The Rest Of My Life - A Healthy Life Challenge

[Izu]

Well, for those of you who might have followed me earlier this thread is a continuation of my 90-Day-Challenge blog.

First let me tell you how all of that ended. Well, it didn't end perfectly. It turned out that during the entire 90 days I had been eating way under the calorie count that I should have been hitting, so after I decided to do the so called 'metabolism reset' (eating at my supposedly maintenance calorie count) I gained back all that I had previously lost - not a big surprise. I was expecting it, so I didn't freak out completely. Thankfully once I hit my starting weight I stopped gaining, so it might mean that my metabolism isn't completely ruined.

For those of you who do wish to know more about calories and working out, please before you commit to something look into the terms of TDEE, BMR, calorie deficit and maybe even metabolism reset if it turns out that you've eaten way less than you should have. Better late then never, but trust me it's not fun to postpone because of a reset...

Anyways. During that reset I didn't workout - things got crazy at work, I was promoted to a multiple product manager, thus leading a miny army of 10 developers, working on our most major products for our mother company and our biggest client >.>' Got to travel a bit to Germany, went on a vacation to Turkey, then we had an awesome summit/team-building at work for a full week and then I was crazy busy :P The team building went great - the hottie that I was crushing over in the beginning of the previous blog was there, still hot as hell, and he might be moving to Bulgaria!! Woop! But he has a girlfriend >.> *coughs* anyways~

Things are starting to get normal at work. I'm already in the loop of everything, I think I'm handling it quite alright, despite sometimes stressing like nuts over some things. And now that I feel much more comfortable in my new position I believe is the time to get back into working out, eating in a deficit and trying to lose weight and gain a healthy life.

However, this time it's not just about some period of time, but I'm aiming for the rest of my life. This time around I'm way more knowledgeable about calories, eating properly, training, staying healthy and avoiding injuries, and I do think with my stubbornness I do have a chance of making it through. The home workout DVDs that I've picked up to go with is... Insanity by BeachBody... Yep, I'm slightly insane to go with it as it's a really really really highly intense, but I think I need something hardcore to challenge me in order to make it. I did survive the first workout yesterday and after a full hour of biking, so I think I have still got a bit of my earlier fitness endurance. We'll see about that.

I'm once again starting at the kilograms from before, so I once again want to lose 10-13 of those not-so-lil bastards. And I've once again taken like 10 measurement points to follow. I'm really hyped about it. Not only because people have got crazy results with Insanity, but because I want to see whether I can make it.

So, welcome to my new blog where you will see me challenge myself for a better healthy life for the rest of my life <3

[jouzinka]

You are such an inspiration, Izu. <3

[Izu]

*blushes and hugs* Mh... not quite sure about that <3  :-*

[jouzinka]

I am. :P

[Izu]

Let me tell you about today...

Today I did the second workout from the program and once again it kicked my ass. It was so hard. But this time around I managed to get through the crazy warm up and stretching without needing a break... but literally during the second set of exercises I had to take one. It was crazy hard, but I feel so good when at the end I realized  that this time around I took less breaks then yesterday, and after all I did finish the entire video. I already feel a bit of soreness, but overall I'm feeling great. Actually last night I was so dead tired that I ended up going to bed at 11pm and in the end fell asleep without the need of any medications! Yay!

Today I've also eaten a lot. But a lot in the meaning of 'a lot compared to my normal, non binging eating'. And I feel quite good. If I can eat that much and still lose... then wow! After all my problem has never been that I would eat a lot on a daily basis. All my weight problems came from emotional eating. After all eating 1-2 chocolates at 11pm is not good for anyone even if you've eaten almost nothing all day long >.> *coughs* But! The good news is that I haven't really had any episodes of emotional eating in a long, long time. I've had a couple of 'down' moments, quite a few 'panic attacks', but nothing like I used to get... Which is good I think...

