Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View

Started by Rhedyn, January 21, 2011, 12:31:13 PM

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Rhedyn

*leaves oodles of hugs for over the holiday period for all who need them...or just want them* ;)

Sybl

*Delivers a batch of mistletoe to our gang, and a sleigh full of magical hugs that linger throughout the next year*

Rhedyn

Ooo mistletoe! *puckers up for smooches as well as hugs*

Oniya

I probably should have posted in this thread a long time ago.  My issues are probably more situational than chemical, but I'm seeing a lot of the symptoms - sleep issues, irritability, appetite issues, no sex drive, a general feeling of 'why bother' - and there's really no one here to talk to.

Last night, I laid in bed awake until nearly 4AM - at least, that's when I stopped looking at the clock.  I can't help thinking about the fact that I'm not getting enough hours at work, and there are envelopes that I'm frankly terrified to open.  I've been sending Mr. Oniya job listings (he's no longer working at the puppet booth, due to 'issues' with the owner), but from the amount of attention he's giving them, I'm starting to think I should start looking for 2BR apartments and/or moving services instead of at the employment classifieds. 

I almost went downstairs to swipe a sleeping tab from the scrip that my roommate just went off of. (They switched her to Ambien, and we were going to take the extras from her past scrip to the local P.D. to get properly disposed of.)  Don't worry - I 'know too much' to be a danger to myself.
As it is, I didn't manage to drag myself out of bed until almost three PM.  The alarm went off several times at 10, but I couldn't see the point.  Mr. Oniya asked if I enjoyed getting to sleep in, and for the first time, I said 'No.' 

I also snapped at everyone when the plans that we'd made for Christmas dinner (a roast) were almost up-ended because the little Oni decided she wanted turkey.  Mr. Oniya called the whole house together for 'a meeting', and I said in front of everyone that I was concerned about making a dinner that was going to end up sitting in the fridge as leftovers until it grew fuzz.  When the roommate was asked what she'd prefer, she asked 'well, what did you say.'  I lost it.  I stalked off downstairs, saying that I'd already weighed in on this.  Mr. Oniya called after me that we were discussing it, and I said that I was fed up with it. 

It went downhill from there, and I think I scared the little Oni by getting angry with Daddy.  It never hit 'shouting' levels, but it was definitely not 'Happy Families'.  On top of this, I've managed to hide the little Oni's Christmas present from me in a too-safe place.  I can't find it.  She's got lots of presents from everyone else, but this is just the fecal icing on the cake for me.
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

Rhedyn

*offers hugs to Oniya and some positive energy*

I really hope you manage to find little Oni's Christmas present, there is still a little while to go so I hope it turns up. Mine is generally situational as well, at least that's when I really notice the downfall in my mood and all those symptoms that you mention. Sometimes I think we bottle so much up that it explodes right when you don't want it to. The little one will understand, believe me I am ashamed to say that at times my children have seen me at my worst, with my shortest fuse and my darkest moods. I hate when they do and I try so hard to hide it from them, it works most of the time but not always.

I'm always around to chat so feel free to PM me if you want to, I'm a good listener. As always that offer goes to all who need an ear to vent to. Welcome to the family.

Night Stalker

Leaves Good Thoughts and Hugs for everyone during the Festive Season who need/want them.
Ons and Offs           NightStalker's Role Playing Requests - Reprised.          A/A's - Updated        
I stalk the night, looking for her
My next victim to take away from here
She will be the prize to my collection
A joy for me to hold and use at my discretion
I belong to the night, stalking it and surveying
taking what I need to suffice my desires
I am the NightStalker

Adammair

*offers some of his warmest hugs to Oniya* There's more where those came from. :-)

*sneaks a kiss from Rhedyn under the mistletoe, and leaves some more warm hugs for all to enjoy.*

Things will get better, Oniya. I'm sure of it. And I'm just a PM away, as well, if you need/want it.

Rhedyn

*smooches Adammair* My first Christmas kiss <3

I hope you are all doing well and that the Holiday period isn't proving too much of a struggle. It has thus far been so-so for me. I feel like I have been teetering on the edge of a plummet but not quite falling.

*leaves more hugs and love*

Oreo

I was too busy to stop in sooner. *offers hugs to Oniya* I have been there way too often myself. The Holiday season has a tendency add extra pressure to people. When it is supposed to bring cheer, we find ourselves feeling just the opposite and wonder why. I hope you found little Oni's gift and a measure of peace.

I am not one that deals well with last minute changes. Having the meal plans getting changed like that would likely have flipped me over the edge too. "Hey, ya'all 'er gettin' French toast or pancakes. If you don't like it, it can sit in the fridge and get hairy mold!" At least it's inexpensive.

