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Autism or Affectation?

Started by Dashenka, August 30, 2013, 10:30:40 AM

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Dashenka

Just one of those days where I'm bored with my autism and wishing I didn't feel so limited in my daily stuff  :'(

Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals and I get my back into my living.

I don't need to fight to prove I'm right and I don't need to be forgiven.

Chrystal

*hugs*

Poor Dasha.

How about plotting a new story with Auntie Chrystal?

Please check out my latest A/A post.
I would rather watch a movie then have dinner than have dinner then watch a movie!

Jusey1

I would like to point out that Aspergers Syndrome is no longer a thing in the U.S. You cannot be diagnosed with it anymore...

As of December 2013, they changed it so that whatever "Aspergers Syndrome" was, it is now covered in the main Autism Spectrum Disorder as a Level 1.


So instead of being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome today, I was diagnosed with "Autism Spectrum Disorder - Level 1". The person who diagnosed me today explained it all and even said if I would've done this before December 2013, I would've been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome but due to the change, that's no longer a thing...

Sabby

I'm only Level 1? Geez, I'm never guna win this game.

Dashenka

Quote from: Jusey1 on July 21, 2014, 07:13:37 PM
I would like to point out that Aspergers Syndrome is no longer a thing in the U.S. You cannot be diagnosed with it anymore...

As of December 2013, they changed it so that whatever "Aspergers Syndrome" was, it is now covered in the main Autism Spectrum Disorder as a Level 1.


So instead of being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome today, I was diagnosed with "Autism Spectrum Disorder - Level 1". The person who diagnosed me today explained it all and even said if I would've done this before December 2013, I would've been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome but due to the change, that's no longer a thing...

Same thing different name. I usually tell people I have an Autism Spectrum Disorder because most people know what autism is and not many have heard of Aspergers Syndrome. Probably has to do with insurances and all that no?
Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals and I get my back into my living.

I don't need to fight to prove I'm right and I don't need to be forgiven.

Chrystal

Quote from: Jusey1 on July 21, 2014, 07:13:37 PM
I would like to point out that Aspergers Syndrome is no longer a thing in the U.S. You cannot be diagnosed with it anymore...

As of December 2013, they changed it so that whatever "Aspergers Syndrome" was, it is now covered in the main Autism Spectrum Disorder as a Level 1.


So instead of being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome today, I was diagnosed with "Autism Spectrum Disorder - Level 1". The person who diagnosed me today explained it all and even said if I would've done this before December 2013, I would've been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome but due to the change, that's no longer a thing...

Quote from: Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliett Act II Scene II v 42-53
’Tis but thy name that is my enemy;   
Thou art thyself though, not a Montague.   
What’s Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,   
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part          
Belonging to a man. O! be some other name:   
What’s in a name? that which we call a rose   
By any other name would smell as sweet;   
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d,   
Retain that dear perfection which he owes          
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name;   
And for that name, which is no part of thee,   
Take all myself.

We have a saying in my family, "Same meat, different gravy". Changing what you call something doesn't change what it is, any more that saying 1+1=3 (all that does is change the definition of 3, it doesn't change what 1+1 is).

So whether you call it Asperger's Syndrome, High Functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder, or Cream Cheese Flavoured Moon-Rock, it is still the same thing!

Please check out my latest A/A post.
I would rather watch a movie then have dinner than have dinner then watch a movie!

Jusey1

Quote from: Chrystal on July 22, 2014, 05:43:24 PM
We have a saying in my family, "Same meat, different gravy". Changing what you call something doesn't change what it is, any more that saying 1+1=3 (all that does is change the definition of 3, it doesn't change what 1+1 is).

So whether you call it Asperger's Syndrome, High Functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder, or Cream Cheese Flavoured Moon-Rock, it is still the same thing!

I never said it wasn't the same thing. I know it is still the same no matter what... I was just pointing it out that "Aspergers Syndrome" will no longer be diagnosed under that name in the USA.

