Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View

[Kurzyk]

I live with and take care of my 92 year old father. Always an optimistic, strong and youthful spirit it's been a shock to see how much he's declined in the last few years. When I was living down south, 5 years ago, my mom's health suddenly declined over a few months and was ultimately diagnosed with dementia and lost the use of her legs. I moved back up to take care of them.

In the last 5 years, he's lost and is still losing, his wife and my mother, a piece at a time to dementia. He had cancer which went into remission, but after 2 rounds of chemo. He only has one good eye, the other being a prosthetic from having glaucoma in his teens. That eye needed cataract surgery last year, but there were complications and he almost lost it which would mean complete blindness. The eye is better now, but not the sight it once was, shifting and changing every day which terrifies him. And to top it all off, he was hit by a car over the summer. Took a bump on the head which worries me but seems to be better, and the car ran over his ankle, breaking many bones causing him to have surgery and be laid up in rehab for 2 months...

His body now is doing much better, he walks on his own and his vitals and blood work are good. But massive and chronic fatigue haunts him. He can barely function. Over the years he developed an increased anxiety, depression and was talking to a family "friend" who was a psychiatrist, useless because she didn't treat him just pat patted him and told him to "hang tough." Completely ineffective and useless.

I urged him to talk to someone, for us to seek out professional psychiatric help but he dug his heels in and refused. Finally and in the last week, he's gotten so depressed and tired he gave in and told me I could talk to his primary doctor. I did, and shared all that my dad shared with me over the years, and what's been going on. The doctor knew about the fatigue but didn't realize my dad's mental state at the level it's been.

He has a few good psychiatrists he can recommend for my dad, and he's going to get back to us next week.

It's so hard living with a father who has been a rock, positive and amazing; a shining example of a successful and loving life, now so broken. I feel like he's being sucked into quicksand and I'm doing everything I can to save him, but he's still slipping and there's nothing I can do.

I suppose part of this is age. 92 is going to show tiredness, exhaustion, struggle to find purpose. I try to inspire him, motivate him, get him involved in things he loves, talk to him. anything... but all he wants is to just to sleep.

It's also really hard living with someone with depression and all the issues facing him. It's hard for me not to be affected by it. I am taking care of him, and handling everything which I am happy to do. I love my parents. I find myself finding ways to buffer, or balance my space... doing things outside part of the day or getting together with friends, then coming home to spend time with him. It's become so emotionally exhausting, I have to do that for balance.

It's just so sad because I feel like every day that he wakes up is a gift, a blessing and a chance to live and spend time with each other. Watching him sleep the days away is so sad, and I feel like if he dies, he'll die a sad broken man, relieved he doesn't have to wake up anymore.

[MythicalMorpheus69]

Just showing my face to let everyone know im reading, depression is more serious than many people seem to believe. I am a full supporter of depression awareness, I have and sometimes still do severely suffer from this and its a disgusting feeling to the point if I try to describe it then it will more than likely force those emotions to creep back up on me. I'm not a doctor or anything but you should never keep those feelings and thoughts to yourself, therefore anybody that feels alone or that they cannot speak to anyone about how they feel; I may not be a professional but feel free to message me whenever, I will relate, share my own experiences and do my best to advise... Or even just be there for you to talk to, sometimes its easier to talk to somebody over a screen where you cannot be judged and and don't have to feel like your putting your problems onto people you care about. I'm not much bit IM HERE FOR ANYONE! :)

[Rhedyn]

It's also really hard living with someone with depression and all the issues facing him. It's hard for me not to be affected by it. I am taking care of him, and handling everything which I am happy to do. I love my parents. I find myself finding ways to buffer, or balance my space... doing things outside part of the day or getting together with friends, then coming home to spend time with him. It's become so emotionally exhausting, I have to do that for balance.

It's just so sad because I feel like every day that he wakes up is a gift, a blessing and a chance to live and spend time with each other. Watching him sleep the days away is so sad, and I feel like if he dies, he'll die a sad broken man, relieved he doesn't have to wake up anymore.

It is hard, unfortunately depression often affects the people around someone struggling with it as well as the person themselves. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all of that. All I can really offer is hugs and an ear ~offers both but especially the hugs~

Just showing my face to let everyone know im reading, depression is more serious than many people seem to believe. I am a full supporter of depression awareness, I have and sometimes still do severely suffer from this and its a disgusting feeling to the point if I try to describe it then it will more than likely force those emotions to creep back up on me. I'm not a doctor or anything but you should never keep those feelings and thoughts to yourself, therefore anybody that feels alone or that they cannot speak to anyone about how they feel; I may not be a professional but feel free to message me whenever, I will relate, share my own experiences and do my best to advise... Or even just be there for you to talk to, sometimes its easier to talk to somebody over a screen where you cannot be judged and and don't have to feel like your putting your problems onto people you care about. I'm not much bit IM HERE FOR ANYONE! :)

Welcome to the group, •MythicalMorpheus69•. Thank you for saying hi and sharing, I know that for me it helps a lot to know that I'm not alone in my struggles ~offers hugs~

[MythicalMorpheus69]

~accepts hugs~ thanks :) maybe we can all work together to help eachother, every one person that we can help or even make feel a little better is a giant step to overcoming this almost silent war within our own minds. I've come to realise over the years that socialising with others that can relate to you helps so much. When I meet someone else who has depression it literally makes my day if I can even put slight optimism into theirs.