I had steaks all ready to cook and hubby reminded me that he was going to his sister's house for dinner. So, it actually ended up okay for me...steak tonight and peace and quiet yesterday.

*hugs all around*

She led me to safety in a forest of green, and showed my stale eyes some sights never seen.
She spins magic and moonlight in her meadows and streams, and seeks deep inside me,
and touches my dreams. - Harry Chapin

lonlyazn

While waiting for approval I stopped by and noticed this post. I have to say that I thank you for helping out with my own. I have fought depression quietly and I know the same feelings as well as probably many. But the way you wrote it out there, is how I feel and what I'm looking for and how I stumbled upon this right now. I have had my own faults, and dilemmas, I just want to give a thanks from my own behalf, and that I was glad to find something like this today. Pretty useful seeing as these holidays should be in a better spirit.

-Thanks

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.”

Sybl

Quote from: lonlyazn on December 28, 2011, 03:35:29 PM
While waiting for approval I stopped by and noticed this post. I have to say that I thank you for helping out with my own. I have fought depression quietly and I know the same feelings as well as probably many. But the way you wrote it out there, is how I feel and what I'm looking for and how I stumbled upon this right now. I have had my own faults, and dilemmas, I just want to give a thanks from my own behalf, and that I was glad to find something like this today. Pretty useful seeing as these holidays should be in a better spirit.

-Thanks
Leaves lonlyazn a bunch of hugs, and every one else who wants one this week.

Good luck on your approval process lonyazn.

lonlyazn

Thanks for the hugs, very much feeling the love from this community.

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.”

Adammair

*stops in and adds a hug, as welll* Welcome, Ionlyazn, and good luck on a speedy approval.

Rhedyn

Quote from: lonlyazn on December 28, 2011, 03:35:29 PM
While waiting for approval I stopped by and noticed this post. I have to say that I thank you for helping out with my own. I have fought depression quietly and I know the same feelings as well as probably many. But the way you wrote it out there, is how I feel and what I'm looking for and how I stumbled upon this right now. I have had my own faults, and dilemmas, I just want to give a thanks from my own behalf, and that I was glad to find something like this today. Pretty useful seeing as these holidays should be in a better spirit.

-Thanks

I'm really glad you stopped by to share and found some measure of comfort from this blog *hugs*
You are most welcome here, good luck on your approval.

Ariabella

*stopping in to pass out hugs* I'm still feeling low. Even the psychologist feels mine is mostly environmental/situational, but there's little to be done for it, at least for now. And I received a call on my most recent bloodwork that even though I have no thyroid, my TSH levels are highly elevated which is adding to it. Plus for some reason, I'm really hurting from losing my mother five years ago earlier this month. Instead of getting easier, it's getting harder. Me? I'm off to find a corner to sit in and cry, because that is just how I am feeling today.
Read my ons/offs. Want to one-on-one? PM with ideas

Ons and Offs: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=42859.0

http://rh.greydawn.net/browse.php?c=Ariabella

lonlyazn

Well, I do not have a professional in the matter to help cope with mine. It's on and off with my mood. No matter how cheery my life seems to get, there always seems to be a reason for my mind to pick at a fault or flaw. I can never be left alone, that's when the lil creepies get a hold of my mind. So work and business in day, forums at night to keep them out of sight.

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.”

Ariabella

*hugs to lonlyazn* Well obviously I'm not really coping. the psychologist said writing and role play should be my solace and safe place, but she doesn't seem to understand that my games always crash and burn and I end up abandoned, which just makes things worse.

But I know what you mean...on those rare times that I get a ray of light, something bigger and uglier comes along and stomps it out.
Read my ons/offs. Want to one-on-one? PM with ideas

Ons and Offs: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=42859.0

http://rh.greydawn.net/browse.php?c=Ariabella

lonlyazn

Maybe you just need to find that right role player. Ha, now I'm feeling like talking about a love one. But yeah, a good role play helps, normally I play them out in my mind. I just never liked psychologists, even though I did aspire to be one. I studied it quite enough, but just a mere High School credit more or less. But I do have a decent understanding of people, and yet no understanding of myself. Things turn out all right, it's as much as I can believe in.

-hugs Ariabella back-

Been very long since I've used action notations ha. Do miss them so.

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.”

