The Increasingly Improbable Adventures of Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather III

[Remiel]

t was just another typical day in Town City.  Blacksmiths were blacksmithing, bakers were baking, tanners were tanning, hoopers were hooping, hostlers were...hostling, and whores were whoring.  The Questgivers' Tavern, the largest such establishment for miles around, was doing a brisk and lucrative business.  And in a certain section of the Town City Town Square known as Idiots' Corner--due to the traditional practice of allowing any idiot with an opinion and a soapbox to stand on one and spout the other with great enthusiasm and sincerity (often to the general amusement and delight of his audience, who always looked forward to the opportunity to practice their tomato-lobbing and rotten egg-throwing skills) --there was indeed the usual collection of idiots.

One man, however, was brave enough to, well, brave the tomatoes and rotten eggs of democratic criticism.  One man dared to draw attention to the great evil that was brewing just beyond the far horizon.  One man had the guts to stand up for Truth, Justice, and the Player Character Way.

That man was Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather the Third.

"Good citizens of Town City!" he cried.  "Give me your ears!  For life as we know it, nay, all life in our beloved homeland of Generica, is in grave peril! For I know of a force most wicked and depravéd, a force which is all the more insidious because it cannot be seen, cannot be touched, smelt, heard, or tasted! It is a force, indeed, made all the more dire by its very absence! And if it is not stopped, it will be the end of the world!"

In the subsequent pause, birdsong wafted liltingly from a nearby tree.  The sound of commerce and city life continued, quite unabated.  The earth quite failed to rip open, fire inexplicably didn't pour down from the heavens, and Death and Destruction completely and utterly failed to rule the land. 

Instead, a small child of indeterminate sex simply stared at Sir Fairweather, its mouth open, as it carefully excavated a nostril with a grubby finger.

The speaker sighed.  As usual, no one in Town City appeared to take him seriously.

But someone in the crowd was listening. Someone believed him.  Someone would join Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather on his grand adventures, facing danger and excitement and danger and mortal peril and danger and treasure and danger and the occasional dragon.  Also, transvestite dwarves.

Could that someone be... you?

If you can't tell by now, this is intended to be both a fantasy-themed quest-based group game and a satire of a fantasy-themed quest-based group game, in the fashion of The Princess Bride, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, Order of the Stick, 8-bit Theater , and pretty much anything ever written by Terry Pratchett.  It's intended to be tongue-in-cheek, simultaneously silly and satirical (whew! Say that three times fast!), but most of all, it's intended to be fun.  I'm looking for players who are intelligent, articulate, and possibly verbose; but most importantly, they should have a wacky sense of humour.  Among the first few missions that I imagine the group will undertake will be to rescue a beautiful dragon from a fearsome princess. Yes, you heard me right--rescue a beautiful dragon from a fearsome princess.  If the concept tickles you, you just might have what it takes to join the Increasingly Improbable Adventures of Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather III.

Because this is going to be, whatever else it is, a Role-Playing Game, it's going to include (gasp!) numbers, in the form of basic attributes.  Because I want it to be primarily driven by the mutual creativity and humour of the players, as opposed to by relentless number-crunching, I've decided to keep it as simple as possible, and thus come up with my own sort of homebrew mechanic.  The primary reason for this is so that we'll get to see what hilarity ensues when something goes terribly wrong (or when something goes terribly right.)

But we'll get to that in a moment.  If interested, please create a character profile, using the following template:

Character Creation

Name:
Occupation:
Species:
Sex:

History:

Item of Importance:

ALIVE:
BASH:
SNEAK:
LIKE:
WHT PHIL:
RED PHIL:
BLU PHIL:
GRN PHIL:
BLK PHIL:

Wait a second. What does that all mean?

Name.  Let's be honest, shall we? If, at this point, you don't know what your name is, you might want to ask yourself: were you dropped on your head a lot as a baby?  Or do you have a suspicious lump of scar tissue on your head, possibly in the shape of the fist of that berserker troll whose girlfriend you insulted? If so, let's just call you Bob and move on.

Occupation. Skip this for now.  We'll come back to it in a bit.

Species.  As in, are you a human, dwarf, gnome, halfling, elf, dark elf, wood elf, high elf, low elf, swamp elf, Santa's elf, MELF, orc, troll, goblin, kobold, ogre, satyr, centaur, mermaid, merdog, merducken, naga, bird man, lizard man, ape man, dragon man, pixie, dryad, nymph, brownie, fairy, or twit?  Are you none of the above? Please elaborate.  Partial credit will be awarded for incomplete answers.

Sex: As in Male, Female, or Neither.  "Yes, please," is not funny anymore.  Not even a little bit. Seriously, grow up, will you?

History: As in, those who do not remember it are doomed to repeat it.  What happened to make you the way you are?  Are you an orphan, whose parents were brutally murdered before your eyes and you have spent your whole life in one long campaign of revenge? Or did you just happen to wander away from your village one day?  How did you end up in Town City?

Item of Importance: Every character needs an Item of Importance, whether it's a Sword of Passable Competency +2, a Cufflink of Mediocrity, or even just a Toilet Brush of Genital Warts.  This could be a family heirloom, passed down from generation to generation until it falls to you, the scion of an almost-extinct royal line, to fulfill your chosen Destiny; or it could be just something you picked up on the street. It's up to you.

Okay, now let's talk about Occupation: The basic idea I had for this campaign is include one of each of the stereotypical "character classes": a fighter, a thief, a priest, a mage, and so on.  However, of course, me being me (but more importantly, me wishing not to get sued for copyright infringement!) I've put my own twist on the whole concept.  Here are the initial character classes, I mean occupations:

THUG

"It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise!" --Fezzik, The Princess Bride

The Thug is someone who is all brawn and no brains.  Generally employed for the purpose of bashing things over the head, or sticking things that are sharp and pointy into things that are fleshy and oozy, the Thug can dish out more damage than others, and take more in return.  The Thug can be the stereotypical "Grrrr Roy smash puny kobolds" type, or he can be someone who might be just doing it in his spare time to make a little bit of extra money to put himself through business school.

