Coming Back To Life

[wolventears]

You know, I've come a long ways from what happened to me, but this is a sad time for the city I live in. I'm sure you heard, but there was a mass shooting out on the strip in Las Vegas by the Mandalay Bay this last Sunday night. People died and more were injured. And as of today, quite a few have died during surgery.

I like to say that I am happy to be alive, but this world we live in fucking sucks. There is so much hate, so much violence and instead of stop it, all we can fucking do is fight with each other about it.

It's a sad world we live in and I almost want to say that I wish I hadn't survived...

Donating to those in need helps, but only so much. Something big needs to be done and people like me, as much of us as there are, it won't be enough. It never will be.

If I'm completely in the wrong, please let me know and tell me what can be done differently because if that is the case, it needs to be heard. It needs to happen and it needs to start now.

[SithLordOfSnark]

You know, I've come a long ways from what happened to me, but this is a sad time for the city I live in. I'm sure you heard, but there was a mass shooting out on the strip in Las Vegas by the Mandalay Bay this last Sunday night. People died and more were injured. And as of today, quite a few have died during surgery.

I like to say that I am happy to be alive, but this world we live in fucking sucks. There is so much hate, so much violence and instead of stop it, all we can fucking do is fight with each other about it.

It's a sad world we live in and I almost want to say that I wish I hadn't survived...

Donating to those in need helps, but only so much. Something big needs to be done and people like me, as much of us as there are, it won't be enough. It never will be.

If I'm completely in the wrong, please let me know and tell me what can be done differently because if that is the case, it needs to be heard. It needs to happen and it needs to start now.

I completely agree with you. I heard about the shooting and was dumbfounded. Then I heard the guy was in his 60s and I'm like "What the fuck drives someone that old to madness like this?"

I know age isn't really a factor, but it really sickens me that something like this can happen at all, let alone by someone old enough to be my grandfather..

[wolventears]

So I love hockey and this season, Vegas got it's very first team. And this team has made me so proud to be a hockey fan.
https://youtu.be/UAaXPJSpwBk
In spite of the horrific massacre of last Sunday, we have found ourselves standing together as a city. We are Vegas strong. Let's go Knights!

[wolventears]

So today, I'm heading to kickboxing and a lady pulls out of a gas station, shoots two lanes through traffic and right into me. I'm fine, but she hit me so hard, my car is in the shop.

I was pissed at first, but then I started experiencing some feelings I can't even explain. I don't remember the accident, but I think this, once the anger died down, brought some things to the surface and I nearly had a panic attack in the parking lot we had managed to get into after she hit me.

Luckily my husband got there when he did or I would have fucking lost it.

My right fender, headlight, mirror and wheels need to be replaced. My steering rack is crumpled and will need to be replaced. My beautiful baby is hurting. I just hope I get her back soon.

I am so fucking thankful that I don't remember the accident or this could have been bad. But I am in bed right now and just woke up, nearly hyperventilating. I think I'm having nightmares but I couldn't tell you if I am. I haven't remembered a dream since and I think because of the brain injury.

[Oreo]

*hugs so tight* I cannot even imagine how traumatic that must have been after everything you have already been through. Breathe deep and know it is over and all that is hurt is the car.

[wolventears]

So, been a bit, but just wanted to share how I've been.

Got a new job. I'm a secretary now, so no more heavy lifting and on my feet all day which is a good thing.
Went to the doctor two weeks ago. I have the early stages of arthritis in my knee and I'm not even thirty yet. And, I start back to PT next month to hopefully prevent the possibility of knee surgery.
I really don't want to have to have surgery so bring on the physical therapy. And hopefully it will help with the arthritis too. But, the doc did give me naproxen, which is really, really good. And it's been raining like a bitch out here, which for Vegas is odd as hell. Mother Nature is obviously on her period because one day it will be bright and sunny, the next day, gloomy and raining. Went through two weeks like that.
But, so I don't take the naproxen so often, I got a neoprene brace for my knee which is fantastic! Helps a lot. Makes such a difference.

Now if I can just get something for my shoulder, I'd be perfect, or at least, as perfect as I can be.

[wolventears]

It's been a good minute since I've written last, but I've been stuck in my head as of late. It's been six years and I thought I'd be okay now, but once again, this time of year has proven me wrong...

It's July 2019 and I've been doing well. Okay. Or, well, hanging on. But I realize more and more each day that I'm a different person. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. I just don't know anymore really.

The good - I've taken my health and fitness to a good level. I  no longer hold the weight I gained coming home from the hospital. Hell, I'm even down a cup size. Not too sure how I feel about that but it is what it is. And, I can see an ab! Just one though. No need to go crazy. Beer and I are still very good friends. Haha

The bad - My anxiety reaches exponential levels. So bad I'll have panic attacks. I'll break down and just bawl over the tiniest things and it pisses me off because I'm doing it which leads to more tears. At least I can go kickbox and let some of it out though.
And, this last weekend, in San Diego, learned I cannot ride a bike anymore. If it weren't for my husband and his fast reflexes, I would have fallen right into traffic. Had a nice panic attack on the side of the road with that one.

So six years later, I'm here and life doesn't really suck, but it's hard and different. I just hope I don't make things harder for myself with my overthinking and anxiety.

I'm not depressed, just sad sometimes I guess. Only way I can think to explain it.

[Oreo]

*leaving lots of love and good vibes* Losing the ability to do certain things that used to be easy is a bitter pill.

[wolventears]

So it's been a very long while since my last update.
Needless to say, life has been hard these last few years with the craziness of the world right now. COVID and quarantine hit me hard. Put me in a very rough place mentally. It got to a lot of people I know, but the not being around people and interacting made me dive into the cluster fuck that is my head these days and that's not a place where anyone wants to be.
This last holiday, I wanted some kind of normalcy, you know. Just something that can tell me for at least one day that the world isn't going to hell in a hand basket. But that was too much to ask for apparently. Which then lead to me having an anxiety attack, which brought on a panic attack and if it weren't for my husband, I don't know what I would have done.
Sleep lately, because of this has been nights that are few and far between because of the night terrors and it pisses me off when I wake up being held down so I stop flailing and can't remember my damn dream.
But, this has gotten me to look into TBI's and what the after affects are and damn. I'm a fucking poster child. It's been 8 years, 9 this May and hell, I'm still showing the signs.
I'm awkward as hell. I enjoy talking, I always have but now, I don't think before I speak, especially on whether if it will make someone uncomfortable or hurt them. I've lost friends because of it, granted these people didn't know me before the accident. So, making new friends and keeping them isn't my strong suit these days.
Being awkward though, that's whatever at this point. But what is really getting to me these days, is my memory. I'm starting to have memory issues. Forgetting conversations from just a day before or repeating myself constantly because I've forgotten I've already said it.
That sets off my anxiety like nobodies business.

I am looking into support groups where I can talk to others who have suffered TBIs and could even give me advice on how to deal. I think that would be more helpful than just going to see a therapist solo, you know? And I kind of don't want to be described antidepressants or anything like it.
If anyone does know of anything like this, especially out here in Vegas, please shoot me a PM. It would be much appreciated.

[Esoterica]

I just wanted to take a moment to say I have a traumatic brain injury and I understand where you are coming from to some extent. If you ever want to chat about it, feel free to pm me.