Topic: Tails of Monkey - Hey Adventure is still waiting

[Catherine]

Up I go and really Wiener doesn't strain I think, not that I weigh that much. At [ weight censored because well just because. Stick tongue out in a censored section, which takes practice to do ] pounds I can see why he doesn't have any problems. It is the proper weight for a monkey girl of my build. Before you say, 'Monkey you must be skeletal model thin' I will answer you with that I enjoy a good Banana milkshake. *wink and mental lick lips*, have I told you that they are really good? I have? Okay, like banana gold. *mental slurp* Yum!

Where? Where was I? Oh yeah being lifted by Wiener. I sort of got lost in the whole banana milkshake thing. The milkiness. The shakiness. The bananIness. All those inesses all wrapped together in one perfect package. Banana gold...

What? Where was I? Oh yeah being lifted by Wiener. I sort of got lost in the whole banana milkshake thing. The milkiness. The shaki.... I better stop or I would be stuck in an endless tasty loop. Wiener would be standing there wondering what I am doing standing there with that distant look on my face as I do that whole lip thing trying to get the straw.

Up Wiener lifts me and I prepare to pounce by getting into a warrior stance, feet properly spaced apart and the hands in the 'I will get you' position. If you wear really baggy pants it is also called the hammer stance. Although I hear that you have to shimmy from side to side if you wear them. Why I don't know, no one really knows. It is something unexplainable like the Bermuda Triangle.

Up and up and, wow I didn't think it was this high. I better be careful so I don't alip and fall... slowly the top of the building comes into view and as far as I can tell Merl isn't up there. Which is kind of odd since that would be the first place I would have hidden.  But there could be clues and since I do have an imaginary magnify glass it is time to find then. Hop and skip.

[Catherine]

I land without slipping and the crowd cheers, up goes my hands and I smile. Flowers fall around me and I curtsy. They chant for me to do it again and I look back. Should I do a repeat performance? Could I do a repeat or would my foot find a nut and oops slip and off I go all slow motion like? Well hmm.....

I take a step  back, I can't deny the crowd in what they want. Then I remember what is important, the judges. The crowd could love me and the judges  judge me poorly.  I turn to look at them. What will..... the first judge gives me a nine. The next an eight and the crowd goes wild. The next one gives me a nine followed by another nine I might get it this time but it comes down to the last judge. Nervously I look at him and the card flips and an one! What?!?? Boo hisss........ The crowd roars and demands blood and I raise my hands, the crowd quietens and I ask them to be kind and stars appear in their eyes. Which is odd to see since it felt like I was looking up into the sky. Hey I think I see the Big Dipper *point*. I turn to the judge that has always rated me poorly and slowly brought two fingers up and pointed them to my eyes and then one at the judge. From where I was I could see him slowly swallow since he was now on the spot. Then I flip a thumb up and smile with a lens flair.

Okay I could have done that, it was in my mind and was believable but really happened was a nut to the face which brought the day Dream to a screeching halt. I stumble backwards, rubbing my jaw as I do, trying to find the thrower of the nut. Roof......... more roof........... oh look more roof. Squirrel  who is giving me the stink eye. Roof. Oh I think they need to fix that section but still roof. Wait need to rewind back to the squirrel.

Okay with the look i am seeing in the squirrels eyes it is best to take a step or two back and that is what I do without question. It is one of those looks that says I am nuts and not in a hard shell way. What is even scarier is the heavy breathing and the balled little fists that are adorable. I have seen this look before in little kids that have had way too much sugar and go mad. It is has happened to me at least once, I really don't remember what happens when I am sugar mad  though. There are screams and that is about it, I won't be able to stop the squirrel if..... the squirrel beats its chest and  them starts to run towards me.

Not good..... I have heard Norse had beserkers but I never thought..... the squirrel jumps in the air towards me and let's out a roar.

Why me?

[Catherine]

The squirrel is oh me like um....... squirrels on nuts but I am not a nut. That is inspector twenty one guaranteed, whoever that is. The squirrel throws an elbow which catches me by surprise and all I can do is stand there and act shocked, which isn't an act because I was.

*freeze frame for getting a better look*

I mean look at it, elbow is bent just right and everything. That takes some practice. *approving nod* It must have been out in the wilds somewhere dropping elbows on bears or something until it got it perfect.

