Dragon Age: Aftermath

Started by Primarch, August 11, 2012, 11:10:46 AM

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DRoux

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." - Oscar Wilde

Apologies to all whom I play YIM games with, but my account seems to have locked me out. I'll try to fix that as soon as I can.

Katra Alexion


Latooni Subota

#52
First draft completed! I have to go to work, but I'll do edits and formatting and tweaks afterwards if necessary.

Name: Neria Surana
Race: Elf
Age: 15
Class: Mage, Blood Mage and Spirit Healer specializations
Origin Path: Magi

Appearance:
Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

Equipment: Staff of the Magister Lord (unique)
Lifegiver Amulet (unique)
Blood Ring
Tevinter Enchanter's Robes

Neria has a number of minor and major magical items. She generally wears a cloth corset and skirt, with a pair of somewhat reinforced soft leather boots and bracers. Over this she wears the magical robes of a Tevinter Enchanter, carrying a ring that lessens the strain of her blood magic, and a magical amulet that both improves her magical prowess and keeps her weak stamina up. The most impressive item on her however is her staff, which she can use to frightening effect.

Skills: Bloody Grasp, Blood Magic, Blood Sacrifice, Blood Wound, Group Heal, Revival, Lifeward, Cleansing Aura, Mind Blast, Mana Drain, Spell Shield, Dispel Magic, Arcane Bolt, Arcane Shield, Staff Focus, Arcane Mastery, Heroic Offense, Heroic Aura, Heroic Defense, Haste

History: Neria Surana was born in Val Royeaux's alienage, in the country of Orlais. Due to the sadly poor conditions of life in the alienage, her mother passed away shortly after her birth, leaving Neria in the care of the others. Even from birth, Neria was a little . . odd. Born with a short mop of scraggly white hair, and without crying, she proved to be an oddity. As a toddler her closest friends were drawings and shoddily made dolls she cobbled together out of scraps and rags. This habit continued on through her formative years, as her dolls became better and better in quality despite being limited to the materials she could find in the alienage. It only ended when she eventually developed the ability to magically make the dolls move, which was witnessed by the city guard.

Due to the Orlesian Tower being too full of mages already, a deal was worked out with Fereldan to send some of the youngest mages to their Tower (Believing that mere children would be useless as spies). With that, Neria found herself in Fereldon's Circle Tower, learning to control her powers while under the watchful eyes of Templars. Though a quiet girl, she made fast friends with a troublemaker named Jowan, and a few other students. Neria proved to be quite gifted, and studious, so as she grew older it became assured that she would undergo the Rite and become a full mage. Her softspoken manner and willingness to obey the rules even made her a few friends amongst the chantry by now, even a templar named Cullen, though none would admit it for fear of punishment.

Afterwards Jowan, and a chantry girl he'd fallen in love with, came to Neria to ask for her help. Love between a mage and a member of the chantry, even trainees, was utterly forbidden. They needed her to help them escape, and offered to take Neria with them to freedom. It was a difficult decision, but eventually she did assist them in fleeing. Sadly, Jowan's use of Blood Magic to escape lead to the girl staying behind out of guilt, and Neria being very shocked. She and Jowan had found old notes that detailed Blood Magic's use, but she hadn't thought that Jowan had decided to use them! Fortunately for Neria, the Grey Warden Duncan had been there looking for mage recruits, and conscripted her to go to Ostagar.

In Ostagar she proved to be a substandard recruit, and while her magic was powerful, she was slow and stiff from years of sitting in the library reading musty old tomes. She was awkward with the other Wardens, and slow to open up to them, even after passing the tests and becoming a true Warden. After the nightmare that was the battle of Ostagar, she slowly began to warm up to the others. She seemed to think of Morrigan as an angry big sister, and Alistair as a goofy big brother, and found herself easily getting along with most everyone. There were a few she couldn't really get close with, but mostly, she was just too darn nice.

With the assistance of Morrigan (Who found the idea of being able to freely enter the Circle tower without reprisal hilarious!) she journeyed to the Circle, only to find it infested with abominations and demons. Despite the lack of physical power the pair of mages (and the newly recruited Wynne) successfully fought there way through the tower, saving the mages and crushing the demons. It was here that Neria's true potential seemed to be revealed, as she proved to be a startlingly fast learner. Her time with Wynne helped her develop her own versions of the woman's healing techniques, and the battle with a mighty Pride demon revealed that she had indeed learned Blood Magic from her time with Jowan. This lead to Wynne refusing to befriend the girl . . but Morrigan seemed to approve of the ballsy choices Neria had made, and they had secured the assistance of the mages.

During the battle of Redcliffe her magic again became important, as with it she was able to save the life of Connor, Arl Eamon's possessed son. She did not speak of what happened inside the boy's soul, but needless to say, her encounters with the Desire Demon had been . . interesting. As she grew more experienced she developed a style all her own, using her Blood Magic to allow herself to constantly support the other Warden's with enchantments and healing magic. She was always careful about not using her Blood Magic in plain view, though . . just in case.

She was one of the Wardens captured and imprisoned in Fort Drakon, and had a rather different time than the others there. As a mage she was kept separate, deprived of lyrium to replenish her magical strength and free herself. She would have utilized her blood magic to free herself, but she didn't feel quite right about slaying the guards who were only doing their job. Neria eventually decided to just bide her time and wait for the other Wardens to rescue her, which fortunately happened in short order. She was in top form during the battle to save Denerim, and was instrumental in using her magic to keep the other Wardens strong enough to take down the Darkspawn and the Archdemon.