[Remiel]

Well said, MythicalMorpheus.  Well said.

[Rhedyn]

Leaves this for anyone who might need it...

[Sofia Grace]

Leaves this for anyone who might need it...

I love this!

[Kurzyk]

Leaves this for anyone who might need it...

This is awesome! I love it.

And thank you Rhedyn. Your support and hugs are very appreciated. :)

He's doing better, and seeing a psychiatrist (finally!) and getting results. His spirit is better, and in the interim of when I posted on here 10/25 my mom passed away a few days later. As very sad as that was and is, she was sick for a long time and I think we're all honestly relieved. There's a lightness in the air now that hasn't been there since mom got sick.

So sad losing her, but she had no quality of life anymore here. I'm glad she's free and in a better place.  :-) My dad is too and we're doing better.

[Rhedyn]

I'm sorry to hear about your mum, though I can understand the relief. It was very similar when my grandad died after five years fighting cancer. We loved him to bits, of course, but by the end he was so weak and suffering in so many ways that it was a relief when he passed.

I'm really glad to hear that your dad is finally getting results and feeling a little better, both for himself and those around him ~hugs~ I think that you're doing an amazing job providing support for your dad with everything that's been going on. Stay strong, I'm sure it means more to him than you know.

[Kurzyk]

Thank you Rhedyn. *hugs* Yes it was exactly like that. I'm so sorry to hear you went through that with your grandfather. To see someone's quality of life decay and watch them suffer for so long is so hard. But yes while sad, it's a relief when they pass.

Thank you very much.  :-)  I will, and yes I'm so happy that he's doing better. We're thinking of going on a cruise in Europe next year. Father/son trip.  :-)

[Rhedyn]

That sounds lovely, I hope that if you do it you both have a fantastic time!  :-)

[Kurzyk]

Thank you!! We're very excited.  :-)

[PleaseBeGentle]

It gets really bad for me after Thanksgiving - I hate the holiday season. My dad died Christmas Eve 2008 so that day isn't that great.

I'm going through what I call the Purples (deep blues) - I'm frozen inside, I can't afford to feel. I barely have the energy to keep my head up. This year is worse because all I want to do is comfort eat - I'm a new diabetic (type II) and I've been doing well on my modified diet over the last few months...until now.

So - frozen inside, yet ravenous.

[Verasaille]

I know what you mean about the holidays. I used to love fall and the anticipation for the first snow, the feasts coming up in the form of Halloween candy, Thanksgiving turkey and of course Christmas. For many years it was those memories that kept me happy and going into winter was my favorite time of year.

The we lost my Mom's dad, a few months before Christmas. That was hard on all of us. But we survived. Then many years later I became engaged in the fall and married between Christmas and New Years. It was a happy memory and we were married for 12 years. But he was not worth it. He was insulting to me and cheated on me. After two children and trying so hard I lost sight of who I really was, I needed to leave. We separated the same time of the year. That started making me hate the holidays again.

Then I lost my Grandmother and Mom had to go back for the funeral. (We lived halfway across the states by then) She was almost stranded in a snowstorm coming home. The bad memories started piling up and I quit decorating for Christmas. The loss of my father in 2000 put my mother and I both in a funk. He lived to see the New Year before cancer took him. Christmas that year was so sad we could not even begin to think of celebrating the holidays for many years after that.

Most of the family was in other places and could not come to visit us in the winter. We celebrated alone for fifteen years. I finally get us over to the coast to be closer to my son and grandkids and my sister and her family. Now I am afraid Mom is going to see this Christmas with us and maybe if we are lucky a few more months. Congestive heart disease. She now has a pacemaker. Her mind is fuzzy with age and she is not bouncing back like she used to.

I am going to be hating the holidays for all the wrong reasons. Consciously I know it is not the holiday's fault. But it is hard for me to even think of a reason to keep going now. I am not young. Will I suffer from the same fate?

To be honest, if I am in her state of mind when I hit 88, I would not want to be a burden to my kids. I hope I go suddenly and not around any of them. Watching her go downhill after I watched my dad take four months to slowly deteriorate after we found out he had cancer...I don't think I can handle it. Where do I find the strength to keep going?

[Rhedyn]

~offers both PleaseBeGentle and Verasaille hugs~

I don't think I can handle it. Where do I find the strength to keep going?

I wish I had the answer all I can say for sure is that we find a way because we have to and because deep down inside we are stronger than we realise.

