Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View

Started by Rhedyn, January 21, 2011, 12:31:13 PM

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Kurzyk

#1225
Quote from: kakihara on March 22, 2016, 12:58:47 PM
I have to agree cat's have their own healing properties, especially if he's use to having a pet.  And at least you know he is suffering the depression so you can address it and help with it.  I know I was actually shocked to learn that my mother was on depression medication and when I asked about it she'd said it was because the doctor thought it would help her with her 'low' feelings.  I think she was too set in her ways to actually admit she had depression as it was too new an idea.  I know that it hit her hard when she had to move from the house she'd lived in with the whole family since as long as I was alive and she'd she'd always had cats around, often close ti 9 and 10 at one time with some strays outside since it was an old farm house.  And then when she moved with my brother and father who were practically useless in the matter she could only take two and one of them was my brothers cat so she had just this older cat as her companion. (one that the 'no kill' rescues then told me to put down)

Sorry, got on a tangent there, I was originally going to comment on your mention 'One of the toughest things about living with someone that has depression, is when that dark cloud hits, there's nothing I can do to pull them out of it and then I get pulled into it.'  I completely agree with this and struggle with it daily.  I've always had depression to various degrees throughout my life that once I pulled myself out of the destructive mire of my youth I was able to treat with various techniques over the years.  But my SO who've I have been with for 10 years suffers from a lot and relies wholly on the medication she only recently started getting to treat her depression.  But medicine works strangely for her, she went through one that made her feel worse and the new medication works but only to a degree.  She still gets bad during PMS and from other medication as she's just been put on birth control and it's really effected her moods.  So, it's a daily struggle for me as I can't not try and cheer her up and sometimes it works a little but more often then not I'm left feeling sad and/or angry and drawn into the darkness as well.

I think this is where it would be nice to have a good support network around you though sadly I know I lack that for the most part.  It is definitely a delicate balance for those of us who either suffer from depression or are overly empathetic when you have to deal with someone who's suffering from depression in your life.  And I think you are exactly correct in that it's just something you have to adjust each day as it does no good if both of you fall into the pit as it's all too easy to let happen.

Thank you I very much appreciate your thoughts and advice. Yes I believe my little cat has her own kind of magic and nurturing. :) it's a funny thing, sometimes just when I feel like I'm taking care of her, ill look over and have the distinct feeling she's watching over me, like I'm one of her family.

A support system is a great idea but it does take time to build. I've been in NYC for five years now and am doing pretty well and have some friends that are genuine here and there. For the most part things are good, there are tougher days than others, but as I said, one day at a time is the best we can do. So far so good.

It looks like you're struggling with something similar with your SO. I hope things get better, it's true that when someone we live with and love dearly falls into a funk, its so easy to fall in with them. It's like they're drowning in quick sand, and we want to give all we can to try and pull them out but the force of the sand is stronger. It really sucks.

Thanks again and I wish you all the best as well.

Rhedyn

#1226
So this week I've discovered a new trigger. I hate it when I find new ones as they hit me really hard and fast and at the moment because I don't have phone or a home internet connection I can't really voice them to the person that I would normally talk to. Sometimes I am able to work through the triggers over the course of a few days, sometimes they last longer and the problem with if they last longer than that is that I'm never sure where in the big scheme of things that's going to leave me.

I know I've hit a trigger because my fight or flight response kicks in and nine times out of ten it's the flight response that wins out. The walls come up and I withdraw from the trigger and everything related to it. My brain settles into 'bitch' mode and resembles that of a petulant child. I hate it. I hate hearing the nice things people try to say to me and remind me of. I have this very physical reaction where I feel nauseated by them and I either cry or sulk.

Eh, I know it will pass really and that pretty much everything that my brain says during it are lies but it sucks to be there again even if it only lasts a day or two. It is incredibly frustrating for me.

Autumn52

Quote from: Rhedyn on March 31, 2016, 11:27:23 AM
So this week I've discovered a new trigger. I hate it when I find new ones as they hit me really hard and fast and at the moment because I don't have phone or a home internet connection I can't really voice them to the person that I would normally talk to. Sometimes I am able to work through the triggers over the course of a few days, sometimes they last longer and the problem with if they last longer than that is that I'm never sure where in the big scheme of things that's going to leave me.