Thug Stats:

ALIVE: 3
BASH: 3
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1
WHT PHIL: 0
RED PHIL: 0
BLU PHIL: 0
GRN PHIL: 0
BLK PHIL: 0

CRIMINAL

"But that defeats the whole purpose of me sneaking into these rooms and stealing everything that's not bolted down and on fire!" --Thief, 8-bit theater

The Criminal is someone who got bullied a lot as a child, so she learned how to survive by being just a little bit quicker, a little bit smarter, a little bit less hampered by conventional standards of morality and mores in a relativist-based paradigm.  She's good at picking locks, blending into shadows, and taking her opponents by surprise.  A coward at heart, she prefers to snipe from long range rather than fight up close.  Of course, stabbing people in the back is all good too.

Criminal Stats:

ALIVE: 2
BASH: 1
SNEAK: 3
LIKE: 2
WHT PHIL: 0
RED PHIL: 0
BLU PHIL: 0
GRN PHIL: 0
BLK PHIL: 0

NATURAL PHILOSOPHER

"I used to think I was stupid--and then I met philosophers." --Brutha, Small Gods, Terry Pratchett

Philosophy is the study of those aspects of the world that simply cannot be explained by the rational or sensible.  Since the beginning of time, wise men and women have sought to understand this phenomenon (which is not the "M" word at all)--and we call these people "philosophers."  Most philosophers concentrate on a particular aspect of philosophy, to the exclusion of all else, with the possible exception of the rare and misunderstood "Grey Philosophers", who are truly the jacks of all trades, and masters of none (and that's why most of them end up playing musical instruments for money in taverns and in front of subway stations).  The known branches of philosophy are:

GODAMANCY, or WHITE PHILOSOPHY: Godamancers tend to be more religious then their more secular brethren, and usually devote themselves to the healing arts.  After all, someone needs to be able to bring the party back from the brink of death, right?  Godamancers deal in miracles, requiring nothing in return except the occasional blood sacrifice.  White Philosophers must have a chosen deity; an awesome idea, I think, would be to have a deity who secretly hates the player character and sends him on all sorts of pointless, annoying quests for no reason.

BOOMAMANCY, or RED PHILOSOPHY: Boomamancy is the study of, well, making things go Boom.  Often referred to as Evocation or Elementalism in lesser games, Boomamancy encompasses all five major elements: water, fire, earth, air, and frood.  If it can be frozen, burnt, turned to stone, zapped with lightning, blown away, or froodified, the Red Philosopher's your woman.

TRICKAMANCY, or BLUE PHILOSOPHY: Trickamancy is the art of fooling the senses.  While all of the other real philosophers were off studying hard, all the Blue Philosophers were lounging about in tie-dyed shirts, smoking strange herbs and watching the pretty colors.  There's one advantage to being a Trickamancer, though: seeing is believing, and you won't believe what you see.

LIFEAMANCY, or GREEN PHILOSOPHY: Lifeamancy is the study of life, in all its strange and wonderful forms.  They often have a kinship with fauna and flora that no one else has, or even thinks is natural and healthy.  Lifeamancers can heal withered limbs and cure poison, but they can just as easily induce flesh-eating bacteria or kidney stones.  Hey, no one ever said life had to be nice.

SPOOKAMANCY, or BLACK PHILOSOPHY: The forbidden school of philosophy, Spookamancy is the study of things that go bump in the night.  It is said that Black Philosophy is the ultimate philosophy, for it grants you ultimate dominion over death, the great undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns; this is said mostly by the Black Philosophers themselves, who mostly want to just dress up all in black and wear eyeliner and impress the chicks.

Natural Philosopher Stats:

ALIVE: 1
BASH: 1
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1
WHT PHIL: *
RED PHIL: *
BLU PHIL: *
GRN PHIL: *
BLK PHIL: *

*3 in his chosen discipline, 1 in all other disciplines.

[Remiel]

Q: Okay, I'm with you so far.  What is this "Life", "Bash", "Sneak" stuff?

Well, although 90% of the game will be driven by creativity, there will occasionally come times when it becomes impossible to determine the outcome of a situation without some sort of determining factor.  And, since this is a Role-Playing Game as well as being a parody of a Role-Playing Game, I figure that we might as well use dice.  Or, in this instance, the Elliquiy dicebot.

The basic premise is simple.   All you have to do is use the E dicebot to roll a number of ten-sided die, or d10, against a target number given by me, the GM (Game Mangler), that will roughly approximate the degree of difficulty of a particular task.  Bear in mind that this number will not be painstakingly calculated, applying base stats, bonuses, penalties, and other modifiers--but will very often be just something I pull out of my ass!

For example, I'll say:


GM: Are you seriously going to try to arm-wrestle a troll? Very well, make a Bash (more on this later) test vs. 15.

You (possessing a Bash of 2): At 2009-12-28 23:25:13, Remiel (uid: 9411) rolls: 2d10 Result: 7

GM: AHAHAHAHA--erm, sorry.  Okay, the troll rips your arm off, and then proceeds to beat you over the head with it.  Better luck next time.


So, that's basically it.  The number of dice you roll will be equal to your score in the given area of aptitude. With that said, let's get to the attributes:

Bashiness :

"I am a sexy, shoeless God of War!" --Belkar Bitterleaf, Order of the Stick

Bashiness is a general measure of, well, not to put too fine a point on it, how brawny you are.  It's also a vague indicator of how well you can handle a weapon in combat.  (Yes, we all know that the pointy end of the sword goes into the other guy, but it's amazing how many people get that wrong.)  All other things being equal, your Bashiness score will determine whether you win a fight or not.


Sneakability:

"Yes, but I've never seen what's wrong with being a coward.  Plenty of people would be cowards, if they were only brave enough." --Rincewind, The Last Hero, Terry Pratchett

Sneakability measures how good you are at being stealthy and sneaky.  It also is a general indicator of how good you are at adopting disguise, and seeing through the disguises of others.  If the Horned Beast of Igthpah is sneaking up behind you, you'll be the first to know.  Finally, it's a gauge of how fast and nimble you are, and how good you can use ranged weapons.


Likeitude:

"Nixon with charisma? I could rule the universe!" --the preserved head of Richard Nixon-in-a-jar, Futurama

Likeitude, quite simply is a measure of how easily you can make people like you, or, more importantly, do what you say.  Whether trying to talk someone into bed, or trying to talk them out of killing you, a high Likeitude will come in handy.  Also, determines the probability that an NPC you meet won't try to stab you on sight. Probably.


