The Bigger Pinker Dwarf - A Red Dwarf Game

[Jester]

“Hi, I am Captain Niminirod……Hi I am Captain. THE Captain.” Said Captain Nimi Niminirod looking at his reflection in the window with a huge scowl on his face.

Turning slightly to his right he changed the scowl to a winsome smile and said in a deep voice to his reflection.  “Hi…..I am the captain…. Of which ship?” he says throwing back one of the few remaining strands of hair from his head. “Well it’s the Dwarf. The last of the Dwarfs.”  Now this was actually rather unsatisfactory to the Captain as he looked out at the most splendid of ships docked at the largest space station known to well….man, horse or guinea pig.

Returning to his usual nasally voice which to be honest Commander “Chunks” Tebitt preferred, the captain gestured to the great hulk of a ship. “Isn’t it magnificent Tebitt? What a most delightful piece of metal.  What colour did we give it in the end? The……Something Dwarf? Come on Tebitt” he said to his second in charge who was hovering as ever a few steps behind the captain just in case he….. well…….. I will tell you later.

Before answering Tebitt cleared his throat before answering the question for the fifth time since they had stood here looking out at the newest and more than likely the last “Dwarf.”

“We haven’t given it a colour yet sir. All the other colours have been taken.” Tebitt replied.

“Not given it a colour? But that’s absurd. How about mauve?” The captain attempted at succeeding where the greatest minds had failed.

“Taken.”

“Racing green?”

“Taken years ago. One of the first colours to have gone actually.”

“Oh.” The captain said slightly deflated.

“Does it have to be a colour? I mean theres more to a ship than colour” The captain said…..

“Errrrrr. Well.” Said Tebitt a little flummoxed.

“Excellent. So. We have a Dwarf style ship which is bigger. Redder and newer. How about the bigger redder Dwarf?”

“Ah.” Tebitt did not want to let the captain run away with this conversation. “Its actually pinker. Do you remember the Pink Dwarf? Well the visible light spectrum of the ship in front of us probably has a wavelength interval of 628nm  and a frequency interval of 480Thz.”

“That’s sorted it then. The ship before you is the Bigger Pinker Dwarf. The BPD if you will” Captain Nimi Niminirod did a bow and a flourish.

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Captain Nimi Niminirod was the last of the captains. The bravest and the most courageous. He was in fact the only captain up to the task of Captaining the last of the Dwarfs. He was literally the only captain WILLING to do it. You see somewhere there is a great big room where someone has hidden all of the previous Dwarfs because none of them have been seen for a while. And some a long while.  And no captain in their right mind would ever captain a Dwarf again until they had proof that the whole mission was not suicide. But then Captain Nimi Niminirod was not exactly in his right mind. 

Captain Nimi Niminirod was the guest of honour as he and his command team said goodbye local dignitaries and the cowards that had let Nimi Niminirod rise above others more  qualified to Captain “The last of the Dwarfs”.  Nimi Niminirod was in his element as people shook his hand tightly, fed him and got him drunk as if they were never going to see him again.  “Hi I am Captain Nimi Niminirod of the Bigger Pinker Dwarf…….That’s right…..!”

Meanwhile “Chunks” was looking out of the window and saw the long row of people being checked at the gates and then lead towards shuttles leading to the Bigger Pinker Dwarf.
Chunks had been top of his class and had passed the Space Corps exams with flying colours and had actually been the first to apply for the job of captain. He was however passed over because *ahem* well *ahem* he was rather fat and ugly.  Space Corps did not want their captains to be un-attractive because it never looked very good on the Holo-Media. Chunks did not mind as he hoped that he would be able to ensure that this Mission did not finish in failure.

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The queues were moving slowly as each person in the queue was checked, verified, validated, interrogated and scrutinised by irritating people who enjoyed their job.  The queue was full of the worst kind of people for an important space mission. Who wanted to crew a ship on a mission which had failed a record number of times?

The drug-addicts, the fame hungry, the convicts, the stupid and pitiful all queued up to become crew on the Bigger Pinker Dwarf.  And the Space Corps were encouraged to take as many of them as possible!