I know I've hit a trigger because my fight or flight response kicks in and nine times out of ten it's the flight response that wins out. The walls come up and I withdraw from the trigger and everything related to it. My brain settles into 'bitch' mode and resembles that of a petulant child. I hate it. I hate hearing the nice things people try to say to me and remind me of. I have this very physical reaction where I feel nauseated by them and I either cry or sulk.

Eh, I know it will pass really and that pretty much everything that my brain says during it are lies but it sucks to be there again even if it only lasts a day or two. It is incredibly frustrating for me.

I hope you get through this fairly quickly Rhedyn. I know what you mean about, the longer it last the harder it becomes. I will chant and send you healing and positive thoughts and light. *hugs*

I have suffered a set back in my health and it has had me in a depressed mood. I am fighting through it and I know I am on the other side coming out of it. It just makes me sad that I can't get my life back to where I want it to be. *sighs*

*sending out hugs for all that want them*
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Rhedyn

Thanks, Xandi ~hugs~ I'm sorry to hear about the health setback and how that's been affecting you ~sends you healing, love and light in return~

CrownedSun

*offers hugs and sympathy*

I know that feeling, though,-- that feeling of not being in control of your mind, of knowing on some level that most of the thoughts your having aren't really how you feel but that not really helping because you're stuck in that mindset and can't get out of it except through the passage of time. (It's even worse when your genuinely dealing with stuff, and trying to make important decisions, and have a hard time doing such because your own thoughts are betraying you. You know you should just wait until you're feeling better to deal with whatever but that doesn't feel like its even an option.)

I've been having a hell of a time myself lately, it feels like-- with the occasional one-off exception,-- I've only been able to sleep for four hours at a time for... two weeks now. Which is never good for my state of mind, and leaves me in a very emotionally vulnerable state, even if I'm technically getting enough sleep in total. So frustrating. I hate being tired all of the time. :-\

Rhedyn

#1230
~takes some hugs and offers more back~

I can totally empathise with you there. I am way worse when I'm tired. The problem is that once it kicks in I stop sleeping properly or I can't get to sleep at night, which makes me tired which then makes me feel worse which in turn means I get less decent sleep and on and on. Here's hoping we both get some decent sleep soon.

Kurzyk

*offers hugs to Rhedyn*

9 out of 10 my flight response wins as well. And a lot of it comes from anxiety and I get depressed from my situation in life, because i'm too anxious to take the chances to try and fix it, which makes me depressed. heh Sort of a vicious cycle. Doesn't hit all the time but when it does it's such a funk can take days to get out of.

CrownedSun

*accepts any and all hugs*

That is exactly the problem that I have, heh, pretty much described perfectly. The worst part is, I have medical issues that also get exacerbated when I'm maintaining a steady sleep schedule, which both plays into my depression (being ill = a very big trigger, at least for me,) AND makes it harder for me to sleep well. I totally ended up staying up an extra hour or so last night because of that, meh, and that's ontop of having a very awkward and painful 30-minutes. I didn't even eat anything bad! Stupid thing.

*stomps foot and pouts*

AND allergies. This has not been a good spring for me lately.

Quote from: Rhedyn on March 31, 2016, 04:01:23 PM
~takes some hugs and offers more back~

I can totally empathize with you there. I am way worse when I'm tired. The problem is that once it kicks in I stop sleeping properly or I can't get to sleep at night, which makes me tired which then makes me feel worse which in turn means I get less decent sleep and on and on. Here's hoping we both get some decent sleep soon.

Rhedyn

Quote from: Kurzyk on April 01, 2016, 08:30:14 AM
*offers hugs to Rhedyn*

9 out of 10 my flight response wins as well. And a lot of it comes from anxiety and I get depressed from my situation in life, because i'm too anxious to take the chances to try and fix it, which makes me depressed. heh Sort of a vicious cycle. Doesn't hit all the time but when it does it's such a funk can take days to get out of.

~hugs~ I completely get that too. I have to time my chance taking very carefully for when I'm in a balanced state otherwise things can go really off for me. I have found that rather than looking for things to fix I have more success looking for things I already have that are good and work up from there. If I want to make changes I try to do it on a really small scale by asking myself 'What is the next right step for me?' The small steps aren't as scary and together become a big one without me realising it.

