Porn

[christalskies]

I'm sorry a similar question has probably been asked before.  Was wondering what women feel about porn?  And what women think about men who watch porn?  Do you think porn influences men's sexuality and not in a good way?

[Kythia]

Assuming by "sexuality" you mean sexual behaviour as opposed to home/hetero/etc orientation then it does. 

I run an after school club for teenagers and we talk about this.  Now, I'll freely admit that this is run at a church and is an openly Christian group, billing itself as such.  Not everyone who attends is religious but a fair few are and the ones who aren't are still the type of kids who attend an after school Christian club (if you get what I mean).  Point is, I can't say with surety that their attitudes are typical.

Teenagers, males in particular, are getting a lot of their sex education from porn, and its shaping the actions they are willing to perform and shaping their knowledge of what bodies look like.  There's a documentary by Channel 4 about this where they show a group of teenagers images of penises, vaginas, breasts, etc from "normal" people and solicit comments.  The teenagers felt that average sized penises and breasts were small, weird looking, etc as they were solely used to seeing oversized examples that had been touched up, professionally lit, etc. Further, talking particularly to the girls here, the sexual activities they are feeling pressured to perform are far more than even I felt as a teenager (I'm 27).  I had a relatively freewheeling youth and I was 17 before I had anal sex, I know of 13 year olds who aren't anal virgins.  There has always been this pressure on young girls to engage in sexual activities, and there's a conversation for another thread there, but the nature of those activities are becoming more...extreme?  Not quite the word I want but it'll do.

My fiance was pretty inexperienced when we got together and I noticed it in him as well.  Specifically, the positions he wanted to try were pulled from porn - ones chosen to give a good view of penetration rather than because they're particularly enjoyable, for example.  I'm not going to delve too deep in to my private life but there are other examples as well. 

Moving away from anecdotal evidence, there's a useful summary of some of the evidence here and if you can you should watch that documentary (it's called Porn on the Brain). I won't link it here as the only link I know of available to all is an illegal site, however if you're in the UK (and possibly the ROI, not sure) you can watch it for free on 4 on demand.

Speaking personally, I don't watch much pornography, but that's because I have pretty rarefied tastes (I want to see a woman enjoying herself and no kissing) not because I have any huge objection to doing so.  I don't mind hubby-to-be watching it but I make sure I'm "involved" as it were, as I don't think becoming used to sexual gratification as a solitary activity, specifically one that excludes me, is a good thing.  I know his friends do as I've spoken to them and their girlfriends about it (when it came up in conversation, I mean, not "Sit down, we need to talk about porn") and realistically I tend to dump that in the file marked "not my problem".

I dunno.  I certainly don't think it should be banned even if I had a magic wand that could do so. But there does need to be more education around here.  I don't feel the sex ed teenagers get in this country (the UK) is great - for a start they don't actually have any compulsory SRE until 11 - and I think a lot more could be done there but parents object.  If you are in the UK there's a petition you can sign accessible from here and I'd urge you to do so.

[Aethereal]

Know plenty of men who watch porn, know plenty of women who watch porn (actually know surprisingly many women who watch porn, as media "taught" my younger self it is something mostly only men do ... and then was surprised when I begin to see females freely discussing porn, and watching/drawing it, and even a couple of cases where a woman de-fi-ni-te-ly did not recall she had something like that in this folder...). Overall, I am fairly neutral on it ... don't really deliberately watch it, as I seem to mostly just rely on my own imagination.

I must agree on positions and such, though. Since ... ouch? Ouch for *both* males and females.

[Beorning]

I dunno.  I certainly don't think it should be banned even if I had a magic wand that could do so. But there does need to be more education around here.  I don't feel the sex ed teenagers get in this country (the UK) is great - for a start they don't actually have any compulsory SRE until 11 - and I think a lot more could be done there but parents object.  If you are in the UK there's a petition you can sign accessible from here and I'd urge you to do so.

If I may go on a tangent here: it's interesting that you say that the solution to possible bad influence of porn on teenagers is more sex ed. Over here, the proposed solution to this problem (at least the one proposed by people that are the most critical of porn: the Catholic Church and Catholic politicians) is banning porn altogether *and* stopping sex ed from existing. Over here, the conservatives believe that sex ed is a sure way to make people *more* sexually depraved...  ::)

Oh, and they would certainly be shocked to hear you propose that sex ed should be available to children under 11. Back here, even sex ed for highschoolers is controversial...