At this point, she simply didn't know what to do anymore. In the end she simply followed Darrian to Warden's Keep to assist them, since she was the only magic-using Grey Warden in Ferelden at the moment. Either way, it was an opportunity to settle down somewhat, and continue her studies.

Ons: Being submissive, Dominants, warrior-types and figures of authority, bondage.
Offs: Scat, blood-play, gore
ONs and OFFs be here: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=64984.0

If I'm needed to post somewhere, PLEASE PM me about it. Sometimes I lose track of threads and need to be reminded about things.

Primarch

Quote(Ears are clearly a bit too long, but you get the gist)
Ears are too long, hair is an unseen colour (for hair) in the setting and her skin is far too pale for an Elf. You'll need a new appearance. I'd go further to suggest anything "BESM" isn't appropriate to the setting.

Katra Alexion

#54
Almost done, just working out Kallian's history :3

Does Wade's Superior Dragonskin Light Armor count as unique?

Primarch

I'm going to say yes due to the rarity of the components Wade needs to craft it.

Katra Alexion

Oh  yeah, that false Andraste got made into my new armor *grins evily*

Katra Alexion

#57
Finally, I am done ! Here is my first rough draft. Hopefully it will be up for approval :D

Name: Kallian Tabris
Race: Elven
Age: 18
Class: Rogue - Bard
Origin Path: City Elf

Appearance: Kallian stands at average height for an elven woman with a slim, athletic but generously curvaceous build accentuated by finely sculpted features. Long pale golden hair softly cascades down her back to the top of her thighs, which is normally worn back in a loose braid as not to interfere when she uses her bow. Exotically slanted eyes are a vibrant shade of green that just seem to draw you in with their mischievous sparkle matching the ever present grin on her face.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

Equipment:
- Spear Thrower (Long bow): Given to her by her brother, the long bow is made out of sylvan wood and enchanted by Sandal with paragon Runes of Cold Iron and Silverite to help make slaying Darkspawn and undead easier. 
- Wade's Superior Dragonskin Light(unique): Made from the hide of the High dragon the inhabitants of Haven falsely worshiped as arisen Andraste. The look on Wade's face was priceless when she brought that material in.
- Amulet: Reflection(unique): Earned from the spectral Guardian watching over the Sacred Urn of Andraste upon completing the Gauntlet

Skills: 
Dirty Fighting > Combat Movement
Deft Hands > Improved Tools > Mechanical Expertise
Dual Weapon Training > Dual Weapon Finesse
Melee Archer > Aim > Defensive Fire > Master Archer
Pinning Shot > Crippling Shot > Critical Shot >
Rapid Shot > Shattering Shot > Suppressing Fire
Song of Valor > Distraction > Song of Courage

Ons: Dominate males (leans towards elves mostly), playful banter and physical teasing/touching, romance, respect for the fairer sex
Offs:Scat, water sports, gore, vore, blood play, Darkspawn and all undead

History: Kallian grew up in the Denerim Alienage with her father, her older brother Darrian and their cousin Shianni. Life in the alienage wasn't always easy but they had each other and that was more than enough for Kallian. As a child she would often sneak away from the alienage and into the woods just outside the city to practice her archery saw it as unfit for a woman to wield a blade, though Darrian taught her anyways in secret. Her skills with a bow were some of the best ever seen in Denerim even if they weren't publicly acknowledge due to prejudice against elves in the alienage. Kallian had been fortunate to find employment as a maid within one of the lesser noble houses in Denerim. The lady of house was hard taskmaster but she was one of the few shems she found to be fair and honest to all who worked under her roof. It was thanks to her employer that Kallian was always able to avoid the lecherousness of Ban Vaughn and his toadies until the day of her wedding. Kallian had been furious to learn that her father had arranged a marriage for her to some blacksmith's son in Highever, never mind that same had been done to Darrian. Try as she might Kallian was unable to sway Cyrion's mind. They day of the wedding Kallian finally met her groom and surprisingly hit it off though she still had no wish forced into this affair. Whatever bliss she might have had had was short live when Vaughn and his men crashed the celebration with little care to round up the brides and whatever nearby elven maiden that caught their attention and taken back to his manse where where they would be used for his and his associate's pleasure as he felt was his Maker given right as Ban.

With the Arl of Denerim's mannor, the brides were being held captive within. Having already witnessed the murder of one the girls for trying to resist and Shianni being taken to Vaughn personally, Kallian refused to lay down give up waiting to be raped. Now most people were under the impression that it was just Darrian that took up after their mother in her wild ways, but that is erroneously untrue - beneath Kallian's sweetly angelic face was a natural born hellion and spitfire with the temper to match. Quickly coming up with an idea Kallian lured the guards into the room, seduced them and then rendered them unconscious with a little help from the other girls then killed them. Being the only one capable of fighting she grabbed whatever weapons she could use off the guards and set out to find Shianni and get the rest of them out of the manor. Along the way they were met up with Darrian, their cousin Soris and her groom, Nelaros. Cutting a bloody path they were able to rescue Shianni but lost Nelaros in the attempt. They were able to make it back to the Alienage and get the girls to safety when the city guards through. Rather than put the Alienage through any more grief than they had Kallian confessed with her brother to the slaying of Vaughn and his men, making sure Soris was in no way implicated.