Quote from: CrownedSun on April 01, 2016, 08:43:32 AM
*accepts any and all hugs*

That is exactly the problem that I have, heh, pretty much described perfectly. The worst part is, I have medical issues that also get exacerbated when I'm maintaining a steady sleep schedule, which both plays into my depression (being ill = a very big trigger, at least for me,) AND makes it harder for me to sleep well. I totally ended up staying up an extra hour or so last night because of that, meh, and that's ontop of having a very awkward and painful 30-minutes. I didn't even eat anything bad! Stupid thing.

*stomps foot and pouts*

AND allergies. This has not been a good spring for me lately.


Yeah, that's extra sucky. I'm sorry to hear that your illness has such a negative effect on your depression as well. When I have migraines I often have an emotional slump because I lose so much time to the pain, nausea and exhaustion. When that happens I try really hard to be extra kind to myself before the cycle gets too far entrenched.

Update on me: I did a lot of soul searching yesterday. I managed to talk it out a little which led to me answering my own questions about what is and isn't working for me in my life right now. The trigger is still there, because of the circumstances it is in I don't think I can actually remove it from my life completely but while I'm still reacting to it my reaction is no where near as violent as it was yesterday, which is progress  :-)

CrownedSun

*offers some hugs to Rhedyn*

This is good. <3 I'm glad to hear it.

Quote from: Rhedyn on April 01, 2016, 09:12:19 AM
Update on me: I did a lot of soul searching yesterday. I managed to talk it out a little which led to me answering my own questions about what is and isn't working for me in my life right now. The trigger is still there, because of the circumstances it is in I don't think I can actually remove it from my life completely but while I'm still reacting to it my reaction is no where near as violent as it was yesterday, which is progress  :-)

Kurzyk

Quote from: Rhedyn on April 01, 2016, 09:12:19 AM
~hugs~ I completely get that too. I have to time my chance taking very carefully for when I'm in a balanced state otherwise things can go really off for me. I have found that rather than looking for things to fix I have more success looking for things I already have that are good and work up from there. If I want to make changes I try to do it on a really small scale by asking myself 'What is the next right step for me?' The small steps aren't as scary and together become a big one without me realising it.

Yeah, that's extra sucky. I'm sorry to hear that your illness has such a negative effect on your depression as well. When I have migraines I often have an emotional slump because I lose so much time to the pain, nausea and exhaustion. When that happens I try really hard to be extra kind to myself before the cycle gets too far entrenched.

Update on me: I did a lot of soul searching yesterday. I managed to talk it out a little which led to me answering my own questions about what is and isn't working for me in my life right now. The trigger is still there, because of the circumstances it is in I don't think I can actually remove it from my life completely but while I'm still reacting to it my reaction is no where near as violent as it was yesterday, which is progress  :-)

Thank you Rhedyn, that's good advice. Small steps are definitely more manageable than big ones. There's so much I want to do, that the steps seem so big. Maybe trying little ones wouldn't be so bad.

And i'm so happy you found progress through clarity. :)

Rhedyn

Quote from: CrownedSun on April 01, 2016, 09:16:58 AM
*offers some hugs to Rhedyn*

This is good. <3 I'm glad to hear it.

~hugs~ Thank you, CrownedSun.

Quote from: Kurzyk on April 01, 2016, 09:21:12 AM
Thank you Rhedyn, that's good advice. Small steps are definitely more manageable than big ones. There's so much I want to do, that the steps seem so big. Maybe trying little ones wouldn't be so bad.

And i'm so happy you found progress through clarity. :)

Thanks, Kurzyk. Big goals scare me and then I get down because they seem so unachievable. When I see that happening I have to stop and think small, no more than three small goals for say a day or a week. If I'm in a downer I push for one small goal a day, it can be as mundane as making sure I do the washing up but when I'm in that place doing the washing up is a huge challenge.

Kurzyk

Quote from: Rhedyn on April 01, 2016, 09:31:37 AM
~hugs~ Thank you, CrownedSun.

Thanks, Kurzyk. Big goals scare me and then I get down because they seem so unachievable. When I see that happening I have to stop and think small, no more than three small goals for say a day or a week. If I'm in a downer I push for one small goal a day, it can be as mundane as making sure I do the washing up but when I'm in that place doing the washing up is a huge challenge.

You're welcome.

