So two black guys walk into a bar

[Inkidu]

and say ouch.  ;D

Fell for it didn't you.

[Le RandomBloke]

I don't get it.

[ShrowdedPoet]

I don't get it.

The point was, you were supposed to think it's just another one of those two (insert whatevers) walk into a bar jokes.  But he put and they say ouch. . .what would you do if you fell?

[Inkidu]

The point was, you were supposed to think it's just another one of those two (insert whatevers) walk into a bar jokes.  But he put and they say ouch. . .what would you do if you fell?

Or if it got you in the shin or something but that's it.

[Sabby]

Dude, my grandmother told me that one XD

[Paradox]

What are you trying to say?

Are you saying that black men are too ignorant or stupid to even realize that there's a bar in front of them???

You're a racist, aren't you?? Racist bastard!

[Sabby]

No, I'm saying thats a very old joke and I'm very surprised I'm the only one who's replied so far thats already heard of it :P

[Paradox]

Actually, I was talking to Inkendu, and I wasn't serious anyway.

[ShrowdedPoet]

Actually, I was talking to Inkendu, and I wasn't serious anyway.

I knew you were playing.  I laughed at what you said.  I didn't actually find the original joke funny.

[Paradox]

I'd heard of the original joke. It still makes me smile sometimes because I'm waiting for a punchline, and instead, they walk into a literal bar. The black guys part is just a spin on it.

[Maeven]

A termite walks into a bar, sits down and says "Where's the bartender?"

*laughs*

Get it? Bar Tender.

*snerk*

   

[HairyHeretic]

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[Sabby]

I think Family Guy nailed my opinion on these jokes...

Peter at the bar. "Okay, so theres a Rabbi and a Chinese guy at a bar. Oh, hang on..."

Looks left. Rooms full of Rabi's. Looks left. Rooms full of Chinese.

"Okay, so theres a Rabbi and Chinese guy at a bar, and suddenly this naked priest walks in, and... oh, sorry Father"

Naked priest at the counter. "Oh, I've heard 'em all"

[Inkidu]

Two dyslexics walk into a bra.

[Kalen]

Two men walk into a bar.  The woman with them ducks, walks under the bar, and laughs at the men.

[Madalina]

A pony walks into a bar and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"

Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"

"May I please have a drink?"

"What? You have to speak up!"

"Could I please have a drink?"

"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."

[Inkidu]

You know Sophocles said that the pun was the lowest form of humor. But I like it. ;D

[Lanzlo]

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey there, why the long face?"

[Paradox]

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey there, why the long face?"

I didn't realize my father was a member of Elliquiy.

He used to tell that one all the time.

[Inkidu]

I didn't realize my father was a member of Elliquiy.

He used to tell that one all the time.

Now E feels creepy don't it? ;D

[Paradox]

Nah, E felt creepy from the moment I realized that people my mother's age are writing erotic stuff on this site. I've never been able to look at my mother the same way again without wondering if she has a dark side like that.

[Inkidu]

I guess the question of your sanity is if you would want to read your moms writing.

[Paradox]

Hells no, are you kidding me!?

[Inkidu]

 ;D

[Apple of Eris]

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink here named after you."

The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Bob?"

* * * * * * * *

A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender snarls, "What'll you have?"

     The duck says, "Got any grapes?"

     The bartender spits and says "We don't have grapes here, we serve drinks, now get out!"

     The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

     The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any grapes?"

     The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve grapes here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!"

     The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

     The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks, "Got any grapes?"

     The bartender, infuriated, pounds his fist on the bar and yells at the duck, "I told you two times we don't serve grapes here, we serve drinks! If you ask me that ONE
     MORE TIME I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!"

     With that, the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool and waddled out.

     The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked, "Got any nails?"

     The bartender, puzzled, said no.

     The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any grapes?"

[Bliss]

Nah, E felt creepy from the moment I realized that people my mother's age are writing erotic stuff on this site. I've never been able to look at my mother the same way again without wondering if she has a dark side like that.

Heh, I first learned about BDSM thanks to a book in my mom's bedside table drawer....

[Inkidu]

Heh, I first learned about BDSM thanks to a book in my mom's bedside table drawer....

You too huh?  :-\

[Bliss]

What were you doing in my mom's bedside table drawer?!?
:o

[Inkidu]

What were you doing in my mom's bedside table drawer?!?
:o

Same thing you were doing apparently.

[ShrowdedPoet]

DIRTY INK!!!  *slaps his hand with a ruler and puts him in the corner with a dunce hat*

[Inkidu]

DIRTY INK!!!  *slaps his hand with a ruler and puts him in the corner with a dunce hat*

Hey! What 'bout Bliss!

[ShrowdedPoet]

Hey! What 'bout Bliss!

Bliss didn't do anything wrong. . .

[Paradox]

Bliss didn't do anything wrong. . .

You obviously don't know Bliss very well.

[ShrowdedPoet]

You obviously don't know Bliss very well.

*shushes Para*  Bliss is an ANGEL!!!

[Inkidu]

That's sexist! *Sues you*

[Paradox]

Is it possible to derail a comedy thread?

[Inkidu]

As long as it remains funny, then... no.

[Bliss]

*shushes Para*  Bliss is an ANGEL!!!

You're the second person today to call me that! *tries not to sprout wings*

[Paradox]

Red Bull Red Bliss- She gives you wings!

[Inkidu]

You're the second person today to call me that! *tries not to sprout wings*

I don't think that's going to happen without angel DNA, you can have this though. *Puts his dunce hat on Bliss's head.*

[Maeven]

Red Bull Red Bliss- She gives you wings!

