Because Hollywood hasn't violated our childhoods enough (Battleship movie)

[TheGlyphstone]

It's real. It's horrifingly, terrifyingly real.

Battleship

[Callie Del Noire]

Huh?


Really Hollywood are you soo.... STUPID?

FYI..we don't HAVE battleships anymore. They have all been decomissioned. Blargh.

[TheGlyphstone]

Brain repair cement is in the bucket to your left.

[Oniya]

I guess someone in the Film Development department saw the Collegehumor trailer for 'Minesweeper: the Movie' and thought it was a good idea.

Edit:  There's even IMDB info on it:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1440129/

[Xanatos]

Its not even the same thing... Its just an alien invasion movie, lol. Callie is right, we don't have battleships anymore. The biggest, none carrier, ship we have is a cruiser.

At least its got hot chicks, cool aliens, and Liam Neeson. -chuckles- Neeson rocks.

[TheGlyphstone]

Oh, and looking at Wikipedia, the entire movie doesn't even happen at sea:

Filming is taking place in the United States on the Hawaiian islands of Maui and Oahu, as well as in Sherman Oaks, California to do a few apartment scenes and in Playa del Rey, California where they will film a driving scene along with a shootout.[10

Why does a movie about BATTLESHIP need a SHOOTOUT?

Though it's amusing that James Cameron, of all people, is criticizing it for being an example of bad storytelling and lack of originality in movies:

“We have a story crisis. Now they want to make the Battleship game into a film. This is pure desperation. Everyone in Hollywood knows how important it is that a film is a brand before it hit theaters. If a brand has been around, Harry Potter for example, or Spider-Man, you are light years ahead. And there lies the problem. Because unfortunately these franchises are become more ridiculous. Battleship. This degrades the cinema.”

[Oniya]

I say they do Connect 4 next.  ;D

[Xanatos]

There is no such thing as originality, so you can't hold that against Cameron. Avatar made over 2 billion dollars while still in theaters, so you can't hold his lack of a creative storytelling against him either. Its obvious Cameron knows what he is doing because his movies sell. Titanic and Avatar the two highest grossing modern movies in history, all directed by Cameron. He's obviously doing things right. He certainly has made himself and whatever companies he's worked for, filthy rich.

[TheGlyphstone]

Settlers of Catan

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

*Serene Music Starts Playing*

A line of people in grubby peasant clothing with a few covered wagons and donkeys heavily laden with supplies are marching along a dirt trail tinted an eerie red that runs through scenic grasslands with a thick forest off in the distance.

They reach a crossroads, and up ahead of them in a massive clearing with a beautiful river running alongside. The leader of the pilgrimage smiles and turns to a young man standing next to him. "Son...take a good long look. This is the site of our new settlement...and our new life."

*The scene changes to the inside of a household, the music starts to become more dramatic*

The old man is sitting at a table with his face in his hands. His son walks in with a grim look on his face. "How long can we go on like this, pa? We haven't harvested any lumber in going on three turns now. How are we going to eat?"

His father snaps at him "What do you expect me to do?! You know what's out there..." the two glance sidelong out the window, and in the distance, an indistinct shadow with glowing red eyes flickers out of view into the forest. "...the Robber."

*The scene changes to the old man in a rocking chair with a bottle of spirits in his hand, and the music becomes a little more sad*

The man's wife walks in. "This can't go on. Robber or no, the world won't wait for us. I heard from the tradesman that came into town today...Lord Blueregarde has this insane notion of the World's Longest Road. If we don't try to expand now, we might end up trapped on all sides."

The man rasps weakly at her. "Haven't I done enough? I built us a settlement...I got us a victory point."

His wife's face becomes pained and a little angry. "Maybe one victory point isn't enough for me anymore..."

*The scene changes again to the old man standing in an office across from an overweight man in a gaudy all-blue suit*

The old man is holding a few broken pieces of lumber. "I never imagined I'd be in this position but..." The man in blue raises an eyebrow inquisitively. "...I have wood for your sheep." The man's mouth twists into a wicked smile.

*The music dies completely, with the only sound being the faint groaning of sheep and the chirp of crickets in the twilight, as the old man is standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking his town, with only his silhouette visible, along with a few wandering sheep*

Another figure walks up behind the old man. A voice is heard at almost a whisper. "Quite a solid resource lead you have here. I take it the negotiations went well." The old man's voice comes in desperate tones. "Resource lead? Sheep! All I have is sheep. How do you expect me to win like this?"

