part her thighs,
one boy he did touch,
a little too much,
now his body, it gathers the flies!

[MusicNeverDies]

There once was a manwhore named Kalen
who needed to get his thick tail in
He looked far and wide
and then, by his side
laid Senator, miss Sarah Palin.

[Kalen]

There was a manwhore named Kalen,
whose friend tried to give him a whalin',
her silly lim'rick,
did not do the trick,
and thus, her effort, it was failin.

[MusicNeverDies]

A girl called MusicNeverDies
Had a male friend who just wasn't wise
Who tried to compete
but she couldn't be beat
So now, cue his frail, lame replies.

[Kalen]

There once was a lass with no shame,
competitiveness was to blame,
she thought she could win,
'gainst dear old Kalen,
but he CAN'T be beat at this game.

[Inkidu]

There was once a man of some small repute
Who decided to end this dang dispute
If it was all the same
He would put them to shame
And if they didn't he would start to shoot

[MusicNeverDies]

There once was a man with no muse
In fact, his roleplays were a snooze
His ideas were bland
and nothing was grand
And even with limericks, he'd lose.

[Inkidu]

There once was a man with no muse
In fact, his roleplays were a snooze
His ideas were bland
and nothing was grand
And even with limericks, he'd lose.

Oh, wow... gee. Thanks.

[MusicNeverDies]

Oh, wow... gee. Thanks.

It's ambiguous who that comment was to, okay?!