We shall focus on one of the queues leading to Star Buggy, one of the shuttles carrying crew accepted onto the Main Ship.  Ensign Smith was in charge of this queue and he really loved his job and almost dribbled as he looked back down line at all the losers and wasters hoping to get on board and he had the power to stop them. The room was loud and claustrophobic and it felt literally just like how sardines would feel if they were trapped in a tin only marginally more wet and smelly. The Starbug stood on the other side of the Desk waiting to carry the accepted crew to the Bigger Pinker Dwarf.

He saw the paperwork being plonked in front of him, spun it round and began to tick boxes and without looking up said for the 450th time that day.

“Name, rank, height, weight, hair colour, unusual markings or appearance….” a quick breath to plonk a mint in his mouth, “…..and why do you want to join the crew and why should I let you on today?”

[Jester]

Bigger Pinker Dwarf is a game set in the “Red Dwarf” world.  It’s a few years since the first “Red Dwarf” and their have been numerous missions since including the “Pink Dwarf” which was the last game run on here in the setting.  The Bigger Pinker Dwarf is a huge deep space mining ship.

The game will start unlike the previous game but at the start of the voyage so that we can create some character background and we shall see where we go from there but the idea is that the player characters a mismatched assortment who will end up alone on the ship and proceed to roam the universe, becoming involved - despite their reluctance - in a fantastic variety of weird and wonderful adventures. PM me to let me know if your interested or have any good ideas and we can then plan your first meeting with Ensign Smith.

Please try to make your application as weird and wonderful. - Holograms allowed but at the moment Androids and aliens are not.

*Wanders off for curry and beer*

[Elvi]

*flutters eye lashes*

Could it be possible that Sandy and the wonderful sexdroid have somehow been 'slurped' back from pink dwarf and want to join up again to try and find out what had happened?

I was enjoying playing those and they never really got their full 'useage'

[Jester]

Hum de Hum.

Can we introduce the sex droid later?

I will have a think on how we can have Sandy back. But by all means.

[Elvi]

*sighs*.....you want me to make up new ones don't you?

[Jester]

I want you to be happy hun. If you want them back we can find a way for them to come back.

I will pm you with some ideas.

[Elvi]

I don't think I could think of a better character for it than Sally.....

[Jester]

• Create an interesting character - you can easily get bored of writing about a character who doesn't interest you. Others only like reading about interesting characters also. 


• Create a character that you can relate to, or are familiar with so that you can write about them comfortably.


• Bastards make good characters, everyone loves a bastard. Characters that provoke a reaction out of people whether good are bad are still provoking a reaction. Sometimes its good to see how people will write their character's reaction with other characters - and if everyone is nicey nice all of the time, this can be very boring. Some of the most memorable characters in TV, film and book have been the bad guys.


• We will have Aliens but as NPCS and not as main chars. So Aliens will not be in the original lineup. For NPC's try to avoid being 'just another alien'. Red Dwarf has a strict no-alien policy, it states that aliens do not exist. In the Pink Dwarf we will allow it but the essence of being alien should still be kept a rare thing. If you insist on having an alien for your character, don't just bring him/her aboard and assume everything is nice and okay - being on a human spaceship would be a very bizarre thing for the alien! Go into detail about how different life is. Also people might not treat an alien the same, this could lead to many tensions and misunderstandings among characters. Think about differences in culture, laws, faith, language. Really bring this to life as being an alien has many advantages for challenging character development.


• Avoid being related to any of the Red Dwarf crew. We have had it in the past and it can relate to crossovers with characters and complex relations and makes things needlessly complicated in the long run.


• Include as much detail as possible about your character and don't make it a list. We judge people on their biographies and how well they are written. If its bad we will dismiss it. A bad example would be:
  
  "Joe has black hair. Joe has long hair. Joe has brown eyes."
  
  A good example would be:
  
  "Joe has long black hair that flows around his shoulders and is often tied up in a pony tail. He also has deep brown eyes that glint with mischievousness."

