I can't sir, it's liquid.

[Fabjuth]

Certainly, please enjoy this silver replica moon, exact to 1/1737000000 scale.

Butler, please fetch me the Nautilus if you would be so kind!

[Daoine Sidhe]

As requested, sir, here is the submarine sandwich nicknamed the Nautilus.  I don't know if it's very tasty.

Butler, my tea is too sweet.  Remove some of the sugar from it, please.

[Fabjuth]

Courtesy of a distillation and re-hydration the sugar was completely separated. Precisely some of the sugar was removed, and the rest re-added.

Butler, please fetch me a three headed monkey!

[Cryptic]

Comes running back covered in plaster, paint and clay before handing him a three headed monkey. Took me all night to make it sir but here you go!

Butler fetch me dragon that's scaly!

[Daoine Sidhe]

Madam, I brought the dragon-theme scale you wanted.

Butler, fetch me tomorrow's newspaper today.

[Ms Gavane]

I hijacked the local paper's office and forced them to run the presses early. Here is one copy of tomorrow's paper sir.

Butler, I've decided to start a garden. I should like the Colossus of Rhodes to adorn it. Make it happen.

[Fabjuth]

After tracing the sales receipts and invoices of all bronze for the last 2250 years I have managed to locate all the bronze used in the Collosus, acquire it, and re-form the statue. You will find it in the garden space awaiting adornment.

Butler, please fetch me the dread ship revenge.

[Tyrhung]

Without questioning the sanitary ambiguity of your request, sir, I have retrieved the dreadful unmentionables contained within a ship's septic system, after the crew aboard began to suffer from Montezuma's Revenge.  As it's not my place to wonder what you could possibly wish to do with such things, I've arranged for it to be gift wrapped and placed in your mother-in-law's mailbox this Christmas.

Butler!  Fetch me a wild flying squirrel that cannot and will not leave its tree under any circumstances!

[Ms Gavane]

Sir, I am happy to inform you that the tree you requested has been transplanted into your yard. Thankfully the wild squirrel's tenacity ensured that it is still attached firmly to the upper branches.

Butler! I demand that you fetch me a falling star.

[Kevak]

It is being shipped to you now, I purchased it from an antarctic meteor survey team.

Butler! I demand that you terraform mars!

[rouwdy]

Sir I have made Mars beautiful. After all the resorces it took though life on earth is doomed.

Butler I hate the sun get rid of it.

[Kevak]

We managed to destabilize the sun by using electromagnetic field projectors to lift stellar mass out of it, sadly it caused the sun to explode, you have about seven minutes to say goodbyes before the earth is roasted.

BUTLER! Fetch me a nekomimi.

[AceOfSpades]

Sir, unfortunately, Wal-mart does not sell everything and attempts to find one on Craigslist all resulted in lawsuit. I do, however, have a female cat for you. Beautiful fur, sir.

ALFRED! Please find out how long it takes to count to infinity; it would be invaluable in my research.

[Kevak]

I had a time machine built and invented an immortality serum to send one of the staff back in time so they would have a sufficient time to count.
They are somehow still counting even though they have had several lifespans of the universe.

BUTLAH! BRING ME... The mind of god.

[Dom]

Well according to popular theory man was built in God's image.. therefore all minds are God's mind.

*hands you a freshly dripping brain* Please enjoy that responsibly.

Butler.. nail jello to that wall.

[Kevak]

Sir, the jello has been frozen and nailed to the wall, there may be a mess later.

Butler, please fetch me a fully functional alien starcraft.

[Tyrhung]

Here you are, sir - Starcraft 2 in Russian translation on this thumbdrive, complete with its latest expansion and all DLC.  I assure you it's not been pirated.

Butler!  Inverse the ratio at which my feet smell and nose runs!

[Villain]

Very good sir, but I am afraid I had a little trouble in-versing the ratio, so instead I attached a nose to your feet so that they are able to smell and feet to your nose so they are now capable of advanced movement.

I hope this is to your liking sir!

Butler, make me invincible! MUHAHAHAHA!

[Ms Gavane]

Sir, after plunging this Dasher into your heart, I feel secure that nothing will ever harm you again. I appreciate you leaving everything to me in your will.

Butler, I demand a pink rhinoceros that fits in my should bag. It will be wonderful for parties.

[Styx26]

It took some doing, Miss, but find the right pygmy rhinoceros and add a fresh coat of non-toxic neon pink paint, it is ready!

*snaps fingers*

Butler, please go back in time to March 23, 1983 during the Motown 25 special. Michael Jackson threw his fedora offstage and I'd like you to retrieve it.

[Daoine Sidhe]

Thankfully, my time machine was returned to me.  And it's fully operational.  So, I had no problem going back in time.  However, I did have to punch a few people to get the fedora.  There might be some blood on it.  But, here it is.

Butler, my haircut is too short.  Make it longer immediately.

[SheerFantasia]

Fortunately I have my own homebrewed super-duper-no-one-knows-about-it recipe passed down through three hundred generations right here for your use Madam.  Just let apply a little here, and here.  There you go!  A full head of hair.   Hmmm, a full everything of hair apparently.  Back to the drawing board!


Butler, I am bored.  Amuse thy languid Furon God!

[Daoine Sidhe]

Would a walking carpet do the trick?  I seem to have become one...  I can dance, too.  And juggle.  Granted, I can only juggle one ball at a time.

Butler!  I have made ample use of all Nair products to remove the unwanted hair you so wonderfully placed upon me (except, of course, the hair on my head and my eyebrows).  Now, I demand that you prevent technology from advancing faster than I can accumulate the funds to afford it.

[SheerFantasia]

Of course madam!  Let me initiate the Armageddon Plan.  All done!  Technology shall not advance before you can afford it.


Butler, do you see the dirt on my shoe?  Do you? No?  Ok,  subdue the entire world in my name instead!

[Daoine Sidhe]

Using my womanly wiles... and other womanly skills, I have subdued the entire world.  I did so in your name.  Granted, the entire world worships me, but I did it all in your name.

Butler, my watch is broken.  But, instead of fixing it, I want you to make time conform to whatever my watch says it is.