Yes exactly! I always have these great ideas of things I wanna do, then get overwhelmed with doing them. Maybe I should sit down and figure out baby steps to get there.  :-)
Thanks Rhedyn

Rhedyn

Quote from: Kurzyk on April 01, 2016, 12:30:09 PM
You're welcome.

Yes exactly! I always have these great ideas of things I wanna do, then get overwhelmed with doing them. Maybe I should sit down and figure out baby steps to get there.  :-)
Thanks Rhedyn

You're very welcome! You've got nothing to lose in trying and a whole lot to gain. I hope it works for you.  :-)

Karasu

I've had a really down mood for a while.. but one day I pushed myself to scrub the floor and knock the dishes out of the way. and I did it.. And now.. other things have me just as down.. For all that momentary high, it wasn't enough for me.. I'm getting overwhelmed by the fact that my fiance has Aspergers.. and I thought I was over my depression enough to handle it.. I've gotta be the adult for us both when it comes to household things and.. and sometimes its just too much..
SEEKING Undertale/Deltarune RP, PM to discuss details.

Rhedyn

I can completely relate, Karasu. I have to be the adult all the time too (I'm a single parent of two children) and when my downers come in it's really hard and a huge achievement just getting myself out of bed to make food for the kidlets. I want you to know that I think you did an amazing job getting the dishes done and the floor scrubbed.

marauder13

Some days, it is really hard to feel like you're able to catch a break.

Well, the last few have been like this for me. Where to start...? Well, my wife has been diagnosed with severe depression for all of her adult life, and I have been diagnosed with depression for over a decade now. To make life far more interesting, both of our sons are Autism Spectrum Disorder sufferers (elder with Aspergers, younger with High Functioning Autism).

I am currently undertaking a course to become a Tax Preparer, and while it is a three hour lecture one day a week, the home work is a little anxiety producing before I do any of it. Once I get started, it is not that frightening. So, when homework covers things that I have already done earlier in the course, it is not as scary. But it still makes me want to hide from it, even as I am trying to do it.

Add to this, it is school holidays over here, into the second week of two. So the boys are home, and they need some attention through the day, and given their associated behavioural issues, this adds to the stress levels a bit.

And to cap it all off - My wife was due to have some follow up treatments for her depression, but these were moved forward to the beginning of the week. So, she is in hospital for two to three weeks, leaving me alone to deal with everything more or less by myself. So, one week of them home for the holidays, then one to two weeks of them in school. Plus, arranging for some one to look after the boys while I attend classes (at night), and do all the household chores, errands, etc, by myself while trying not to freak out over homework, and all the irrational thoughts and feelings triggered by that, and everything else I am torturing myself with.

Now, this has effectively crushed my ability to write, as my long list of absolutely wonderful writing partners can attest. Most of them have held in with me, and the few who haven't - well, I can't blame them but the way they let me know made me feel good about the situation, and left my irrational side with little ammo to hurt me with. But, I am getting some replies out, and I am trying to get more out without doing myself harm in the process.

Right now, when I am not in control over the internal maelstrom, I feel as though it is all too much. This course will be of great benefit to me in very tangible ways - like steady work and some real income during the tax season, as well as showing myself, and others, I am not totally useless. (Others are quick to point out that I am not totally useless, but there is a part of me that refuses to listen to such sensible, rational talk)


Anyway, I know one good thing when I am in a place like I am now is to talk about what is going on. Responses are optional extras, but just being heard is a great help. I know I am not alone in having these kind of responses to circumstances, and I know that there are others who I feel are in worse circumstances than I am. My getting 'help' does not diminish the help that others get, nor does it belittle their circumstances. But there are times where I feel that doing something like this is me being petty, or weak, or possibly opening myself to be called stupid or the like.

But that wont happen here, because the people here are understanding, and have demonstrated it many times in the past. My circumstances are not dire, even the irrational part of me knows that, but reaching out for help is a good thing, and I am embracing it for what it is, a good thing.

Thank you for reading this slight ramble as I clear a jumble of mess in between my ears in order to calm me down for the next few weeks. I can get through it... how much I leave behind on all the barbs is yet to be seen.

As a good friend of mine once said during a table top roleplaying game...

That which does not kill me... has made its last mistake.