They were saved from a possibly gruesome fate by a traveling Grey Warden who happened to be passing through the Alienage. Invoking the Right of Conscription, Duncan was able to get the recruits he was looking for. Leaving Denerim they made their way to Ostagar where they met with other recruit's brought in by Duncan. Daveth and Locan she cared little for and didn't think much of Jory which was slightly better than aforementioned two. the only male Shem she didn't seem to mind was Alistair, whether that was a good or bad thing was anyone's guess. Like her brother Kallian to survived the Joining and the massacre at Ostagar thanks to the timely aid of Flemmeth. Adding Flemmeth's daughter Morrigan to the part the surviving Grey Warden's split the treaties amongst them and set out on their way. Kallian helped where she could continuously practicing her skill either in camp or out on the road where they often encountered darkspawn at every turn. It amused her to no end that though Alistair has seniority he was more than willing to follow in Darrian's footsteps thereby making her brother leader of their group of Grey Wardens and their party by default, later earning the title "Commander of the Grey" once he reclaimed Warden's Keep

Despite her misgivings about shems; Kallian found herself making friends amongst the women in their group. Morrigan was confident and comfortable in her own skin as a woman and as a witch making no qualms about it either way. Her scathing wit and verbal spars with Alistair were truly a sight to see. Wynne was like the spry grandmother offering sage advice to those who would listen, mending more than just their bodies after a hard battle and was often their voice of reason. Leiliana and her faith fascinated Kallian to no end, often engaging the red head in light philosophical talks around the camp fires at night or simply just sitting quietly listening as former Orlesian bard sing. Leilana caught Kallian singing in a unguarded moment and Leiliana thought she had talent and offered to train her as a bard. Certainly not one to pass up an opportunity to learn Kallian accepted learning more than just the musical aspect but also how to identify and counter poisons. Wynne was also useful in that endevour teaching the young elven girl the art of herbalism as well. Under the women's influence Kallian slowly started to mellow out (slower to anger, more accepting of certain things, but is even more explosive when set off) as her wits grew sharper.

The one who really caught her attention was the Antivan Crow, Zevran. He had a way about him that always brought a smile to her face and a laugh to her lips. She wouldn't admit it but Kallian more than fancied the golden eye assassin and if not for her duties as a Grey Warden and the pressing matter of Loghain and the blight she might have tried to see if something of a more romantic permanence could have happened between them.

When it came time for the group to seek out Arl Eamon's help they learned of the circumstance surrounding Redcliff and the Arl's mysterious illness. Investigating the matter further it seemed that only the sacred ashes of Andraste could cure the Arl. Remembering a conversation they had with a Ser Donnell and a note they had found on a dead Templar outside Lothering speaking about a Brother Genitivi and his research on the subject, Kallian offered to look into the matter. Without Arl Eamon's support they could not call the Landsmeet. Taking a small group, they set out for Denerim, hoping to meet with this Brother Genitivi. Instead they meet with the Brother's assistant, Weylon. Using a little guile Kallian was able to wrest from Weylon that Brother Genitivi mentioned going to Lake Calenhad and hasn't heard from him since, fearing that his mentor has gone missing. Something didn't quiet sit right with the elven archer, Weylon was nervous, a little bit too nervous for Kallian's liking. But giving the assistant the benefit of a doubt Kallian traveled to Lake Calenhad to look for the Good Brother. Reaching her destination Kallian sought information at the area's local tavern The Spoiled Princess. The Innkeeper, a jovial, boisterous man upon their last visit in the area was now rather guarded and jumpy when Kallian began asking about Brother Lenitive. A little persuasion revealed under hushed breath that a group had the inn under surveillance for anyone who came looking for Brother Genitivi. The moment Kallian and her group stepped foot outside the inn they were ambushed by the aforementioned group. Knowing they had been set up Kallian returned to Brother Genitiviv's home and confronts Weylon. Not believing any of his stuttering attempts to convince them of his innocence Kallian begins searching the Brother's house for clues. As she is about to enter a back room, Weylon gathered some courage and attacks the archer forcing her to kill him in order to defend herself. Searching that back room revealed the body of the real Weylon who had been obviously dead for days before their initial arrival. A more in depth inspection of the Brother's home revealed his research and his notes on Andraste's Sacred Urn; remarking that he was heading for the Village of Heaven in his search of Andraste's Sacred Ashes.

Heading into the mountains, the village of Heaven proved to be a isolated and backwards town out of touch with the world outside its borders. It was easy to see that the inhabitants had little love of outsiders as they were encouraged to leave at every turn but the more they investigated the more there seemed to be something wrong with the town and its people. Deciding to check out the Chantry, they restocked their supplies at the town's only general store they are ambushed again as soon as they came back outside by a group of locals and cultist forcing the group to fight their way up to the Chantry. They meet the Revered Father Eirik, the town's only spiritual leader. The man makes his hatred for outsiders quiet clear, inciting those present to attack and kill the group. Sadly for Eirik and his followers it didn't work out that way and they in turn were all slain. Searching the priest's body yielded a peculiar pendant that she pocketed. A further search of the Chantry revealed a badly concealed hidden door. Opening it they found Brother Genitivi, badly injured, but still alive.  Healing the worst of his injuries Brother Genitivi told them of a hidden temple he had found before the local's captured him that he believed housed the Urn of Sacred Ashes which could only be opened by a special medallion wore by the Chantry priest, the one Kallian confiscated from his dead body.