[Kythia]

You do hear that line of argument over here as well.  The CofE as an institution is perhaps slightly more sex-positive than the RC Church but not a whole load.  The party line is that marriage is a remedy against sin but as with any organisation actual attitudes at the coalface can vary.  My own theology on the matter involves a whole load of personal details I'm not overly happy sharing so I'll nip any potential questions about that in the bud if I may.

The issue is that education works and the goal here is to prevent children suffering harm - emotional and physical - and to make sure they grow in to well adjusted adults.  Kids get Sex and Relationship Education from Year 7 (School year 7, 11 year olds as I say) prior to that its viewed as a parental responsibility.  Parents can have their children out of some of the classes but the actual nuts and bolts of what goes where is delivered as part of the Science curriculum and isn't optional.  None of it should be, really, but none of our politicians are brave enough to do that.  Prior to 2003 there was a really lousy piece of legislation called Section 28 that was related to teaching about homosexuality and while its effect on schools in purely legal terms was actually quite limited it cast a long shadow and had a bit of a chilling effect.

Generally, many people seem to think that if teachers, youth workers, etc don't tell children about sex then they'll remain happy contented little innocents.  What actually happens is they pick up a hodge podge of inaccurate information from friends, porn, etc. and don't make the best choices they can.  Failing to give them information just means they get incorrect information from other sources, not that they don't know anything.  We should be teaching it at primary (5-10 year olds) school and it should be compulsory.  Amongst other issues.

[christalskies]

I'm not in favor of banning it at all.  Nor am I making a moral judgment, because I look at porn too.  But the one thing I notice is that there is a tendency for it to get more extreme, because porn is a product that has to make money, so it always has to be pushing barriers. 

[HannibalBarca]

Most of the women I know will watch it with their SO, but don't watch it alone.  I'm not the most knowledgeable person on women's interest in porn, however.

As far as sex ed, my parents were raised Catholic, went to parochial schools, and yet set me down in 5th grade (10-11) and taught me everything I needed to know about sex, using a clinical, humorous, and very enlightening book.  They did this because they didn't want me (or my younger brothers) to go through what they went through, as far as the clueless fumbling, hearsay, and nonsense they picked up from friends and the media.  My ex and I did the same for our daughter, but went one further and answered any questions she had, as soon as she was old enough to ask them, but gave her age-appropriate answers.  When she was satisfied, she stopped asking.  If she kept asking, she was interested and willing to learn, and we taught her.  Needless to say, she is a very well-adjusted 13 year old now with no hang-ups about sex or her (or anyone else's) body, and wholeheartedly pushes for LGBTQA equality, even in her school, despite the majority of students being opposed to it.

Children crave knowledge.  They seek the unknown when they are unafraid of it, and sometimes when they are afraid of it.  They need wisdom, ,not ignorance, of their body.  Nature abhors a vacuum.  If they don't get the facts from authority figures, they will seek out what they can from other, less reliable, sources.

[Oniya]

The issue is that education works and the goal here is to prevent children suffering harm - emotional and physical - and to make sure they grow in to well adjusted adults.  Kids get Sex and Relationship Education from Year 7 (School year 7, 11 year olds as I say) prior to that its viewed as a parental responsibility.  Parents can have their children out of some of the classes but the actual nuts and bolts of what goes where is delivered as part of the Science curriculum and isn't optional.  None of it should be, really, but none of our politicians are brave enough to do that.  Prior to 2003 there was a really lousy piece of legislation called Section 28 that was related to teaching about homosexuality and while its effect on schools in purely legal terms was actually quite limited it cast a long shadow and had a bit of a chilling effect.

Generally, many people seem to think that if teachers, youth workers, etc don't tell children about sex then they'll remain happy contented little innocents.  What actually happens is they pick up a hodge podge of inaccurate information from friends, porn, etc. and don't make the best choices they can.  Failing to give them information just means they get incorrect information from other sources, not that they don't know anything.  We should be teaching it at primary (5-10 year olds) school and it should be compulsory.  Amongst other issues.