Rhedyn

~offers hugs~ I want you to know that I'm here and I'm listening and I think it's a wonderful and courageous thing to take the steps to share and reach out for help when you need it. It's not weak or petty or stupid at all and I know that I find it hugely inspiring when people share their struggles and experiences here. I believe in you and I know you can get through it one day at a time.

Autumn52

Quote from: marauder13 on April 05, 2016, 03:16:23 AM
Some days, it is really hard to feel like you're able to catch a break.

Well, the last few have been like this for me. Where to start...? Well, my wife has been diagnosed with severe depression for all of her adult life, and I have been diagnosed with depression for over a decade now. To make life far more interesting, both of our sons are Autism Spectrum Disorder sufferers (elder with Aspergers, younger with High Functioning Autism).

I am currently undertaking a course to become a Tax Preparer, and while it is a three hour lecture one day a week, the home work is a little anxiety producing before I do any of it. Once I get started, it is not that frightening. So, when homework covers things that I have already done earlier in the course, it is not as scary. But it still makes me want to hide from it, even as I am trying to do it.

Add to this, it is school holidays over here, into the second week of two. So the boys are home, and they need some attention through the day, and given their associated behavioural issues, this adds to the stress levels a bit.

And to cap it all off - My wife was due to have some follow up treatments for her depression, but these were moved forward to the beginning of the week. So, she is in hospital for two to three weeks, leaving me alone to deal with everything more or less by myself. So, one week of them home for the holidays, then one to two weeks of them in school. Plus, arranging for some one to look after the boys while I attend classes (at night), and do all the household chores, errands, etc, by myself while trying not to freak out over homework, and all the irrational thoughts and feelings triggered by that, and everything else I am torturing myself with.

Now, this has effectively crushed my ability to write, as my long list of absolutely wonderful writing partners can attest. Most of them have held in with me, and the few who haven't - well, I can't blame them but the way they let me know made me feel good about the situation, and left my irrational side with little ammo to hurt me with. But, I am getting some replies out, and I am trying to get more out without doing myself harm in the process.

Right now, when I am not in control over the internal maelstrom, I feel as though it is all too much. This course will be of great benefit to me in very tangible ways - like steady work and some real income during the tax season, as well as showing myself, and others, I am not totally useless. (Others are quick to point out that I am not totally useless, but there is a part of me that refuses to listen to such sensible, rational talk)


Anyway, I know one good thing when I am in a place like I am now is to talk about what is going on. Responses are optional extras, but just being heard is a great help. I know I am not alone in having these kind of responses to circumstances, and I know that there are others who I feel are in worse circumstances than I am. My getting 'help' does not diminish the help that others get, nor does it belittle their circumstances. But there are times where I feel that doing something like this is me being petty, or weak, or possibly opening myself to be called stupid or the like.

But that wont happen here, because the people here are understanding, and have demonstrated it many times in the past. My circumstances are not dire, even the irrational part of me knows that, but reaching out for help is a good thing, and I am embracing it for what it is, a good thing.

Thank you for reading this slight ramble as I clear a jumble of mess in between my ears in order to calm me down for the next few weeks. I can get through it... how much I leave behind on all the barbs is yet to be seen.

As a good friend of mine once said during a table top roleplaying game...

That which does not kill me... has made its last mistake.

I too just want to say that I think you are incredibly brave and doing a wonderful job as can be seen by your being able to reach out when you need to. It is inspiring to see that someone with so many struggles battles on and does the very best he can do. That is all any of us can do and just reading your post has given me such strength to fight another day, so thank you. Remember, just do the best you can and tell that inner voice that pops up every now and again and tells you all bad things, tell him to shut the hell up and that you are just going to do the best you can. I believe in you and you are going to do great the next few weeks. You have already taken the hardest step and that is talking about it.

*huge hugs if you like them/if hugs are a no no then a firm steady hand shake for support*
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

marauder13

Quote from: Rhedyn on April 06, 2016, 05:22:06 AM
~offers hugs~ I want you to know that I'm here and I'm listening and I think it's a wonderful and courageous thing to take the steps to share and reach out for help when you need it. It's not weak or petty or stupid at all and I know that I find it hugely inspiring when people share their struggles and experiences here. I believe in you and I know you can get through it one day at a time.