Having previously cut a bloodied path on their way through the village and Chantry the remaining inhabitants of Heaven offered to not resistance when the group started up the path to the Ruined Temple. They left Brother Genitivi in the safety of the temples entrance researching the ancient writings on the wall while they went in and explored the ruins of the temple. There were many cultist and drakelings abound for them to slay and profit from (*cough*loot*cough*) They eventually meet the leader of the cultist, Father Kolgrim. Kolgrim reveals more of the cultist's, The Disciples of Andraste, origins. They originally guarded the final remain's of the Maker's Bride but somewhere down the line one of them had proclaimed Andraste had come to them in a dream telling them of her miraculous resurrection into the form of a high dragon they now worshiped and acted as her personal guards. Kolgrim offered a deal - if Kallian where to defile the sacred ashes with a vile of Andreaste's blood, getting around the spectral guardian that protects the Urn then she and her party were free to leave without reprisal. If not, then they would be killed for the lives of the cultists they have already taken. It wasn't much of a choice. Kallian succinctly informed Kolgrim where he could take his offer and shove it, initiating the battle.

No sooner had they finished with that battle then they turned around and faced the high dragon Andraste. In order for them to proceed finding the Sacred Urn they had a to fight and kill the false Andraste. Not an easy feat to accomplished by any means but they were able to manage it. As a memento of that particular victory Kallian skinned a portion of the High Dragon's hide to have made into a set of armor. Proceeding up to the mountain top they entered the heart of the temple ruin. Encountering the spirit of the Guardian Knight, one of the first disciples of the true Andraste, who accepted the eternal duty of testing visiting pilgrims until the day the Tevinter Imperium is completely destroyed. To reached the Urn's final resting place; the party had to undergo a test - a gauntlet, to prove their worthiness. Kallian never fully said what occurred during that test; it was different for each of her companions - but whatever it was had left a profoundly change in  her. Made her a believer of Andraste and her Maker (not the Chantry's indoctrinated propaganda). Bringing a pinch of Ashes back to Redcliff they were able to heal the Arl and go about calling the Landsmeet to overthrow Loghain's tyranny and set about getting everyone prepared for the incoming Blight.

During a lull in preparing for the Landsmeet Kallian decided to return home to the alienage and pay a visit to her family and friends. She was shocked to learned the alienage was under quarantine from an outbreak of a plague and sealed off to prevent it from spreading into the rest of Denerim. Later on after the others had rescued the Queen; Anora inferred something sinister was happening in the alienage and that she believed her father was behind it and that any proof they could find there could be used against him at the Landsmeet. Kallian sought alternative means of entering the alienage, seeking out her cousin Shianni to find out what was going on. Shianni told her how not long after Loghain's ascent to Regent the alienge was cut off from the rest of the city on a pretense of an outbreak. A hospice was set up to treat the ill but those that were taken in were never heard form again and every day more and more elves were going missing, amongst them her father, Cyrion. Infiltrated the hospice, It didn't take long to uncover that it was all a ruse. Under the pretense of being healers, Tevinter slavers had set up shop in the alienage with Loghain's approval and were shipping off all the 'sick' elves to be sold in the slaves markets in Tevinter and lining Loghain's pocket with a percentage of the proceeds to fund his civil war. Infuriated, Kallain shut them down and procured all the documentation needed to nail Loghain hide to wall.

She returned to Arl Eamon's estate and shared the evidence she found. Darrian was understandably furious, but knew the situation would better served with a cool head. They went over all the plots they had uncovered throughout their travels and how they connected back to Teyrn Loghain, ensuring all their evidence was airtight against the Regent, starting with the coup against the Cousland family; the near destruction of Fereldan's Circle of Magi and Eamon's own near fatal poisoning which in turn through certain events nearly led to the eradication of Redcliffe itself. The best laid plans never go as smoothly as intended and the Grey Warden's incarceration in Fort Drakon the day before the Landsmeet was proof of that. It was Loghain's way of preventing them from reaching the Landsmeet. Luckily they were able to escape with the help of their friends before anything to permanent happened and they were able to make the Landsmeet on time. The ruling nobles were swayed to their side once they brought Loghain's betrayal and involvement in other numerous serious crimes against the kingdom to light. The old war hero was given a chance to redeem himself in an honor duel which he lost.

Loghain was given a chance to defend himself in a honor duel but in truth it was little more than a glorified execution. One, that Kallian took great pleasure in watching for all the trouble that bastard had caused. During the Battle of Denerim she was right there with her brother guarding his back as they waded their way through the Darkspawn to take on the Archdemon. With the Archdemon's defeat she, Darrian and who of their group chose to retreated back to Soldier's Peak. Kallian kept herself busy helping the elves they brought from the alienage settle in, while assisting in the keep's repairs. When she has the time, Kallian has taken into delving into the many ancient lores of the world, a pursuit encouraged Wynne and Leiliana who she tries to keep in regular contact with. Though lately tensions has been rising between her brother and the Chantry due his campaigning for equal the Elves. Not that she doesn't agree, she does, wholeheartedly. Yet at the same time she wonders if a civil war, so soon after the Fifth Blight is worth the repercussions if they lost. She doesn't want Darrian to turn into another Sophia Dryden.

Katra Alexion

Went through and cleaned up a lot of the grammar  ;D

Latooni Subota

Yeah, it's hard to find a good image of a proper elf that fits, and isn't . . you know . . ugly or even MORE inappropriate. XD

I'll keep looking.
ONs and OFFs be here: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=64984.0

If I'm needed to post somewhere, PLEASE PM me about it. Sometimes I lose track of threads and need to be reminded about things.