Dashenka

Quote from: Jusey1 on August 02, 2014, 11:32:58 PM
I never said it wasn't the same thing. I know it is still the same no matter what... I was just pointing it out that "Aspergers Syndrome" will no longer be diagnosed under that name in the USA.

We know. It's probably just an insurance trick or some political correctness, cause some people might probably offence to the 'syndrome' bit. *shrugs*
Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals and I get my back into my living.

I don't need to fight to prove I'm right and I don't need to be forgiven.

Chrystal

Quote from: Jusey1 on August 02, 2014, 11:32:58 PM
I never said it wasn't the same thing. I know it is still the same no matter what... I was just pointing it out that "Aspergers Syndrome" will no longer be diagnosed under that name in the USA.

Sorry Jusey, I wasn't intending to upset you in any way. If anything I was agreeing with you. I was simply pointing out how changing what something is called does not make it go away and pointing out how foolish some people are to think it does. Like the British government changing the name of "Unemployment Benefit" to "Jobseeker's Allowance". It's still The Dole, no matter what fancy words you wrap it up in!

And I would also like to point out that popular usage can overrule any government legislation. If everyone in the US still calls it Asperger's Syndrome, and when you get diagnosed with "High Function Autism Spectrum Disorder" or whatever they decide to call it, you reply "Do you mean Asperger's?" and everyone with Asperger's still call themselves "Aspies", the new rules can go take a running jump!

Please check out my latest A/A post.
I would rather watch a movie then have dinner than have dinner then watch a movie!

Jusey1

Quote from: Chrystal on August 03, 2014, 04:30:06 AM
-snip-

Asperger's Syndrome is now Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder. (Level 1 being a low form of Autism. Level 3 is the highest).


As for changing it... Actually, from what I was told. They changed how they work with Autism in general and how they test it, look for it, diagnose it, etc. To make it better and to diagnose it properly to more people. The requirements also changed a bit too since it seems every Autistic person is different when it comes to what symptoms they have.

And honestly, the changes are fine. From my understanding, they are learning more about the disorder and are making changes to the diagnose section properly with what they've learned.

Dingo

Even though it feels a tad bit like thread necromancy, I decided to write this anyways, and maybe people have use for it. If there are any questions, I am more than willing to elaborate or share more in private.

Under new testing I actually end up worse than Asperger's Syndrom which was the first diagnosis I received, now, 6 years ago. And I have been retested, since I also have been on disability for the past six years. (The wonders of living on a socialist welfare state).

***

A short biography of all the points where people could have interceded, picked up something was wrong. Not that I'm angry about that anymore.

I was an incredibly independent child. My first word actually was 'No'. My next words were 'I can do it.' My parents tell that story with pride, and while they understand, especially my father takes my condition hard on himself. I could read before I entered into the Dutch school system (before kids even were expected to be reading). I was then in conjunction with the school board tested for emotional maturity, if perhaps I could skip a few classes. (Yeah, not one, a few!). The result of that test were that I did not have the emotional growth to be with kids not my age. And so I stuck into the same grade, was bored every day (except for one teacher who gave me extra credit kinda stuff when I was two years away from graduating from that school). I was picked on, but never bullied bad. I also had an audiographic eidetic memory (and a really good memory otherwise). I have report cards that actually call me a 'Little Professor'.

I also took music courses, learned to play the flute, the violin, keyboards and piano. Eventually the teachers came out. Black and white on paper. 'He is technically among the bests players there are. But he will never learn more than I can teach him, because he is too mechanical in nature.' Now, once I learn a trick, I stop being interested and go on. So I don't blame the teachers there from giving up. I did learn the trick.