I mean right now I'm at the mindset that if all that  working out and eating healthy give me is non-drugged-sleep and a stable emotions/mind condition... well... I'm all game! :D

[Blythe]

I really liked your other 90 day blog (I know I only commented once, but I did try to keep up with reading it), so I am very excited to see this one. I'm glad that you are approaching this one with firmer knowledge about calories, working out, etc. That is very awesome. (Also, congratulations on your promotion at work; that must be very hectic, but it sounds very great!  :-) )

Looking forward to seeing more of this blog after reading your first update! Finishing the entire workout vid is an accomplishment just starting out; I've heard this sort of thing can sometimes take easing into (<--Bly is bad at working out).

Keep at it!  ;D

[Izu]

Thank you, Blythe <3

Let me tell you about today...

Mondays... I really dislike Mondays. Not only there are full 5 days until the weekend, but also because today I wake up earlier than usual as we are often times traveling from my Grandma's to the capital (30 extra minutes of driving). And today's Monday simply decided to be extra stressful. I had to move desks as I've got one more developer under my management, so he would have a spot to sit near other developers. All fine, but I really hate moving all of things... *sighs* Never mind that. After this was done I was so busy that I honestly couldn't tell when the day was over. But unfortunately it didn't go quickly in a nice way, but quickly in an  'o-m-g-I've-got-no-time' way. So not fun. I don't know if I'm handling well with the management of the projects... honestly, I've got 3 products, one is fully in dev completely new, so it's not bothersome, the other product is for our biggest client and shareholder, and the third is the biggest product our company has, so... yeah... A bit stressful when there are hundreds of things to be done, talked with developers, upper management, support and so on... Today especially was highly overwhelming. Even right now I feel like curling into a ball and crying xD

But anyways... I got home, managed to get out of traffic in only 20 minutes which is 'wow'. Then as soon as I crawled to the apartment (omg it's so hot here!!! no oxygen!) I threw my clothes off, got my workout clothes on and a few minutes later I was already pressing play on my workout for the day. Today was a Cardio Recovery workout. I guess you can say it's close to Yoga and maybe Pilates - all slow stretches, exercises that make you realize you've got muscles in really weird spots, and getting you all shaky and sweaty without actually making you jump or run. Honestly, I didn't believe that only some stretching and slow-mo-contraction can get me so shaky, but it's nearly an hour later and my knees still shiver... Wow... I'm really surprised with that, and it only makes me more excited about this program. Unfortunately, the workout couldn't completely de-stress me. My stomach still feels twisted with nerves and anxiety...

Ugh...

Hopefully tomorrow I will calm down a little... But at least that workout got me tired, so I'm sure I will manage to fall asleep tonight despite my pre-anxiety-attack condition.

[Ashton]

Sounds like you're doing good.  One of the toughest things is sticking with it, but if you can get a good start on the week with the Monday workout I've found you're a lot more motivated to keep it up the rest of the week.  You're off to a good start, keep up the good work.

[Izu]

I've found out that I best 'start' things on Saturdays. If I manage to get myself moving on my days off, then the week is set. But if I slack off during the weekend, then the week would be the same.

But thanks! :)

[Ashton]

Not a bad plan!  I'm just super lazy so I like to finish my workouts on friday and then do nothing saturday.  Sometimes I will start early on sunday instead of monday myself, though.  Keep it up, I'm rootin' for you.

[Izu]

I'm lazy myself. But so stubborn as well. So it's kind of funny to follow my mental arguments pro and con working out on a day off... >.>

Thanks!  ;D

[Izu]

Let me tell you about my day...

Well, let's just start by saying that yesterday I didn't get to workout as there was a huge hailstorm with hailstones as big as tennis balls. Didn't get home easily with crazy traffic jams and flooded streets, and when I did I found our apartment a bit beaten up. Thankfully, we've got insurance so it should cover most of the cost...

Anyways... today started alright I suppose. I woke up oddly early, my neck twisted and it has been hurting ever since. But I'm living through it. Work was crazy, sooo many things to do. I had 3 hours of meetings and I've got handled a crazy hard and important task that I need to finish by Friday. Ugh.