"Mr. Reddison...I believe its time you took the fight to Blueregarde. Have you ever heard of...Development Cards?"

*Action music blasts back into being as a swift montage of clips fly past of buildings exploding into existence from out of the ground and legions of Knights riding in formation across the landscape with brilliant red banners*

Words appear on screen as everything fades to black. "No matter how fierce the competition. Never Settle for less."

Coming this summer. Settlers of Catan: The Movie.

Jenga:

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

"Citizens of New Chicorkland.

"You recognize my voice. You knew me as the billionaire Matthias Jengen, overseer of the city's latest high-rise skyscraper...a skyscraper whose purpose I had kept secret until this very moment."

Zooms in slowly on skyscraper.

"Because this skyscraper's purpose was not a commercial secret."

Zooms in on girder.

"It was a practical necessity."

Zoom inside girder to find...rigged explosives.

Blackout.

Panicking people.

"I have rigged a single girder with sensitive sub-nuclear devices. If this girder is jostled, or falls because its supports are removed, it will explode and kill thousands. There is no way to stop this detonation from occurring within two hours."

People looking up at a monitor attached to the skyscraper.

"This is your punishment. Accept it with dignity."

This summer...

A crew of ethnically diverse people walking into a helicopter.

"Our mission is simple, gentlemen...lady. We need to find that girder before it's too late."

"But how will we know which it is?"

"We won't. We have to keep pulling them out and investigating."

"But...what if we collapse the structure?"

Blackout. Cut to worried looking man staring at monitor.

"Then god help us all."

Skill.

A man with a short dark haircut pilots a helicopter between two support beams, snagging a girder clean away with a grapnel.

Courage.

A woman leaps from girder to girder in slow motion.

Patience.

A man dangles upside down from one girder, reaching down towards the next.

Sometimes...

A man's cable comes loose, sending him pitching backwards.

It's all you can do...

The short-haired man and the woman embrace.

To keep things together.

Blackout.

"Here goes nothing."

JENGA.

[Oniya]

* Oniya is very glad to have finished her tea before clicking the spoilers.

[Anjasa]

I say they do Connect 4 next.  ;D

Yes! An epic saga!

[RubySlippers]

Looks fun actually, but couldn't they do a live action Robotech Trilogy now that would be worth watching if done really well.

[Callie Del Noire]

Looks fun actually, but couldn't they do a live action Robotech Trilogy now that would be worth watching if done really well.

I don't know..anything that might let Carl Macek to reappear might NOT be good.

[NotoriusBEN]

eff Battleship, I want Pandemic,
Space Alert, or heck, let's go for broke and get a movie of Chaos in the Old World at least there is an awesome story behind the last one.

edit** just remembered... Seth Greene is working on a boardgame movie too

[Kunoichi]

I'd rather see a Talisman movie, myself.

Though, given how the game is set up, it'd probably be pretty easy to make it actually be good...  Heck, they could even stretch it out into a trilogy. ^^

[Callie Del Noire]

Pac Man: The Movie

Minesweeper - The Movie

[Major Major]

[deadpan]"They sank our battleship."[/deadpan]

[Oniya]

Yeah, kind of waiting for that.

[Brandon]

Can you say Cash grab?

[Envious]

It looks fun.

[dana eleanor]

Why the hell would people make a movie about a board game or an arcade game? It's absolutely stupid. Hollywood needs to learn limits.

[Oniya]

I actually enjoyed the first 'Mortal Kombat' movie, and 'Clue' was rather fun as well (of course, Tim Curry will do that).  Oh, and 'Chess', the musical, is still one of my favorites.  ;D

[Brandon]

Why the hell would people make a movie about a board game or an arcade game? It's absolutely stupid. Hollywood needs to learn limits.

They made a multibillion dollar success out of a theme park ride when they made Pirates of the caribean.

Hollywood has no respect for anyones work. Did you know theres talk of an HD remake for the great gastby? Yeah theyre that desperate to make money

[dana eleanor]

Of course they did. That movie is amazing. I haven't been on the new ride yet, so I'll have to go. I can't stand when they do movies on a game that isn't even that fun.

[Fieryone]

Ok, that trailer didn't have any right to be as cool as it was, damn it Ilam why do you make movies awesome?

I may just have to see this travesty in theaters.

[Brandon]

Of course they did. That movie is amazing. I haven't been on the new ride yet, so I'll have to go. I can't stand when they do movies on a game that isn't even that fun.