Health-dom:

"Your arm's off."
"No, it's not."
"What's that, then?"
"I've had worse."
--The Black Knight shrugs off a flesh wound, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Health-dom is an indicator of how easily you can ignore pain, resist disease, survive poison, ignore a wound, yadda yadda.   This leads into the ALIVE attribute, which is defined as follows:

ALIVE:   Every character starts at status Healthy, then proceeds to Mildly Impeded, Severely Inconvenienced, and then Mostly Dead.  Now, as everyone knows, mostly dead is slightly alive.  With All Dead, the only thing to do is go through the character's pockets for loose change.


Philosophy:

"Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?  Morons!" --Vizzini, The Princess Bride

Philosophy is not a single attribute, but more of an indicator of competency in a given field of discipline.  If you're trying to do something really difficult, you better have a Philosophy score of at least 2 or 3 in the school of philosophy that you're trying to do.  For example, if you're a Lifeamancer, causing a flower to grow and bloom will be an assumed success, but if you want a tree to pull up its roots, pick you up in its branches, and carry you over a mountain, that will require a Lifeamancy roll of at least 25.  Perhaps higher.

[Jadeling]

I'm interested. But wait a while for my brain to digest this information.

[SirHakado]

I'm definetly interested in this idea.
I'll need a little time to make a profile, but it certainly sounds fun =D

Also, those philosophy schools sound like they come from Erfworld.
if that is the case, I am sad for the lack of croakomancy

[Odin]

Definitely interested. Waiting for more info, though.

Need an explanation of the stats, and the system, before I can even start a profile, though.

[Wolfy]

Ooh..can I be a lumberjack?

And do Mages wear Monocles?..hah..that's a silly question..what kind of self-respecting mage WOULDN'T!?

*wonders if anyone will get this joke that the topic title reminded him of*

[Remiel]

I'm definetly interested in this idea.
I'll need a little time to make a profile, but it certainly sounds fun =D

Also, those philosophy schools sound like they come from Erfworld.
if that is the case, I am sad for the lack of croakomancy

*Sir Hakado makes a successful Lore (Webcomics) test!*  Yes, Erfworld was the inspiration for the schools of Philosophy.  Spookamancy is like Croakamancy except, um, spookier. 

Odin, this is just an initial rough draft.  Updates soon to follow.

[Phaia]

'Idioticy must be some human trait'

The cloaked figure was lounching against a wall listening to the latest of a string of idiots. This one was more amusing then some. Going on about some unseen danger when all one had to do was opened thier eyes and see all the normal danger around them.

The slanted exotic eyes rolled as the hooded head shook. Then as a group of soldiers from the infamous Red-Gold Empire transvestite mutant giant dwarf Legion marched into the area, the cloaked figure moved quickly to stand over behind this Great speaker. Folding easyily into the shadows the exoticly slanted eyes narrowed as the banner of the evil Emporer flapped in the breeze.

'The Mouse' decided then that it might be better to find another place and if this silly Lord in his finery had the means to equip some adventure, then by all means 'The Mouse' should tag along.



Phaia

[Tad]

I'd be interested, though if you'll be adding characters along the way, perhaps I could play as the beautiful dragon? *bats her reptilian eyes*  :D

[Phaia]

'"The Mouse' is NOT a criminal. Oh No, that would be wrong, 'The Mouse' is a finder of things. Things lost or soon to be lost or things that might be lost, ' The Mouse' finds them and makes sure they are not lost any more"

Name:           'The Mouse'
Occupation:   'Finder of things' [Criminal]
Species:        'Half Elf, Half Human'
Sex:               'Female' [disguised to appear as a young male]

History:
'The Mouse' had not always been Mousey, in fact though 'The Mouse' goes to lengths to appear male 'The Mouse' is in fact a female. She is the last Princess of the True Red-Gold Royal Line. Her Grandfather was the last king of the Silvery Red Gold Throne before her 4th cousin [twice removed and once dead] usurped the throne and killed all her family. Arainna is the youngest grandchild of the old King and was also illegitimate. She is the result of a dalliance with the daughter of an elf ambassador and the Prince. Though her father accepted her, it was her grandfather that truly adored her and she him. It was fortunite that she was illegitimate for she was off being entertained by the royal court 'Finder' when her evil cousin struck. By the time she heard it was all over and a new power sat its ugly butt on the grand Silvery Red-Gold Throne, Declaring to all he was the new Emperor George. Being young at the time and with the last Royal 'Finder' she fled and hid and became 'The Mouse'. Now on her own she has plans, BIG plans, Plans within plans, plans for plans that are meant to counter plans. Anyway she has plans. All she needs is a stake, not a wooden one, but money, gold, shiny things to pay for an army to retake the lands and set her much more shapely butt on The Grand Silvery Red-Gold Throne.
She hides her regal bearing under baggy poncho, a flowing hooded cloak, loose leggings and boots. She has bound her womanly qualities [thats boobies to you boys] and her hips with silken wraps. 
Only her exotically slanted almond shaped violet colored eyes are normally seen. Her lower face is covered in a red gold silken scarf. Under all the layers is actually a very beautiful young female. Long blonde hair in a braid. very shapely figure [that means she actaully has nice boobies for you boys]. Arainna [her royal name] could easy be one of the loveliest in all the lands, if she ever got out from under all those silly garments.

Item of Importance:
The only other tri-pronged key too the secret power of the Grand Silvery Red-Gold Throne. Her grandfather gave her this as a present, and it is the only one left that can activate the power of the Grand Silvery Red-Gold Throne. The secret key hole is in the back, lower left side, four inches from the floor, a hand breath from the side and the third hole, but not that third hole that's a trap its the one beside and above the third hole.

ALIVE:    2
BASH:     1
SNEAK:   3
LIKE:      2
WHT PHIL:
RED PHIL:
BLU PHIL:
GRN PHIL:
BLK PHIL:

[Remiel]

Sorry, everyone.  Been busy.  Updates coming soon.

[Transgirlenstein]

Would you accept a pixie thug?  A tiny little pixie..who can pack a wollop?

[Remiel]

Thread Updated.

Transgirlenstein, that idea sounds hilariously awesome.  "Tell us where the plans are, or Tinkerbell here will rip your head off!"

