Perverted Wishes

[Crovonovin]

Wish granted!  Every single sheep and cow in the world is suddenly thrown up into the air and falls back to earth with a resounding splat!  Effectively ending both the beef and wool industries instantaneously.  Not to mention causing the extinction of both species.

I wish for all the tobacco and alcohol in the world to completely vanish!

[MusicNeverDies]

Granted. But the addicts start looking for it, giant riots break out, and most of the world is ransacked to ruin, ending with a totalitarian government and Martial Law.

I wish the summer was here.

[Izu]

Wish granted, but because of the changes in the climate it snows the entire summer, the sky is covered by black clouds through which no sun can come and we see The Day After Tomorrow in real life.

I wish for a Web like the Matrix where one logs into the Web and they enter the virtual world of Elliquiy :3

[Eseleon]

Yay! Wish battle!  ;D

Wish granted, but it turns out that the Matrix version of Elliquiy is full of Agent Smiths  :o and anyone who entered will be part of a gang-up burly brawl and made to look like good old Smithy (and act and dress like him) for the rest of his/her life.

I wish for a talking taco.

[shadowbane]

granted, and in about 3-4 hours it will be a talking pile of poo

I wish I wasnt a Nuclear engineer.

[Captain Maltese]

Congratulations. After an accident with plutionium you are now a FORMER nuclear engineer.

I wish I was clever.

[Aaleril]

You are propelled five hundred years in the future, where the DNA of lesser people have been perpetuated throughout the generations, plunging the average IQ down to a mere 2.5, thus comparatively making you a genius.

I wish I could manipulate people perfectly!

[Zaer Darkwail]

Wish granted, you can manipulate people but not in anyway expected manner. Meaning if you manipulate someone and hope he/she agrees with you, instead the person agrees with someone else than you or disagrees because of the manipulation. Worst of the all; you cant turn this power off.

I wish I would see universe before I die of old age/accident.

[Skylit]

Wish granted! Though on your long journey, the universe continued its ever changing state, creating new places to visit and leaving you in an endless cycle of things to see. Then, after you near the end of your journey and reach an old age, you forget most of the places you've seen and are thus cursed to see it all again in an endless loop, not realizing that some idiot on earth actually invented an easier way than to fly around.

I wish there was a way that I could beat this game and get a wish that actually came true with no strings attached. :(

[Rhapsody]

Granted!  You become a puppet whose strings have been cut.

I wish I could stop procrastinating.

[Avis habilis]

Voilà! You're filled with boundless energy. So much, in fact, that you can't sit still for more than a minute at a time. You sleep three hours a night.

I wish I had taken that ballroom dancing class back in college.

[tesseractive]

Granted! You became so popular through your suave dance moves that you now have 3 ex-wives and a staggering alimony bill every month.

I wish I could read the minds of cats.

[Rhapsody]

Granted!  Now all you hear is the "I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix Meow Mix, please deliver" jingle 24/7. 

I wish my toddler would stop poking into places he doesn't belong. >.<

[Corinthi]

What a horrible wish to pervert. Gah. Anyhow. *Blinks and wriggles his nose*

Granted! Your toddler is now omniscient, instantly knowing and understanding the answer to any question that enters his head, making poking into things entirely redundant when it comes to satisfying his curiosity.

Good luck raising him.

[ShamshielDF]

I wish people would stop forgetting to add a new wish to the bottom of their answer.

[Tomboy]

Wish granted! But the entropy of forgetfulness demands recourse, and as a result cardiac surgeons forget how to put chests back together again when they've finished, teachers forget math (yay!) and nuclear plant engineers forget safety shutdown sequences. All the users of Elliquiy are outed by their strange but important forgetfulness. All those who haven't put wishes at the ends of their answers that is...

I wish that I could eat as much chocolate as I wanted and never worry about it...

[Corinthi]

(Sorry, I was just pleased with myself because I thought of a way to grant the wish that wasn't inherently harmful to the kid.)

Wish Granted. *removes all desire for chocolate that you have or will ever have, replacing it with general disdain for the confection*

I wish the powers that be would grant wishes based on the wisher's desires, not take the stated wish and twist it into something horrible.

[Mnemaxa]

Wish Granted!  Now all wishes are based on the wisher's subconscious desire - whether or not it's the desire they THINK they're making a wish about!

I wish that pain would not be so painful.

[ShamshielDF]

Granted!  Five minutes later hundreds are dead, having not realized the severity of their injuries, leaving hands on stoves or in stupid dares.  Also, sex doesn't feel as good due to the tragic numbing of sensitivity, leading to the end of the human race.

I wish that this wish not be granted.

[Saku]

Granted!

But since this wish was not granted, that means that the wish before that was not granted etc.... and before you know it we are back to the one who originally wished for a never-ending supply of chocolate and she starts it all over again!

[tesseractive]

I wish that I had a tangerine right now.

[Saku]

Oops. I forgot to make a wish! Instead of me going back and fixing it I shall just respond to this one so I get to make a wish! xD

Wish granted.

But now you have a rotten tangerine because you didn't specify that you wanted it to be fresh and ripe and juicy and delicious!

I wish that I could watch all the episodes of Season 5 right now of the tv show Supernatural instead of having to wait until the fall...

[tesseractive]

Wish granted! But in order to get season 5 out months early, they got rid of the actors and animated it cheaply so that it looks like a knockoff South Park.

Hmm... my wish for the day (year?) has already been granted (in a good way, even!), so I just wish I could give everyone here a hug.

[WhiteAngel]

Wish granted! Your arms grow long enough so that you can hug every person in the world!

I wish I could change my gender

[ShamshielDF]

Granted!  Your gender now changes at a whim.  Whenever you meet someone of a different sex, whenever you see the word male or female, whenever you hear the words sex, gender, male or female.  It doesn't change you to that gender, it simply changes it.  And, of course, in the middle of sex. 

I wish I didn't have such problems waking up in the morning...