To be fair, whats fun and not fun is completely subjective. Saying that someone shouldnt make a movie because of a value of emotion that can not be quantified isnt the way to decide if something should or shouldnt be made.

I think you can make a good game, movie, or book out of anything I just dont think that battleship is anything other then a cash grab at this point in time

[Oniya]

Exactly.  I've had a lot of fun playing Risk, but I think that trying to turn it into a movie would be a waste of film.

[TheGlyphstone]

Exactly.  I've had a lot of fun playing Risk, but I think that trying to turn it into a movie would be a waste of film.

Do not click on these links.

[Oniya]

I stand by my original opinion - but now I'm a little more worried about the Candyland adaptation, and I thought there was already a movie about Ouija.  Maybe some of y'all remember it - took place in Georgetown, had this little girl called Regan in it?

[Mithlomwen]

Anyone remember Clue?

Tim Curry =  Awesome!!

[Callie Del Noire]

Anyone remember Clue?

Tim Curry =  Awesome!!

One.. rib breakingly hilarous movie doesn't break the trend.

And Clue had me in tears.. Curry was just.. awesome.

[Oniya]

Anyone remember Clue?

Tim Curry =  Awesome!!

I actually enjoyed the first 'Mortal Kombat' movie, and 'Clue' was rather fun as well (of course, Tim Curry will do that).  Oh, and 'Chess', the musical, is still one of my favorites.  ;D

Yup.

[Anyalyss]

Madeline Kahn was sooo beautiful in that one.

As for Battleship, it looks pretty terrible to me, poor Neelson! (although... not so poor, he still gets paid for it)

[Jag]

*watches trailer*

You know...if it wasn't titled 'Battleship' then it might not be getting so much hate. If you just think of it as some ships on the ocean getting caught up in some alien, transformer-like business...then it's not that bad.

Then again, I rarely hate movies. I shouldn't be allowed to judge films.

[Oniya]

*watches trailer*

You know...if it wasn't titled 'Battleship' then it might not be getting so much hate. If you just think of it as some ships on the ocean getting caught up in some alien, transformer-like business...then it's not that bad.

Then again, I rarely hate movies. I shouldn't be allowed to judge films.

Actually, the name 'Battleship' isn't even so bad.  The 'brought to you by Hasbro' is the bit that's so face-palming.

[Jag]

The 'brought to you by Hasbro' is the bit that's so face-palming.

Yeah, that's the damning bit. *nods*

[CheetahInAfrica]

Yet my friends wonder why I haven't been to the cinemas lately.....*sigh*
I cant remember which movie I have seen last...maybe Die Hard 4

[NotoriusBEN]

Strangely... I'd be ok with a Monsterpocalypse movie... there has been a lack of kaiju movies recently (Cloverfield doesnt count, that was a travesty)

Come to think of it... would Transformers be considered in the kaiju genre? it does have giant robots in it...

[Inkidu]

I freaking hate Battleship. For two hours I sat there getting miss, after miss, after miss. Finally my brother sank my last ship (my PT boat) and then, then my mom walks in and says, "Why are there white pegs on your battleship, J?" (I was still six or seven and full of optimism)

Dirty rotten cheater.

I always kind of got the impression that Battleship was that game that let all the kids live out a navel battle from all the Navy movies in Hollywood at the time. Oh, the irony.

[CheetahInAfrica]

I freaking hate Battleship. For two hours I sat there getting miss, after miss, after miss. Finally my brother sank my last ship (my PT boat) and then, then my mom walks in and says, "Why are there white pegs on your battleship, J?" (I was still six or seven and full of optimism)

Dirty rotten cheater.

I always kind of got the impression that Battleship was that game that let all the kids live out a navel battle from all the Navy movies in Hollywood at the time. Oh, the irony.

Hehehehehe, I did that too, when I was 5 or 6 and always lost to my older brothers (8 and 12 years older). I wanted to win at least once and every way was ok back then lol

[didoanna]

Yes! An epic saga!

Yeah but to make it a decent length saga it would have to be like "Best Out Of 5".  I mean the CGI graphics is gonna be a huge cost.

[Oniya]

Just saw this advertised:

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots!

(Okay, that's not the real title, but seriously!  Look at them!)

[Torch]

I actually enjoyed the first 'Mortal Kombat' movie, and 'Clue' was rather fun as well (of course, Tim Curry will do that). 