But. Ignoring all that, today I decided to go to my favorite sports store and buy myself shorts - I didn't have any and I was working out in my cotton pants from the winter - was dyyyying in them. So I've got a couple, for both apartments, aaaand I bought myself a shiny new HRM >~<

It's expensive (for me kind of) - 90 euros, Polar FT7 - it had really good reviews and was offering everything that I needed and wanted. Had been eyeing it for a few weeks now, ever since I decided to get back into working out.

So now, I'm happily using this lil stone:


So happy about it. Couldn't wait to get home, hook myself up with the polar loop and workout. And so did I. Got home, got the lil thing out of the box, assembled it, got it on me and a few minutes later I was working out, starting 2 hours later than I normally do - no excuses!

Today's workout was called 'Pure Cardio' and this little video of the Insanity program consists of pure cardio. Non stop super fast pure cardio. I was quite surprised that I actually managed to get through it only with a few breaks, but even the pros in the video needed to take some! Quite happy. Quite happy with the results I got as well. For 40 minutes, nearly 450 burnt calories. And my heart rate seems to be quite stable, peeked a few times, but it never went close to the max rate I've got for me. So... yay!

Can't wait to see how I'll do tomorrow!

[Izu]

Let me tell you about my week...

It might have been the most stressful one in my life. Work related. Got into trouble, was sinking badly, my bosses helped me out for now, but for a while I will need to... well... learn how to swim on the surface even when I feel like I'm drowning. Like I'm feeling right now. The lessons I've learned this past one week might leave scars for life. Not sure whether it is good or bad, but right now I'm freaking out badly about going back to work tomorrow and having to move on, keep on facing everything and fighting through it.

It's hard... I will not lie - I slipped a few times, ate too much, didn't work out, felt like my old self - pointless, weak, stupid, powerless... I was... kind of still am feeling like I'm being engulfed by darkness. Cold darkness. It's hard to keep on pushing through... but... I don't really have another choice. It's that or giving up. And I don't want to give up. I love my job, I love my coworkers, I love how it has been making me feel the past year and a half. I don't want the stress of it to break me... I just need to learn how to fight it back. Learn how to handle all those new hardships that come my way with my new position. I need to learn how to shut my brain at 6pm and forget about work until the next day... though this might be impossible for me.

I've worked out for a total of 3 times the past one week. Not happy. But I had little to no power or will. I actually went to bed before 10pm just to have my days be over faster... But I'm getting myself pumped for this coming week. I will kill it. Working out, eating properly, working at work. I will prove everyone... well... myself... I guess I need only to prove it to myself that I'm not who I think I am. I seriously need to start seeing myself as some other people are seeing me... But it's hard. Really hard...

But I will learn... one day... eventually...

[Oniya]

Ancient secret of success:  Fall three times, get up four.

You have changed so amazingly much since I met you.  It's good to see you gearing up to face the week.

[Izu]

*blushes* Thank you... <3

[jouzinka]

The path to success is never straight, Izu.

[Caeli]

Just one comment specifically about the working out thing -

If you're just not feeling the desire/energy to do the intense workouts that you typically do, I highly recommend simply doing some stretches or practicing some yoga (with a video if you're not familiar with any sequences or creating your own flow).  Exercise does not have to be sweat-inducing, body-busting and out-of-breath to be effective; and I have found that in my personal experience, doing enough of that kind of exercise without an adequate balance of rest/stretching/allowing muscles to rebuild can actually break down your body and result in injury. If you need some video suggestions, I have a few links I could send your way :)

[Izu]

Back. It's time to face the challenge for life.

Well... I slipped. And I slipped badly. Work has been becoming more and more overwhelming over the past few months. And I've been using this stress as an excuse to simply eat anything I want and laze around. After all it is so much easier to crawl in bed after a long day, turn on my laptop, lurk around, watch some movies and eat. And I've managed to eat back to kilos that I haven't been at for ages. I gained back everything that I had managed to lose over the past year, and then added some. I hate it. And I feel so utterly disappointed with myself. But I think it's about time I get back on track. It will be hard. Working out, eating right, not letting my stress levels take over me and push me to my biggest enemy - emotional eating. But I should do it. I should do it now or I will regret it later.

