Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View

[CrownedSun]

...I've been having a hard time lately..

It took a little over a month after my grandmother died, weirdly enough, for things to really hit me. I was kind of /hyper active/ immediately afterward. Lately, though, I feel kind of like I'm treading water and my arms are starting to get tired. Every time I feel like I'm starting to pull myself out of this, I'm pushed back under by something, either some nonsense from a relative or just life taking another knock. I did... pretty much nothing today.. I honestly can't even remember what I did today looking back over it. Other than watched a few animated things, but, that did not take up the entire day. I drove to the store, but that was like an hour, max, and was kind of annoying on its own.

*sighs*

Honestly, I know that a not-inconsiderable period of the day was spent just... kind of.. feeling exhausted and wanting to just sleep the entire day.

That, and worrying about what's going to happen with my car, and how that plays into everything that's going on in my life right now. Am I going to be able to get it back? Is it going to be affordable to fix it? What happens if it's not worth it? What, legally, is going to go on there? It's kind of a weird microcosm of everything else, in a way, heh. Worse, of course, I have to deal with Mom freaking out about the same stuff too, all while I'm trying to deal with it too.

...anyway..

Just, yeah.

Bad place lately.

Hoping it gets better soon.

[Remiel]

I hear you, CrownedSun.  Thank you for sharing.  Hang in there.

[Sofia Grace]

A few days ago, I came to the realization that if anything were to happen to my mother I would have no family left.  The same goes for her, if anything were to happen to me.

I don't associate with my father's side of the family.  In the past ten years we've lost my father (2010), my paternal great-grandparents (2009/2013), paternal grandfather (2013), maternal grandmother (2015), maternal great-grandmother (2018) and just in August, we suddenly lost my stepfather.  We have been through a lot together.  I worry about her, and I know she worries about me.  I also know we've both sustained trauma.  Though I usually choose to ignore my own symptoms, I know they're there.

I've always been the strong one, but I found myself crying a lot today just thinking about everything.  I know there is nothing I can do to control the future, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with the emotional roller coaster.

[Remiel]

  I know there is nothing I can do to control the future, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with the emotional roller coaster.

Yeah, I hear that.  As you know, Sofia, my own mother had a major stroke about seven months ago and even though she's home, it's been rough.  It breaks my heart when I see how much she's changed: she was formerly so independent and empathetic--she worried about everyone to a fault--and now she's so self-centered and lazy.  Sometimes it's hard to believe she's the same person.  It could definitely be so much worse, and for that I'm grateful, but I really miss the way that she used to be.

So far I've mostly risen to the challenge, but there are some days I find myself thinking about an exit strategy.  :\

[Gannameade]

...I've been having a hard time lately..

It took a little over a month after my grandmother died, weirdly enough, for things to really hit me. I was kind of /hyper active/ immediately afterward. Lately, though, I feel kind of like I'm treading water and my arms are starting to get tired. Every time I feel like I'm starting to pull myself out of this, I'm pushed back under by something, either some nonsense from a relative or just life taking another knock. I did... pretty much nothing today.. I honestly can't even remember what I did today looking back over it. Other than watched a few animated things, but, that did not take up the entire day. I drove to the store, but that was like an hour, max, and was kind of annoying on its own.

*sighs*

Honestly, I know that a not-inconsiderable period of the day was spent just... kind of.. feeling exhausted and wanting to just sleep the entire day.

That, and worrying about what's going to happen with my car, and how that plays into everything that's going on in my life right now. Am I going to be able to get it back? Is it going to be affordable to fix it? What happens if it's not worth it? What, legally, is going to go on there? It's kind of a weird microcosm of everything else, in a way, heh. Worse, of course, I have to deal with Mom freaking out about the same stuff too, all while I'm trying to deal with it too.

...anyway..

Just, yeah.

Bad place lately.

Hoping it gets better soon.

I understand.  I really do.  The pull all around you.  But tell me CS what have you done for you!  Something for you to just clear YOUR head!!

The reason I ask is.  I know my responsibilities, with this life.  (Family of 9 and all.)  Sometimes I just need to go outside, for a walk a few minutes of ME-Time so to speak.  Cause if you can't get yourself in the right frame of mind you can't help anyone else.  Just keep in mind as long as your arms are moving you are good, don't forget your legs. 

You got this bro, just don't give up!!

[Rhedyn]

Anxiety and depression have always gone hand in hand for me, the depression part over the years generally has played a more obvious role but recently (and by recently I mean over the last couple of years) the anxiety has taken the driving seat with the depression having it’s say as a passenger. They both feed off each other and work each other up but I have never felt anxiety quite this bad or this consistently in my life before.

It started a couple of years back where going online started making me panic. I managed to convince myself that someone would ask me something and I would fail in answering the question and then for some reason that would be terrible, which obviously it wouldn’t be but that’s where it began. I had days where I would dread turning on my computer, checking my emails and what little enthusiasm I had for IM just evaporated. It came in waves and has been getting progressively worse because of hormonal health reasons and it 100% sucks.

The start of it was followed by a lot of crappy stuff happening including my dog dying after a surgical procedure he had to have and didn’t recover from which was devastating; he had been a huge help up until that point in helping me manage my mental health issues, I didn’t even realise how much until he had gone. Then as a collective the events of the last year have played a role of their own on my mental health as they have for everyone to some degree.

Remember, there’s no shame in admitting you are not ok or asking for help. Sometimes I suck at the latter but I think at this point in my life I’m pretty good at the former. It’s not weak or silly, it matters, you matter and even when you feel stupid explaining how you’re feeling and what you’re going through (I always do because I hear myself sometimes and think I sound silly), there are others who understand and ‘get it’.

I feel like this post is a bit disjointed but they were things I needed to voice ~leaves hugs for all who want one~

[Gannameade]

Anxiety and depression have always gone hand in hand for me, the depression part over the years generally has played a more obvious role but recently (and by recently I mean over the last couple of years) the anxiety has taken the driving seat with the depression having it’s say as a passenger. They both feed off each other and work each other up but I have never felt anxiety quite this bad or this consistently in my life before.

It started a couple of years back where going online started making me panic. I managed to convince myself that someone would ask me something and I would fail in answering the question and then for some reason that would be terrible, which obviously it wouldn’t be but that’s where it began. I had days where I would dread turning on my computer, checking my emails and what little enthusiasm I had for IM just evaporated. It came in waves and has been getting progressively worse because of hormonal health reasons and it 100% sucks.

The start of it was followed by a lot of crappy stuff happening including my dog dying after a surgical procedure he had to have and didn’t recover from which was devastating; he had been a huge help up until that point in helping me manage my mental health issues, I didn’t even realise how much until he had gone. Then as a collective the events of the last year have played a role of their own on my mental health as they have for everyone to some degree.

Remember, there’s no shame in admitting you are not ok or asking for help. Sometimes I suck at the latter but I think at this point in my life I’m pretty good at the former. It’s not weak or silly, it matters, you matter and even when you feel stupid explaining how you’re feeling and what you’re going through (I always do because I hear myself sometimes and think I sound silly), there are others who understand and ‘get it’.

I feel like this post is a bit disjointed but they were things I needed to voice ~leaves hugs for all who want one~

Thanks Rhedyn for sharing at least you are head of me.  You are willing to admit...took me a bit to get there...yeah that whole asking for help thing...still not quite there.  Feels like I am complaining or whining somedays so I will particularly shut down, work till I pass out to just deal.  But still I am always a DM away if you or anyone needs an ear.  I have two and they work!  Don't feel stupid at all and yes know that someone (several someone's) understand you!

Takes a hug and leaves several!  Never want your tank to run dry!!