Ariabella

*laugh* Yes, but in some ways, it kind of is like trying to find someone to love. I've been 8 years trying to find the right fit and it's not happened. Oh I have great plots in my mind, but they just don't seem to go anywhere. In one game, I even wrote up the character bio that I wanted for my character to play off of, someone accepted it, played for several months and then quit, saying it was too romantic. Uhm, the bio was set up as a romantic hero, not sure what they expected. So thanks to that player and another, my character who was my favorite character I ever created, has ended up in shambles.

As I said, the psychologist has pretty much said it's my environment and situational, she wants meds if only to take the edge off of my feelings but my primary care keeps ignoring her requests for meds. My abandonment issues are so bad (both from role play/online and RL) that I actually have avoidant personality disorder because I don't see any point in making an attempt to getting close to anyone because I know they'll just walk away.
Read my ons/offs. Want to one-on-one? PM with ideas

Ons and Offs: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=42859.0

http://rh.greydawn.net/browse.php?c=Ariabella

Oniya

Quote from: Ariabella on December 29, 2011, 10:17:52 AM
*stopping in to pass out hugs* I'm still feeling low. Even the psychologist feels mine is mostly environmental/situational, but there's little to be done for it, at least for now. And I received a call on my most recent bloodwork that even though I have no thyroid, my TSH levels are highly elevated which is adding to it. Plus for some reason, I'm really hurting from losing my mother five years ago earlier this month. Instead of getting easier, it's getting harder. Me? I'm off to find a corner to sit in and cry, because that is just how I am feeling today.

Holidays are always hard for anyone who's lost a loved one.  I know that doesn't change the feelings, but sometimes an explainable hurt is a touch easier to deal with than one that seemingly has no reason.  As for the meds issue that you mentioned, have you told the psychologist that your primary care physician is coming in the way?  Perhaps she can speak directly to the PCP or request a consult with a psychiatrist (who I believe is the one that can prescribe directly.)
"Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women.~*~*~Don't think it's all been done before
And in that endeavor, laziness will not do." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think we're never gonna win this war
Robin Williams-Dead Poets Society ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Don't think your world's gonna fall apart
I do have a cause, though.  It's obscenity.  I'm for it.  - Tom Lehrer~*~All you need is your beautiful heart
O/O's Updated 5/11/21 - A/A's - Current Status! - Writing a novel - all draws for Fool of Fire up!
Requests updated March 17

Ariabella

She knows that he didn't listen to me and has sent two requests for a prescription for me.  The first request they kicked back to her saying that it wasn't filled out properly and she said it was. I don't know what's going on with the second request yesterday. I can say that here in this part of PA, every primary care provider I have had has absolutely sucked. I still think they look paperwork and say "Oh. Her. Meh." And tosses it int he corner.
Read my ons/offs. Want to one-on-one? PM with ideas

Ons and Offs: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=42859.0

http://rh.greydawn.net/browse.php?c=Ariabella

lonlyazn

Wow, that avoidant personality sounds just like how I feel about just meeting people. I don't bother at all just because of that. I wouldn't say abandoned per se, but just a sense of importance would be nice. But I have to say I've done the fade away too, but I usually find that the other person goes away and it does suck. I've gone through a lot of them and then suddenly they change to someone else, forget our history, I've just gotten tired of even trying at times. Hard to win forward in life. And honestly, finding the role player and love is the same for me. I would could probably fall easily just to accept comfort, support, or warmth.

I really do wish you the best. As much as everyone does in the world, it's nice to just meet people alike and feel we are winning our own community huh.

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.”

Ariabella

Oh I have done the fade away as well, but I think it's usually because I can feel us growing apart and if I'm the one to fade away, it hurts less for me. I hadn't even known of such a disorder until I was diagnosed with it. At this point, I would be happy with companionship, support and warmth. As much as I avoid, I am tired of feeling so horribly lonely.

I wish you the best as well, lonlyazn, and I agree. We are building a small community here with others who understand.
Read my ons/offs. Want to one-on-one? PM with ideas

Ons and Offs: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=42859.0

http://rh.greydawn.net/browse.php?c=Ariabella

lonlyazn

I'm glad to have met you. And yeah, I feel the same way about what I do. Eerily similar. I do hate that sensation of being lonely, it helps with family and friends, but I seek that one person to really fill in that gap. And it bugs me so. I can't seem to focus on what I need to do at times when that strikes me hard when left alone. But hey, companion and support is just as great till then.

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.”

Ariabella

but see, that's where it gets tricky. I'm an only child, have only my elderly father and no one I would call a close friend. Oh, I have acquaintances and co-workers.
Read my ons/offs. Want to one-on-one? PM with ideas

Ons and Offs: https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=42859.0

http://rh.greydawn.net/browse.php?c=Ariabella