Now you too can rant like Charlie Sheen!

[Stattick]

http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/features/2011/02/stark-raving-mad-libs-201102

(Just don't put in your REAL name in the Mad Lib.)

[Stattick]

I'll go first:


“I am on a drug. It’s called Satan. If you try it once, you will carve. Your penis will melt off, and your in-laws will shit over your stabbed body … I’m tired of pretending like I’m not duty-pants—a total freaking orthodontist from Uranus. I’ve got cheeta blood, Venus DNA! … They picked a fight with a unicorn. They’re trying to take all my cupcakes and leave me with no means to drive my family. It’s not seismology ! They owe me an apology while Squirting my labia … I don’t think people are ready for the fart I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of boner-panted love. I exposed ducks to magic! Here’s your ordinary vaginal secretions test. Next one goes in your pee hole!”

[RP7466]

“I am on a drug. It’s called Tim Boner. If you try it once, you will puke. Your shlong will melt off, and your cousin will run over your stabbed body … I’m tired of pretending like I’m not hot—a total freaking whore from mars. I’ve got wombat blood, zeus DNA! … They picked a fight with a sasquatch. They’re trying to take all my hammers and leave me with no means to stroke my family. It’s not butt doctoring! They owe me an apology while pounding my ear … I don’t think people are ready for the hole I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of sucky love. I exposed tables to magic! Here’s your spooge test. Next one goes in your sphincter!”

[gaggedLouise]

Sheen wasn't first:

"You're a liar, which comes through in the fact that the scene that occurred between you and Jacqueline Bisset at Francis* last week isn't in your film at all. And I can't help asking myself why the director character is the only one that doesn't shag around in Day and Night"

-climactic taunt from a 1973 letter by French movie director Jean-Luc Godard, where he's lambasting his old friend and somewhat more successful fellow director Francois Truffaut, and a dozen other people in the business. Godard had just seen a press screening of Truffaut's film Day and Night ("La Nuit Américaine") where the director is also playing the director character in the film; the action ereolves around rtge shooting of a fictitious film. Godard finished the letter by pleading for Truffaut to go in as financier of his own next film with a couple million francs - not very psychological, but I bet he had downed a lot of whisky before he set pen to paper. The entire letter is vintage Charlie Sheeny stuff.

*a high-end Paris restaurant