I read something that really got to me just a moment ago. I think this is why I'm writing this post right now, why I'm trying to commit back to the healthy life style. The quote was a simple one, a cliched even, but it really just poked me the right way. The quote was saying 'A year from now you will wish you would have started today'. And just... wow... It's so true. If only I had stayed on track the first time, if I had kept pushing, fighting and making it through the challenge, I would have lost all the weight by now. My guess is that even my stress levels wouldn't have been where they are if I had just kept working out and eating right. But I've decided - a year from now I will not look back and wish if only. I'm done with my if only's.

Really. I'm simply sick of letting myself push myself further down the hole instead of trying to pull out of it. I know that it will be extremely hard to get back on track and seriously stick to it. But I need to face the facts... Junk  food is my addiction. Laziness is my addiction. And neither of them are going to help with my stress levels or with my creeping on me depression. No. I need to take the first steps towards a better life. I owe it to me. I have not done anything to deserve suffering, neither mental, nor physical, nor emotional. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to like myself. I deserve to smile when I look at the mirror. I deserve to be healthy, have a good life and be strong. And even though working out and eating right are not going to help with my problems at work, they will help me with how I'd deal with those. And if I managed to even just slightly lessen the power of stress over me I think I will be alright. Seriously... I simply stress too much. Anxiety takes over me and it clenches my heart and I simply cannot move on. If I get over that I will conquer work. I will conquer my life.

And yeah, I think that working out and eating well will help me to get there. They did before. They will do it again. And I intend on trying to keep this blog updated regularly, because keeping track on here did help before. I don't know if anyone would read this, but I think just knowing that I've poured my thoughts and feelings somewhere I'll be able to keep going...

Let's see where I will be a year from now.

[jouzinka]

* jouzinka roots for Izu.

[Izu]

Step by Step...

...I'm going to make it. I will lie if I say that it is easy. No, it is not. The past couple of days I was so tempted by so many things, including a rather bleh mood that usually pushes me to chocolate, but I managed to stay away from all temptations. It is hard to say no, especially when food sometimes feels like it is the only consolation that you've got, but sometimes you just have to walk away. And I did walk away. I went to the movies yesterday and even though I was tempted by Burger King, I went for a chicken steak and a salad. I wanted big popcorn and coke, but I opted for water. And when I got home I was just so tired that I wanted to see the end of a chocolate, but I didn't go to the kitchen and didn't get one. Today my colleagues and I went to a pizza place near our workplace, but I went for spinach risotto instead. Quite proud of myself about not going for  the delicious, but so high caloric food that I love.

And I did start working out today. Mind you I'm so out of shape that I truly couldn't do more than 15 minutes of HIIT. But it is something, right? I've decided to not throw myself into my crazy workouts as I usually end up so disappointed and discouraged when I can't complete them that I simply give up... and go for a chocolate. Instead I'll be slowly building up my stamina until I can push myself. I'll see if after a week or two I can do 20 minutes or 30 minutes. And until then I'll continue making small steps forward. Normally I would be really hard on myself for those few 15 minutes of workout, but I've decided that as long as I'm making some progress, as little as it might be, it is still progress. And step by step I will reach my final goal.

[looking247]

Hello,

I'm not sure if I am allowed to post anything on here as I'm not a proper member and I apologise if that's the case.

I always get stuck in a rut with exercise, I know where I want to get to but the journey there always seems to defeat me.  It is always I will start tomorrow, or I miss sessions and say it will be fine to make up that next week. Always putting things off.

After reading your blog I sat for a few minutes and thought I would get my bike out the garage and go for a ride. I looked outside saw it was dark and really foggy... Maybe tomorrow.... After a few more minutes of thinking I dragged my old rowing machine out and did some exercise, it wasn't much but it was a start. I will get that bike out tomorrow too.

I basically just wanted to say thank you for writing your blog and helping me give myself the kick up the backside that I needed.  Good luck with your healthy challenge.

[Izu]

Hello Looking, and welcome to E!

