The Nice Girl

[Autumn52]

I saw there was a comment here about nice guys and while I total agree with it I have something to say about nice girls.

First of all nice girls are just as overlooked as nice guys and sometimes by the nice guys. There are the girls who the guy calls and bitches about his girlfriend or some other girl he wants to befriend. He is looking for an incite into the mind and heart of the female and she (the nice girl) gives him what she can. Let me clarify something before we go any further, I am not talking about girls who have no value. The nice girl is just a valuable as the nice guy she is just not seen, by the opposite sex as good girlfriend material.

My description of the nice girl is: She is sweet in personality, because that is how she was raised by very religious and strict parents. She does not know how to be any other way. She is cute not drop dead gorgeous but definitely cute. Her male friends see her as someone they can talk to because she has an approachable personality, an open door policy to all her friends. She is not the jealous type, envy is not in her vocabulary. She is the truly happy sort, who brings sunshine with her when she walks into a room.

Now what does she get for all her efforts,: No male attention of a sexual nature, no gratitude for all her efforts and no one who she can talk to about how she feels. She is alone amidst a sea of self absorbed idiots who could care a less about her, except that she is available to them when they need her, which to my horror she always is.

The problem with the situation is the nice girl sees no problem. She is truly selfless and wishes all her friends the very best and happiness. I have, to be honest, know only a few truly nice guys or girls in my life. But I feel blest by their existence and renewed of spirit that they exist.

I knew one such nice girl in high school. When a new kid hit the school she was the first to welcome them. She was a cheerleader and in the popular crowd but she didn't care what all her fake friends thought. She was brave and took the effort to welcome anyone, boy or girl, and to let them know she was willing to be their friend. This girl was so selfless that even at the expense of herself being made fun of she ask the new guy in school to take her to the homecoming game.(for those of you who don't know what that is. It is a sporting event where there is a queen a king chosen in front of a stadium full of people, kind of like a prom) Anyway back to the story, she was nominated for homecoming queen, which she won, and her date, the new guy, escorted her across the field head held high. She accepted her crown and she said two words in acceptance, "Thank You".

I tell you this story so you will understand how I feel about these overlooked nice girls. Yes she had a multitude of friends, and still does, but no one was caring enough to be there for her when she had troubles. 

The nice guy and the nice girl are people we should all strive to be. I hope to be a nice girl someday, I think I was at one point but gave up the fight. Maybe if we, all the men and women who want to better ourselves, look at these people as examples then we can become what we so admire in them.

Now as for the bitchy friends who always want advice and never see the nice girl and guy as date material. I say get a life and show some gratitude for what is right in front of you.

Alas I fear that the nice guy and nice girl are becoming extint. Nice guys grow up to become nice men and then one of two things happens. He either is so disillusioned with everything, that he builds a wall that no one can penetrate or he finally realizes his worth and accepts what is given him by the nice girl, love and appreciation.

The nice girl sometimes has a little better fate but only because I think the wall is harder to build for an emotional female. (just my opinion) The nice girl usually gets married to the first guy who shows her any attention in a sexual way because she is so starved for it or she decides that her worth is valuable and holds out for the right guy.

My applause goes to all the nice men and women in the world who have their own inter struggles and yet seem to help so many. These are the people with, what I call, a gift. A gift of selflessness and a helping spirit.

If we all look at our lives I think we know someone like this. It is our obligation to be as good a friend to them as they are and have been to us.

Now that I have rambled on and on I guess you can see that I am a little touchy on the subject.

I want to wish all the nice guys and girls out there a hearty congratulations on not being a conformist. Also I wish them all the best and pray that someday I may be one of you.

[Beguile's Mistress]

Where would so many of us be without the "Nice Girl" or "Nice Guy" we've had in our lives.  What have we done for them?  We may not be life mate material for them but what have we giving them?  Do we invite them to our parties, include them with office mates for a fun lunch, make sure they're part of groups we belong to?  Do we even remember they're there when we don't need them?

I know lots of nice people who are not valued unless they can help us, unless we need them.  We like to associate with the good-looking, popular groups and they don't fit in.  I've learned to value the friends in my life, the friends I want to keep.  Over the years I've acquired a group of "popular and nice" and "nice and popular" friends.  Each and everyone who had the opportunity were there for me a few years ago during a particularly horrible time in my life.  It was quite a surprise to learn that they all thought of me as a nice person, too.

My suggestion to everyone who has one or more of the nice people in your life is to appreciate and thank them by all means but include them in your lives if they'll let you, be there for them too.  Mine were the first ones to pitch in and help me when they found out I needed them and I didn't have to ask.  I've been a bride's maid, maid-of-honor or participant in the celebration of the weddings of almost all of my "nice" people because, so they say, it's my "fault" they've found the love of their life.

Thanks, Xandi, for the topic.

[gothram]

i wouldnt say that the nice guy/girl are a dying breed xandim you just have to know where to look! I like to think of myself as a nice guy :P a real knight in shining armour, (i even memorized the knight's code of chivalry as a kid). there are still some really nice people out there, but unfortunately there are also some that are some wolves in sheep's clothing too :(

on the other hand i have to agree with what you say about the nice girl being looked over. i used to date a whole list of REALLY bitchy girls and i thought that they made me happy. It was not until i dated my current GF (the NICEST small town girl you will ever meet) that i realized what i had been missing out on :( the sad part is that i almost missed my chance with her too, because when we were flirting  she was actually a little TOO nice, easy to ignore or dismiss. Thankfully near the end she really started to stand up for herself, and made it so that i couldn't ignore her or look past her any longer, and when i did so i realized just how beautiful she really was <3 (im cheesy i know :P)

so if i had a solution to this whole problem, or sone advice for your nice girl friend i would say that just because you stand up for yourself and tell the world what you want does not make you a mean person. making sure you get what you want is the responsibility of nobody else but you! if you see a boy make him know you want him, and be clear and straightforward about it too ! if you are in a situation you don't like you can change it! hell, being nice may even make it easier for you to do so!

[Autumn52]

Thank you to Beguile and Gothram, it is nice to know that you exist and that gives me hope. Thank you both.

Generous hugs to you!!!

[MasterMischief]

I am not so sure they are a dying breed.  Could it be, as we grow older, we associate with older people and those people are often jaded by previous experiences?  I am sure high schools are full of nice girls and guys filled with youthful optimism.

[Beguile's Mistress]

I am not so sure they are a dying breed.  Could it be, as we grow older, we associate with older people and those people are often jaded by previous experiences?  I am sure high schools are full of nice girls and guys filled with youthful optimism.

I think most of us start out that way.  Its what happens along the way that changes us.  You need and awful lot of strength and courage to remain a nice person.

[MasterMischief]

I think we need an awful lot of strength and courage to remain anything.  Experience changes us, for good or bad.