Telling your family you're pagan

[JadeArwen]

As an asatru I feel your pain. As long as you find something that caters to your needs and that you find a sense of community, it doesn't matter what you worship. I was raised christian but find trouble relating to a jewish religion from a foreign land that hails from jewish roots, describes jewish values, and worships a jewish god. I have nothing against christianity or judaism but it is not the religion of my people and as such I find no identity with in. My ancestors died in the name of the son of Odin, thunder god, Asator, and I hope that one day I'll be afforded the opportunity to do the same.

hmmm...
My husband is asatru as well. My daughter plays with the mjolnir that he has on his necklace. I wear an ankh. My husband and I where both raised christian as well. His parents think its just a faze.

[redneckviking]

I hope nobody minds me chiming in on the conversation here. I too have endured hostility and some measure of estrangement from my father due to my faith. While I was raised to be Christian I never followed its beliefs as I found way too many continuity issues, very little made actual sense, and the simple fact the Bible, whether Christian or Catholic, was written by Man. Since Man is flawed, I cannot blindly put my faith into a series of texts and scriptures that have so much content edited out.

Anyways, I personally follow the true ideology behind Odinism (more akin to Ásatrú, not the white supremacist crap). To me a man may continue to live forever as an immortal in Valhalla, the great hall where Odin resides, until the day of Ragnarok as long as said man lives and dies with honor. Whenever my faith would come up in conversation my father would shoot my hated glares and mutter things like "Satan worshiper" under his breath. I had to explain to him the symbolism and belief behind the Mjolnir pendant and runic bracelet I always wear. He never really took me seriously until very recently when his parents both passed away. My grandmother passed on in February 2012 and my grandfather passed in October 2013, and I explained to my father that they are still living in the afterlife, whether he wants to label it as Heaven or Valhalla. I explained to him once the mortal body has expired the soul is taken to another place based on the way one lived one's life.

Because he finally realized there are only minor differences between Odinism and Christianity he finally has come to accept my difference in faith and let's me worship without the hostility. I received my Nordic heritage and blood from my mother's side and he's finally come to accept it as I have embraced it. Sadly it took the deaths of two family members for him to realize this.

[Vekseid]

Unfortunately, my hubby and I had to compromise what we wanted for our wedding due to his mother.  We wanted a ceremony out in the open that fit our way of worshipping, but instead we had to have the big church society wedding, that made me want to vomit.  All I can say about that is, I got good pictures out of the deal because, by the end, that and the reception decor were all that were left of our original plans (I paid for the photographer, and the reception was put on by my crafty friends from work).

I'd honestly try to find a way to tell the family before the wedding, so they are prepared, but in no way compromise yourself to please them.  Coming from experience, it just dulls the importance of the day, and the magic of it (trying to not step on toes).

The happiness of a given couple during the events seems to be inversely correlated with parental participation. I have made one resolution about if and when I get married, and that is the parental units will have absolutely zero say in the proceedings.

[HannibalBarca]

Got to agree with you Veks.  My wife and I paid for our own wedding, planned everything ourselves.  We were also 27 and 22 and owned our own home, so that made a significant difference.  Our parents were invited guests, not co-planners in any way.  Sometimes the cord isn't yet cut with young couples, and they begin their lives together with undue influence from their parents on their new relationship, planting the seeds for resentment and conflict.

[Knightshadow]

My only advice is that you try to get your step mom as an ally in easing the news to your dad.  Not 'gang up' on him, but have a sympathetic listener along with breaking the news to him.  She might just have a calming effect during the dialogue.  It is a delicate matter and one that is fraught with potential pitfalls.  Some in here have suggested that you finance the whole wedding and not worry about what your parents think.  The financial part is realistic, but the 'not worry about what your parents think' is not realistic if you are human and have feelings.  Of course we care what our parents think, despite our adamant protestations against this fact.  It becomes self-evident when we turn away so violently that we did in fact care what they thought, hence the rebelliousness.

Ultimately, it is your wedding and your future, so accept a possible falling out with those that do not share your beliefs. Be true to yourself. Life just seems happier when you come to terms with who you are.

Good luck and may you find peace and harmony!

[IStateYourName]

The happiness of a given couple during the events seems to be inversely correlated with parental participation. I have made one resolution about if and when I get married, and that is the parental units will have absolutely zero say in the proceedings.

Touché.

Even the Bible says that a man and a woman leave their parents and cleave together to form a new unit apart from the old.  (Disclaimer: I am not a Christian, I am agnostic; I just brought Christian canon into the discussion as an ironic counterpoint to Christian parents who want to meddle in their kids' affairs.

[Vetur]

My best advice to you is simply bomb them with it. Don't let them make you feel ashamed for what you believe nor push you to the side because their religion comes first. I am not saying become an extremist and hurl it in their face every chance you get, but, fight fire with fire. If they bring up their religion when it is unwarranted, then bring up yours. Never feel shame, never feel like you have made a mistake. Druidism is an honourable religion. If it comes to it, let them know you are an adult and have a mind and belief of your own.

Personally, I am a pagan in a family full of Christians. I know how you feel, Christianity never felt right for me, even more so when it was forced upon me. The irony of my side is that my grandfather was a Christian man yet he encouraged me to look back to the ancestral gods of my people. We Ásatrú here in the north are a proud lot of folk, there is no reason you should not be a proud druid. I remind my family every time I see them by dressing with Ásatrú charms on my belt. It is not to be rude, it is to be defiant and rebellious and free. It's to show that there is more than one belief in the world, some much older in these lands than others. It's also to show that I am a separate thinker, I have my own mind and my own ways apart from theirs.

I guess what my point is, is that you ought to be strong and unwavering. Just because their religion says one thing does not mean it concerns you. If your father has an issue with you being Druid, or therefore your own conscious being, then let him deal with his problem. After all, it is him who has this problem. Clearly you have no issue with being of the druidic faith. You are a grown woman now and he must accept that you have beliefs different from his own. In the end, you must do what makes you happy, but don't wait too long or it will begin to weigh on you. It has been 4 years since I last saw or said a word to my father. He too has a "holier-than-thou" mentality and it is something I will not tolerate. So I chose to sever all ties. I am not saying that you have to do the same because you don't. But do what makes you happy. Let him vent his words of condemnation if there are any, let him throw a fit if he does. In the end, you still are you and you still have your beliefs and that is all that matters.

Not all may share my beliefs of what I've written down here, but, that is of no concern to me. This is simply what has worked for me. It's not to be militant or extreme, but to be proud no matter what and to push back when one has been pushed.

Blessings to you from a northern pagan and good luck in it all.

Blíðar heilsanir,

                         Tórur

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjmu6ufn8iU