Shihong and Phaia, love the characters, but I was hoping for only one Criminal type.  Perhaps if one of them was good at archery, while the other had an unhealthy love of stabbing?

I am really hoping for one or two Thug types, one Criminal, and maybe two or three Philosophers, including a Godamancer.   For one idea of a Godamancer, I suggest reading up on the Cult of Banjo, God of Puppets.

Soon to come: Sir Reginald's profile!

[Lyrus]

This ... hath great potential!

[sinera]

* sinera wants to pway!! Pwease pwease pwetty pwease??

I just had a great idea - to balance Transgirlenstein's pixie/thugga - perhaps I should play an ogre (or something equally brutish) with an affinity for lace and rainbows - a trickomancy philosopher - with a lisp...

[Transgirlenstein]

Name: Tink Bigknickers
Occupation: Thug
Species: Pixie
Sex: Female

History: The Bigknickers are a rather prestigious family in pixiedom.  Tink's father father was an insect tamer, Tink's father was an insect tamer and Tink sure as hell wasn't going to be an insect tamer so her brother became one instead.  Tink was always the more adventurous and headstrong type, she left home to make her life in the big city.  And by big city, I mean "Holy fucking crap this thing is huge!', in comparison to a pixie of course.

In this villiage of Cobbler's Knob, she learned what she was best at.  Using her tiny size and speed to take things down which are much bigger than her.  It wasn't long before she got a wonderful job working for a not so wonderful group of free business men/women (*cough* criminals *cough*).  Now she earns all the money she needs to live the life of luxury she feels she so desperately needs to live.

Tink often dresses in rather revealing clothing which shows off her shapely, if small, abs and firm, if small (yet big for a pixie!) breasts.  She also has a tattoo which she got from a rather nice tattooist who was willing to work with someone much smaller.  Her hair is usually pulled back into a snail pony tail.  Her beautiful cute face has a few freckles around her nose.

Item of Importance
?? (not sure yet, suggestions?)

ALIVE: 3
BASH: 3
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1

[Remiel]

(Sorry, gang. Dealing with RL issues and general malaise. Please stand by...)

[Esoteric Myobi]

I am utterly loving this idea =) Would love to join if it's still going on. ^^ Sounds like tons of fun!

[Cassiopeia]

Yeah ... you had me at Princess Bride!  This sounds inconceivably brilliant!  I'm just kicking around a couple of character ideas atm.  Not sure which would add more hilarity to the story ;D 

[Remiel]

Sorry for the delay, everybody.  I've been trying to sketch out a basic plot, and also tinkering with various ideas, namely considering just making the campaign completely freeform.  Would anyone have any preferences one way or the other?

Here's what I'm considering:

1. Completely freeform -- no stats, no rolls
2. Almost completely freeform -- Still have stats, but no rolls.  The Game Mangler will decide if you succeed or fail based upon your score in a given attribute
3. Nearly Almost completely freeform -- still have stats, but the GM will roll for you, based upon your stats, so you don't have to!
4. Leave everything As Is.

Any preferences?

[sinera]

... are there any modifiers to the stats for race? I'm making an half-ogre philosopher and really can't imagine him only having a BASH of 1...

[Esoteric Myobi]

Personally I have no experience with system games of any sort so for me Freeform would be easiest. On the other hand, I'm always willing to learn since I may very well end up in a system game somewhere down the line and it's better to learn sooner than later right? =)

Whichever the majority ends up choosing I will go along with happily, just because I'm loving this idea so much and feel it will be fun regardless of what we pick. x3

[Remiel]

... are there any modifiers to the stats for race? I'm making an half-ogre philosopher and really can't imagine him only having a BASH of 1...

Nope, although I'm also considering giving everybody a free stat point at the start to assign as they wish.

Or maybe your half-ogre is a pacifist, or has brittle bones, or is just notoriously clumsy and bruises easily.   The point is, race really won't have much to do with anything so much as the profession.  For example,  remember that Transgirlenstein's pixie has a BASH of 3 even though she can probably fit in a lunchbox.  Size isn't the ultimate be-all, end-all.  :)

[Cassiopeia]

As far as system vs. freeform goes I'm in the same boat as Myobi.  I've only ever done freeform so that'd be easiest for me, but I'm more than willing to learn as well.  Either way I'm in  ;D  Still just torn on my character as always ><

[Phaia]

Just remember 'The Mouse' Is here to help!

*deftly helps Cassie, Sinera and Esoteric Myobi and quickly 'finds lost' coins and shinys on each of them.. Slipping said lost and now found shinys into Mousey's pocket**

Here come this way and listen to the grand speaker!!!


Phaia

[Transgirlenstein]

I'm fine either way *cracks tiny knuckles*

[Cassiopeia]

Hmm ... that might tip the scales in favor of Boomamancy ... 'splode the thieving mousey! >.>

[Esoteric Myobi]

I think I'm leaning towards the Godamancy...one who does more harm (accidentally of course ;)) than she does help?

Hmm....

[Darkpoet]

I'm interested, and I threw a couple ideas into a word document for my own amusement. I'd love to play a Spookamancer... if I can name him "Edmund Sullen" (from Chagrinsberg, Pennsylvania).

[Phaia]

"I Object, The mOuse does not steal, is not a theif...The Mouse finds lost things...thats what The Mouse does and does well"

{and yes Mouse is gonna talk that way...ie call herself/himself 'the mouse'}

Phaia

[sinera]

Name: Lush Windbag
Occupation: Trickamancy
Species: Half-Ogre
Sex: Male

History: Lush was born to a well-to-do human family, the firstborn son of the firstborn daughter who'd been kidnapped by ogres when she'd eloped. Since at the time she couldn't say whether the  father was her her dead lover or the ogres, she refused to allow the healers to remove the child. On his birth she insisted that he be raised as a full member of the family. Her father, grief-stricken at losing his precious jewel, agreed.

It was decided to see if they could nurture the natural tendency toward violence out of him. To a certain degree they succeeded. He's terrified of spiders, but may destroy whatever the spider's on (desks, statuary, walls) just to kill it.

He was exposed to philosophers and politicians at an early age, and developed quite a skill at 'persuading' those with lower intelligence than him to do what he wants, usually through potification and hauteur.