*receives hugs warmly, sighing contentedly a lot*

Rhedyn, there was never a moment when I thought you would not be 'there for me' when I made this post. That you created this blog, and allowed people to share their thoughts and feelings qualifies as 'being there' for anyone who comes by. But thank you for you lovely words, as they did bring a smile to my face and lifted my spirits a little. I know I can get through this, because with the exception of the studies, this is something that I have been through before, and come out the other side still sane. But like the protagonist any any book/series, their challenges get greater the further along they go. Of course, in the end, the protagonist is always successful, and so shall I.

Quote from: Xandi on April 07, 2016, 09:51:03 AM
I too just want to say that I think you are incredibly brave and doing a wonderful job as can be seen by your being able to reach out when you need to. It is inspiring to see that someone with so many struggles battles on and does the very best he can do. That is all any of us can do and just reading your post has given me such strength to fight another day, so thank you. Remember, just do the best you can and tell that inner voice that pops up every now and again and tells you all bad things, tell him to shut the hell up and that you are just going to do the best you can. I believe in you and you are going to do great the next few weeks. You have already taken the hardest step and that is talking about it.

*huge hugs if you like them/if hugs are a no no then a firm steady hand shake for support*

Xandi, thank you. That I have given you some inspiration is a great gift to receive. I tend to think of myself as pig-headed and stubborn rather than brave, but I am not going to argue with you over that. Knowing that there are other people out there who believe in me, and are throwing their thoughts behind me is a great help to me.

*Huge hugs are taken with glee, and returned in like measure, and then a lot more thrown in for good measure*

Hugs are never turned down, no matter who they are from, as long as the intent is proper.


Thank you again, ladies. You are both fine examples of what makes Elliquiy such a great place.

Kurzyk

#1245
I found this article from Psychology Today that I thought was interesting. It's simple and has a few helpful points.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201412/living-depressed-loved-one

One thing I liked in that article was the section that suggested that those of us living with someone with depression, to take care of ourselves, self care.

Autumn52

Quote from: Kurzyk on April 17, 2016, 12:35:37 PM
I found this article from Psychology Today that I thought was interesting. It's simple and has a few helpful points.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201412/living-depressed-loved-one

One thing I liked in that article was the section that suggested that those of us living with someone with depression, to take care of ourselves, self care.

That's a really great article, thank you for sharing it.

*hugs for those that like/need them*
May light guide you through your turmoil and may darkness never cross your path.

White Light be upon you if that is your wish

Karasu

I too am available for hugs if anyone wants to needs one! I wll gladly envelop someone with a lovely blanket of kindness and understanding! <3
SEEKING Undertale/Deltarune RP, PM to discuss details.

Kurzyk

I am as well. *offers hugs and love to all who need*

marauder13

*Takes a running start and leaps into all the offer hugs and other supportive measures, rolling around gleefully and without any concern nor embarrassment.*

Saturday... Saturday... Saturday...

That is when my wife is released from hospital, and life will return to some semblance of normality.

Twice now, I have come close to screaming "Fuck It", and throwing in the towel and curling up in bed to hide from the world and everything in it. Writing here, and on another site, are ways to help me deal with the shit this faulty brain of mine comes up with, and in the last few weeks... maybe months, I can't write. Word are too difficult to get out, and most of them are complete crap - even when taken objectively. So, my greatest source of sanity maintenance has been taken away from me, as well as making me feel I am letting my writing buddies down. (I know that is not true, as those I write with are an amazing bunch of people, but that doesn't stop the stupid, irrational side of my brain from saying otherwise.)

Normally, I can deal with my wife being in hospital for her routine follow up treatments, because they are well known in advance, and all the needed planning can take place to keep things going smoothly. This one caught me unaware, and I also am doing a rather stress producing course that will give me the chance to get some gainful employment at the same time. It has all come together to almost overload me, but I have managed to get through with the help of my friends, online and face to face. Now, I have a firm, short term target to reach, and then stress load will go down even further.

Oh, and while playing Kerbal Space Program, I turned a 200 ton space station into a 200 ton fire work with a failed docking. Three hours of real time work went boom. :( Even though I had saved it before things went bad, and effectvely lost maybe 10 minutes, it was enough to crush my fragile mood, and kill three Kerbalnauts in the process. RIP Jeremiah, Bill and Bob Kerman - at least until I load the last saved game.


Thank you for listening.


*resumes rolling around gleefully in the offered hugs, letting out my inner hug slut*