Recently in the news, there's been talk about a school in Texas where the 'sex ed' is simply 'Don't do it.'  That is to say, it is 'abstinence only'.  The school had to send a letter home to parents after they discovered that 1 in 15 of the students had chlamydia (20 out of a total of 300 students).  The superintendent's rationale for the 'abstinence only' curriculum was 'If kids are not having any sexual activity, they can’t get this disease. That’s not a bad program.' http://www.texasmonthly.com/daily-post/about-outbreak-chlamydia-west-texas

[Pumpkin Seeds]

Abstinence only does, of course, work and is really the only truly safe method of not getting pregnant or catching a STD.  Of course going with an only abstinence program is about as realistic as teaching people to do driving safety by not driving.

As for pornography, I am one the fence.  Certainly I have enjoyed an intense film every now and then.  By the same token I can’t help but feel this is shaping the views of men in regard to women and the views of women in regard to men.  There are segments that are meant for the consumption of women, more “romantic” scenarios are being done as the idea of women watching porn is settling into the industry.  Still the vast majority are centered on a male dominant audience and much of the content is not favorable toward women that I have seen.  Now do I think someone watching pornography will run out and rape someone, no.  Still I cannot help but believe that if this is the main source of knowledge a teenage mind just learning about sex has to rely upon there will be a great deal of confusion, frustration and disappointment.

[Drake Valentine]

As a male will drop my two cents.

I'm sorry a similar question has probably been asked before.  Was wondering what women feel about porn?  And what women think about men who watch porn?  Do you think porn influences men's sexuality and not in a good way?

I. Don't know as I am not a woman.
II. Don't care as that is a personal choice.
III. No, I do not. I believe media in general influences everything along with how you grow up and are raised.

Porn alone cannot be label as making a person act the way they do, such a notation is completely ridiculous. The same crap can be said about all these violent video games being blamed for real life acts of violence. In the end, it is the individual's choice of how they handle the material that they present, it isn't the material itself that makes anyone go out and do what they do. If anything, porn is just another form of entertainment to help relieve one's perversions. Although I will admit, I do not watch much adult films as I personally find my pleasantly more in roleplay and engrossing myself in a world full of characters over watching some cheesy adult scene(cause let's face it, they are all the same.) I must be really bored to really ever turn to pornographic films.

Beyond that in regards to children these days as I notice comments on such all over the board. First and foremost it is the parental responsible in their approach to such. Now, obviously a parent cannot monitor everything their child does. Children are children, they will always rebel and I am sure everyone knows this well cause probably at some point you had a similar phase in your life to not go with your parents wishes. Unless you are really a golden child, then kudos to you. Still, it is the media that is the main problem. If anything, sex in the modern world seems more encouraged given the various commercials, films, and other material. Hell, it even seems that our parental guidance for media has changed over the last few decades. I remember at one point that PG -13 was still more of kid/teenager friendly shows. Of course, there are movies that stray from that as I recall watching The Other Guys in a theater and that seemed a bit too over the top for PG - 13 material.

Sex - Ed is a joke, all it does is try to enforce scare tactics and around where I am from, that never worked. Not sure if all 'sex-ed' classes do similar, though the approach could of been different instead of going about a 'don't have sex, if you have sex you gonna catch all these diseases.' Essentially, they were saying sex itself was bad as a whole. Some even try to enforce condoms for protection, which cannot really protect you from any transmitted diseases. Not sure of their methods of today, but those are just recaps of time spent in High School in a distant past.

So no, porn is not bad as a whole. It just amounts to what you are fed growing up and how you nurture that information. In the end everyone is responsible for themselves. I believe it is that individual's character that influences anything really, to place any fault of how they act generally, sexually, mentally, or otherwise due to material given is just plain silly and if they hadn't properly mature to grasp that concept, then there lies the problem with parents and the teaching world that fail to guide them.

[Mikem]

My ex absolutely hated me watching porn, especially porn with real people. Thought of it as a form of cheating. Why should I view porn if I already had a partner?