Recently his family lost their fortune; he's discovered there are very few willing to hire, house and feed him. Many people turn him away for his looks alone. Those who don't learn that he has a very juvenile sense of humor and a tendency toward tactless observations which he seems to delight in pontificating about.

In some cases, he's able to exhort others into seeing things from his point of view, making those whom he has been persecuting very uncomfortable. He even managed to get a town mayor's son run out of town on a rail simply because the unfortunate young man had a wart on his forehead. "It's the sign of Tsathoggua, the Toad God of poxes and hexes!" Unfortunate that after Lush made this proclimation in the town, the annual Locust swarm came through just as a drought hit the town. Lush had to leave the town in a hurry when the young man's family and friends came looking for him after the boy was thrust into the Locust swarm to "appease" the god.   

His wandering feet have brought him to Town City one step ahead of those who might seek retribution for some of Lush's other "indiscretions."

Skills: Legerdemain (slight-of-hand, aka prestidigitation), exhortation (persuasion), hauteur (self-importance; relate to intimidation), pontification (silver-tongue).

Item of Importance: Signet ring of the Windbag house, showing that he is a son of the house. When asked if it has any magical properties, he smiles secretively and says "maybe."

ALIVE: 1
BASH: 1
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1
WHT PHIL: 1
RED PHIL: 1
BLU PHIL: 3
GRN PHIL: 1
BLK PHIL: 1

[Remiel]

Phaia, I love it.  A character who talks about herself exclusively in third person is just what we need. XD

Okay, so we have:

Thug: Tink Bigknickers (Transgirlenstein)
Criminal: The Mouse (Phaia)
Trickamancer: Lush Windbag (Sinera)
Boomamancer: (Cassiopeia?)
Spookamancer: (Darkpoet?)
Godamancer: (Myobi?)

I think we're all set.  I'll get a profile going soon, and then hopefully we can get started this weekend.

[Phaia]

"himself...HIMSELF...the mouse is in disguise see...the mouse is a male...the mouse has that hangy thing between the thighs...yeaaa that hangy thing...the mouse is not a princess err female..."

Phaia

[Darkpoet]

I haven't had much time to work on him yet, as I've had to do that pesky real-world work nonsense, but here is the basic idea I have behind him.




Name: Edmund Sullen
Occupation: Unemployed, Academy Graduate
Species: Half-Human, half-horribly dark secret (Like a human, but more ‘vast’ and ‘mysterious’)
Sex: Male-ish


ALIVE: 1
BASH: 1
SNEAK:1
LIKE:1
WHT PHIL: 1
RED PHIL: 1
BLU PHIL:1
GRN PHIL:1
BLK PHIL:3

History: Edmund Sullen was just a normal boy from the booming town of Backstory, a town with a port that traded items in exchange for money. Edmund was a normal boy with a horrible, dark secret that no one else could have possibly known (When others found out, Edmund was highly chagrined).  Much to his chagrin, Edmund spent the first 130 or so years of his life at the “Philosophy Academy for Young, Chagrined boys,” Finally graduating after neither student, teacher, nor random passerby could put up with his constant insistence that he is “the greatest Spookamancer that had ever lived, ever,” Edmund decided to move to Chagrinsberg to start a new life. He quickly fell for the love of his life, the ever-gorgeous, Cassibellaunus. He spent most of his time at Chagrinsberg following Cassibella; he learned her schedule so well that he once made various patches of grass along her walk home die in an effort to impress her. She was not impressed with him, as he had forgotten to sign his name in the dead patch that he had left to replace her rose garden. It is so easy to get wrapped up in one's Spookamancy that it is easy to forget the simpler things, especially with a secret as dark, mysterious, and unfathomable as Edmund's.  He made no further moves to impress her after his initial failure, but has since stalked her to Town City.

Physically, Edmund stands very humanly at a completely average 6” tall, and weighing in at an absolutely normal (though a somewhat chagrinish) 130 pounds. His skin is pale, and he appears to be barely out of boyhood. When he isn’t doing things that any normal 130...er...18 year old human would do while studying at “Academies for Young Boys”, he can be found Chagrining around. Perhaps the only thing inhuman thing about Edmund, as far as anyone else knows, are his eyes. Those almond chestnuts of vaguely buttershots color, the kind of eyes that see through the personas and masks everyone shields themselves with. The kind of eyes that make others (especially girls) chagrined with drunkenness. Eyes, that, when looked directly into, make you wonder if they’re portals in to the deepest oblivion that a human girl could find herself in, rather than eyes at all. These eyes, my friends, are the types of eyes that questionably uncreative authors could spend pages talking about! That is, of course, unless he is busy spookamancing, in which case they are yellow, or possibly gold, much to his chagrin.

Item of Importance: Edmund is not complete without his “Ever-lasting Hair Gel of Uncleanliness”. When applied, it is certain to make even the cleanest of people appear to have quite disheveled, unwashed hair.  To the untrained eye, this may seem like a disadvantage, but untrained eyes belong to the unenlightened. As any trained spookamancer knows, his power only grows the more disheveled his hair appears.

[Cassiopeia]

Alright, so ... I am absolutely torn here between Boomamancy and Lifemancy. 

If she's a Boomamancer I'd like her to be a bit of a hot head/temperamental, as an added bonus her powers would be ruled and controlled by her emotions so let's say her boyfriend cheated on her, it would be entirely within the realm of possibility that things ... or people <.< ... would spontaneously combust.  If she were startled or excited things may very well just start going boom.  And maybe at some point she might get a cold and every time she sneezes, well people would know to run for cover.  She doesn't have a full handle on her powers, mostly because she lets her emotions run away with her.

If she'd be a Lifemancer I think something along the lines of a free lovin' hippy chick would be the way to go.  All about peace and nature ... and nudity whenever possible (and sometimes when not  ;D)  She'd be ever the optimist, finding a silver lining to every cloud, slipping wreaths of flowers over people's heads occasionally, cuddling and loving every critter she comes across whether they seem amicable to the idea or not.

I'm really having a hard time deciding which would be more fun and which would add a better dynamic to the group.  Anyone have any thoughts?

[Remiel]

"himself...HIMSELF...the mouse is in disguise see...the mouse is a male...the mouse has that hangy thing between the thighs...yeaaa that hangy thing...the mouse is not a princess err female..."

Phaia

:o My apologies!