TheRedFear

Can Skills and equipment from Dragon Age 2 be chosen?

Latooni Subota

HAH! Okay, I had a better idea. SHe's a little too fierce, and I feel a little lame for grabbing her, but she fits my description just SO well with only minor tweaks. XD

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide
ONs and OFFs be here: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=64984.0

If I'm needed to post somewhere, PLEASE PM me about it. Sometimes I lose track of threads and need to be reminded about things.

Oreida Wesker

From DA2....

Talents: I don't see why not, most of the tier is the same, though specialized tiers belonging to the companions is, of course, a no-no.

Equiptment: There would be a limit.. If it was sold via merchant, okay, but things you find on expeditions, quests, or DLC  from DA2 is a no, as well as no one having a repeating crossbow like Bianca.
Hots and Nots

All my devotion betrayed, I'm no longer afriad.

Katra Alexion

Damn! My plans for Bianca are foiled!

Oreida Wesker

#64
Ha! Indeed. ^_^ No one is putting their finger on her trigger or adjusting her cocking ring, except for Varric.

Also I read the Bios.

L. Subota: Small areas of Improvement.

1. I have no qualms over the character being very pallid and white hair, She's been in the circle all her life, I figure a elf under that much shelter would be like a lily anyway. It may not be what Primarch thinks and elf should look like, but it can be. He may ment that she needs to be less streamline Anime. That I could agree to some point, but I love Aimo from Deviant Art a lot and.. -squee- Anyway, we all could have a 'Find that Elf' game and see whom comes up with the best ta help out. The anime one is fine for now.

2. Your character is a Mage. She might be weak physically, but you wrote her out to be powerful for her age, confidant, naive about the world order, and also a sucker to temptation as I commend you on using the Desire Demon to gain experience in Blood magic. Kudos.

However, being in Fort Drakon, I don't see how she would be separated from fellow wardens and even if she was, only a templar would be able to null her power, making her vulnerable for a amount of time. A mage could put a ward around her prison cell, but it would stop anyone from entering or exiting unless the mage was killed. Just like Anora's imprisonment, for example. Unless she welcomed the touch of the guard and instigated it, you should alter it. Her incarceration is nothing like Lelianna's time in Howe's torture chamber surrounded by sick bastards. Fort Drakon is a 'military' compound.

3. Ages 10-13, the age of puberty and when most childern are self-concious, fearful, and knows from Right and Wrong. That's the age where childern show signs of magic. Toddlers have no fear or awareness of the world and life. Gaining magic then, when they are too young to focus it so clearly with sheer will, would easily attract a demon to her and she would have been possessed long ago. Adjustment highly suggested

4.  The rest of the story was good.  Beyond that, equiptment good, 20 skills... Hmm.. Age.. That would mean that she was 16 when she became a warden.. Eh.. -rubs her chin-

Note to all others, I really don't like the idea of teenagers saving the world from a blight. You can't really go into a tavern without someone calling you a pup, but at least the bordello is always open. >.> Anyway.. Mm.. 18 is the lowest, I really doubt Duncan would recruit someone so young. The Chantry would, Templars would, City Guard would, but not the Wardens.

Evaluation complete after changes are met, pending on Primarch.. Next Evaluation.

Hots and Nots

All my devotion betrayed, I'm no longer afriad.

Oreida Wesker

#65
Alright, DRoux,

1.   Good Skills, 2 daggers for the dual wielder counts as one set, one set of armor. Would you like to add an accessory? Your able to do so.

2.   Enchantments….. Mmm… Will Confer with Primarch. Augmentations might had to happen later for Chapter Upgrades. I could be wrong, but making a note of it so far.

3.   The character Locan gives off a douchebag kind of vibe. That's neat, but... You can’t claim killing three major NPCs. Primarch gave you an example of acheivements that would need individual claims, not suggesting to lump it together. Locan is the Dark Wolf, good story of infamy. You killed Howe, which is important to a Cousland Story of vengeance. .  Locan killing Ser Cauthrien just because she was doing her duty and tormented her over it. Locan is an insane kind of playboy, but okay.. You struck the final blow to Loghain, the Hero of River Dane, rather than allowing him to live and mentally scarring Anora. It’s more fitting if Alistair does it, but hey, it’s an achievement. You have to give two of these up, you can’t have two great and two infamous achievements, and still have your character not care about what happens afterward as long as his bed is warm by a piece of ass. It doesn’t work.

4. Overall, you made a good effort to show your character prowess in battle and subterfuge, The character seems to have come to a conclusion, rather then a beginning. Does Locan's wish for vengenance go as far as wanting to kill Nathaniel Howe in Kirkwall or Delilah Howe in Amarinthine? He has to have some idea that starts your character up into Awakening or will he desert the Grey Wardens?

5. Closing on a good noteaside from cutting achievements and adding a small epilogue, the story is rather sound.
Evaluation Complete.
Hots and Nots

All my devotion betrayed, I'm no longer afriad.

Primarch

Quote from: Oreida Wesker on August 12, 2012, 09:12:25 AM
Note to all others, I really don't like the idea of teenagers saving the world from a blight. You can't really go into a tavern without someone calling you a pup, but at least the bordello is always open. >.> Anyway.. Mm.. 18 is the lowest, I really doubt Duncan would recruit someone so young. The Chantry would, Templars would, City Guard would, but not the Wardens.