Porn hasn't shaped me. It's introduced me to all the aspects out there, which I have decidedly found to be appeasing or not. Yeah I've noticed that porn stars have rockin' bodies, are always lean, fit, or ripped and have giant dicks and neat, shaved vaginas and perky or large breasts. But that doesn't mean I'm disgusted by the average normal Human body. I dated a girl who had some extra pounds on her, especially in the hips and ass and I freaking loved her. Most attractive girl to me at the time. I still watched porn though because it was a temporary method of satisfaction. Girl isn't there and I'm suddenly in the mood? Look up some porn and get it over with.

[Corsair]

In terms of body types, I see porn as being much more egalitarian than mainstream media. Porn caters to every type of body shape, big, small, really big, big boobs, small etc. Same as dick size on the men not all male porn stars are huge, most granted but not at all. Depends on what type of porn you are looking at and what you want.

In terms of it influencing a male's (or person's) sexuality, it probably can. There are many studies on sex and porn addiction and how porn can make someone emotionally detached. That makes sense to me but as someone else mentioned it also depends on how the viewer wants this to influence them. I grew up watching Action and War films and yet I didn't grow up violent or not caring about people's suffering.

I knew they were just films.

Sex Ed has come up here a lot as well. It is in itself a broad topic, what should Sex Ed actually teach and at what ages? To me it should be as free as possible of any political or religious agenda or at least balanced.

Before anything the "mechanics" should be taught, how the sexual organs work, what they are there for, how pregnancy happens, STD's and how they can be minimized. I also think Abstinence should be a part of it, not making kids feel like they have to have sex. This doesn't mean they are expected to abstain or pressured but just as providing another facet to the spectrum.

In terms of teaching positions and kinks etc. I don't know if that even happens or not but I don't think it is a good idea and sorry if I am sounding naive but it has been a long time since I was at school so I am unsure if that is a part of what some people want or do in Sex Ed.

Although I do feel that if the students have questions they should be free to ask them and open discussions take place. When I was in High School that is what happened.

[alextaylor]

Agree with what Kythia said!

I think porn sets a bad example on expectations. It seems like 30 years back, if a girl really enjoys a date with a guy, the girl gives him a french kiss. These days, the expectation is more like a blowjob. Do people even kiss anymore?

Anal sex is becoming an expectation. I keep arguing that humans are not designed to have anal sex. This isn't an anti-gay thing, but anal sex seems to be hazardous.

I think porn spoils a lot of people's brains. A lot of things are spoiling our brains too - Twitter, Facebook, email, fast carbs, all these things that build up bad habits. Porn seems to be a really bad addiction that makes people spiral into infinite procrastination, fatigue, never being satisfied with what they have.

On porn itself, most content doesn't interest me. It's really very oriented for guys. It's like 95% for guys. Porn stars have oversized boobs, look really fake, nothing I can relate to. And the guys are generally ugly. As if the average porn watcher was 40 y.o. overweight men who want to relate to them. I'm fine with humiliation and all that, but at least make the guys a lot more appealing.

For me, I think it's spoiled my tastes. I'm a virgin, but now I'm into all these horrible kinks like impregnation and tentacle monsters. Obviously from watching too much of the stuff. And those are kinks that can't be practically satisfied. So idk how I'll get into a long term relationship.

[Sho]

For me, I think it's spoiled my tastes. I'm a virgin, but now I'm into all these horrible kinks like impregnation and tentacle monsters. Obviously from watching too much of the stuff. And those are kinks that can't be practically satisfied. So idk how I'll get into a long term relationship.

I just wanted to drop in here to say that you shouldn't worry about it spoiling your tastes; what you seen on porn and what you actually experience when you do find a partner you trust to give your virginity to are going to be very, very different. Watching something is one thing, but it's gong to be an entirely different experience when you're actually with a partner.

Also, while I do think porn isn't a great influence on younger men (I think it teaches them that certain positions/motions are standard and that they should expect these things from normal women), I also think that it has opened people up to discovering their sexuality. It's a bit of a mixed bag. Beyond that, I've found that except for the most extreme cases, people can differentiate between what's happening on screen and what they actually expect from their real-life partners. I actually think saying that porn has a massive effect on someone is like arguging that videogames do the same (the whole 'videogames make kids violent' argument).

I think that most people are able to take the good with the bad and use porn as a temporary substitution for the real thing.