[Remiel]

I'm really having a hard time deciding which would be more fun and which would add a better dynamic to the group.  Anyone have any thoughts?

Hrm...they both have potential.  As both slots are currently open, it's really up to you.   As Myobi is apparently our group's healer, I would be slightly more inclined toward having the mystical powers of nature sit up and beg like an attention-starved puppy...

...but it's really your call. ;)


Also, Darkpoet, love the profile.  I can see Edmund writing angsty poetry in the sombre moonlight while the rest of the group is getting its asses kicked.  "Hey, Edmund, a little help over here?"  "In a moment, I'm not quite through with this quatrain.  Hrmmm...now what rhymes with 'oblivion'?"

[Darkpoet]

Also, Darkpoet, love the profile.  I can see Edmund writing angsty poetry in the sombre moonlight while the rest of the group is getting its asses kicked.  "Hey, Edmund, a little help over here?"  "In a moment, I'm not quite through with this quatrain.  Hrmmm...now what rhymes with 'oblivion'?"

That reminds me of a scene from The Gamers 2 where the party's bard is using inspire courage, and the rest of the party says "Help?" and the bard says, "I AM."  Also, rather similar to some of the antics I had in mind when I was reading the description for Spookamancy.

[Cassiopeia]

Alright, I have decided on a peace and nudity loving Lifemancer!  ;D  Just too many interesting possibilities with that persona NOT to do it!  Now I just really need to get cracking on a profile ... *puts on shiny tin thinking cap and sits in a tree to ponder*

[Remiel]

All right.  At long last, here is the profile for our unlikely hero.  Sorry I've been so slow to update, I seem to have caught a nasty cold.   :-\

Name: Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather III
Occupation: Hero Wannabe
Species: Human
Sex: Male

History: It has been said that some are born to Greatness, some achieve it, and some have Greatness thrust upon them.  In the case of Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather the Third, a fourth and entirely unique category must be invented. 

There are two current schools of thought regarding the reputation and character of the man known as Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather the Third.  First, there is the view that Sir Reginald is the Chosen One, the Hero of Heroes, a legend in the making, a man marked by the finger of Destiny to do great things.  This is the view held solely and exclusively by Sir Reginald himself. 

The other school of thought, the one held by pretty much everyone else in the multiverse, goes something like this: Who is this nonce? What's he on about? Some sort of raving loony, if you ask me.  Prob'bly got delusions of grandeur, to hear him go on and on.  Best case, sounds like a Don Quixote complex; worse case, possibly a delusional schizophrenic.  You'd have to be mad to take him seriously.  Hey, whose turn is it to buy a round?

Sir Reginald grew up loved and adored by doting parents, both of whom were local lords in the country of his birth.  He had a warm and happy childhood, with an unfortunate lack of any sort of dire tragic past which is the prerequisite necessity for any kind of heroic backstory.  His parents were not betrayed by a treacherous advisor, grand vizier, lord chamberlain, or otherwise; nor were they slain by a marauding barbarian overlord.  In fact, they're both still alive and well and living quite happily in Medievalsburg.   They're retired, and wish that Sir Reginald would write more.  This sort of thing can be a serious handicap for an aspiring hero.

He also had another sizeable disadvantage for anyone of a heroic disposition to overcome, and that was that he, quite simply, wasn't ever really good at anything.  At all.  He had no natural talents, as far as anyone could see.  When given any sort of weapon, he tended to pose more a danger to himself than to his opponent; as for stealth, he had about the same amount of natural grace and agility as a one-legged rhinoceros.   His one saving grace was that he generally tended to get along well with people, who would take pity on him and indulge his foolish fancies.

Sir Reginald seemed a bright, if lazy, child; unfortunately, he had that kind of intelligence which, while perfect for idle daydreamery, is the sort which completely fails to manifest in any sort of practical way whatsoever.  His parents, despairing of their wayward son, sent him to the Medievalsburg Academy of Philosophy; unfortunately, he proved to be just as talentless at Natural Philosophy as he had been at everything else, and dropped out after a single year of Trickamancy.

But even that did not deter him, oh no.  For he was a man with Destiny, even if it was a destiny only he could see.   He would be the Hero of Legend, the hero he had so often read about as a child.  The fate of the world was in his hands.  It was his fate to go up against the Ultimate Evil and defeat it in an epic confrontation which would forever be sung about by bards and written about by scribes until the end of time.  He was destined to be the most famous man in the world.

Now there was only one problem.  Where was the Ultimate Evil when you needed it?


Item of Importance:  His sword, Excelsior, which had been given bequeathed to him on his sixteenth birthday by his father.  There can be no doubt that it is a sword of legend,  waiting only for the opportune moment to come alive and guide him to his ultimate destiny. 

At least, that's what Sir Reginald says.  His father, if asked about the sword, will only smile nervously and mumble something about a last-minute birthday present hastily purchased from Ahmed's Discount Weaponsmithy (Slogan: When Any Piece of Metal Will Do. Honestly, sir, this poleaxe was used only once, by a little old lady, to fend off an elderly ferret.  Only three copper pieces, and that's cutting me own throat.)

ALIVE: 1
BASH: 1
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 3
WHT PHIL: 0
RED PHIL: 0
BLU PHIL: 1
GRN PHIL: 0
BLK PHIL: 0
STATUS: HEALTHY

[Remiel]

UPDATE:  Finally posted the profile for Sir Reginald.  Sorry to keep dragging this out, but I'd rather spend more time to prepare than jump hastily into something half-arsed.

I think I'm going to go with option C as far as the dice thing--I'll make a roll, based on your stats, so you don't have to.  As far as you're concerned, the story will be more or less freeform.  Hopefully.  This is subject to change, however.  We'll see how it goes.

So as for the party, we have

Leader?: Sir Reginald (me)
Thug: Tink Bigknickers (Transgirlenstein)
Criminal: The Mouse (Phaia)
Trickamancer: Lush Windbag (Sinera)
Lifeamancer: (Cassiopeia?)
Spookamancer: Edmund Sullen (Darkpoet)
Godamancer: (Myobi?)

We're missing a Boomamancer, but that's okay.  I'd like to keep the group small and manageable.  If anyone else wants to join, I'd be happy to take alternates, in case one of the players has to drop out for whatever reason.

