Where at the random thoughts go...

[Kittenchan]

I defiantly shouldn't be watching this movie... Premonition. It's movies like this that start to creep me out and start to wrack my mind. Butterfly Effect, Premonition, 23, Gothica... Movies that have a physiological effect effect on the mind that make me have to piece together more and more of the workings of the mind.

I don't know why I'm watching this movie when I can't sleep in the first place. It makes me think about events in my past, present and future. What if I was to snap? What if I went crazy? Am I crazy?

Then I think about the thoughts of things like House of a 1000 corpses, Dawn of the Dead, and Devil's Rejects. Then I think of all the twisted thoughts that of what I could and or would do.

Then I get the whole eerie vibe from the thought of my world falling out from under my feet.... It's really odd, how events are playing out before me.

I go into the hospital and am in ICU for two days. The day I am about to be released to the regular hospital ward, my boyfriend breaks up with me. I realize now that there was something wrong with our relationship. Even though he would open and was only a manager that means he would have plenty of time to talk to me if he got off work at oh... 4pm. He would have time for a nap, would still make plenty of money. But then he never had money, he never had time to just even text to me how he was doing. How his day went, how my day went, if I was ok. He didn't even care that I was in the ICU for two days. But I loved him.

My friend I liked has a girl friend. I told him I would love to be more than just friends with him... But not at the cost of her and him breaking up. But then he always told me, he couldn't stand her. He wanted to end it with her but he didn't have the heart. That if he broke up with her she would most likely kill herself.

The other day I texted him, asking if he was still going to come to Anime Central. He told me, he told me that he told her. He told her that we had been talking and how I felt about him. I guess he left out the part about him not liking her anymore. Or the part about I just wanted to be friends as long as she was with him.

Am I really that corrosive? That Someone can't even be friends with me? Am I that contagious that what ales me physically will bring down the strongest person mentally and emotionally? That I must suffer hardship and emotional pain for others to be happy and successful at life?

I even question what it is I should do with the rest of my life. I wanted to be a veterinarian, open my own clinic and help injured wild life. Now I just don't know... I had to drop out of school because I was too sick to go, because I was too sick and missed so many days.

I just don't know what to think, what to do, what to say about anything anymore. I question myself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Sorry.... These are the beginning thoughts of the random. The collection of Where the random thoughts go.

[Kittenchan]

I question humanity.

Why do people just sit back and watch while someone else needs help? They know that just that little bit of courtesy would go a long way. Some mother needs that extra hand in helping to pick up her stroller over the curb. A disabled person needs help picking up that piece of paper they just can't reach.

What is it that makes people ignore those in need? I'm not saying that everyone needs to be giving every homeless person ten dollars. But those simple little things like saying please and thank you when you ask or order something. It's surprising how people react when you do say or do those small courtesy expressions.

"Thank you, and have a good day." I always say to the bus driver when I get off at the front of the bus in the city to the driver. They always look so miserable, but then when I look back they smile. A glimmer of light in a dark and stormy atmosphere.

A man had a seizure in the middle of a busy New York City Subway Station. He fell into the middle of the tracks. A man went down and covered him as the train came. Both me were ok. But I question why was he the only person to do something? The  man himself asked the same thing. Why has humanity closed itself off to each other and as become soulfully concerned on their own well being?

The man was proclaimed a hero. Given the key to the city of New York. But he said he didn't want or deserve any of this. He was just doing what he hoped someone would do for him if it happened to him. He was upset that no one else had gone to help the person in need.

Why do we litter? Why do we vandalize?

Someone is just going to have to pick it up or clean it up. There are countries that are so poor that when they get something new. Like a brand new bus, that bus will last that area 10 fold how long our bus would.

Why?

Those people realize how privileged they are to get such an item. They don't litter on it, they don't vandalize it. The people take care of it. Why don't we do the same? More privileged means less caring, less concerning?