Also...as far as women thinking its cheating, I personally don't agree with that idea but I have plenty of female friends who do think its a betrayal. It's something you should discuss with your partner and agree upon. Some women would find it cheating to fantasize about another woman/to watch another woman, whereas I think that porn is like video games...it's a temporary fantasy. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you and your partner agree on what the rules are for this sort of thing and stick to them.

[MercyfulFate]

I'm a guy who watches porn and it really in no way negatively affects my sexuality as far as I can tell. I use it to masturbate when my wife isn't home and I don't know any guys who don't watch it. It does help me to explore fantasies I can't in real life by watching those videos too.

Now if you want to discuss stuff like sexism in the industry it's a different story, but I ignore all that crap when I watch it.

[eBadger]

Agreed with the mixed bag notion. 

Preconceptions: Yes, it's a concern.  Clearly, what happens in porn isn't how real sex works, and I think it does help intensify a lot of the feelings of inadequacy that many have (breasts are big enough, cock isn't long enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough).  But that's frankly nothing unique to porn: it seems like every commercial, movie, billboard, ad, or bit of packaging gives the same message. 

Intensification/misconceptions: Again, yes, porn teaches us that every girl is bi, anal and oral are normal activities, and sex is harder than gymnastics.  But it's not as though the pre-internet world was without its own misconceptions due to the other extreme of ignorance.  Not understanding what sex is, or isn't, or the health concerns involved...bad information isn't a new problem, it has just changed in nature. 

As to the activities and expectations...well, if it's consensual, and the health issues are understood, I don't feel it's bad that oral sex or even *gasp* some sodomy has become part of normal bedroom activities.  I think major movies about bdsm are great (even if the movies themselves are horrible).  Those gymnastic positions may be awkward, but I think it's pretty great that couples are willing to try them out and find what works for them.  The pressure to do things we aren't completely comfortable with isn't something I will dismiss, but the reverse of the coin is permission to enjoy oneself without shame and to explore ways to make sex better. 

And that's another thing I think porn has given us.  Sex is FUN.  Sex is healthy, wonderful, normal, and going on all around by everybody.  It is not a dirty secret, something to feel ashamed for, something that makes us lesser.  It's not even that big of a deal.  Nobody cares if you aren't a virgin on your wedding night or hook up with a fling.  As sexual urges are a major part of who we are a species, regarding them as normal and acceptable goes a long way toward accepting who we are and fulfilling ourselves as people. 

[Mikem]

Agree with what Kythia said!

I think porn sets a bad example on expectations. It seems like 30 years back, if a girl really enjoys a date with a guy, the girl gives him a french kiss. These days, the expectation is more like a blowjob. Do people even kiss anymore?

I've only dated once, but with that girl kissing was very much the first thing done. Actually my first kiss I gave her was on the back of her head. Then the first proper kiss, quickly followed up with a breathless frenzy. I'd like to think kissing is still a thing for the more romantic of us. As for the more casually sexual people of society though..

Anal sex is becoming an expectation. I keep arguing that humans are not designed to have anal sex. This isn't an anti-gay thing, but anal sex seems to be hazardous.

As someone who's had some recent medical problems concerning that area of the body, the idea of having something shoved in there over and over scares the Hell out of me. So I can imagine what it's like for the opposite sex. Anal is bad juju.

[Thesunmaid]

Well porn is fine just as reading erotica or romance novels and fantasy books are just that...fantasy. Some people fantasize and role play things that are things they would not do in real life. The porn actors in violent or rape fetish porn are all actors. They consent to things happening on the screen and are paid for thier work just as anyone else would get paid for thier jobs in a less sexual job.

if people would simply stop demonizing sex and I am sorry to say but people will never be able to stop teenagers from having and being curious about sex. They are little raging balls of hormones. So me personally I threw condoms at my son when he was a teenager. I made sure he knew how to use them and the only reason he had a daughter in September was because his girlfriends doctor is an idiot and told her she was infertile because of endometriosis and she has a latex allergy. So they thought it was safe since they had both been tested and were clean of std's.