[Jester]

biography of
Character Name:
Gender:
Age:
Nationality:
Department:
Job Title:
Player/NPC?
 

Physical Appearance

 
Personality and Interests

 
History

Favourite Sayings

[Elvi]

Yeah!
Found the character descriptions for my two main characters....guess what?
The name is Caz and the droid is Sim539, so much for my memory....*laughs*

[Kassandra]

*peeks round the door and wonders where the smell is coming from*

well every ship needs a Doctor... i shall work on the kinks... erm i mean work out the kinks off my character  ;D

[Jester]

excellent :-)

[Cherri Tart]

i am soooo tempted... have to think about it tho... *thinking*  let me sleep on it - when do you need to know by?

[Jester]

No rush. In five minutes? :-)

I can plan a bit while we generate interest. Perhaps a day or two we will start?

[Jester]

so far we have two interested females of the species.

Do we have any funny men on the site?

[Cherri Tart]

i can do a day or two... and since elvi's involved, i assume there's no game system, right?  cause that's a big turn off - lol -  i should put that in my ons/offs :)

[Jester]

I am afraid so.

I am a slave to free-form myself actually.

[Cherri Tart]

yep - dice confuse me almost as much as rules do *grin*

[Cherri Tart]

oh, and only humans - darn - i wanted to play a cat *Giggle*  i only know the first 2 seasons really, not an issue i hope?   :)

[Jester]

not at all.

right then lads. thats three girls. i will accept one or two men depending on size....errr. lets just see some interest.

[kasen03]

I'm going to love to watch this... I ADORED the series.. (although hated what they did to the show in the later seasons.. trust me.. the early stuff is golden)

Unfortunately at the posting rate you guys have..my RL just doesn't allow me to be more then just a voyeur :(

[Cherri Tart]

ok - going to start working on my chari now - should i send her to you or post her or...? :)

[Jester]

send her to me first please.

any guys?

kassandra any joy with your character?

i dont think i will mind it being all girls. almost the opposite of the original red dwarf where they started with all men.

[Kassandra]

*grins*

yep... wont be long putting the finishing touches to my character and shall be forwarding my bios to you sometime on Sunday i think... *tries to hide half empty bottle of wine beneath some important looking papers*

i have been working hard... i swear *grins

[Cherri Tart]

just sent mine in *eyes Kass, lifting brow*  working hard, yes, i can see that... and what are these, pray tell?  *nudges hand cuffs with one toe*

[Kassandra]

just sent mine in *eyes Kass, lifting brow*  working hard, yes, i can see that... and what are these, pray tell?  *nudges hand cuffs with one toe*

begins shuffling paperwork in a shifty manner... erm its around here somewhere i swear *grins

...well works hard.. plays hard sweetie... course your aware that all crew should undergo a full medical before boarding arn't you Cherrie?  purely procedure you understand *coughs*

[Kassandra]

OK i have just sent mine to you...

*scrunches up nose at Cherri*  ;D

now then Missy, about your pre-boarding medical  ;)

[Elvi]

well....I'm sure I know what Caz would say about 'medical's'  *grins*

[Jester]

well all bios are in.

i will shortly set tge game up.

i am thinking we will have three days of normal game time for you to define your characters.

by the end of day three your character must be in stasis. i dont know what everyones pace is like so i will go slowly at first.

i know elvi is a fast poster but it will be a good idea to let me know what your posting rate is like so we dont zoom ahead. anyway i will set up soon. x

[Cherri Tart]

I can usually post around twice a day - would that be considered slow, medium or fast?  and weekends can be iffy. 

[Elvi]

Hmmmmm..yes I've had a sneak preview of yours Cherri......Jester and I are being naughty.....*grins as she rubs her hands together*

[Jester]

Thats about the same for me. Give or take.

Sounds good. :-)

[Jester]

I like being naughty with Elvi.

heh heh,

[Elvi]

Yes.we work well together Jester..for the greater.....errrrr....good.....yes that's the phrasing...the greater good!
*wanders off whistling*

As for posting?
Well......I can't answer if others don't post can I?
So that means that I post at the same pace as everyone else.....