Thank you for your words. Knowing that someone out there benefits from my rambling truly inspires me to keep on pushing.

That tomorrow that you speak of is very familiar to me too. It never came. I realized that if I don't do something, anything, whatever, today I will not get going. And if I don't start now in this very moment I never will. Of course it is much easier to simply put things off for 'tomorrow' and find some sort of an excuse about the 'today' - too tired, too long day, too much work, too little work, too busy, too cold, too dark, too hot, etc. etc. etc. It is always so much easier to simply find an excuse why not to do something than why to do something.

I personally am fighting really hard with myself to stop finding excuses that can get me out of something I don't feel 110% sure I want to do it. And trust me after the long exhausting and extremely stressful days at work that I've been having the last thing I want is to be bothered with exercises and good food... Usually I would just crawl in bed, curl into a ball around a huge block of chocolate and eat it all... But trying to change all of that. For now I've managed to steer away from those favorite but so bad foods of mine. Working out I'm slowly going back to the right path.

And today was actually a day that I want to put a new beginning in my healthy life of style. After work I went to search for a rowing machine. I went to one store, but they didn't have what I had liked. They told me that they had the model in their other store, on the other side of the city. And I gave up. But I went to my car and thought about it. Going through the entire city at 7pm is... simply crazy. I had to hit all of the busiest streets, the traffic jam almost made me gave up. But in the end I told myself 'Fuck it' and drove through the crazy traffic to get to the store. Then almost gave up when I was told that they had only one of the machines - the one on display, then again almost gave up when they told me that they couldn't really take it apart completely so it was going to be hard transporting. But in the end I decided to just stop listening to my 'oh just give up' voices and take it. So I did.

Transporting it was hard. Getting it up the stairs to my apartment was hard. It cost a lot (200 euro which is a lot for me). But I already spent 10 minutes on it and am beat.

This is the new toy:


The big BIG plan is starting tomorrow to wake up a little earlier - 40 minutes earlier to be exact, and to spend 5 minutes warming up, 20 on the machine, 15 minutes for a quick shower. It will be hard but I think I will make it. Evenings will be spent with some workout videos, haven't decided on a program, but I might alternate.

But one is for sure I'm getting into that 'pumped' mind set that before got me almost there where I want to be. And this time I will get there. One step at a time, every day on its own, but I will get there.

Today is the day that I keep on pushing.

[Izu]

The Motivation Game

If I have to be honest I want to lose weight, I want to be fit, but if possible for it to just happen out of magic or something it would  be great. I've always been the lazy type, you know. Wanting something really bad, but usually too lazy to get it done. Well, at least when it comes to working out. Right now every single day is quite the struggle. I know that once I get used to working out I'll love it and nothing will be able to stop me, but at this very moment I'm still very far away from this mindset.

It is especially hard on days I feel like really lazing around. You know, potato-couching all day long. It feels really good after long weeks at work. Today was yet another day like this. I slept a lot - went to bed at 9.30pm last night, woke up at 10.30am. And I simply felt like just doing nothing all day long, relaxing, having a nap, watching some movies, etc. Everything involving my comfortable couch and the soft blanket I can snuggle under. But I've been spending a lot of time on MyFitnessPal, especially in their Success board where everyone posts their amazing results and it is simply inspiring.

So, here I am at 4pm, reading through the forum, snuggling under my warm blanket on my comfortable couch, wishing I could be one of those success stories. Mind you, I did intend on working out today, but with how I felt I kept putting it off more and more, and had almost made myself agree to just skip. But just as I thought about making it to a success story I realized that this was not going to happen unless I did get my @$$ off the couch. It was hard, I didn't have the motivation, didn't feel like it, but I forced myself to change into my workout clothes, rearrange the furniture in the living room so that I would have space and turned on the video for today.