What happens if I mix her with vodka? *ponders*


OK... here's my new addition. I was listening to the Desperado sound track the other day and this is a joke from that movie:

This reminds me of a joke. This guy comes into a bar... walks to the bartender and says...” Bartender, I got a bet for you. I'll bet you $300 that I can piss... into that glass over there... and not spill a drop."

The bartender looks at the glass. It's like 10 feet away. He says...”You're telling me you'll bet me $300... that you can piss, standing here... into that glass, and not spill a single drop?"

Customer looks up and says: "That's right." Bartender says, "You've got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go."

Pulls out his thing. He's thinking about the glass. He's thinking about the glass. Thinking about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. Then he lets it rip. He pisses all over the place. He pisses on the bar. He pisses on the stools, on the floor, the phone. On the bartender! He's pissing everywhere EXCEPT the fucking glass!

Bartender's laughing. He's $300 richer. He's like... piss dripping off his face. He says, "You fucking idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300... puta."

Guy goes, "Excuse me just one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. There's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go. $300."

The bartender's like...”Why are you so happy? You just lost $300, idiot!"

The guy says, "See those guys over there? I just bet them $500 APIECE... that I could piss on your bar... your floor, your phone, and piss on you... and not only would you not be mad about it... you'd be happy."

[Inkidu]

What happens if I mix her with vodka? *ponders*


OK... here's my new addition. I was listening to the Desperado sound track the other day and this is a joke from that movie:

That's one of my favorite jokes!

[Bliss]

Red Bull Red Bliss- She gives you wings!

Red Bliss - potatoes!

[Bliss]

I don't think that's going to happen without angel DNA, you can have this though. *Puts his dunce hat on Bliss's head.*

Thanks, it'll help hold up my halo! *drops a circlet around the conical hat*

[Inkidu]

Thanks, it'll help hold up my halo! *drops a circlet around the conical hat*

That... is a funny mental picture.

[Bliss]

then by your account, the thread still isn't hijacked! WOOO!!!!!!

[Inkidu]

then by your account, the thread still isn't hijacked! WOOO!!!!!!

Yep, I felt bad that you couldn't grow wings by the way. *Tapes tiny, cardboard angel wings on Bliss's back.*
Plus it just makes the mental picture even funnier!

[Bliss]

*wriggles to make the wings shake a little, and grins* Whee! I have wings and a halo, time to jump off something tall! *tries to climb Paradox*

[Inkidu]

*Whispers to Paradox.* I hope you packed the parachute in case she wants to try anything taller than you.

[ShrowdedPoet]

Yep, I felt bad that you couldn't grow wings by the way. *Tapes tiny, cardboard angel wings on Bliss's back.*
Plus it just makes the mental picture even funnier!

OMFG!!!  I drank that new huge can of red bull back in the spring while I was in Speech class. . .  You see normally (the regular size can) they didn't affect me but this one. . .  I was bouncing off the walls.  I sat in class cut two holes in the empty can, cut cardboard wings out of the back of my notebook, inserted them into the holes in the can, and asked my straight laced instructor if I could hang it from his ceiling. . . I couldn't stop laughing.  So the day went on and I calmed down.  I went to Philosophy that night and my friend bought me a Dr. Pepper. . .the Red Bull was triggered by the Dr. Pepper and I couldn't stop giggling.  Mr. Maloney banned me from having red bull any day that I have his class. . .*laughs*

[Inkidu]

Red Bull tastes like carbonated cough syrup to me, but that's hilarious!

[ShrowdedPoet]

Red Bull tastes like carbonated cough syrup to me, but that's hilarious!

. . .*eyes get big*  I like red bull but the stuff that takes the cake. . .LOST!!!!  *misses the unhealthy stuff that's gonna send her to hell faster* 

[Apple of Eris]

I hate red bull commercials. Everytime i hear 'red bull gives you wings' all I can think about are maxipads made by redbull.

[Inkidu]

I hate red bull commercials. Everytime i hear 'red bull gives you wings' all I can think about are maxipads made by redbull.

Well if they made tampons that would be an interesting way to get the caffeine into your system.

[Bliss]

Well if they made tampons that would be an interesting way to get the caffeine into your system.

How bizarre. And inexplicably clever. A caffeine suppository in my junk... *ponder*

[Inkidu]

How bizarre. And inexplicably clever. A caffeine suppository in my junk... *ponder*

Um, Bliss. Suppositories go in the other hole, and no you don't eat them...  :P :-X ;D

[Bliss]

I was trying to make a general kinship between the two objects, since the sort of thing you suggested would be releasing caffeine into the body like a suppository does for drugs.

And to try to rerail this a little - do you think they'd sell them in a bar, in a pack along with some vodka? XD

[Revolverman]

Well, if you drink with your... ahem backside, you get drunk MUCH faster

[Inkidu]

How does that work? Sure I mean... Oh never mind alcohol enema... XP

[Revolverman]

How does that work? Sure I mean... Oh never mind alcohol enema... XP

the large intestines absorb alcohol directly into the blood, unlike the small intestines.

[Oniya]

the large intestines absorb alcohol directly into the blood, unlike the small intestines.

Terribly easy to get alcohol poisoning that way - plus it eliminates the ability to taste the drink.   ;)

[Revolverman]

Terribly easy to get alcohol poisoning that way - plus it eliminates the ability to taste the drink.   ;)

VERY easy. don't try it


and thats true too, but i HATE the taste of alcohol anyway.

[Inkidu]

the large intestines absorb alcohol directly into the blood, unlike the small intestines.

Yes I know how suppositories work but I wondered how it would stay up there although if you soaped the guys beer he'd get the trots really fast.