I am planning on having the talk with my 9 year old because he is getting curious and I want him to know about sex and sexuality from me. He already understands that cartoon and video game violence is not real so i will also explain to him that porn for the most part is not real either. I would honestly rather have my son seeing a woman's bare breast than someone getting thier heads blown off and brains splattering all over things personally.But unless i sit over his shoulder every minute of every day that's not going to happen. All I can do it try and give him the knowledge and hope he will be like my older son who when he is about to do something stupid he has told myself and my husband he hears one of our voices in the back of his head saying"Do you really think you should do that?"

Also if you do it right..anal sex can feel very good..but those porn actors..they have time to get ready and they are relaxed before anything happens and there is alot of lube involved..aaaaaalot. So yeah porn can set unreal expectations..but so can movies where a gun which normally had 6 to 12 bullets seems to be able to take out an entire army of bad guys when the hero's shoot it...its all about talking to your kids and explaining..this is a movie..its not real..its all just a fantasy. I don't want my kids thinking sex is horrible and scary and dirty. So porn is fine by me..because I understand the difference between fantasy(porn) and reality.(my own satisfying sex life which includes anal sex with my husband.)

[Ssieth]

The research on how porn watching (apart from when it gets to the point of a pathological compulsion) effects people's behaviour seems to be rather sparse.  This is likely to be at least partly to do with the fact that there is something of a stigma attached to studies of sexual behaviour not just from the general public but in academic circles.  It's often seen as not very academic for some reason, although I am assured by friends (who are academics in vaguely related fields) that those attitudes are slowly changing.

Without good, solid bodies of research to work from I'm somewhat sceptical about the idea that it has much of a significant effect on behaviour.  Other studies into the effects of violence or drug use in various forms of media (films, video games etc) have generally turned up little to no effect and it seems reasonable to assume that the same is going to be true for sexual content.

I've never studied it from an academic perspective and can only speak from personal experience and some odd professional experience.  I used to work for a university and it was decided that rather than block content, the Acceptable Use Policy would be enforced by keeping  bit of a watch on logs of the web cache and to scan it for keywords.  If a sufficient number got thrown up over a sufficiently long period of time, a users access history was given a quick scan and if it was deemed that they were accessing material prohibited in the policy (out network provider prohibited content and so we had to pass those prohibitions downwards) then they were brought in for a quick word.  Repeat offences result in potential disciplinary action etc etc.  I caught the job of sifting those logs.  Thankfully it didn't last too long as we managed to persuade the university management to fork out for proper filtering (and to relax the rules somewhat).

What did the logs tell me?  That there was a definite gender divide between male and female users.  As you might predict, there was a higher percentage of male users accessing pornographic material but not by as bug a margin as you might expect.  If I remember correctly the difference was approximately 15% or so.  So, for ever 100 access by a female user there were 115 by a male user.  Certainly not as big a gap as many imagine. 

Secondly, the nature of material being accessed was notably different from a male and female cohort of users.  The male users seemed, on the whole, to be looking for overwhelming visual media (pictures and videos) and of a generally 'vanilla' nature.  Female users tended to be more diverse in their choice of medium (written works were not on our banned list but threw up false positives in the log sifting) and with a much higher percentage of fetish-related materials (for want of a better term).

I've no idea if this data would pan out the same in the general populace or whether it was a finding specific to us for some reason.  Certainly nobody followed it up with any academic research.

[Sethala]

My initial thought is that no, porn doesn't have a negative effect on most people, for the same reason watching violent movies (or playing violent games) doesn't have a negative effect on people; it's fantasy, and we can distinguish it as such.

Then I started thinking about it a bit more, and there's a second angle to examine, I think.  We know Call of Duty, for example, is fictional and nothing like the real world because we have a baseline to compare it to; we can go out and watch real war documentaries, watch news stories about wars, fights, and shootings, and compare the fiction to what's real to see the contrast.

Porn, however, is a different matter.  Anything sex-related outside of porn is generally very stigmatized.  There's hardly any informational documentaries about sex, you don't see news stories going into graphic detail about sex, and so on.  Even the idea of sex ed is a joke in many schools, often teaching people "don't have sex" instead of "this is what real sex is like".  Simply put, unlike violence, we don't have a way to get a good baseline for what "real sex" is outside of the fiction.  Knowing that something is fantasy is fine, but being able to tell what parts of it are fiction and what parts aren't isn't something you can do by just saying "it's not really like that", you have to know what it really is like first.