And, gosh, was it hard! At first I was doing bleh, not all that into it, but just five minutes into the workout I could feel myself pushing harder, wanting more. Even when the workout got too intense I didn't stop but alternate to jogging in place in order to catch my breath. And I made it through it. Hardly, but still. And I felt great as I turned the video off, dropping on the ground, my legs shaking, my clothes soaked, literally soaked, with sweat. I needed a few minutes to recover before I could get into the shower, but ever since then I've been feeling just great. Had a good dinner and continued lurking the forums on here and on MyFitnessPal. It took me a little over an hour to complete my workout but my day feels so much more complete right now. And all I could think about is that if I had spent that one hour just potato-couching I would have lost so much more. Because in the end every day matters. And right now, today, I feel like I can make it.

I will be one of those success stories, because today I won at the motivation game!

[Izu]

This Monday, One New Beginning

I hate Mondays. The past few months Monday has been equivalent to huge panic attacks due to all the stress at work. That same stress that got me to gain the weight that I'm now fighting to lose. This Monday, however, is a Monday for new beginnings.

Today I woke up at 6.20AM to workout. I got out of bed, sleepily changed, and I went to my new rowing machine to workout. I did a 15 minute strong session, before I went for a shower. I am extremely proud of myself. First of all, waking up early is extremely hard to me because I normally sleep really badly. If I get 4-5 hours as a whole for the entire night I count it as 'having slept well' :/ So, yeah. I fought myself and got out of my warm bed to work out. I felt simply great afterwards. The small workout woke me up, fired me up and simply made me feel positive.

Today our company also moved to a new office. With the new office come also the new structure of our company and my transition to business orientated begins. To be honest... even though it has been part of my stressing out about my future... right now I just can't wait to drop the technical responsibility for our products and take over the business orientation. So, yes, today is full of new beginnings.

Today also after being stuck in a horrible traffic jam, having to go grocery shopping and being overall late to get home I changed into my workout clothes and worked out. The entire time I drove home I kept telling myself that I'll just skip the workout today. I was/am feeling a bit sick, I was tired, I was late, etc, etc, etc... more than enough excuses to normally get myself to agree to just skip. But not today. Today I had told myself I will begin my really serious road towards my goals. I want to be healthy. I want to lose that weight. I want to learn how to keep it off. How to live that life of exercise and healthy eating.

The point of this post... Just to boast how well I've done today, I suppose. :P

This Monday was good.

[Oniya]

You deserve some boasting time.  :-)

[Izu]

Up and Down, Up and Down

Monday was great. And I truly thought I'd move onto Tuesday with the same greatness. However, during the night I got a really bad... hm... attack of some sorts. You see on Monday I overdid it with coffee. Overdid it badly. And after working out I guess my blood pressure just went higher than normal (and my normal is suuuuuper low), so Monday night was horrible. I couldn't sleep, I was having trouble breathing, heart was beating heavily, didn't sleep at all. Just a bad, bad night. On Tuesday I was still awake when my alarm went off at 6.30am and I just hit it off. I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't even think about working out. I wanted to. Badly. But I just couldn't.

I went to see the new Hunger Games movie so I had to skip my evening workout as well. So, yesterday there was no workout at all. I'll admit that even though it turned out to be a really long day and normally I would have justified missing a workout, this time around I felt guilty. The kind of guilt that only you can call on yourself. I spent the entire night on the MFP forums, reading around how some people would workout sick and injured, but they would workout even if it's the middle of the night, and my guilt got even stronger.

Until I found a blog post from a coach who stated something obvious. We shouldn't keep on saying how sorry we are for missing out a workout, or for giving in to some food temptation. But we should remember that it is actually okay. It is okay to miss a workout every now and then, it is okay to eat something "bad" every now and then, it is simply okay, because in the end we are just humans. And that thought kind of made think that it is indeed okay. Or at least as long as after a down, you get yourself back up and move on.

And this is what I did. I cut my coffee intake almost completely - I would rather not get myself into that situation again. It was horrible. And this morning I woke up early, got out of bed despite how warm and cozy it was, and worked out. As soon as I got home from work, despite being tired and generally feeling like 'bleh' I worked out. I need to build the mentality that after one fail I should not give up. No success is perfect. Life will keep on serving me with ups and downs, but I should just keep on pushing through with every next day.

