Corrupt a wish

[Trigon]

Granted, you get to play Russian Roulette... until you lose!

I wish I could defy all odds

[Derwaysh]

You defy all odds until you arrive in Soviet Russia. Here the odds defy you!

I wish my bloody controller would behave...

[Knightshadow]

Your controller behaves, but now you system crashes and becomes obsolete.

I wish people would stop hitting my car!

[BlueJayHighway]

Granted, now they hit you instead, making you go to the hospital for long periods of time. And everytime you get out, you get hit again, although they are never lethal.

(that was oddly specific)

I wish I could never run out of cash on a night out.

[Knightshadow]

Granted, but now everyone knows you have cash and either tries to mug you or hang out with you, asking for freebies and expecting you to pay for all their drinks!

I wish I could ride my motorcycle today....(too rainy).

[BlueJayHighway]

Granted, it stops raining. It's snowing now.

I wish I could skip time by waiting, like in videogames.

[Yukina]

Granted, but you're not allowed to select the amount of time you skip.

I wish I had the power to teleport.

[Adrianna Paige]

Granted but your particles become jumbled and misplaced.

I wish only Fridays existed.

[Shekinah]

granted, now you are working everyday for the rest of your life, looking forward to the weekend starting yet waking up to realize once again you have to work and won't get any rest and weekend fun.

I wish I had some freshly made croissants I could eat

[Adrianna Paige]

Granted. However, as you bite and the croissant flakes off into your mouth, each flake paper cuts you.

I wish it was either Fall or Spring.

[CassieBear]

Granted, however allergies to the pollen and ragweed make you unable to enjoy the seasons as you're too busy trying to not die.

I wish every father a wonderful day today (for those who celebrate Father's Day).

[Adrianna Paige]

Granted but every father gets a cavity because of how sweet their children are being.

I wish cell phones didn't exist.

[BlueJayHighway]

Granted, we are now back to using pigeons to send messages across the globe.

I wish most of my friends lived closer to my home.

[Knightshadow]

Granted. But they soon wear out their welcome from being overbearing, eating all your food, and staying up too late! Now you cannot move away!

I wish I didn't have to work with such @$$holes!

[Yukina]

Granted. You now work with chatterboxes.

I wish for a loyal pigeon army!

[BlueJayHighway]

Granted. If you don't give them bread, they throw your rule over, making you their slave.

I wish I could get back to the pinnacle of my abilities of drinking booze after blacking out but faster.

[CassieBear]

Granted, but liver failure gets in the way of that, giving you 6 months to a year.

I wish July was going to be easier on my work schedule.

[Merry Gentry]

Granted, you have just been fired. 

I wish I wasn't so sleepy

[Knightshadow]

Granted. You're wide awake--and now there isn't a damn thing to do and you're bored!

I wish I didn't have to go in to work tomorrow!

[Lyku]

Granted.. because you were fired.

I wish I could go skydiving and not kill or hurt myself.

[Knightshadow]

Granted. You do fall and kill the dude that was strapped to your back in tandem!

I wish I could play better basketball!

[CassieBear]

Granted. You're now freakishly tall and people think you're cheating.

I wish our pool wasn't filled with Gypsy moth caterpillar poop.

[Merry Gentry]

Granted, because now it's filled with frogs.  Hundreds of them.

I wish my hair was a little longer

[Knightshadow]

Granted, happily!  Real men love long hair on women!  ;-)  But now you are Rapunzel and are locked in a tower!

I wish I had some ice cream.

[CassieBear]

Granted; it's melting on the pavement.

I wish I wasn't kept up so late.