I don't think there's a problem with people watching too much porn, or porn being too unrealistic.  I think the problem is, instead, that we have no way to tell people learning about sex what real sex is like, and when the only way someone can learn about sex is either doing it themselves or watching an unrealistic fantasy, you end up with people who have unrealistic ideas of what sex is all about.

[eBadger]

There's hardly any informational documentaries about sex, you don't see news stories going into graphic detail about sex, and so on.  Even the idea of sex ed is a joke in many schools, often teaching people "don't have sex" instead of "this is what real sex is like".  Simply put, unlike violence, we don't have a way to get a good baseline for what "real sex" is outside of the fiction.

I respectfully disagree.  There are a ton of resources, and while many are lacking - such as in-school sex education - they do exist as a starting point.  The web has lots of material as well, from youtube channels about sex education to support groups to help lines to biology on wikipedia.  There are face to face opportunities as well, from talking to one's doctor, visiting planned parenthood or other groups, safe sex promotions, etc.  As a culture, we're VERY interested in sex, study it all the time and have a vast quantity of first person, real accounts.  Certainly more than we do for violence: hunting down an unbiased, objective study of the psychological and emotional effect of shooting someone is going to be a lot more of a challenge. 

I'm not claiming that we're doing a good job of putting that information into kids' hands and guiding their choices.  But the material is absolutely out there. 

[Tairis]

I'm not claiming that we're doing a good job of putting that information into kids' hands and guiding their choices.  But the material is absolutely out there.

I think you wildly over-estimate most kids ability to access that information and willingness to do so at least in the United States. Talk to their Dr? When are they going to do that when for most of their life their parent is going to be in the same room? Planned parenthood offers information, but is also stigmatized in many places (especially the south). The internet is really the only private place most kids can go to learn about sex and most the resources you find on a quick search there obviously aren't the 'real facts' kind.

[Sethala]

I respectfully disagree.  There are a ton of resources, and while many are lacking - such as in-school sex education - they do exist as a starting point.  The web has lots of material as well, from youtube channels about sex education to support groups to help lines to biology on wikipedia.  There are face to face opportunities as well, from talking to one's doctor, visiting planned parenthood or other groups, safe sex promotions, etc.  As a culture, we're VERY interested in sex, study it all the time and have a vast quantity of first person, real accounts.  Certainly more than we do for violence: hunting down an unbiased, objective study of the psychological and emotional effect of shooting someone is going to be a lot more of a challenge. 

I'm not claiming that we're doing a good job of putting that information into kids' hands and guiding their choices.  But the material is absolutely out there.

I think there's two very important things that kids need to learn about sex.  One is the consequences of sex, including STDs, pregnancy, just what kind of functions the body uses during sex, explaining to guys what a period is, and so on.  This is all very important, and it's definitely the kind of thing you'd learn from a doctor, or library books, but it's not the real issue here, from my understanding...

The other thing is, for lack of a better way to put it, how to enjoy sex.  This is where the fantasy of porn starts becoming a problem, because people simply don't know what good, healthy, pleasurable sex is actually like very often.  Admittedly, I'm kind of finding it hard to describe this, so apologies if I can't get my point across very well.

[TaintedAndDelish]

There seems to be some concern here about people watching porn being misinformed and ending up with a head full of incorrect ideas.  I want to push back against this with a counter argument. I think that this process of gaining inaccurate information and refining our understanding though experience is quite normal.

A virgin who gets educated from porn, their friend's tall tales and the community's imperfect teachings will make some mistakes along the way, but their mind will adjust as new information hits. They will see that not every man has a 12 inch dick, that Pamela Anderson's breasts are not the norm, and that with sex comes attachment, emotions, and complications.

I don't think you can prepare a person for everything, and I think pitching a perfect education is not likely to happen. Hopefully though, some of the largest lessons such as consent, disease, and unintended pregnancy can be dealt with via basic education. Those lessons can be tough to learn the hard way.

I know, this is a little bit off topic, but I think it fits.

[Sheoldred]

I tried to watch gratuitous amounts of porn on purpose once, to try make myself pay no heed to all the pretty women on the streets. It didn't work though. :c


It's kind of like... being immortal in a communist state. It's great until the commies catch you and torture you repeatedly because you can't die.