[Izu]

It's time to get back up

It's been nearly two months since my last post in here. And I guess it's needless to say that I completely fell off the wagon. Things at work got rather stressful around the end of the year, so did some aspects of my personal life. And to be honest it was just easier to forget about everything, enjoy a chocolate or two or three and just be a couch potato on my hours and days off. But I finally got a two week vacation around the holidays and I got myself reading about weight loss, about healthy eating, and just about motivation and stress relief. And I got to laze around enough to get some rest and finally tell myself - this is enough.

It's time to get back up and move on. It's going to be hard, especially considering that things at work are still stressful. However, we've started the change in the organization that will finally bring me some peace of mind, and instead of having me responsible for technical part, overlooking 10+ guys, making specs for our modules, and just multitask, I will no be only business  side orientated manager and I'll be working only on specs. A huge load off my shoulders. It will take a month or two until we transition because there are 6 other people involved in the process who need to learn their new positions, but in the meanwhile I think my stress levels will get better. Or at least I'll have something to look forward to.

So, right now is the perfect time to get back into working out, eating well and so on. I'll be doing some grocery shopping today with the intention to start bringing lunches at work so that I can count calories properly (there is no way to know how much I eat at work because listing calories is not something restaurants and diners around here do). And starting today I'll be working out. It's going to be the harder part. Restricting my diet has been part of my life since my early teens, so I have no problems with that, but getting over my own laziness is a struggle. Last year I did it and I was going strong for 3-4 months until I got my promotion and the stress fest started. I hope that I'll make it again.

My starting stats are bad. I'm back on the kgs that I was back when I graduated high school, 10kgs away from the heaviest I've been, and 20kgs from my dream goal. I've gained 10kgs the past 6 months. So not happy. But I'll make it back. And this time I hope I'll make it all the way.

I'll try to post here more regularly to keep myself accountable.

[Dez]

Izu,

I've been reading and following this blog of yours since you began it back in July, 2014. I've had my own ups and downs... however, reading and watching your progress-set back-progress, has motivated me to the point that I've become more diligent than before in exercising and watching what I eat.

I've lost but five pounds thus far, and wanted to take the time to thank you for inspiring me to take my own "Healthy Life Challenge".

I can't thank you enough, for truly, you are an inspiration.

Whimsical

[Izu]

*blushes incredibly deeply*

Thank you <3 Knowing that my ramblings are helping people really means a lot! ^^ <3

Shopping for my healthy life

I just got back from the store actually. I did grocery for the whole week with the intention of carrying lunches at work. I'll be cooking tomorrow for the entire week - chicken breast and lentils soup. I'll also carry cherry tomatoes for lunch, oat flakes and plane natural yogurt for breakfast and raw almonds for snacking. My dinners at home will vary, though as I'm incredibly picky person when it comes to food I'll most probably opt for foods I enjoy - Greek yogurt with frozen berries or bananas, my style scrambled eggs (I don't use oil and I add a bit of cheese to the eggs while scrambling them), or simple sandwiches - wholewheat bread, smoked turkey undercut and some veggies.

I spent a lot of money actually, mostly because I had to buy all the plastic stuff to carry the food into 5 for the lentils, 5 for the meat, so that I can just freeze them tomorrow and don't worry about them until I have to warm them up. But considering that I've covered my entire food for the entire week I'm quite happy. I'll take a note whether I'll be saving money in this way or I'll be spending more on a weekly basis. Curious about it. We'll see.

I'm actually a bit anxious about people asking me why I'm suddenly carrying food instead of going to lunch with them. I'm actually sure that my colleagues will support me, because they are just awesome, but I'm still anxious. I guess I never really got over all the mocking I took back at high school whenever I tried to lose some weight - my classmates always threw at me those comments like 'Oh, a whale is going for grass' and other bs like this. *sighs*

Anyways! I'm super hyped right now. I've spoken with my mother and told her to not dare comment on me weighing everything I eat, or preparing food in advance or anything. She's been doing a lot of nagging to me to lose weight ever since I could remember myself, so if she wants me to finally succeed she should keep her mouth shut. And she agreed. She actually gave the idea for lentils - I love it, it's healthy, it's easy, and it freezes and unfreezes deliciously. So... yeah... we'll see how far I'll go this time!