That's a good catch actually, I agree.

Quote from: Oreida Wesker on August 12, 2012, 10:19:32 AM
You can’t claim killing three major NPCs. 

I actually said killing Arl Howe wouldn't require a claim, he's only really significant to the Human Noble character anyway, otherwise he's an unimportant "henchman" to Loghain unlike Ser Cauthrien whom is a powerful boss in her own right. I believe the deathblow on Loghain was removed from the app, the claims are Dark Wolf & killing Cauthrien. 

Oreida Wesker

#67
Katra, your evaluation will have to wait for tonight after I get home from work at 1 a.m. PST unless Primarch lifts his clunky feet on it.

Primarch: Were they? I was reading the one on page 2?.. I think..  I am exhausted... -noses him sleepily- I go smeey time now.. -plops over-



Good night and Dwarfy Dreams.
Hots and Nots

All my devotion betrayed, I'm no longer afriad.

Latooni Subota

I actually decided I really like the concept art, so I'm using that one instead. No worries!

As for Fort Drakon, I figured there were always a few 'bad eggs' no matter where you are. Since they had to willingly surrender to go to Fort Drakon due to the situation, I figured since no templars were around, simple drugging would be the order of the day. If it's too much of a stretch though, I'll change it.

For the age of magic, hrm, I could've swore younger children could show the signs and be picked up to go to the tower. I'll change it.

Age of character, I'll bump it up to 18 like you said.
ONs and OFFs be here: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=64984.0

If I'm needed to post somewhere, PLEASE PM me about it. Sometimes I lose track of threads and need to be reminded about things.

DRoux

1. I can? Let me check the list then...


2. Let me know if I need to make any further edits, and I'll be happy to.


3. Checked to make sure I had indeed removed the part about killing Loghain, tweaked his ending a bit so he does serve some kind of purpose post-Blight.


4. Added a bit of information regarding the remaining members of the Howe family and his relationship with the order.


5. Added an epilogue, and thanks.  ;D
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." - Oscar Wilde

Apologies to all whom I play YIM games with, but my account seems to have locked me out. I'll try to fix that as soon as I can.

TheRedFear

#70
Name: Mateo Vargas
Race: Human(Rivaini)
Age: 25
Class: Rogue - Assassin - Legionairre Scout
Origin Path: NA

Appearance:


Equipment: Mantle of the Champion(Rogue), Superior Dalish Daggers
Skills: 
Legion Scout:  Mark of the Legion, Strength of Stone, Endure Hardship, Blessing of the Ancestors,
Subterfuge: Evade(Tactical Withdrawal), Stealth(Silent Running)
Dual Weilding: Backstab(Murder), Unforgiving Chain, Explosive Strike, Twin Fangs
Assassin: Mark of Death(Mark of Doom), Bloodlust, Pinpoint Strikes, Devious Harm, Assassinate(Overkill)

History: Mateo was born in Rivain. His family was wealthy and powerful, and had a vacation home near the Dalish settlement in Llomeryn. His father was a highborn Rivaini Noble, and his mother was an Antivan noble. The family had an estate a few day's journey from the Dalish settlement in Llomerynn. Mateo developed a friendship with an Dalish girl named Lucinda during this time. She was the daughter of a pair of merchants who often went out to trade Dalish wares with other nearby settlements and estates. Lucinda's father and Mateo's father also became friends, and he would often stop to spend a few nights resting and resupplying at the Vargas estate before pressing on along his trade route.

It was during such a stop that the Crows attacked. Mateo's father had been secretly providing support to Antivan Families who were trying to marshall the resources and influence they needed to reclaim control of their country from the Crows. Despite innumerable precautions the Crows discovered this and in a single spectacular night the Vargas family...and everyone else who had the poor luck to be there that night...was wiped out. Well, almost everyone.

A scream awoke young Mateo. Luci's scream. He ran to her bedchamber. Her parents were gone...probably drinking late with Mateo's own mother and father when the attack came. Mateo grabbed a long hairpin from the dresser, and as the Antivan crow slowly advanced on Luci with murder in his eyes, Mateo advanced on him. With a feral shriek Mateo leapt on the Crow's back and plunged the hairpin into his eye. The Crow screamed and bucked wildly, and when Mateo was finally shaken off and landed hard upon the floor he had a knife in his hands. One he must have pulled from the Crow's sheathe in the struggle.

Without thinking about it, Mateo lunged forward and shoved the blade into the Crow's belly. Just then another Crow...drawn by his ally's screams...burst into the room. The young boy thought quickly, drawing the heavy curtains above the windows closed to shut out the moonlight, and stamping out the bedside Candle to thrust the room into darkness. In the pitch blackness, Mateo found the Crow before the Crow found him.

Not realizing there were a dozen other Crows slaughtering the entire estate he assumed the assassins were all dead now and rushed to Luci only to be struck unconscious by a blow from behind. Unbeknownst to him another Crow had been hiding in the shadows of the room the entire time. Watching with amusement as she had never expected the boy to do anything more than annoy her parter(who she never really liked anyway), let alone kill him and then a second Crow to boot. Amusement became amazement as somehow before her eyes this child had fused together a perfect synthesis of natural talent, quick wit, and pure dumb luck to kill two accomplished assassins. Granted the assassins had failed to take the boy seriously until it was too late, but it was still an incredible accomplishment. She decided he had the makings of a perfect Crow. And she may as well take the girl too. Two new Crows to replace two slain Crows. When Mateo awoke he and Luci were in a cage mounted to a wagon. Surrounded by other children. Some were purchased slaves. Others the survivors of Crow attacks like Mateo and Luci. All were the next generation of Antivan Crows.

