Perverted Wishes

[MusicNeverDies]

Granted, but your hands get blown off in a horrible accident and you can't type without relaying the messages to other people. I'm pretty sure that means you wouldn't do much at E anymore.

I wish I could get my novel written and published.

[Inkidu]

Granted, but your hands get blown off in a horrible accident and you can't type without relaying the messages to other people. I'm pretty sure that means you wouldn't do much at E anymore.

I wish I could get my novel written and published.

You publish your best work with your own money on a good-faith basis. It sells horribly and you lose your shirt.

I wish I could draw comic books.

[Kalen]

(Music with no shirt?  Where where where?!?!?)

You can.  But only of disturbing images, and you go directly to jail when you try to publish.

I wish my phone would go silent for the day.

[jstarz]

Granted but you don't get the call informing you that you've won the lottery and you have until 5 tonight to claim the prize.

I wish I was in China right now.

[Idej]

Granted, but when you get there you are immediately arrested by Chinese officials and never to be seen again for 15 years.  When you are seen again you will have lost the ability to reproduce.

I wish I could travel to Sengoku Japan and meet Oda Nobunaga and be able to understand Japanese from that time as well.

[The Great Triangle]

Granted.  Unfortunately, it turns out you're a cyborg from the future sent to kill Oda Nobunaga.  You fight him on the roof of a massive pagoda as things randomly catch on fire and slay him.  Unfortunately, then you create a time paradox and negate your own existance.

I wish I could find anything erotic

[Maeven]

Granted. Maeven appears before your eyes, naked and willing. But its only a mirage in the deserts on the outskirts of Las Vegas you've been wandering for three days naked and alone after losing everything in a high stakes game of poker.


I wish that I was immune to seasickness. 

[Paradox]

(Jumping gigawatts!)

Granted. You and Emmett Brown fly back to the future in a search for something erotic. You bring back an almanac of eroticism, which promptly falls into the wrong hands and completely corrupts the entirety of our modern society. The future is inexorably changed. Erotic and kinky become the norm; thus, that almanac is never published since such things are commonplace in every day life. Since the almanac is never published, your trip to the future is in turn negated, as are the effects of the trip and the resulting arrival of the almanac in your time. The entire trip was a waste, and you're still no closer to bringing your search to fruition.

I wish I had a dictionary built into my brain.

EDIT- Ah hell, Maeven beat me to it.

Granted, but you become extremely ill whenever you set foot on land; consequently, you are doomed to a lonely life at sea, smelling just like the fish that surround you. Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink...or wash that fishy smell between your thighs away with.

Again, I wish I had a dictionary built into my brain.

[Maeven]

(I'll forgive you. Though, granted, your answer was much more creative than mine...)

Granted, except that's all you have in your brain.  Your only level of functionality is to blurt out words that are associated with the words that you hear from others in your vicinity.


I wish that we didn't require sleep. 

[Paradox]

(Isn't that the basis of two of elliquiy's other games?)

[Inkidu]

Granted.

You soon realize however you can't keep yourself occupied with all the new time on your hands, and are arrested for doing things like painting your neighbor's dog or mowing your lawn at three in the morning. With nothing to do in the cell you walk around in a circle till you bore a hole into the center of the Earth.

I wish I could have the exact amount of money I'll ever need for anything, just by pulling it from my pocket.

[Idej]

Granted, but the money is all counterfeit and you are thus arrested by the IRS and sent to a maximum security prison where you are forever doomed to live with Bubba as your cell mate.

I wish that I could be a Mandalorian.

[Inkidu]

Granted

You are forever doomed to be Boba Fett after he's eaten by the giant worm thing in "Return of the Jedi" with no accompanying book that lets you blow your way out with a grenade.

I wish I could understand women.

[Idej]

Granted, you are now forever doomed to have estrogen in you forever instead of testosterone.  With that you may now understand women and the cost of your manliness.

I wish that there were 5 Horsemen of the Apocalypse instead of 4.

[The Great Triangle]

Granted.  Unfortunately, the 5th horseman, bubblicious, isn't quite as awesome as the other horsemen, and the apocolypse never happens as a result.  Good job.

I wish was a car.

[Josietta]

Granted. You are a red Corvette matchbox car. Unfortunately Billy Blowsemup used you in his latest experiment with a bottle rocket. You did reach all new record for him of 700 feet before you had your doors and hood blown off.


I wish sleep wasn't a necessity in life.

[The Great Triangle]

Granted.  Unfortanately, nothing is a neccesity any more, because you're an energy life form now.  Have fun traveling the galaxy acting as an annoying plot device!

I wish a girl would jump on top of me for dirty fun.

[Random]

EDITED BECAUSE I DON'T PAY ATTENTION

Granted... but said girl that jumps on you for dirty fun ends up covering you in mud, feces and gives you herpes. And other various things that Ajax won't wash off.

I wish I was rich and famous! (still)

[Idej]

Granted, but you are famous to only the Taliban and you gained your riches through acts terrorism.  You are caught by the U.S. Military and are tried for war-crimes by the UN.  Your fate is currently unknown.

I wish I had the power over magnetism.

[Inkidu]

Granted.
However, you soon realize there is a lot more to magnetism than just north and south, and you demagnetize the universe plunging it into nonexistence.

I wish I was the ruler of the Earth.

[jstarz]

Granted but you get caught up in a sex scandal and are forced to resign.

I wish I could run a marathon.

[MusicNeverDies]

Granted, but at the finish line you trip and break your legs and can never walk again

I wish I'd had more time to write over the summer.

[Paradox]

Granted, but the writing you do is simply dreadful. You end up wishing that you could write better quality stuff with your extra time, but you already used your wish by asking for the extra time in the first place.

I wish I could paint a masterpiece.

[shadowheart]

Granted, you paint the Mona Lisa and are promptly arrested for forgery. :P

I wish I had the best, top notch graphics-rendering computer in the world! :)

[Inkidu]

Granted, but it was created using illegally obtained government plans and you are arrested by government suits and not allowed to use a computer for the rest of your natural life.

I wish I would always know what to say in any situation.