Then I entered high school and it was hell for me. I was bullied to the point where, I cracked. Unleashed all the pent up frustration at everybody else for not understanding me, and unleashed on the biggest (in size and in bullying) and beat him to a pulp. Schoolyard rules apparently applied, because while I was suspended for 'fighting' (we both showed clear signs of that) and so was he, neither of us ever gotten into more trouble. The bullying ended, but I decided it was my fault and went to blend in. Keep my head down. So nobody would notice me much. I also stopped being meticulous about everything, to the point where I have now a diagnosable tick that makes me refuse any form of imposed order (whether from myself or others in my life). My memory became no less good, but just as chaotic as everything around me. I even was held back a year. Because of failing grades and because I was ... and this one irks me absolutely the most .. emotionally not mature enough. The failing grades were actually part of an average that was was higher than the class average. But there were a couple of teachers who just could not get my interest. And without interest. Well, I just don't do.

I skirted through high school on simple memory and those things that interested me, and I ended up on the University. The natural course for someone as smart as I am. I started out with Electrical Engineering. It was something that I found utterly fascinating. I failed. I have no interest at all in practical applications in that field. So after my first year I went to Computer Science. I failed. I can't stand doing unimaginative assignments that every student before me already has done and has no point. Does not develop the future of science further, nor gives any skills you need in the real life. (Also I discovered I'm weirdly troubled when it comes to writing code). Then I went to psychology. And I used a trick that can always get me to work and keep my interest. I made myself feel responsible for another. An acquaintance of mine in a similar boat. So we both pushed each other to rush through that education. We actually managed to push all three bachelor years, minus the internships into a 2 year period. Sure, we didn't have all the courses finished, but that was more because we didn't take them due to time constraints. And then the other guy burned out. Leaving me, while he recovered in a mental institution. And I flunked psychology too.

During my whole university experience I invented a total new version of myself. Outgoing, social, smart. Since I can be a little intellectually arrogant it does cause problems in the 'real world' but there, I was amazing. Happiest time of my life. I was successfully womanizing, moderately sporty, socially active in a ton of clubs. Games, Books, Theater. I made actual friends. Some I still have. I became an alcoholic, but hey, you're s student, that's okay. I kicked the habit and kept up the act. It seemed to work. So it works right ?

But to all good things comes an end. I was hiding myself from my own administration. Money ran out. And I was evicted. Ending up back at my parents. With no job. No education. And taking up space. Then I found the perfect job for me. But unfortunately, it wasn't actually intended as a real job. (Some kind of government program to keep people from sitting at home while unemployed). I seriously loved that job. My boss there. My colleagues. Sure, I was a smug arrogant bastard. But the people there also had flaws. And I was put in place verbally, but still could be the smug arrogant bastard in those fields I know I am better, and nobody minded.

That ended and I ended up on a horrible work floor as a tax-asssessor data entry type person, for the property taxes. I had done that job before. And I loved it. But there, my colleagues were not nice. (Stupid civil servants). And I lost interest. My job quality started to go and I was let go.

I ended up in another 'government' style job to get people to work. This time something that truly challenged my intellectual and social capacities and I loved every single moment of that job. Until my senior colleague, who had been feeding me all the extra work, since he was going to be retired soon anyways, retired and his replacement came in. My age. Finished his education. But he was so ... dumb. Sure he had the people skills required. And he couldn't stand me. I know for  fact (from a colleague) that this guy actually saw me as a threat. But as part of his high potential kinda thing, his position was turned into a management thing. And I was given the boot. In those last few months, while I knew that I was fired, I decided to finally seek help.

The first diagnosis. Asperger's Syndrome, collaborated by a second different specialist (since I did not want to accept that diagnosis back then, not because it didn't fit, but because of the weight of the label.) Followed by a definite diagnosis of AD(H)D. But I already knew that. I don't physically bounce a lot, but mentally, it's a whole different story. But even with those diagnosis, and professional help to get my life on track (using all the social support given), I kept sliding down.
Third diagnosis: A physiological depression. And then later on in that same year a fourth, totally different diagnosis: Palindromic rheumatism of the worst possible kind.

Anti-depressants, painkillers. Sitting at home, doing nothing. That was my life. That is actually my life now. But I stopped with the medications. I have a dog now. I'm in a good place.

