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Is Elliquy Cheating?

Started by SinfullyShy, October 23, 2017, 10:54:03 AM

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Lyndis

Additional post because I had a thought I'd like to get people's perspectives on:

Is it possibly that this sort of mentality has become more prevalent as online dating and long-distance relationships have also become more common?

I had a friend who was 'dating' someone for almost 5 years, last I heard. They never met in person in all that time despite it ( which made me have my own ah... thoughts, on the legitimacy of their relationship. But that's neither here nor there ), and one fight I was privy to was about my friend engaging in romantic roleplays on Tumblr.

I suppose something like that becomes a lot more threatening when there isn't any physicality to speak of in the relationship. Or maybe more specifically, any real intimacy (since sex doesn't make a relationship). Though in my opinion, both her roleplays and her relationship circled around that same sphere of fantasy as neither really existed in the real world.

Opinions?

Wistful Dream

As someone who originally met their spouse online, and has met a lot of friends online, including several I've never had the joy of seeing in person but talk to daily the notion that those connections 'don't exist in the real world' is honestly really off putting.

Physicality is one aspect of a relationship, and it is a lovely one, and a common one, but it is not the sum total of a relationship.

It sounds like there was a misfire on expectations between them and their romantic partner, not that role playing invalidated a relationship.

Lyndis

#127
Quote from: Wistful Dream on November 20, 2023, 03:09:35 PMAs someone who originally met their spouse online, and has met a lot of friends online, including several I've never had the joy of seeing in person but talk to daily the notion that those connections 'don't exist in the real world' is honestly really off putting.

Physicality is one aspect of a relationship, and it is a lovely one, and a common one, but it is not the sum total of a relationship.

It sounds like there was a misfire on expectations between them and their romantic partner, not that role playing invalidated a relationship.
I mean no offense to folks who happen to find meaningful relationships online. I have several years-long friendships myself that I haven't had the pleasure of meeting in person, but they're still very much real world friends to me.

Yet I'm also presuming you and your spouse now share a space and a life together in that way. Whereas the friend in my previous post never did and had no pressing desire to do so. I think there's a different level of seriousness to a committed monogamous relationship when you're focused on sharing a life together as opposed to living entirely separate ones, especially over a great distance like states or countries away.

I also have zero experience online dating. Hence why I'm looking for opinions on the matter from others.

Wistful Dream

I personally think that's a bit of applying the relationship cookie cutter, trying to make all 'serious' romantic relationships look the same way.

What works for people is wildly different. I have a close friend who's spouse is home maybe a week a month, typically they travel, a lot. It works for them. I've known married couples who intentionally live apart. My own spouse and I had a serious conversation at one point about living long distance due to career opportunities neither of us wanted to pass up.

A relationship, a connection, is as real or not real as two people make it. Not everyone has the same needs in a romantic partnership, and it sounds like your friend didn't identify physical nearness as a need in order to love this other person.

RedPhoenix

That seems like a red herring to me. People have gotten upset at people they are dating for writing with others when they have purely real world relationships as well. I don't think one makes it more or less likely.

I say this as someone who would have a hard time saying I was dating someone I'd never met too, fwiw.
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jason87

TECHNICALLY
If you're creating an emotional or physical relationship with someone without your partner's consent is the definition of infidelity. Roleplaying or not, this site is creating a connection with someone emotionally to some degree. If you don't have your partner's blessing then by definition - it's cheating.

SUBJECTIVELY
It doesn't matter what anyone's opinion is on whether or not using this site while in a relationship is cheating. The opinion that matters is yours and that of your significant other.

All relationships are different. It's probably considered cheating within some relationships while other relationships don't consider it cheating. Everyone's different.


Oniya

Quote from: jason87 on February 06, 2024, 06:14:41 AMTECHNICALLY
If you're creating an emotional or physical relationship with someone without your partner's consent is the definition of infidelity. Roleplaying or not, this site is creating a connection with someone emotionally to some degree. If you don't have your partner's blessing then by definition - it's cheating.


Making friends with someone is an 'emotional relationship'.  Does one need their partner's 'blessing' to make friends?
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Kelindel

 I personally don't like the unhealthy obsession with owning people in relationships. That being said, if you are making a commitment to a a person that involves monogamy, it's a good idea to establish what that entails as that will be different for each person. As with most things in life this involves communication. Without communicating there will be hurt feelings, people upset, anger and blow ups. To ask if Elliquy is cheating is a bit of a reductive argument as it depends on your relationship and the details of your relationship. It may be for your relationship, but isn't for mine, not for another persons, but is for yet another persons. It all depends. There is no blanket all powerful truth answer.

jason87

Quote from: Oniya on February 06, 2024, 06:23:22 AMMaking friends with someone is an 'emotional relationship'.  Does one need their partner's 'blessing' to make friends?
" Making friends with someone is an 'emotional relationship'. "
I agree with you. I didn't put my opinion of infidelity under "TECHNICALLY" I put the dictionary definition. Hence the technicality.

" Does one need their partner's 'blessing' to make friends? "
I'd say it's pretty important that they approve of you having friendships, at least in my opinion I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't want me to have friends. Nor would I want to be with someone if I felt as if I had to hide a friendship from them.

RedPhoenix

You didn't use the dictionary definition. The dictionary definition is: "the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner."

The definition of unfaithful is: "engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding."

An emotional connection is in no sense being unfaithful, technical or otherwise, unless your relationship chooses to go against the common understanding and define it that way.
Apologies & Absences | Ons & Offs
I move the stars for no one.

Kelindel

Not to resurrect (I know it's only been like a week) but I had a thought here I wanted to add to kind of summarize my thoughts. Basically if it is something you haven't/wouldn't talk to your partner(s) about doing, there is a problem. If it involves someone else and any form of intimacy, even if it isn't something that you would consider personal intimacy and is through a proxy by way of a character, at least discuss it with them as communication is the life blood of any relationship.