Corrupt a wish

[DemonessOfDeathValley]

Granted, but they're worse than the old one.

I wish for a pair of Iron Fist shoes.

[WeepingLiberty]

Granted, but their previous owner was a dirty hobo.

I wish for a time machine.

[DemonessOfDeathValley]

Granted, but it can only 5 seconds into the past.

I wish for an Apple.

[WeepingLiberty]

Granted, but it's poisoned.

I wish for a steak salad.

[DemonessOfDeathValley]

Granted, but it's an ounce. Total.

I wish for a pink pillow.

[WeepingLiberty]

Granted, but it's full of spiders.

I wish for toad.

[Vill]

Granted, but if you don't kiss it daily it do turn into a sarlac pit.

I do be wishin' for a bottomless bag full of gold.

[Zuleika]

Granted but you will be cursed with evil sprites that seek for the return of their gold.

I wish for an Xbox One.

[DemonessOfDeathValley]

Granted, but you can't beat any of the games.

I wish for new hair ribbon.

[WeepingLiberty]

Granted, but when you touch it, it turns into a venomous snake.

I wish for a birthday cake milkshake.

[Vill]

Granted, but it do be haunted since the old Captain of the Queen Ann tried to use it to bribe me crew for a peaceful surrender.

Clearly, we take no prisoners.

I do be wishin' for fiery little first mate to help hoist me main sheet me main mast.

[DemonessOfDeathValley]

Granted, but they're married.

I wish for rum. Why is the rum always gone?!

[Vill]

<Pours an ample shot of rum>

By the way, love: you did properly fail to corrupt me last wish. A lawless scallywag like me be no respectin' the holy laws of ordinary men.

I wish it to rain rum for a day.

[Adammair]

Granted, but you failed to specify where, so it rains rum into the ocean and there isn't a single ship on the ocean to catch even a single drop. Yo ho ho, and an empty bottle of rum!

I wish for a grand piano.

[matty79]

Granted, but the ghost of Liberace sits and plays songs on it 24/7.

I wish I was still in bed. 

[Belle33]

Granted, but the bed is sinking on a bed of lava, so you might want to get moving.

I wish I could run faster than a speeding bullet.

[WeepingLiberty]

Granted, but it burns the hell out of your feet.

I wish I could go to the moon for a day.

[DemonessOfDeathValley]

Granted, but you're sent to a moon far, far past Pluto and you never see earth again.

I wish for a pair of strappy sandals.

[matty79]

Granted, but they are made of cheese.

I wish I had an extra three hours a day to devote to writing.

[WeepingLiberty]

Granted, but every time you write something the credit is given to someone else.

I wish for a pony!

[DemonessOfDeathValley]

Granted, but it's a My Little Pony and plastic.

I wish for a sandwich.

[matty79]

Granted, but it is a witch made out of sand.

I wish for another cup of coffee.

[Beguile's Mistress]

Your wish is granted but the cup is the coffee frozen into the shape of a mug which melts faster than you can drink it!

I wish for a few extra hours today so I can get some writing done. :-)

[WeepingLiberty]

Granted, but your neighbor blasts annoying boy band music the whole time.

I wish for a mansion.

[DemonessOfDeathValley]

Granted, but it's one big health code violation and infested with centipedes.

I wish for bubble gum.