+1 on Clue. Anything with Tim Curry is guaranteed to be filled with awesome.

[Slaven]

Just saw this advertised:

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots!

(Okay, that's not the real title, but seriously!  Look at them!)

Actually, when I saw that preview at the movies a few weeks ago I screamed "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots" out loud. What's worse is I didn't even click the link and know EXACTLY what movie you're talking about, the one with the boxing robots. So sad.

[Oniya]

I was luckily at home, and the only people who heard me were the little Oni (who has no idea what the old game was - yet), and the cat, who already gives me dirty looks.

[Slaven]

I was luckily at home, and the only people who heard me were the little Oni (who has no idea what the old game was - yet), and the cat, who already gives me dirty looks.

Haha. I envy you! Though don't all cats give us dirty looks? :P

That said, the movie actually looks like it might be half decent if they played their cards right..

[Inkidu]

Just saw this advertised:

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots!

(Okay, that's not the real title, but seriously!  Look at them!)

I saw this preview when I went to go see Rise of the Planet of the Apes (which, having a mom who was just the biggest Apes junkie on the planet and having seen them more times than I can count, I thought was a damned-good homage to the original films). I thought Rock 'Em Sock Em' Robots myself.

Though, I have to admit it was pretty cool to watch, still I think the trailer gave away most of the movie.

[Missy]

it's definitely a name-fail, but judging just from the trailer it looks as though it's going to have all the things you need to make a good story. It will likely be entertaining even if I don't add it to my private collection.

[TheGlyphstone]

Real Steel? I wouldn't really call it a name fail - sure, it's Rock Em Sock Em Robots the movie, but it's based on (to a noticable degree relative to Hollywood's standard of 'based on') a short story called Steel, which was also a Twilight Zone episode.

Though if anyone's seen the episode, I have a deep suspicion they will use the same 'twist'.

[Oniya]

Man, I never realized Richard Matheson was such a source of film scripts.  Looking at the list of things he's written, it's like the 'greatest writer you never knew'.

[TheGlyphstone]

Hey, you're right. I didn't realize that either until you pointed it out.

[Inkidu]

Hey, you're right. I didn't realize that either until you pointed it out.

Authors are just Hollywood's ghost writers. I think there's a book, play, short story behind the majority of the work they do. I realized this when I found out Die Hard was based on a book.

[Oniya]

True enough - I just hadn't realized how many of Matheson's works I had actually encountered.  'Nightmare at 20,000 Feet' is one of the more iconic Twilight Zone episodes, as is 'Button, Button' (later made into a movie, but it worked better as a short).  Then you have the movies 'What Dreams May Come', 'A Stir of Echoes', 'Somewhere in Time', 'Trilogy of Terror', 'Hell House' and 'I am Legend' (done three times).

[Slaven]

True enough - I just hadn't realized how many of Matheson's works I had actually encountered.  'Nightmare at 20,000 Feet' is one of the more iconic Twilight Zone episodes, as is 'Button, Button' (later made into a movie, but it worked better as a short).  Then you have the movies 'What Dreams May Come', 'A Stir of Echoes', 'Somewhere in Time', 'Trilogy of Terror', 'Hell House' and 'I am Legend' (done three times).

Only more to prove that Hollywood has an extreme lack of originality..Really, come up with something of your own for a change!

[Inkidu]

Only more to prove that Hollywood has an extreme lack of originality..Really, come up with something of your own for a change!

Eh, that's really not fair. Hollywood does manage to come out with new stuff, they've been doing screenplays from books since the earliest days in film. Birth of a Nation is arguably the most infamous film in American cinema, and it's based off the book, The Clansmen. The film came out around World War One.

[TheGlyphstone]

Only more to prove that Hollywood has an extreme lack of originality..Really, come up with something of your own for a change!

I know I'm picking deliberately slanted examples, but Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter were both based off books, while Battle for L.A. was an original concept. You sure you want Hollywood to invent its own material? :D

[Inkidu]

I know I'm picking deliberately slanted examples, but Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter were both based off books, while Battle for L.A. was an original concept. You sure you want Hollywood to invent its own material? :D

God, a world full of Avatars. No thank you. Of course, a book does not always guarantee a good movie. Twilight is a popular example. I wouldn't know. I don't read vampire literature.

[Oniya]

I could also mention 'Gone With the Wind', 'To Kill a Mockingbird', 'The Shining', and 'Jaws'.