[Matthew]

It does sound rather interesting, feel free to put me down as an alternate if someone needs to step out ^_^

[Lyrus]

Hmn. Well I'm willing to take Boomamancy if its still needed!

[Esoteric Myobi]

Name: Harley Bent
Occupation: Godamancer...supposedly. She works on the side as the 'pious collector of donations for the Temple of Cleodotus'.
Species: Human for all she knows
Sex: Female, at least she was the last time she checked...who knows when her deity suddenly feels she would be able to better perform her duties as a male?

History: Harley had always been a rambunctious child and ran wild in the streets. Just like any other urchin, she learned the complex secrets of survival. Sharp wits, a silver tongue, and stealthy tricks...er, accidents and good fortune, were all one needed at their disposal. Being a female and small for her age, Harley relied on these skills to get through the days. Her appreciation for money grew with every passing moment as she learned how valuable it was, especially with the poor conditions that her family lived in. The chance of a lifetime seemed to arrive just when life was looking its bleakest.

A pie eating contest! The winner receives a large bag containing a thousand gold pieces, and in the meantime they get to eat all the pie they could stuff in their greedy little mouths. Blueberry, apple, pecan, pear, peach, mincemeat, pork, beef, horse, turkey, roast beef, and anything in between. It blew the mind and imagination! The amount of possibilities were endless but no one cared as long as they got a portion to eat. Unfortunately, it turned out that the meat in the pineapple-spinach-sausage pie had gone bad and the mushrooms in the apple-pecan-mushroom-liver pie were poisonous. It was a sad, sad day and many of the scampering urchins found themselves orphans.

Luckily for Harley, she happened to seek shelter from the rain in the Temple of Cleodotus and one of the priests chanced upon her. Unfortunately for Harley, she hadn't realized that receiving hospitality from the Temple meant a lifetime of service to their god. Monastery life was boring to say the least. Waking up early, chanting and reciting for hours, listening to droning lectures for a couple more hours, eating a tasteless watery gruel, and sleeping late after cleaning the spotless but enormous temple housing a ginormous statue of their deity..was just not to her taste. See, everything was tolerable - the lack of sleep, the endless boredom, even the shitty food was tolerable. But cleaning that statue every week? Nuh uh. Harley was not about to climb up fifty some feet just to clean out the guy's cavernous nostrils.

It took only a short while, or three weeks to be exact, for Harley to become familiar with her new surroundings and use them to her advantage. Sneaking out at night to walk the streets, or slipping out of line to catch up on some much needed sleep, and of course hiding spots for when the annoying windbags who called themselves priests came along searching for her. Even then, life didn't hold much of a spark for her but she soon alleviated that black hole and filled it up with various entertaining prospects.

Taking a handful of other children such as herself off to the side - now mind you, these children had all been brought up right. They were all good little children who listened to their elders and did as they were told when they were told. Not a ragged little orphan such as Harley - and taught them the ways of life. Enlightening them about how the world worked, the importance of those shiny little pieces of rock, the excitement of visiting unannounced and leaving before wearing out one's welcome, the thrill of permanently borrowing, and the sensual sensations of..er, well that was something that sadly left most of her pupils rather confused and while she tried to teach them firsthand it resulted in disaster.

Somehow, miraculously, Harley managed to attain her priesthood and received her robes after several years of torture. While she may not know it - she was so excited to finally get the hell out - she had graduated as the youngest priest ever due to the temple no longer being able to tolerate her 'making life interesting' for everyone. Gleefully skipping out of the temple, waving farewell and never planning to come back, it was with utter horror and a strange fascination that she found herself compelled to complete certain tasks! Now imagine how Harley felt when she found out that it was actually Cleodotus' whims making her go off on such ridiculous and rather pointless, endless and completely impossible quests? Furious, that's right. Damned deity was trying to put her in her place! But Harley wasn't going to have any of that, not if she could have a say in it anyway. Which of course, she didn't.

Now, Harley wanders the lands, trying hopelessly to complete at least one of the tasks that her deity had set before her and so far unable to fulfill even one. Unable to freely pursue her money grubbing ways, she's forced to stray away from her wayward path and follow the righteous one of Cleodotus. Not one to flop over belly up like a dead fish out of water, Harley has found ways around her restraints and loopholes to exploit. Doing the very minimum required of her, people who have come pleading for her help have found themselves turned away with a sniff of the nose unless they came prepared with a hefty bag of coins.

While appearing like a perfect lady as a female priest should, she keeps this facade up as well as she can until irked in any way. It is then that others are introduced to the real face underneath. Nasty, short-tempered, greedy, a spit-fire girl who knows her way around a bottle just as well as she could unman a person with her words. Exactly what you would expect from a person born and raised in the lowest and poorest section of the city. She'll come knocking on the door offering blessings, the sweetest smile on her face, only to leave the poor people penniless wearing only their boxers as she steps back out with her payment and the very same smile intact.

Item of Importance: A rather large coin sporting the head of Cleodotus on one side and his temple on the other, a deep slash runs through the face of the coin showing pure gold all the way through. This is the only coin that Harley never spends and instead she tends to take it out when her personality has 'flipped' and flips the coin idly as she goes about her 'business'. No one knows if she keeps it due to its worth or if it is actually her way of showing her spite and utter dislike bordering on hate for her deity.

ALIVE: 1
BASH: 1
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1
WHT PHIL: 3
RED PHIL: 1
BLU PHIL: 1
GRN PHIL: 1
BLK PHIL: 1

[Cassiopeia]

Name: Amira (full legal name Agnes Amira Ashbee ... but no one knows that as it is kept under tight wraps)

Occupation: Lifeamancer

Species: human

Sex: female

History: Amira, or Agnes as she was known in what she calls her "lost years", was raised by her stodgy, traditional, strict, overbearing, uptight, prudish ... *clears throat* grandmother from the age of 2 on.  Her mother passed during her birth and her father died in a tragic pie eating contest accident when she was a toddler.  Amira's grandmother was against anything and everything that could be considered fun, exciting, thrilling, pleasurable, or enjoyable, and had no qualms about pushing her beliefs onto her young granddaughter.  The crone also did not believe in showing skin of any kind unless it was one's face or hands.  Day after day she would clothe Amira in garb that covered from her neck to her shoes, making the young girl feel suffocated both in body and spirit.  To maintain her sanity she would find solace in the woods, guising her treks as berry picking.  She would strip down bare and streak through the woods, laughing in rebellion and talking to the furry woodland creatures of the evils her grandmother made her suffer.  Of course the critters agreed with her unanimously, the old bat was absolutely bonkers!