*unfreeze frame*

WHACK! I take a whack to the face that sends me reeling backwards for a couple steps, catching myself before I step off of course. "It is okay, only a squirrel," I yell down to Wiener who is looking up at me. Of course what I was facing wasn't a normal squirrel, it was a Norse squirrel. It showed me that by grabbing the side of head with both hands and head butting me. THUMP!

Okay that should have been a crack and not a thump but the head butt hurt. Who knew a squirrel had that much strength. If I was any lesser of a monkey girl I would be seeing stars but I am a ninja monkey girl so I can just laugh this off,it was a slow laugh but still a laugh. Which I think the squirrel took wrong and sent him over the edge. Not the physical edge but the hypothetical one and it went nuts! It even let out a roar which echoed roar roar roar. It did so with head back and arms out, like it was passing a bad nut.

 This of course scared me, who knew squirrels could roar, so I took another step back to father my thoughts as quickly as possible. Maybe if I told it what I was doing up here it would give  me the thumbs up. "Hey, hello I am up here looking for Me...," that wasn't a mistake, I was trying to say Merl but ate squirrel fist and it was trying to pull out my tongue. Which I had become quite attached too. It was like some weird tug of war. Squirrel hands on my tongue pulling one way and my head pulling the other way, it wasn't pretty and it will take several garglings to get the taste of squirrel out of my mouth. No matter what I did I couldn't get the little guy off, spin to the right and grip on tongue. Spin to left grip on tongue. Frantic head moment and grip on tongue. Short of trying to bang it against the tree which I knew would go wrong and forehead would be meeting wood several times.

This was going south real fast and all I was trying to do is find a Satyr and I was getting my tail handed to me. Which I am hopping that the squirrel can't read minds and I just gave it an idea. Frantically I go all over the roof, being aware of the edges of course and eventually fall to my back which you would do to if you had your tongue being pulled out.

Somebody call the round, I kept thinking over and over on top of ahk ahk ahk. Which is about the only thing you can say with a stretched tongue. Through all of the struggling and gasping I hear the announcer calling the....

"Round one goes to player one. "

Oh thank monkey, now I stand a chance.

"Finish her!"

What?!?? That is clearly round two or after stuff not round one! I go from frantic to something a lot more frantic trying to get the squirrel off my tongue.i didn't need or want a fatality, especially of the tongue variety. It wasn't on my grocery or bucket list either. That and how would I enjoy an ice cream cone?

Imagine something mechanical,  lets say a mechanical bull set to the ultra extreme hyper level. That was me and finally after what seemed forever  worked and the squirrel went flying. I might not have won the round but I saved my tongue. Thank monkey.

[Catherine]

"Imhp trimp tub fibd Erlb,"  I tell the squirrel not knowing if it can speak or understand English. Not that what I am speaking is too good though. The whole tongue being pulled out sort of puts a hamper on things. Tongue muscles are stretched and it takes some time for them to get back into place.  By the look on the squirrel's face it didn't understand a word I just said either but hey I barely understood any of them either. I think I said something about bread maybe. Let's try something easier.

"Ibd cub id pead," I say, even throwing up a peace sign just in case. Secretly hoping that it didn't mean something else to a squirrel. That is all I needed really after having my tail handed to me. Me crying as the squirrel keeps kicking me in the shins over and over, "it means peace not to keep kicking me....."

Again the squirrel just looked at me. I could try to sign language..... monkeys learn it so maybe squirrels do to. Okay time to sign; finger straight, now bend and curl, spin, other finger and wiggle, two finger bend backwards and on and on. At the end I look at the squirrel wondering if it understood. With the look on its face I would say no.

Flags, I think it is called semaphore. That might be too flag corpy. That I might get to into it and throw one of the flags up into the air and hit a low flying bird. Which would be hard to explain.

Could try flaming sticks which would be really cool, Hawaiians do it so why can't I ? Lighter to piece of wood and start to spin. Althing with the fire I can see it saying the wrong thing of let's say land on the squirrel's tail.  Really wrong message if it lands on my tail, since all I would be able to do is scream.

What else is thee? Braille, hey I have this paper here can you rub your finger down it and see what it says? That won't work.

Charades? Might be fun unless the squirrel is really bad at it. Should I take a chance?

"Round two start!"

"What?" I say looking  around, "I wasn't ready yet." But the it didn't matter the squirrel was and it was barreling right at me. Again why? It isn't like I kicked it or insulted its mom, at least I don't think I think I did. With a bloodshot eyed squirrel flying towards me I didn't have time to ask, I barely had time to react!