You can both do this, it's hard but you will get out the other end and find better days.

[Twisted Crow]

Even as I've been at my best this year (so far), I feel really sad today for some reason...  You ever have that feeling like you probably should talk it out but you don't want to inconvenience/worry others? That feeling that you would talk it out if you also understood why you were bummed out on one particular night, even without something to trigger it? This is one of those nights.

I'm also sure that the fact that Valentine's Day is coming up and me feeling this way is no coincidence. But that can't be the only reason. -_-

[Oniya]

Even as I've been at my best this year (so far), I feel really sad today for some reason...  You ever have that feeling like you probably should talk it out but you don't want to inconvenience/worry others? That feeling that you would talk it out if you also understood why you were bummed out on one particular night, even without something to trigger it? This is one of those nights.

I'm also sure that the fact that Valentine's Day is coming up and me feeling this way is no coincidence. But that can't be the only reason. -_-

February is a hard time for depression (at least in the Northern Hemisphere).  The weather is generally crappy, the days are still short, and then you add on Valentine's Day, and things get icky.

[Verasaille]

Eat lots of chocolate, and give someone you care about a box. Sharing is good. Even if it is just a friend.

[Twisted Crow]

I've gifted people stuff on Steam recently. Does that count?  ;)

[Oniya]

If it made you feel good, then of course it counts!  :D

[Verasaille]

Absolutely! And a word of advice. If you do not have a friend who is patient enough to listen to you, then get a small pet. A cat, or a dog works well. Dogs give unconditional love. They will commiserate with you, lick your face or hands and look at you as if they understand whatever you say. If a dog is not your style, I find nothing works better to soothe troubled undefinable worry than a purring kitten or cat.

If neither is suitable or you cannot have one of your own for living arrangements, then consider volunteering at an animal shelter, if you are allergic, there are breeds that do not shed and you can get shots for the allergy.

If all else fails, volunteer at a veterans hospital or a children's hospital. Sometimes helping to cheer someone else up will actually help you as well.
Do you feel like you are alone. There is always someone who is willing to listen. Even if it is here and you just want someone to chat with.

[Skyler12]

I read over this and it made me realize that I've hit rock bottom more time than I can count. I won't go into what caused  me to get evaluated but I will share when it started. My teens. (Great! I'm another statistic that got analyzed). Ever since I was fully diagnosed with depression I felt the spotlight was on me and I had no way of escaping it. Adults monitored my every move, what said did and didn't do.  I had struggled on a day to day basis even without the adults focusing on me. I was a quite kid even before my diagnosis my pattern was pretty simple: Wake up, go to jail - oh, wait I meant school, come home, do homework go to sleep do it all over again.

It was during freshman year for some reason that everything fell apart. I hated school, I went to get away from home. When  I was home all did was sleep I didn't want to do anything at all. My family didn't question it once after all, I was just a moody teen and they had two more in the house a quite one was more than welcomed. My friend started calling me boring and even stopped talking to me leaving me own my leaving to fall into a deeper depression. I found this nifty  thing called writing (I'll post one of my poems up at the end). Writing helped me for a short time letting me vent but it only went so far. For some odd reason, a classmate of mine was going through a similar situation and we just seemed to instigate each other and not in a healthy way.

Finally, one of my teachers noticed my change. It had taken me stop going to classes and my grades to suffer for someone to take an interest. Her sudden interest in me  was the catalyst for my getting the help I needed. She took the time out her days to read my poems and whatever else I had written. It helped realize how much help I really needed and sent for my family to have me checked out. To this day, I thank them they invertedly taught me that writing tells me when I'm a breaking point or better yet now my lack of writing tells me how bad I really am.

Life
Tears fall through
These tired eyes
Sleep doesn't exist
Constantly raining
So close to the edge
Yes we've been
Down this road before
Disagreements and fears
Plese and empty promises
Old scars new friends
Your fears resurfaced
Mine hidden behind
New me
Can not sleep
Through pain
So go back and
Relieve pain
Yes life isn't
Perfect

[yourfangirlnextdoor]

Sending hugs for you Kurzyk.

[Kurzyk]

Sending hugs for you Kurzyk.

Thank you! Much appreciated. :) Hugs right back at ya.

[CrownedSun]

I haven't read all of this,-- I will, I'm in the process of doing so,- but reading this blog's first dozen pages or so roused a lot of emotion and I had to type up some of it. Get it on paper, as it were.

This is not, I'm afraid, that post. That post now sits in an .ODT file on my hard disk, where it will remain until this computer eventually gets recycled.

Part of me really wants to share it with you wonderful people, who have shared so much in even just the few pages of this blog that I've read, but I never ever will.

*wipes away some tears*

Knowing me, I will share something here in time, but not that. I can't subject anyone else to what I wrote.

I knew when I first saw this threads, though, that this blogs existence meant I wanted to be a part of this community.

Ya'll are awesome. <3