[Oniya]

Also, considering the fact that the plastic stuff is reusable as long as you don't overheat it, that cost will spread out over several weeks at least.

[Izu]

Oh, they are actually long lasting plastic containers that can be frozen and microwaved multiple times. So the cost will spread out for a while :)

Like this:

[Dez]

A suggestion when microwaving the plastic --- remove the lid and wrap or place paper towels over the soup/meat or something to ensure the lids don't warp.

Also, when reheating meats at home, if you have a vegetable steamer, try using that for the meats. This will ensure that they remain moist and tender!

I'm not a fan of lentils, but I do consume quite a bit of fresh fruits more than I do vegetables. Broccoli and cauliflower are favorites as are fresh green beans. Those are good cooked until tender and adding a splash of milk (I use 2%) with a little bit of pepper and that Mrs. Dash seasoning.

I support you, Izu!

[Izu]

*grins and blushes* Thank you!

I'm really big on fruits. I can live only on fruits actually. But I'll be trying to put them under control as well because I'm taking in too many sugars and carbohydrates through them as well.

[Izu]

What a week!

Of course work has been crazy, and it has kept me in a state of constant anxiety, but on the side I did accomplish some amazing stuff regarding my new attempt of a healthy life. So, I'm here to share them with you. :)

First let me tell you that I'm a very insecure person, even if irl I often seem like the most confident person ever in reality it's all an act. My body issues have always been a huge factor in how I perceive myself and how I believe that other people perceive me - the answer is very negatively. So whenever I do something, really anything, I always fear of what others will think and say, absolutely sure that they would mock me. And the thought of people laughing at me is quite easily bringing me to anxiety attacks.

So, when I decided to start counting calories seriously, I also decided to start bringing my own home made lunches to work. Let me tell you just the thought of this was getting me cold sweat and anxiety. On Monday when I went to our office's kitchen/dining/common room my heart was ready to explode in my chest. I could hardly breathe, completely incapable of speaking, and I just felt like a trapped animal as I warmed up my lunch and started eating. And guess what - no one said anything. Well, some of the guys that I go to lunch with asked/said 'Oooh, you're not coming with us?' when they saw me and then I did one more thing that normally terrifies me. I told the truth - that no, I won't go with them, because I'm watching what I'm eating as I'm on a diet. And they didn't laugh like my overly anxious brain kept screaming at me that they would do. They all said 'Oh, cool' and just went on with their business.

So I survived Monday and I survived the entire week. I've even started hanging out at lunch with people from our data team who also bring their own food. So, a third big step - socializing with people outside of my comfort zone.

Seriously, I'm super proud of myself for ignoring my fears and getting over them. And for a super anxious person like me it's really huge huge. Just writing about it is making my heart beat faster xD

So, I've had success on the food front - calories were counted correctly, stayed under my allowed for the day number the entire week. And... it's paying off! I've lost a total of 2kgs so far or 4.4lbs for the past 10 days. Extremely happy with it as my weight is normally so slow to start moving.

Of course I've also been working out - I made  a total of 4 workouts the past week as I had to go out twice - brother's birthday and then went to the cinema with friends. But those workouts were enough to show me just how horribly out of shape I am. I've been doing modifications of the modifications in order to keep up. But I'm still getting my burn. And what I'm happiest about is that I worked out on two days that I really didn't want to. The entire drive from work to home was spent with me thinking 'Oh, I'm so tired, I just wanna crawl in bed' - you know the usual that's more than enough to have me skip a workout. But instead I continued thinking all of this and finally got home, changed and worked out. :)

Really, this journey is not only about me losing weight, learning how to eat properly, but so far it has been mostly about how to get over myself and over the walls that I'm constantly building around myself.

I think I'm learning how to fly.

[jouzinka]

You are so amazing, Izu. *pats your back*