Corrupt a wish

[Zelta Runa]

I wish my work day was already over.

Granted. It's over early because you've been fired. Put your stuff in this box and return your keys to HR.

I wish I could start my day over until I get it right.

[Markus]

Granted.

You keep reliving your day over and over because you never get it right.

I wish I could witness the signing of the Magna Carta.

[Zelta Runa]

Granted, however neither King John nor the barons were expecting you, and you are seized and executed as a spy.

I wish I was a muthafuckin sorcerer.

[Markus]

Granted.

You're a sorcerer who gets it on with his mom. (oh my ;D)

I wish I could own an advertisement hoarding.

[Zelta Runa]

(walked right into that one ;D )

Granted, but you get arrested because uhhhh… zoning laws and um… fire inspectors?

I wish I could be a sisterfucking sorcerer.

[Markus]

Granted.

You are transformed into a witch who engages in ritualistic orgies with other witches in her coven.

I wish I could raise hell with a violin.

[Zelta Runa]

I mean… feels like a win!

Granted. You raise Hell, and the Devil kicks your ass because he hates string instruments ever since all that bullshit in Georgia.

I wish I could be in perfect physical shape without going to the gym.

[Markus]

Glad gender transformation sits well with you.

Granted.

You are a perfect oval shape without attending a single day of gym.

I wish I could commandeer any satellite orbiting earth.

[Zelta Runa]

Glad gender transformation sits well with you.

Oh it absolutely does!

I wish I could commandeer any satellite orbiting earth.

Granted. As soon as you commandeer it, the SCDCS (Satellite Commandeering Detection & Countermeasure System) detects your intrusion and vaporizes you from orbit.

I wish I could look however I wanted just by snapping my fingers.

[Markus]

Hey man, its not everyone's cup of tea but if it is yours more power to you.

Granted.

Too bad you loose both your thumbs in a freak accident.

I wish I could walk on the ocean floor unharmed without a diving suit.

[Zelta Runa]

Granted. But as soon as you leave the ocean “floor”, the sharks come.

I wish I looked like Jason Momoa.

[Markus]

ehh I'll take the submarine I parked on the ocean "floor" up to the surface.

Granted.

Your face looks like his but your body looks like this.



I wish I could be fire resistant.

[MistyMoon]

Granted but it is because you are in a perpetual state of being soaking wet!


I wish I could travel anywhere whenever I please.

[Markus]

Granted.

You can travel anywhere on the globe but it takes years to get there.

I wish I had a real wizard wand.

[Merry Gentry]

Granted, but it only works for the wizard it  was created for, and that isn't you.

I wish I had a brand new car!

[Saxman172]

Granted, its a Hot Wheel

I wish to end all wars!

[Merry Gentry]

Granted! The world is full of love and laughter.  There is no more conflict or war.  You can't even utter a cross word. 
Everyone is a mindless drone with only happy thoughts.

I wish for a million dollars

[Markus]

Granted.

But you can't spend any of it.

I wish I lived in the penthouse of a swanky skyscraper.

[Merry Gentry]

Granted, it's amazing and the view is incredible.  However you are completely alone and can never leave.  Ever.

I wish for wings so I could fly like a bird

[clonkertink]

Granted. They are vulture wings, and flight is not nearly so elegant or graceful as you might hope.

I wish for a spanking machine!

[Saxman172]

Granted. It's either too hard or too soft, never just right.

I wish I was an incredible inventor

[Merry Gentry]

Granted but everything you invent is so complex that it's too difficult to use and no one understands them. 
Sadly they sit on the shelf, collecting dust.

I wish for my own private Zoo full of animals

[WordSmith]

Granted. Though each animal now sees you as the primary use for mating, good luck!

I wish I could be in a music video

[Zelta Runa]

Granted but it's a death metal video involving chainsaws. There's a prop malfunction and you are dead.

I wish I had unlimited digital storage.

[clonkertink]

Granted. You now have unlimited storage for digits... specifically fingers. The cops have some questions for you.

I wish I had a giant teddy bear.