I know my self-defense mechanisms much better now. And I also learned a few tricks to make ... real .. social interactions easier.

But being happy ? Since that is what apparently everybody should strive for. I don't even know how happy feels.

In all this rambling and oversharing (which is my main defense mechanism) I probably left out a lot that might help. So just ask if you want. I promise I'll try to give my best advice.

With regards,

Dingo

Sabby

I just wanted to share something here. It's going to be a little more flowery and emotionally charged then what I usually share, but I think it's important I express as much as I can for context.

For my entire life, I've been completely unable to socialize with others. My head is too busy and my thoughts come out whenever they want to, meaning I can talk over people, interrupt them and change the subject. It made school an awkward and isolated misery, and it made my first two attempts to move out and be an adult complete disasters. It's only through Government assistance that I've been able to get by. The Australian Government pays my rent and my food and my bills and I've spent years just existing on my own in a glass cell because it's the only way I could get by. I could only look out at the world and try and convince myself I didn't want to be a part of it, because I knew that every time I tried it would just be more embarrassment, more aggravation, more self loathing. Elliquiy was my only social outlet since 2007, and my time here has been rocky at the best of times and downright embarrassing most others.

All of this time, I have been against medication. I had rebelled against my parents attempts to 'fix' me back in high school and took that pig headedness with me all the way up until now. It was just easier to blame everyone else for wanting to change me then actually face the reality of my Autism. My misery and isolation is my own damn fault, and I'm only now waking up to this. This last year I've been doing the sensible thing and taking my medication. My life has completely changed. I feel like all this time I had a big gaping wound in my brain and I've just been used to it, and now it's practically gone. I still have to learn my social skills and it's going to be a long and bumpy road until I'm happy with myself, but at least I can start walking.

Guys, don't be afraid of seeing a professional. Having friends and family there to support you is always a big help, but sometimes it's just not enough, and that's no ones fault. I know it can be a little degrading to go to a psychiatrist, but this doesn't mean you're broken or messed up. There's nothing wrong with trying to get help. Believe me, I've resisted this all my life and it was the biggest mistake I ever made.

Well, that's my story. I hope it helps someone.

Dashenka

Thanks for sharing.

Social skills are overrated. Why should 'we' learn how to interact with 'them', when 'they' cannot communicate to 'us'?

It's a little black and white as I state it but something I always found striking is how the person with the communicative issues has to learn and the 'normal' people don't. They can't communicate to some of us either. That sort of puts them in the same spot as us doesn't it?

Also some people are so strong in communicating, they tend to be very dominant in those terms.

Just saying that you shouldn't put too much attention to people's reaction when you feel you did something wrong. You're doing the best you can, if they can't see or understand that, it's their fault, not yours.
Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals and I get my back into my living.

I don't need to fight to prove I'm right and I don't need to be forgiven.

Sabby

That's the thing, people HAVE learned to communicate with me. My family have and the very few people I've been able to call friends also learned, but majority of those relationships faded because of my difficulties. To just sit back and say "Pfft, they should come to me!" is to avoid the problem. If you want to make friends, you gotta meet people half way, and the only way I learned that was from the very few special people in my life that came all the way to me.

Dashenka

I didn't mean sit back and wait. That's not gonna work. Some people just refuse to talk normally to you when they see you struggle to communicate. They think you are rude or something like that. It happened to me when I didn't make eye contact with somebody. He said I was rude and left. That's his loss not mine. I'm doing my best and if he can't see that or accept the fact that I'm handicapped on this item, so be it.
Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals and I get my back into my living.

I don't need to fight to prove I'm right and I don't need to be forgiven.

Sabby

Quote from: Dashenka on September 02, 2014, 05:40:02 AM
Social skills are overrated.

I missed this before.

As someone whose fighting just to learn them and has suffered emotionally most of his life due to a lack of them, I cannot disagree with you more on this. We're a social species. We crave interacting with others. Not being able to achieve that, at least to me, feels like being fundamentally broken.