In the coming years Mateo and Luci were an inseperable and unbeatable pair or Assassins. Like a brother and sister they were steadfast in their dedication to each other, and to being the best at their craft. Then one day they found themselves as part of a slaughter not unlike the one that had marked the end of their own childhoods years ago. They found themselves in a room with a boy and a girl they were expected to kill, and without words each knew they could not do it. They took the children and ran, and knew at that moment the Crows would never stop hunting them for this.

They debated a week before settling on an insane plan. They would hide in the Deep Roads. Neither really beleived the horror stories of Darkspawn. Oh the Darkspawn were real no doubt, but surely they were no harder to kill or hide from than men, elves, dwarves and qunari. They were confident they could hide in the Deep Roads for a time, and emerge when the Crows thought them dead or no longer worth pursuing. The Darkspawn were probably not even that plentiful on the upper levels of the Roads they reasoned.

Within a week they were exhausted, wounded, and hopelessly lost. Still they pressed on and as luck had it, finally encountered the Legion of the Dead. The Dwarves mistook them for Wardens at first, and provided them rest and medical aid. the Dwarves eventually realized the truth, but it changed little. Their mission was the same. To stay in the Deep Roads and kill Darkspawn until they themselves were dead. They gave Mat and Luci a choice. Do the same with them, or they could take a map of the roads and try to get back to the surface on their own.

Considering they knew the Crows would still be hunting them at this point, Mateo and Luci decided to remain with the Legion, at least for a few months longer. Afterall, if the Legion could survive down here surely they could too. Especially with the Legion's help. As the weeks wore on into months, the months became years. Mateo and Luci had developed a great fondness for their new allies. Oh most of them were dour and surly sure, but a few...like Sigrun...were downright charming and fun to hang around with. When they weren't up to their ankles in Darkspawn gore.

Mateo and Luci fought alongside them Legionairres, learning their ways. Eventually Mat and Luci's relationship became more than brother and sister. And Luci became pregnant, just as the Blight began and the Darkspawn began to abandon the Deep Roads. As much as they'd come to like their new friends and family, they had no intention of rearing a child in the Deep Roads with a bunch of suicidal dwarves. However much they'd come to like those dwarves. And this seemed a good time to make the attempt to reach the surface. Sure that's where the Darkspawn were going, but surely the Blight would eventually end as all Blights do, and they were confident that the Crows had surely written them off as dead by now. All they had to do was reach the surface and avoid the Darkspawn. They'd done that succesfully for years in the Darkspawn's own territory, so they were confidant they could do so again on the surface.

So reluctantly they bid their dwarven friends a good death, and set out for the surface. A few of the Dwarves even agreed to accompany them to ensure they made it safely before returning to the others. They knew the two Crows had never truly been members of the Legion. They were still alive afterall.

To this day Mateo still doesn't know exactly what happened. They were another day's journey from the surface. Mateo and Sigrun had gone on ahead to scout the way and make sure it was safe. When they returned they heard the sounds of battle. But this was not Dwarven Steel on Darkspawn Steel. Mateo knew that sound well after having spent five years in the deep roads. No...this was different.

Mateo and Sigrun returned just in time to watch a Grey Warden impale Luci on a massive blade. The other Legion Dwarves who'd stayed behind with her were already dead. The Warden cast a single look back in Mateo's direction...giving Mateo a chance to etch every last detail of that face into his mind...before fleeing toward the surface.

Mateo stayed behind in a futile effort to save Luci. Sigrun helped him bury Luci and the others before regretfully returning to the rest of the Legion. And Mateo...Mateo had a new reason to return to the surface. He'd never know why that Warden had killed Luci and the others. He'd never care either. No matter what it took, he would find that Warden and he would murder that Warden. And he would not do so gently. Or quickly. And he would use Luci's blades when he struck the final blow.

A week after his return to the surface just after the Blight had ended...as his eyes were finally readjusting to daylight...Mateo came across a wagon caravan that had been heading away from Denerim. They'd been over-taken by a band of Darkspawn from the look of it.

Ons: Women. Period.
Offs: Anything that should be in a toilet should not be in my RP

Siereis

Wow..this post has only been up for like 2 days and already it sounds like yall are getting closer to starting.  I loved DAO (though only saw but never played 2), so I'd like to express an interest in this RP.  However...a few questions:

1) Still room for one more? I don't want to overload the place. 

2) Obviously there would be some form of combat and drama in this setting, but what could we expect in terms of plot and other content?  I realize this is a rather vague question but any elaboration on the ideal content would be helpful for me in making up my mind. 

3) Lastly...I see that people are required to list their ons/offs so might I also inquire into what sort of sexual content one would expect to see in here? Would it be solely player based or what? Any clarification helps.

Thanks!

Primarch

Quote from: Siereis on August 13, 2012, 01:03:00 AM
1) Still room for one more? I don't want to overload the place.
Certainly is 


Quote2) Obviously there would be some form of combat and drama in this setting, but what could we expect in terms of plot and other content?  I realize this is a rather vague question but any elaboration on the ideal content would be helpful for me in making up my mind.
The idea is to develop Fereldon after the civil war and the blight while also exploring the faction and racial tensions, things like the elves place in the world under human oppression and the mages under the templar/chantry. Hopefully with some classic fantasy action along the way.   

