Epic Escape Artistry

[kongming]

I'm not sure this shouldn't go in the Comedy section, but anyway...

In Dungeons and Dragons, one can use the Escape Artist skill to escape from ropes or a grapple, or to squeeze through tight places.

Now, the Epic section of the rules states that skills can do some inhuman things at high levels. If you're rearranging the world with a thought, using a Balance check to keep your balance when standing on clouds isn't such a big deal any more. No, really.

So what does it say for Epic Escape Artist, you ask? Well...

[quote the raven]
DC: 80
Extremely Tight Space: This is the DC for getting through a space when one’s head shouldn’t even be able to fit; this can be as small as 2 inches square for Medium-size creatures. Halve this limit for each size category less than Medium-size; double it for each size category greater than Medium-size. If the space is long, such as in a chimney, multiple checks may be called for.
[/quote]

Now, that's a fairly high difficulty - to reliably roll an 80, you'll need a +70 on your skill. But you can totally do that before 20th level.

So, the clever chaps at 4chan pointed this out: You can actually use that skill to crawl into another person's anus, and conceal yourself there, with no harm done to you or them. Indeed, the entire party, if they all have a +70 to the skill, could conceal themselves into one single bodily orifice. Now, do they hide the party inside a hireling to surprise enemies, or do they cast Hold Monster and hide within a monster?

This is both horrifying and hilarious at the same time. And I just know that those playing Sigil Prep are suddenly terrified, thinking "Will she actually do it?"

[Serenity Vixen]

Errr...  on the list of places I would like to hide...
that isn't even on it :P

Still... I would imagine there are lots of people it would appeal to :)

[kongming]

Well, they then went about trying to make a list of creatures with the skill maxxed out so that a Colossal creature (~60' tall) could fit inside a Gargantuan creature (~30' tall), which could fit inside a Huge creature (~15' tall), which could fit inside a Large creature (~10' tall), which could fit inside a Medium creature (~5' tall), which could fit inside a Small creature (~2'6" tall).

[Jefepato]

Or consider that at DC 120, you can squeeze through a wall of force.

There are no holes in a wall of force at all.

So logically, anyone who can make a 120 should be able to fit into anything that can plausibly be described as a hole, opening, or orifice.

But it doesn't really matter, because anyone who can oppose you at the relevant level of power will have like 10 different magical effects that tell them where you're hiding before you can ambush them.

[Jefepato]

Incorrect.  Great Cleave allows you to Cleave multiple times, but it doesn't change the fact that you cannot take a 5-foot step between attacks.

The "Supreme Cleave" ability that some prestige classes have does, but you're still limited to only one 5-foot step in a round.

[HairyHeretic]

There's a charm very like that in 1st ed Exalted (the Abyssals) .. Glorious Carnage Typhoon I think. You make an attack, and if you wound someone you can move on up to X distance (a few steps) and make another attack, and keep going til you either fail to wound, or run out of things to hit.

And a beginning character can get this  ;D

Now, add the hearthstone of Blood to Flame, and you can tear through an entire regiment (or army, if they're tightly packed), turn around and look at the few mangled survivors, and set all the blood in your line of sight on fire.