Nightmares...

[Kimbersqk]

Nightmare by definition of dictionary.com:

1. a terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc.
2.a condition, thought, or experience suggestive of a nightmare:
the nightmare of his years in prison.
3.(formerly) a monster or evil spirit believed to oppress persons during sleep.

Nightmares are very much terrifying, as the first definition explains. Within my past, i have had many countless nightmares. i didn't so much have them when i was a child. Sure, i thought alligators were under my bed so i didn't dare get up in the middle of the night. Other than that, i dreampt of different happy things. Running in a field full of flowers and butterflies, surrounding myself with different animals (deer, rabbits etc). i would have never expected, being 30 years old, that i would have nightmares the way i do now.

Back in 2010 i kicked out my ex-fiance on his bum. Yes, his bum. He had to leave. i gave him 1 hour to pack up any whatever he wanted to bring with him and he had to be gone. Bye bye. Yes, i was sad but at the same time i was relieved because i was safe. i knew i was safe. Well, sort of. i had to get out of where i was living because it was not very safe nor was i comfortable living there. Anyways... i was safe from him. i startin packing because i knew i was moving somewhere just didn't know where. LOL.

In the meantime of all this packing and working, i started to have nightmares. i was in an abusive relationship with my ex-fiance. To sum it up and show the severity quickly, he had threatened that he was going to kill me if i called the cops on him. That was when he was yelling at me, throwing things at me etc. i knew right then i was done. i was SO DONE! Within these nightmares, they are some of the abuse that he had/said to me when we were engaged. Unfortunately, the nightmares still continue.

i kicked him out 5 years ago in May and i still have the nightmares. They have become less frequent, but they still happen. Before they would come and go maybe a week would pass by and i would have them once a week maybe. Much better than back to back all night long.

They are starting today, again. They have been almost nightly (once a night) for the past couple weeks now. Luckily, i did NOT have one last night. *cheers* Still, i am so tired of all this nightmare stuffs. He is gone. Yeah, he has tried to contact me a few different ways here and there. But i just ignore it all. He is gone.

i can't ignore the nightmares. i try. When i fall asleep i imagine being high in the sky riding a dragon that will protect me. We fly with the stars, with the waves of the ocean, between the clouds that are so puffy we fly up high enough we can still see the sun. It is beautiful. One of the most beautiful sights i have ever seen in my life. Then the nightmare slips in when i am deeper in sleep and uncontrolled of my brain.

They are scary and not something i really want to mess with. They are also something i don't want to have too. i change them so i can "win" the dream. There have been several times recently that i can't. i don't "win." i still end up getting hurt.

You ask me "are you afraid to fall asleep?"
My response "absolutely."

Everybody to reads this, along with your family, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, whomever... i hope they have a pleasant sleep. As for me... i hope i have a dreamless sleep.

[Kimbersqk]

Here is what happened to me if you are interested... https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=197658.0

[Mikem]

Here is what happened to me if you are interested... https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=197658.0

This, is why I'm a little afraid of a relationship. I get a temper when I can't handle things that upset me. I either shut down completely, or start yelling at what I think is the source of the problem, to make it go away. And of course since I'm a Man, that makes it all the worse. I recognize this is a problem with me and I try to be better than that, but then again I had many fights with my Ex because I couldn't handle what upset me.

You were clearly not in the wrong in your story, so it's great you got out of it. I'm sorry about the nightmares. From what I've figured out about things like that is they won't really go away until you've made some for of acceptance. You sound like you're still terrified that what happened to you is going to find you again, that you're not completely safe yet, so your subconscious is reminding you to stay away with these nightmares. Please I'm no therapist, I took a Psychology course in HighSchool. But in my opinion, your nightmares won't really cease until you find a way to tell yourself that you're safe now, and life is back to normal. I know we think we'll find the magic answer from someone else, that we need others to help us. I've been through several people's advice and even a Counselor for what happened to me, but in the end I'm still suffering. The only way we can be helped is if we manage to help ourselves.

[TaintedAndDelish]

@Kimbersqk It sounds like you are a lucid dreamer? I had read somewhere about people being taught to lucid dream as a means of dealing with nightmares. It kind of sounds like that is what you described below? For me, walking though fear and embracing it has worked well. It's scary as shit, but ultimately it's just your mind trying to scare you away from some thought, memory or insight. I think it's ironic that you chose a dragon of all things to be your guardian. I tend to think of dragons as scary creatures that hide treasure from people. In this case of this metaphor, the treasure being the thought, memory or insight that the nightmare tries to obscure. Just my two cents. Good luck, my friend!

[Kimbersqk]

@TaintedAndDelish Hey sweety. i have been sort of taught how to lucid dream. i start to have a nightmare and then i fight back. Somehow at least... i start to get hurt and then i fight meaning i block a hit. i start to get yelled at, i yell louder and overpower. Sometimes i have even been able to push back harder than the "bad man" pushing and they fall over and get hurt. Yey for me! Right? Am i really a fighter forreal? pfft! Yeah right! But, i still do my best.

What do you mean by walking through fear and embrace it? i am not sure i understand.

This dragon is very nice. He lets me ride. i pet him, take care of him. He is not a scary one. i almost think of him as like the one that is in "How to Train Your Dragon" but not that kind of dragon. But nice like that too and will protect me no matter what happens. You are saying, with the metaphor, with a dragon that hides things it is the thought/memory/nightmare? i guess it could be. The dragon protects me from my fears/nightmares. Hiding the "scary" is nice but yet i still have to face it at some point to try to overcome. i would think?

*hugs*

[TaintedAndDelish]

Regarding walking through fears, I mean facing fears. I find that when I face them, they become less scary. By embrace the fear, I mean not only face the thing that scares you, but make peace with it. This is easily said but hard to do.

Regarding the dragon metaphor, I think of a dragon as a fierce, dangerous creature that hides a treasure beneath it's belly. To get the treasure, one needs to confront the dragon in some way. I see the dragon as the fear or that which causes the fear, and the treasure as the personal insight and growth that occurs when that fear is confronted. To me, it just seemed like an interesting choice on your part. I'm not knocking you, I just admire your choice of a dragon in this case. :)