Quote3) Lastly...I see that people are required to list their ons/offs so might I also inquire into what sort of sexual content one would expect to see in here? Would it be solely player based or what? Any clarification helps.
That's entirely based on what the players get up too, I'm not GMing the game (just occasional moderation as needed) so I won't be putting you in sexual situations. I don't expect the game to have large sexual content but if players want to have a tumble in a field after a day of hard court politics and chasing down Darkspawn, all the power to yea.

Thanks!
[/quote]

Oreida Wesker

Alright, RedFear

1.   Speicalty Choices. As I said, you can’t gain Equipment from quests, only Shops. The Mantle of Champion is made for only for a Hawke. It’s specialized to show Hawke’s rank as a hero to Kirkwall. Also, in game stature, it hasn’t even been created for another six years. You will have to pick something else, the Dalish Daggers will still be permited. So pick yourself a Set of Armor and one accessory Item.
2.   I will deeply applaud your choice in a Riviani, you did your homework on that. I love the story of the crows,the entire tale, I really love it… But… Antiva and Rivain were never in civil war with one another. Rivain is also mostly in the religion of Qunari or Natural Order, they have a live and let live preamble as well as their own country is so under populated from the Qunari Invasion from 120-ish years ago. It was the Kossith [Qunari] that had pushed to conquer Rivain and Antiva. They killed or converted a lot of people and ruling families [Nobles]. Yet when the chantry helped push back the invasion, a lot of people would not believe in the Maker again. The Chantry claimed them as heretics and decided to purge them by sword, killing thousands in the name of the Maker.

Yes,  Antiva does share a boarder with Rivain, but they are, after most of the royal family died, ruled by whomever has a great amount of wealth, like Merchant Princes and the House of Crows.  I doubt Antiva is a place that needs much help as a lot of the people there are sea faring and merchants, selling goods or their bodies. So, now that this history lesson is over this is easy to fix. His father is a prominent person, perhaps there was something else he did that got the Crows on him.

3.   Nice.. For years he harnest his ability to fight, with the crows, and now the legion.  I love that you threw in Sigrun. ^_^ She’s such a quirky little thief. Varric is right; Dwarfs are like magpies, so attracted to shiny things. Yet a Grey Warden killing a woman obviously pregnant, unhornorable, but okay. A grey Warden Killing allies like the Leigion of the Dead? Uh, then that’s gunna be some shit when other Grey Wardens have to come down to help out the Leigion defend Orzammar from darkspawn, ain’t it? Not to mention a good handful against one warden? Impossible. Legionaires are too strong for something like that. Um…  Why not a talking darkspawn or an Ogre or a Varterral?

Evaluation ended pending on Edit.
Hots and Nots

All my devotion betrayed, I'm no longer afriad.

TheRedFear

#74
Well considering "Armor of the Champion" is found randomly scattered all over the planet(well, country, hehe) I wouldn't say it was created secifically for Hawke. I mainly just wanted it for it's look. The only armor I could find with a Hood. But no big deal. How about the Rogue Pack DLC Armors, are those okay?

I think you misunderstood the background story. I never said the attack on his house was because of a war between Rivaini and Antiva. Remember that Antiva once had it's own ruling caste of noble families and royal bloodlines, just like Ferelden and Orlais? Until the Crows for all practical intents and purposes took over, leaving the nobles as pretty much figureheads. The idea is that ONE of those families(likely the one his mother hailed from, which is why is father agreed to aid them) was attempting to subtly amass the power they needed to truly reclaim power in Antiva. His father was giving them a great deal of funding secretly to make his wife happy. Not secretly enough unfortunately. Tragedy ensued.

3. Luci was not obviously pregnant. Though it may not have made much difference. I went with a Grey Warden because I specifically wanted to show that Wardens are NOT a bunch necessarily the heroes of the story. Their ruthless, "by any means necessary" approach to how they fight Darkspawn can easily make them the villain of the story as often as it makes them the hero. Who knows why or how the situation between this Warden and Luci's group came to blows? Perhaps Luci or one of the others was Tainted, so the Warden struck. Perhaps the Warden himself was tainted, having reached his 30 year mark and was thus going insane. Perhaps the Warden was on the run himself for some reason(He betrayed the Wardens. He faked his own death. He raped an Orlesian princess. He was secretly plotting with the Architect and they saw him doing it. There's no end of possible explanations), one of the Legion recognized him, or simply witnessed his wrongdoings and they had to eliminated. If it's just a random darkspawn who did this, there's no challenge in such a quest. Not alot of places for Darkspawn to hide on the surface, but a Warden can blend in and dissapear.

I would daresay most of the PArty members from both games, especially the Warden Commander and Hawke(Who isn't even a Warden himself) are wholly capable of taking on a team of Legionairres single handedly. This particular warden was just particularly badass. Or maybe not...maybe he was a Blood Mage, and Mateo simply missed the part of the battle where he was using such magic. Or maybe he had allies who had gotten a headstart on running away before Mateo arrived on the scene.

Also it creates a situation in which Mateo may have to go after other, "good" Wardens to get information on the one Warden he wants which puts Mateo in a morally ambiguous situation as to how just his quest for vengeance really is.

I deliberately tried to leave that scene open to alot of possibilities to give you guys as the GMs felixibility on determining what happened, why it happened, how it happened, and see what those revelations will do to Mateo if/when he finally tracks down his prey :)