Noisekick

Well I am to be tested in December due to social adaptation issues and a specific awkwardness.

Dashenka

Join us! Join us!

XD

Nah in all seriousness, good luck. Don't let the results get you down, no matter what. You're still you, even with a diagnosis of autism, you'll still be you.
Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals and I get my back into my living.

I don't need to fight to prove I'm right and I don't need to be forgiven.

Chrystal

Quote from: Dashenka on October 23, 2014, 02:56:20 AM
Join us! Join us!

XD

Nah in all seriousness, good luck. Don't let the results get you down, no matter what. You're still you, even with a diagnosis of autism, you'll still be you.

I agree. And in fact, I think having a diagnosis in some ways makes it easier to cope. I've said this before. Being able to say "Yes this is because I have high-functioning autism", (or whatever the fuck they want to call it), helps when you find yourself in a situation you can't cope with.

When I was growing up, they didn't call it autism, they didn't call it asperger's they didn't call it anything. If you were really bad to the point of being unable to function in society at all, you were labelled as a "spastic" - although that term, which in the UK is now considered very insulting, was officially a reference to cerebral palsy. If, like me, you were higher up the autistic spectrum, you were considered to be naughty, inattentive, easily distracted, throwing tantrums, basically it wasn't considered a "disorder", it was just "bad behaviour".

When my mother saw a TV program on ADHD in the early 1980s, she looked at me and said "Maybe that's what you've got?" I didn't say it, but my reaction was "No shit, Sherlock!"

Please check out my latest A/A post.
I would rather watch a movie then have dinner than have dinner then watch a movie!

Ephiral

There's another way it makes things easier: It can make you aware of problems you didn't know you were having. I'd never even considered the possibility that I might have anxiety, for example; I just thought that I found it stressful to go out and get things done because that probably meant dealing with people.

mookestink

Quote from: EphiralThere's another way it makes things easier: It can make you aware of problems you didn't know you were having.
That's true of mental health in general.  Learning that my teenage rebellion was actually self-medication for underlying disease changed my perspective greatly.

I have a question.  How often does a diagnosis for autism lead to suicide?  I know that's a significant danger for schizophrenia.

Dashenka

Quote from: mookestink on October 23, 2014, 02:01:27 PM
That's true of mental health in general.  Learning that my teenage rebellion was actually self-medication for underlying disease changed my perspective greatly.

I have a question.  How often does a diagnosis for autism lead to suicide?  I know that's a significant danger for schizophrenia.

Never? Why would you commit suicide when you have autism? A

And people with autism are more likely to be schizophrenic? Is that what you are saying?

Never heard that before. I'd like to read the article you foudn that from though. :)
Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals and I get my back into my living.

I don't need to fight to prove I'm right and I don't need to be forgiven.

mookestink

Dashenka, I have schizophrenia, and I believe the figure as to how many schizophrenics successfully kill themselves is somewhere around 10%.

I think you answered my question by being surprised by it. :)

Oniya

Quote from: Dashenka on October 23, 2014, 02:05:46 PM
Never? Why would you commit suicide when you have autism? A

And people with autism are more likely to be schizophrenic? Is that what you are saying?

Never heard that before. I'd like to read the article you foudn that from though. :)

Ah - not 'A diagnosis of autism is a risk factor for schizophrenia', but 'A diagnosis for schizophrenia is a risk factor for suicide'.  *was also confused*
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
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Dashenka

Quote from: Oniya on October 23, 2014, 02:23:31 PM
Ah - not 'A diagnosis of autism is a risk factor for schizophrenia', but 'A diagnosis for schizophrenia is a risk factor for suicide'.  *was also confused*

Okay. That makes more sense :) I wouldn't know about schizophrenia. I was more surprised at the link I thought you (mookestink) made between autism and schizophrenia :)
Out here in the fields, I fight for my meals and I get my back into my living.

I don't need to fight to prove I'm right and I don't need to be forgiven.