One day Amira lost track of time, as impetuous rebellious sixteen year olds often do, and her grandmother came searching for her, broom in hand to defend or punish.  When her grandmother caught sight of her prancing merrily through the thicket in the buff she screamed bloody murder.  Chasing and swatting at Amira with the broom the old battle axe proclaimed that she was a demon child, sent by the evil spirits to drive her into the grave!  Thankfully the wrinkled bag's stamina was not much and Amira escaped into the night, though completely nude and with a few broom bristles lodged in her posterior.  She ran and did not look back and by morning she came across something fascinating and wonderful!  A group of students from the Community Philosophy Academy's Lifeamancy program were out communing with nature.  Surely this was where she belonged! 

For the next four years she completely immersed herself in learning all there was to know about Lifeamancy, free expression, universal love, and happiness.  Okay, so she went a little wild ... but that's what college is for, right?!  She started going by her middle name, Amira, for she had always hated Agnes (she had been named after her crazed grandmother).  With a whole new perspective on life, and a determination to never let anyone censor her free spirit (or else!) she struck out to find where she could do the most good, wanting to ensure that everyone had the opportunity to experience freedom, bliss, and life to the fullest.  She is ever the optimist and feels it's her duty to spread her positive outlook to everyone.

Amira is a few inches taller than the average female, curvaceous yet toned (mostly from climbing trees and skinny dipping).  If she must be clothed she tends to wear scanty garments (unless of course the temperature drops), something along the lines of a loin cloth and bikini top, in natural fibers and vibrant colors.   Her honey blonde hair has hints of red in it and falls in loose waves, reaching down to her hips.  Though not necessarily the first thing you'd notice about her while she's out communing with nature au naturale, her eyes up close are her most striking feature.  Expressive, bright, and filled with adventure, oddly enough they change from blue to green, and somewhere in between, depending on the weather.

Item of Importance:  Mood ri- ... er ... Divine Ring of Aura.  The ring given her by one of her dearest Lifeamancy professors has the ability to detect the color of people's auras or if they have an aura blockage.

ALIVE: 1
BASH: 1
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1
WHT PHIL: 1
RED PHIL: 1
BLU PHIL: 1
GRN PHIL: 3
BLK PHIL: 1

[Remiel]

Okay, we're just about ready.  So our group consists of:

Hero Wannabe: Sir Reginald (me)
Thug: Tink Bigknickers (Transgirlenstein)
Criminal: The Mouse (Phaia)
Trickamancer: Lush Windbag (Sinera)
Lifeamancer: Amira (Cassiopeia)
Spookamancer: Edmund Sullen (Darkpoet)
Godamancer: Harley Bent (Myobi)

Alternates
1. Matthew
2. Lyrus
3. Akasma

Possible NPC?
1. Inflatetress

I expect to get this show going any time now.  Really, pretty soon.  I mean it!  *Sweat drop*
In the meantime, here's some oglaf.com goodness!

[Remiel]

Thank you for your patience.  Your call is very important to us.  Please stand by; your call will be answered by the first available representative.

Hey, guys.  I'm really, really sorry to keep dragging my feet like this, but rest assured I have every intention of starting this game any day now.  I've got a vague plot outline sketched out, but not too detailed, because, after all, with a game like this, it is important that everyone be flexible. (And yes, inflatetress, there's a part for you in it if you want it.  We'll talk.)

Because I've decided to go with the option where I make rolls, based on your stats, I think that we should incorporate a brief header at the beginning of each post, basically to remind me in this case what you can and can't do, because I'm lazy and it'll save me the trouble of having to refer to the profile thread every time.  :P  This is what I've got so far:

Code Select Expand

[left][font=georgia][size=8pt]YOUR NAME  (Level 1 YOUR CLASS)
LIV *  BSH  *  SNK *  LIK *  WHT *  RED *  BLU *  GRN *  BLK *  XP *
[color=green]Healthy [/color] (or whatever your status is)
_________________________________________________________________________________
[/size][/font][/left]

And this is what it will look like:

_________________________________________________________________________________
Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather III  (Level 1 NOOb)
LIV 1  BSH  1  SNK 1  LIK 3  WHT 0  RED 0  BLU 1  GRN  0  BLK 0  XP 0
Healthy
_________________________________________________________________________________

If anyone wants to mess around with font / size / formatting combinations, and come up with something that looks better, be my guest.

Also,  you may have noticed the "XP" thing that wasn't there before.  What is that? Well, you can't have an rpg without some sort of X-Points, or XP as I call them, that you can earn if your character does a good job or is particularly helpful to the party in some way.  X-Points can be redeemed for valuable cash and prizes!  Well, okay, not really, but they can be used to upgrade your stats, or possibly advance your level.   If you want to upgrade your stats, you will have to use as much XP as the level of the stat that you want to raise it to.  So, for example, if your BASH is 1, and you want to raise it to a 2, it will cost you 2 XP.  If your SNEAK is 2, and you want to raise it to a 3, that will cost you 3 XP.  Or, you can save them up and, when you accumulate 5, you can turn them in to go to the next level!  What will happen then?  Well, I can't tell you--it's a secret!  But it's bound to be neat!!!

Seriously, we'll get going very soon. Thanks for hanging in there.

[Cassiopeia]

*is excitedly awaiting the opportunity to streak naked through the woods defeat the ultimate evil*

I'm sure it'll be worth the wait!  It'll be great to finally have a humorous RP  ;D  Just a heads up, I will likely not be able to post from Friday till Monday, but after that I should be all clear.  I hope that's not going to set anything back  :-\

[Remiel]

Good news! The IC thread is finally up!

Thanks for your patience, everyone.  Please continue to be patient and flexible; I've never attempted anything of this scope before, and I suspect that we'll be going through a lot of trial and error by the time we're done.  Hopefully, though, if it succeeds, it will be an adventure that will be enjoyable for everyone.

And here's the OOC thread.  Any questions, comments, or extraneous discussion which may or may not be related to the game should go here.