[Slaven]

I know I'm picking deliberately slanted examples, but Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter were both based off books, while Battle for L.A. was an original concept. You sure you want Hollywood to invent its own material? :D

..On second thought, I'm not so sure...Thanks for pointing it out. :D

[Inkidu]

I could also mention 'Gone With the Wind', 'To Kill a Mockingbird', 'The Shining', and 'Jaws'.

Gone With the Wind is a good book and movie, so is To Kill a Mockingbird. The Shining is a great book, and despite Nicholson is a laughable movie. Jaws is probably a better movie than a book, and so is The Godfather.

[NotoriusBEN]

I have seen the trailer for the "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" Movie.

It stars Hugh Jackman, and is called "Real Steal"
God help me, Im almost compelled to go see it...

edit**

Gerard Butler to Hugh Jackman for correctness... coulda swore the trailer said gerard... :S

[Inkidu]

I have seen the trailer for the "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" Movie.

It stars Gerard Butler, and is called "Real Steal"
God help me, Im almost compelled to go see it...

Hugh Jackman, not Butler. That's the name I keep seeing.

[TheGlyphstone]

I have seen the trailer for the "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" Movie.

It stars Gerard Butler, and is called "Real Steal"
God help me, Im almost compelled to go see it...

And as mentioned above, it's based off a short story that was turned into a Twilight Zone episode. That's a heck of a lot more grounds for 'decent movie' than the premise of the thread at least.

[Torch]

Only more to prove that Hollywood has an extreme lack of originality..Really, come up with something of your own for a change!

Sometimes Hollywood does deliver. One quick example would be the ending to "The Mist". Yes, based on a Stephen King story, but with a much more bleak ending. In fact, I believe King was interviewed when "The Mist" was released, and he stated that he admired the new ending and wished he had thought of it for his original story.

[Wolfy]

Seen the trailer for Real Steel?

It's Rock'Em Sock'em Robots. The Movie.

[Torch]

Seen the trailer for Real Steel?

It's Rock'Em Sock'em Robots. The Movie.

Oniya brought it up earlier in the thread:

Just saw this advertised:

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots!

(Okay, that's not the real title, but seriously!  Look at them!)

[gaggedLouise]

Mel Gibson is making a film based on the Maccabean rebellion!

When I first heard of it a few months ago, the word was that the film would be about that other Judean rebellion, the AD 66-73 one. "Surely he can't do it?" I thought at the time. Considering how much flak Mel and his script writers got for The Patriot and The Passion of the Christ, not least for being insensitive or schmaltzy about angles of history relating to Jews, one would think he wouldn't pick up this particular subject.

[Torch]

Eh, that's really not fair. Hollywood does manage to come out with new stuff, they've been doing screenplays from books since the earliest days in film. Birth of a Nation is arguably the most infamous film in American cinema, and it's based off the book, The Clansmen. The film came out around World War One.

Out of all the films given the Oscar for Best Picture since the beginning of the Academy Awards in 1930, only 4 were written from original material. Every other film was adapted from a novel or play or some other medium.

I don't think people realize how many films came from books to begin with.

[Oniya]

Mel Gibson is making a film based on the Maccabean rebellion!

When I first heard of it a few months ago, the word was that the film would be about that other Judean rebellion, the AD 66-73 one. "Surely he can't do it?" I thought at the time. Considering how much flak Mel and his script writers got for The Patriot and The Passion of the Christ, not least for being insensitive or schmaltzy about angles of history relating to Jews, one would think he wouldn't pick up this particular subject.

Guh!?  After all he's done for his career recently, I'm surprised he's being allowed near a studio at all.  O_o

[gaggedLouise]

Guh!?  After all he's done for his career recently, I'm surprised he's being allowed near a studio at all.  O_o

Do you think he'll try getting permission to shoot on location?  :D

[Oniya]

Do you think he'll try getting permission to shoot get shot on location?  :D

Fixed.  *snicker*

[gaggedLouise]

  ;D ;D ;D


from the script:
"Judas!"
"Here I am. So what's the problem?"
"None really, but we need to kick some Greek bacon here."

[Ryuja Tsukikage]

A Battleship MOVIE?! Wow, Hollywood is sure getting desperate, guess there really isn't anymore originality left there anymore. They just take the biggest names they can find and make movies out of them. Sucks how a studio won't pick up movies without any backing at all, those usually make good ones... but this is a travesty to film!