[Cherri Tart]

if i'm slow to post, i would understand if you felt the need to punish me, btw - it would only be fair *Grin*  and yes, you could always just post long monologs, that have nothing to do with the other characters, if you felt the need to post in btwn.  oh, and no being naughty!  we want to run a clean ship, here ;)

[Jester]

Do you guys mind if i set this up at the weekend?

I am stage managing a show at the moment so dont have lots of time. i dont want to rush the start,

[Cherri Tart]

whatever is best for you, CJ :)  i think i can manage to wait a few more days

[Jester]

Hi there,

Sorry about the delay. I am now out of hospital and can now sp[end a little time at my computer each day so I am wanting to start this game up now?

Wave at me if your still interested and thanks for being patient!!

[Cherri Tart]

*waves*  glad to hear you're better, CJ *hug*  i'm still in, but i'm afraid Kass has gone MIA and Elvi's been kind of quiet - for her, at least :)

[Elvi]

You're talking about me again aren't you?
*gives Cherri a good spanking*

[Cherri Tart]

*dies and goes to heaven*  yes, we were... thinking about you, too.. in your thigh high leather boots and your tight leather panties and your studded belt, standing over us, crop in hand, hands on hips, a look of displeasure on your face, one eye brow cocked... *blushes*  umm.. should i not have said that out loud...?

[strangely made]

As I've said to Elvi, if this starts up again I'll be interested.

[Elvi]

Whoo hoo!

[strangely made]

Whoo hoo? You haven't seen my character idea yet .

[Elvi]

Oh it'll be good......
Shame Beastgirl is too young to join (barring adult content of course), she's the one who knows the "Red Dwarf world" back to front.....

Hey..we could torment her even more, start up a Black Adder game and refuse to let her know anything thats going on in it....

[Cherri Tart]

does this mean i get to play with the both of you?  not sure whether to be seriously worried or seriously excited - think i'll settle for a combination of both :)  *putting on my best being patient face* 

[Elvi]

That depends......how good are you at keeping you mouth shut and not blabbing to people?

[Cherri Tart]

_{not very good apparently}   :-[

[Elvi]

*laughs lots*

[Cherri Tart]

*Sighs and goes and stands in corner, nose pressed against the wall* 

[strangely made]

I'm sure we can find something to do that will stop Cherrie from talking Elvi :)

[Cherri Tart]

*tips of ears turn red, trying hard not to get all perky and giggly*

[Jester]

glad to see people are still interested.

i haventy got email at home yet. tiscali are very naughty people! and this is my first day back at work so it will be up and running soon!

[Acquiescent]

I've watched a little of Red Dwarf can anyone join in?

[Jester]

yes of course, send through a character

[Jester]

Celebrations are due!!!!

Internet is back at home and this game will start!!

I will set it up and give everyone details.


Thankyou for being patient!!

[Cherri Tart]

and there was much rejoicing - yay! :)

[Jester]

sorry peeps. i have mess you round something rotten.

i dont have time to run this and i would only let you down even more if i tried.

i will do it sometime as i really enjoyed it when we played it before.

sorry!!

[Elvi]

BOOOOOOO.......HISSSSSSS......*makes rude signs at Jester*

[Jester]

Whimpers under Elvi's withering glare.


Perhaps we should put the idea into gms wanted?

[Elvi]

Noooo.....I really don't think it'd work without someone who knows and loves red dwarf as we do....
Don't worry Jester, I really do know how it feels.....*hugs*

[Cherri Tart]

*smiles* i admit i'm disappointed, but i totally understand - i was actually thinking of starting a game here too, and the more i think of it, the more i realize how much work it's going to be - if you ever change your mind down the road someday, i'd still be interested :)  meantime, don't worry about it - i already cancelled the delivery of the bag of flaming dog poo i was going to send. *grins*

[Jester]

Awww thanks!!

I do appreciate it. Would it not be great if we could all just play all the time? Well maybe not. Life is good too!